self-harm

[Guest Dragonfruit]

I feel like I'm butting in on this thread so apologies . I SH-ed last night Iwas just so unhappy with myself and so I thought it might make me feel better. I didn't cut as deeply as I wanted to either although I suppose that should really be because it's probably a good thing.

28291[/snapback]

It sucks when you feel like that - I had a minor incident whilst waiting to see the doctor yesterday too - I was left in the waiting room for 50 mins and I was cracking up. It was either SH or leave - don't really know which would have been the best result in that case. But I SH'd and got my prescription.

I'm glad you didn't cut too deeply - but I wish there was something I could say that would stop you SHing altogether. I know that there isn't really, so I'll just say please try - keep talking and letting it out that way when you can.

P.S. my top tip that I have been given today is apparently that instead of cutting with a knife/glass you should use a paper clip that you straighten out as apparently that does less harm. Just something I was told, don't know if it'll be useful to anyone or not.

28291[/snapback]

And my top tip is never use the back of an earring - the scars just never go away

[Northern Star]

I really want to SH . I'm at school, came in today to do some work given that I usually work better at school than when I'm at home, but haven't done much. I'm going to fail this exam. I have a mock in the morning that I haven't even opened my books for and the teacher is going to go ballistic when I get a U in it. Am really stressed. It's not so much that I want to SH right at this minute but more that I want to later for not doing enough work. :help: I know the answer is to stop typing this and go and do some work but I have no motivation really. I will be v upset when I get a **** grade but

[catherine]

Hi NS

I don't know how you feel about it all, but have you done anything about dropping one of your A'levels like you thought you might?

I mean the more drastic measure, would be to have a chat with your teachers and think about maybe taking just 1 or 2 subjects this year and returning next year to do the other couple. I mean you'll still be in the same position as other people who might take a gap year . I know what A'levels are like and there is probably as much work involved in them as some degree courses, and I really feel you just need to be as stress free as possible for now.

At the risk of nagging (sorry ) I just wonder whether it would be worth while just investing more time and energy in your health for a few months and it could turn out to be the best move you ever made.

Humour me and have a think about it :tongue:

Catherine :lol:

[Northern Star]

Thanks Catherine and ittyk

I did cut last night because I knew I was going to mess up this mock I had this morning and that the teacher would go mad at me so I was punishing myself in advance .

I don't know how you feel about it all, but have you done anything about dropping one of your A'levels like you thought you might?

I have an exam in the subject I was thinking of dropping tomorrow, get the results in March. There's no way I'm going to do well in it even though I'm seeing the teacher this afternoon to get some help with it. She has said I can drop it after the exam if I want to. I don't really want to but I don't think there's any point in carrying on with it, as long as the unis don't mind that I would only be doing 3 A levels when I said on my UCAS form that I was taking 4.

I cut again this morning, for the simple reason that I hate myself. No two ways about it. It was a bit of a mess because I couldn't really be bothered to clean it up but I cleaned it up when I got to school and it's OK.

[Guest Dragonfruit]

Jo - wish I could say something to help you - but I just don't know what that something would be that I haven't already said.

So - I will simply say - hang on in there - things WILL get better and in the meantime I'm sending you lots of

Take care of yourself

[Northern Star]

Thanks for the :hug:s Dragonfruit Hope you're ok

[Northern Star]

Really wish I hadn't cut last night . It just dawned on me about 5 mins ago that I wish I hadn't. I have slipped back into the habit of self-harming I think - cut once or twice on Saturday, and then twice yesterday, including on the back of my hand, which is quite obvious to people. My friend was sitting next to me this morning and I could tell she was looking at my hand so I tried to hide it from her because I didn't really want the issue of it to come up but she saw and asked if my cat had been attacking me again. So I said yes :help:

[Guest Dragonfruit]

Awwwww Star.

Hang on in there.

You're going through some stress at the moment - but you'll come out of it.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad.

Don't let the guilt weigh you down though - that can make you feel as though you're back to square one.

Just accept that you know you don't want to do it and try to repeat that to yourself - see it as a positive rather than a negative.

We're all here when you need us.

Take care

[Guest Kitty]

Really wish I hadn't cut last night . It just dawned on me about 5 mins ago that I wish I hadn't. I have slipped back into the habit of self-harming I think - cut once or twice on Saturday, and then twice yesterday, including on the back of my hand, which is quite obvious to people. My friend was sitting next to me this morning and I could tell she was looking at my hand so I tried to hide it from her because I didn't really want the issue of it to come up but she saw and asked if my cat had been attacking me again. So I said yes     :help:

28917[/snapback]

NS

I'm really sorry, I only just spotted your post. You've been under a lot of stress the past week or so with exams and what have you, so I can totally understand why you felt the urge to SH again.

I totally agree with DF's advice on this one, you have to tell yourself you don't want to do it, keep repeating it to yourself...you CAN stop!

Keep posting and keep venting on here - anytime.

Take really good care ((((hugs))))

Love Q

[Northern Star]

Hi again,

It's really silly but I got this feeling on Sunday and then it went away and now it's back again and I'm sure (almost sure) that I won't do it but I kinda got this urge a little while ago to throw myself down the stairs. I don't know what else to say so I'll stop now .

