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AnxiousCarolyn

Sorry to offend any of you but i am dying

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Since i have had the aching i have also have had chest pains which is a lupus sympton aswell it says on the site if u breath in and feel pain u may have lupus- i have this. Each day my symptons seem more and more like Lupus how i can i just put this down 2 OCD when i seriously believe all this. I was not anxious any more than my usual b 4 i got this aching so why would it suddenely come on like this if it was anxiety connected. I believe i have Lupus i am sorry that i can't drop this i really am. I am so scared i really can't find the words 2 describe it and only when i have had the Lupus test can i 4 get this which sadly i believe will take ages 2 get a doc 2 give me 1. I am not strong enuf 2 drop it and i don't believe this is just OCD.

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Okay Carolyn, I'll leave it at that but will say one last time, this type of fear is caused by OCD. Our continued discussing it isn't helping you, I would make an appointment with your GP but mainly to discuss your mental health problems, that's where the help is needed.

Good Luck

Caramoole :)

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Talkin about it is better than bottling it up. I am makin an appointment if i don't die b 4 hand of this illness's or crack up under anxiety.

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I once heard it said 'feel the fear, and do it anyway!' Carolyn make the decision now to go on ahead and live happily whether you are afraid or not. It will soon kick this thing into touch. :a1_cheesygrin:

Nobody can convince you Carolyn - its something that AS TO COME FROM INSIDE YOU.

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Hi Anxiouscarolyn,

Read the following symptoms

Headaches, Indigestion, palpitations, breathlessness, nausea, muscle twitches, tiredness, aches and pains, skin irritations or rashes, susceptibility to allergies, sweating, clenched fists or jaw, fainting, frequent colds, flu or other infections, constipation or diarrhoea, indecision, memory failing, loss of concentration, tunnel vision, bad dreams/ nightmares, worrying, muddled thinking, making mistakes, persistent negative thoughts, impaired judgement, more short term thinking, restlessness, loss of appetite or overeating, disturbed sleep or insomnia, drinking more alcohol, smoking more…… should I continue?

I guess and I know I shouldn’t guess that you have more than one of the above symptoms, do you have any idea what this list of symptoms are caused by? Do you want to know? Scroll down for the answer

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The symptoms listed is not a definitive list of symptoms, but the major list of symptoms caused by stress.

What more can I say? You are just working yourself up.

Alan

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Guest brennie

Carolyn, PLEASE believe from someone who knows how difficult it is to rationalise the difference between reality and ocd.

I truly believe and know that when we feel like you are right now that somewhere in ourselves we know its the mental illness thats the main factor but we would prefer to blame it on ANY physical illness because we think people will listen and help us more.

Thats ocd trying to do its best in makeing us believe stuff thats NOT true, Not real.

Please believe me Carolyne i've been where you are so many times and it's been unbearable at times but it will get better i promise you!

When this obsession with lupus dissapears you will probably find some other sad illness will take its place but thats only if YOU let it.

I know its easy for me to say but i have been suffering like you are for many years and i have wasted so much life and life is very precious.

Your pain is caused with so much stress and muscle tension,i wonder if you could ask your doctor or mental health team to refer you for relaxation classes or maybe try doing it yourself at home with a relaxation cd.

Keep in touch Carolyn, you will be fine x Brennie :original:

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I had another sleepless night :weep:

I was cryin and cryin cuddling my daughters teddy screwin myself up with thoughts of me dyin of Lupus and havin 2 say goodbye 2 her :weep:

I still ache every part of me is filled with pain and ache it started all b 4 this obsession with Lupus i seriously believe i have Lupus and all i want now more than anything in the world is 2 find out i don't have it but that cud takes age yet.

I can barely eat i can barely drink i can barely sleep when i wake up i want 2 cry about Lupus my life is unbearable.

I can't stop takin paracetamol i have tried 2 stop but i can't stop. If i don't take them i feel worse and then i get anxious. I just realised i have got through 2 boxes of tablets this week each with 16 in. I feel so scared i am finding each minute in this Lupus worry impossible 2 deal with.

I did a Lupus test online last night i scored 3 out of 16 and the 3 was the same question phrased differently and it says i may have Lupus. I can't stop reading the websites everything is pointin in the direction i have it. I don't believe OCD is all 2 blame 4 this i really don't.

:weep: i am in the risk group too. I am 22 and female and have had a baby that makes me at risk apparently.

Edited by Guest

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Carolyn I don't want to be brutal but are you trying to kill yourself with an overdose of Paracetamol? You are seriously damaging you body. If I was you I would be concerned about this than anythinig else. Get some help and advice about the tablets you are taking now!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Hi Carolyn

You need to see your doctor asap and tell her how much you are suffering and aren't coping - not because of lupus, but because you are having such a horrendous time with your OCD, anxiety and eating at the moment. You really need to be able to get some sleep for a start. Maybe having come off and gone back on your medication has caused your anxiety to soar. Can you phone up and get an on the day appointment tomorrow?

Take care

Stellax :original:

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I might beable 2 get an appointment but the way the system works here is u have 2 speak 2 the nurse who assess's weather u shud see a doctor or not within that week. I now keep doubtin weather i have chilblains or not even though 3 doctors have seen my hands. I got them 6 months ago and was told it was defo chilblains but they have never gone away even thou its warmer now. I have seen pics on the lupus site about what lupus rashes/skin probs look like and i am worried that i may infact have the Lupus rash and not chilblains. I had a blood test back in January while i had these chilblains and they tested my full blood count cud they of found out if i had Lupus or not thru that do u think?

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I can't stop takin paracetamol i have tried 2 stop but i can't stop. If i don't take them i feel worse and then i get anxious. I just realised i have got through 2 boxes of tablets this week each with 16 in. I feel so scared i am finding each minute in this Lupus worry impossible 2 deal with.

Carolyn, I would not normally tell someone to pull themselves together but I'll make an exception today. You must stop taking Paracetamol right now. You are frightened of dying, you are frightened of Liver damage, keep exceeding the recommended dose of paracetamol and you really are at risk of doing just that, it only takes a slight increase of dose to damage your liver.

At the moment I doubt any of us can help with your Lupus fear, unless and until you stop doing this research, tests etc, this level of fear is going to stay with you, there's only you can do anything about it.

You're believing everything you read on Lupus web-sites, start to have some faith in what it says in OCD literature.

It's not helping you at all, you're achieving nothing apart from winding yourself up and convincing yourself that you have Lupus.

Trust me, I know exactly the level of fear you're experiencing but I also know that these urges can be resisted and I also know that although the anxiety won't stop straight away, it will start to receed.

Please re-read through this thread again and listen to the advice, for your own sake.

Caramoole

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Hi Carolyn

Your full blood count would have come back abnormal if you had lupus and your doctor would have sent you for further tests.

If you phone up your doctors and tell the sister what a horrific time you're having I think she will definitely get you an appointment this week.

Take care,

Stella :original:

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Thank you Stella that has helped me put that issue in 2 perspective.

I know some of you think i can just pull myself 2 gether but i can't its just not like that. I seriously have never been so scared. Yes i know i am an idiot for takin 2 much paracetamol but right now liver damage is the last thing on my mind also i know the liver can repair it self 2 a certain degree but once u have Lupus u have it 4 life.

I hope the nurse will understand and give me an appointment some of them are so unhelpful.

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Hi Carolyn

If she is not helpful maybe ask to speak to someone else. They are there to help- don't take 'No' for an answer.

Take care,

Stellax :original:

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Carolyn,

I really feel for you but i do agree with Caramooles comments. I know you think you have Lupus, and I know you think your dying, i have felt the same as you and it is so real I know.

But your ok, your blood test results, if at all different from normal would have raised concern in your GP and you would have been in hospital straight away.

please stop taking the pills now, please save yourself. you are healthy, you have a beautiful daughter who needs you and you need to let yourself live.