[Guest Dragonfruit]

....I kinda got this urge a little while ago to throw myself down the stairs.

29087[/snapback]

I used to get this - keep away from the stairs and the feelings will pass.

Hope you're doing OK today

[Northern Star]

Hi, me again

Just wanted to put this down in writing before you lot as witnesses whilst I'm feeling like this. I have cut quite a bit recently. I am NOT going to cut tonight. NOT NOT NOT NOT. I feel like **** but I already have too many scars, and what's more, I don't want to cut!

Right, now later on I will have to look at this and remind myself :blushing:

[blue]

Hi, me again

Just wanted to put this down in writing before you lot as witnesses whilst I'm feeling like this. I have cut quite a bit recently. I am NOT going to cut tonight. NOT NOT NOT NOT. I feel like **** but I already have too many scars, and what's more, I don't want to cut!

Right, now later on I will have to look at this and remind myself 

29850[/snapback]

Yay star That is fantasticxx It is great that you don't want to cut!!! I am thrilled for you mate :blushing: Keep going hun, You can DO it xx

Love Bluexx

[Guest vanillablini]

and what's more, I don't want to cut!

Hi Northern Star :blushing:

I think that's great too! So great!

It's so nice that you can feel that, hold on to that feeling!

Please remember the 'I'm worth it' feeling, 'I'm so deeply worth being kind to myself'.

And remember, we are always here to listen.

vanillablini

[Northern Star]

I can't do it. I'm sorry everyone. I'm just too messed up. Tell me to **** off if you want. I'm ******* worthless. Stupid ******* cow Northern Star

[catherine]

I can't do it. I'm sorry everyone. I'm just too messed up. Tell me to **** off if you want. I'm ******* worthless. Stupid ******* cow Northern Star

29870[/snapback]

No you're not

Try making a list of all the postive things people have said about you and all you offer to the world. The evidence is there so please try and believe it

Whether you self harm or not tonight we will still be here for you, but please, please try and resist.

YOU MATTER TO US, NS

Catherine

[catherine]

PS

[Guest vanillablini]

Hey Northern Star

It's OK the way it is. We would never be angry with you about anything.

We don't want you to self harm because we care about you and we don't want you to get hurt.

But it's not that we want to put pressure on you to achieve something or to behave in a certain way, and you are not letting us down. You are really accepted.

Try to consider that there are moments where it get's difficult when resisting, keep resisting and try to refocus your thoughts onto a more positive thought, like the things Catherine has written about for example, or the feeling you wrote about earlier where you didn't want to self harm.

Sometimes just waiting a bit and looking at yourself more caringly and noticing that you need comforting rather than harming yourself, and then trying to comfort yourself or to come on here helps. And we are really here too like Catherine wrote.

vanillablini

[Northern Star]

Thanks for your kind words and the hugs Catherine and vanillablini

I didn't cut last night or this morning. I thought that that was a positive thing but I'm not so sure. Surely it must be positive that I didn't cut, but I feel so rubbish that I don't know what's going on. Going to go and sit with my friends for a few mins before afternoon lessons now.

[Guest Kitty]

Thanks for your kind words and the hugs Catherine and vanillablini

I didn't cut last night or this morning. I thought that that was a positive thing but I'm not so sure. Surely it must be positive that I didn't cut, but I feel so rubbish that I don't know what's going on. Going to go and sit with my friends for a few mins before afternoon lessons now.

29986[/snapback]

Jo

That's an incredibly positive thing that you didn't cut. You did so well to resist the urge. I know this might sound a bit daft, but try and take heart from the fact that although you feel rubbish - you are resisting the urge and that's a brilliant thing.

(((hugs))) from me

Love K

PS - Just a really quick update from me, I've been ok for a week now (fingers crossed!! a slight urge late on last night which I ignored, and the last time I did it properly was this time last week )

[whitebeam]

I didn't cut last night or this morning. I thought that that was a positive thing but I'm not so sure.

29986[/snapback]

Hi Jo,

It is a positive thing; you resisted what your urges were telling you to do. Feel proud of yourself for that.

Queenie, too, well done for not cutting since last week.

You're both doing great

[Northern Star]

Thanks Queens and whitebeam

I'm still at school, tbh I'm staying as late as poss because when I'm here I always feel better than when I'm at home. I don't know what it is, just in the evenings I go so downhill.

P.S. WELL DONE QUEENIE!!! :grin: you're doing so well :)

[Guest vanillablini]

You are really doing great Northern Star :blushing:

Great that you didn't self harm last night, please really acknowledge your success.

I hope that you can make yourself feeling comfy tonight by doing something you like. :blushing:

Keep it up!

[catherine]

:blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

Catherine

[Northern Star]

It's now :blushing: :blushing: :blushing: I cut the inside of my wrist tonight, I think I will have to later as well. Something happened this evening, I can't go into it because I feel awful about it, it's my fault and cutting is the only thing I think I can do to make myself feel a bit better and to suffer. I know I am suffering mentally but it's different when it's self-harm. I can't really explain.