I had a cancer scare last year, and when you are faced with that Carolyn i tell you it puts things right into perspective. i had to have a big Op, have the cyst taken out, a biopsy on it and a cancer antigen test on my blood. And that to be honest with you was the hardest few months of my life, as my good friends on here will testify.

The point is I and no one else really didnt know if it was cancer, they didnt think it was but until they got into me and had a look they couldnt say for definite. My cancer antigen test came back at level 35. And guess what the cut off point for a "normal" result is? Yes, 35. So i had a long period of darkness and just fear for my life until i had the Op and the results of the biopsy were in. It didnt matter to me that everyone else (inlcuding my surgeon) said it was going to be ok, i needed the confirmation in writing. i kept that letter, when i feel like you do now, I look at it and it makes me refocus again, brings me back to reality.

I was clear, and i am gratfeul for my life, my love with my partner, and my baby due in August.

No one has told you medically and professionally that you may have Lupus Carolyn, its the internet that planted the seeds. Please stop looking up your symptoms, i know its hard, ive done it too.

Come on Carolyn, give yourself and your poor, tired OCD ridden mind a break. Re read the first few chapters of Brain Lock, that always makes me feel better and saner if nothing else. Why say that damaging your liver is not on your mind right now? It should be. Dont misuse and disrespect your body. Trust what your rational side is telling you.

You are ok, you really are.

Stay strong,

Sammy

xx

Edited by Guest

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I just don't know what 2 say. I read this and thought "Come on Carolyn let it go forget Lupus" but then the other side of me says "but you do have it and u need 2 get a test done 2 proove it this is not an obession its real". I can't move on however much i want 2 forget Lupus i just can't. I am so scared and as you all know however much someone trys 2 reassure you they just can't cause with OCD u need evidence and thats what i need. Do i have Lupus or not thats what i need 2 find out.

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Paracetamol

An overdose of paracetamol is dangerous and capable of causing serious damage to the liver and kidneys. You should never exceed the dose stated in the information leaflet supplied with the medicine. Immediate medical advice should be sought in the event of an overdose with this medicine, even if you feel well, because of the risk of delayed, serious liver damage

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Carolyn

Your last post was brilliant!!! :clapping: If you read it again it tells you everything you need to know - that you can really see that it's the OCD causing you all these problems and distress. The 'other side' of you is the OCD latching on.

You can beat it Carolyn!

Stellax :original:

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Thank you caramoole i have stopped takin more than i should in a 24hr period but i have still taken 6-8 in 24 hrs and got through way 2 many this week i am goin 2 try and stop takin them.

I wish i could wave a magic wand and know right now if i have Lupus or not then i can just 4 get it. What if i do let this go 4 get it move on and i find out i do have it?

Can OCD actually make myself imagine all this? It feel so real i feel all these pains all over my body and nothin makes it go away how can it all be OCD. OCD can't b this powerful.

Edited by Guest

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i have been worrying wether to post this but here goes

please stop taking the painkillers until you have seen the doctor if you cant get an appointment then go to a walkin clinic or the a & e

as someone who has experienced someone who has taken too many all be it at once it is very upsetting and distressing thing to witness and can cause serious damage .. please please i am asking you to be careful and see the doctor

take care biccy

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Carolyn force yourself to think on something else or you will end up in hospital with a nervous breakdown or in hospital with liver damage due to your paracetamol consumption. It is obessional thinking that you are experiencing. I have had this too. Quite bad at one point. But once I got my medication sorted everything started to get better. Be tough on yourself Carolyn.

If anyone thought anything was wrong with you they would be doing all sorts of tests. Believe those who love you. I think you little girl deserves this. Don't you?

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Hi Carolyn,

Im sorry if my post was harsh, but i just want you to realise in your own mind (which i know you do) that this is your OCD talking.

I have health anxiety OCD, which is basically what you have with this lupus thing, although i have it all the time, it never deviates.

OCD is asolutely strong and cruel enough to convince you that you haev Lupus. Ive had brain tumours and so many other things in my mind, and they felt so real. You dont need any tests to confirm Lupus, because you havent got it, the other tests you had would have shown abnormal results if there had been anything wrong. Hold onto that.

What I try to remember is "If it feels like OCD, it IS OCD". I learnt that in my CBT and it really helps me. Its hard at first to reocgnize it as OCD, but there is a definite feeling assocaited with an OCD thought. try it.

I hope you feel a bit better Carolyn, I do understand what you are going through and Im glad youve stopped taking the pills now.

xx

Edited by Guest

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None of u are bein harsh u r all tryin 2 help me and please believe me i am tryin 2 cope with the anxiety over my fear of Lupus i am tryin 2 think of all the things u have said here and hold on 2 that but i can only seem 2 do it 4 a few mins then i just crack under fear that i may have Lupus.

Thing is no doctors know about my recent feelings of aching through my body when they do know they may say something that scares me or ignore it i really do believe i have Lupus and i know doctors can get it wrong they may tell me its nothin serious but then eventually find out its Lupus. If i drop this what if i am puttin my health in danger because i have Lupus.

Edited by Guest

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Im glad your reading the advice given here, thats a great step into getting control of this.

I know what you mean. This has become such a big thing for you, its hard to actually see that it is OCD.

But if you go to your doctors and say you think you have Lupus, will you feel any better when he says you havent and wont do any tests? I doubt he would do any more tests, as if there was anything up in any area of your body it would have shown up on your blood test results as someone said earlier.

The only way i think you can get over this Carolyn is by staying strong, like you are sounding in your last few posts. You have to be strong enough to believe your rational side of your brain, the part that is telling you (no matter how quiet it sounds, because your OCD side is so strong) that this is not you, its the OCD.

When the thoughts come back of Lupus (which i imagine are all the time) say out loud "Its not me its the OCD" and detach your self from it. Imagine it as white noise in the background, go and wash up, hoover up, read a story or play with your little girl. Refocus your mind and i promise you after a few minutes you will feel less anxious.

I knwo how hard this if for you.

xx

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Hi Carolyn

I know this is such a tough time for you and I really sympathise. However, you can find a way out of this, I am absolutely sure. The way out is through acceptance and activity. I am going to be really really boring and tell you two stories now - I'll keep them short but I think they are relevant.

honey's story #1: A long long time ago (like 20 years ago) I had real health anxiety and it was the time when HIV was new and big news. Boy did I think I had it! I was totally obsessed and had the internet existed I would have been on it all the time. I went around in despair. But one day I had a real surprise, which taught me something I have always remembered. I was asked by the old lady next door to go and clear snow from her driveway - this was back in the days when we had massive blizzards. I worked long and hard on this driveway and got very tired and cleared all the snow. Then I had an amazing moment - I looked up from my snowshifting and realised, with great clarity, that I had not thought about HIV for hours. The anxiety had completely left my mind because I was so absorbed in something tiring, physical and useful.

From that day on I have always known that the cure for health anxiety is to go and do something else - preferably physical - which takes up all my energy. It always works.

honey's story #2: A very nice girl I was at college with got breast cancer in her mid-twenties. It was just one of those things. I wondered how she coped and she told me that one night she had lain down on the floor of her room and just surrendered. Not in a bad way, in a positive way. What she did was to just accept that she could not control her health and that she had to completely live with uncertainty. I often think of her, lying on the floor, just saying to the universe 'let it come, whatever it is!' I learnt a lot from her - ie that we have absolutely GOT to live with health uncertainty. We will never be in a state where we are certain of our perfect health. BTW, the girl recovered and is now 38 - she has poured all her energy into being an artist which has worked really well.

I have no way of knowing if either of these stories might help you - but they have helped me.

Good luck Carolyn

honey

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