Sorry to offend any of you but i am dying

[Guest ScottOCDid]

Hi Carolyn

I have just got off the phone 2 them and they have told me to phone the emergency doctor as my paracetamol intake is in a risk group but not bad enough to be considered a serious overdose.

Firstly, well done for making that bold and sensible step to seek professional help - by which I mean asking for assistance from those who are in a position to do something. We aren't, although we clearly all wish for you to come through this tough time unscathed.

Anyway do i phone the doctor 2 night or not?

I'm glad that you have done so while I've been typing this. You've taken the biggest step in making contact, so keep up that momentum and insist on getting all of the help that you need.

The thing is i phoned them about the paracetmol tryin 2 explain i was takin it because of anxiety over a health worry and now the nurse thinks i am a suicide case!

You told the truth about how you feel, which is good. In turn, the nurse told the truth. Although you weren't attempting to take your life, excessive consumption of paracetamol can kill. It's helpful that the nurse has a realistic perspective on your circumstances.

If i do it will be on my notes and i am concerned about bein section and seen as a suicide case... I am confused, any advice shall i phone the doctor?

The immediate issue, as mentioned by the nurse, is the paracetamol - especially if you've lost track of how many you took. In seeking help for this issue, you'll have a chance to explain why you've been taking them; to mention the pain that you've felt; and, importantly, to describe the anxiety that has been crushing you. The only way forward at this stage is to accept the medical attention that has been offered. We cannot help you in this way and you wouldn't have benefited from re-writing your fears over and over.

You've done fantastically well in making the calls; you now need to continue to be brave and accept any offer of help that the emergency staff offer you. And be sure to tell them the truth.

Take care,

Scott

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

I AM SO SCARED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The nurse has phoned me back and they want me 2 go into hosiptal 2 be monitored and 2 have blood tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am shocked and scared. They said that as i have taken the tablets over a period of time i will probably be ok but its based on body weight i am apparently thin and it might affect me more.

I have 2 go 2 either A&E 2 night or the hosiptal ward shes phoning me back ASAP. I am so scared

[Guest xena]

I AM SO SCARED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The nurse has phoned me back and they want me 2 go into hosiptal 2 be monitored and 2 have blood tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am shocked and scared. They said that as i have taken the tablets over a period of time i will probably be ok but its based on body weight i am apparently thin and it might affect me more.

I have 2 go 2 either A&E 2 night or the hosiptal ward shes phoning me back ASAP. I am so scared

Carolyn its for the best, please dont worry. I am sending you a big hug honey :group: :group:

They will look after you. You have been so brave tonight, please don't be scared.

Talk to you soon. Xena :original:

[Guest ScottOCDid]

Hi Carolyn

I AM SO SCARED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can all understand that but you need to get help to get better. The professionals will help you get better. We can't help in that way but are sending you our most heartfelt good wishes, which will hopefully give you inner strength to add to the bravery that you've shown. You're doing really well here, Carolyn.

The nurse has phoned me back and they want me 2 go into hosiptal 2 be monitored and 2 have blood tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's what you need to make sure you're OK. It's routine, so try to keep calm.

Take care,

Scott

[Guest FobicFairy]

Carolyn,

I think its best you go to the hospital to get tested and also so that you can tell them about the Lupus fears and OCD. You could tell them about the fact that people on here think you have a type of OCD that makes you fear having illnesses. Then they can take everything into account when treating you. Hopefully, they can get a duty psychiatrist to see you about the anxiety, in the meantime, at least you are somewhere safe for the night where the nurses will make sure you come to no harm and manage your pain safely.

Hope it goes ok.

FF

P.S. If you go to the hospital I think they will treat you as more of an emergency and you are more likely to get some support, I am worried if you leave it until you see your GP that he wont realise how terribly anxious you are and he might not act quickly.

You need to make sure you get across the message of how bad this is for you so they can set up a suppprt network for you.

Take care,

FF

[Guest hayley73]

Carolyn I knew you could do it!!!!!!!!!! :clapping: Tell them everything please. I didn't tell people what was 'really' going on when I first started suffering with OCD. When I finally told them everything (it was difficult for me to come 'clean') it was like a breath of fresh air. I had a name for this horrible thing that was happening to me. It was OCD. It was treatable and my doctor knew what to do. Thank God. I finally understood that I wasn't some looney. But I did have an illness. And that was the start of my recovery.

[Guest REBECCA]

"manage your pain safely" ~ this is a good point that FF has made. It would seem that your anxiety and panic about being ill is clouding your judgement to look after yourself in a balanced way. Taking all these tablets is almost certainly harming your body. You need help and support from medical professionals to ensure your body is not not harmed.

[Rachie]

Hi Carolyn, I hope that you've gone for the blood tests.

I'm glad you did pluck up the courage to make the phone calls and like everyone else I hope you get the help and support you need. You have been brave tonight in conquering your fear of making the call and if you have gone to hospital and are having the tests etc that is also very brave of you and hopefully will help you realise how much strength you do have within.

Take care,

Rach xx

[Guest Stella]

Hi Carolyn

Like everyone here, I am really hoping you've gone in for the tests and to get specialist help. Well done for being so brave. We are all routing for you!

Take care

Stellax :original:

[Guest liquorice]

Carolyn this is great news that they'll take you in and do the blood tests, this way you 're sorting out two things at once, the lupus fear and the anxiety crisis all together.

Even though this is not pleasant, the worst will soon be over and hopefully you 'll have optimal chances of improvement!!

P.S.

About your daughter: She must be quite bewildered with what is happening and although she is very small and probably not able to speak, she might mistakenly feel that you are ill because of her.

Please spare a moment to talk to her even if she doesn't understand the words and assure her that you love her and that your illness is not because of her, this is very important that she doesn't feel a burden to you...

I wish you all the best, keep posting

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

Hey all,

I AM BACK !!!!! i went 2 the A and E which wasn't down the road! it had 2 b the Royal United hosiptal where the labs are. All the people i spoke 2 on the phone 2 night and (I lost count of how many nurses/docs called me back!) bascially said it was very concerning the amount of pills i have taken and 2 go 2 the A&E. I got there and the nurse asked me questions etc and said the plan is 2 take a blood test but it was only 2 test my liver function as thats the main organ affected (So i would not find out my Lupus worry) and then dependin on what the results said they may give me a drip 2 stop the paracetmol buggering my liver up. I then explainned my needle phobia and she treated me like a child and said "we can give you some stuff 2 numb the area like we do with the kiddies" but then she wud give me some entonox 2 breath in and relax me (the way i usually have it dun) but i never did it as i was so worked up and wanted a lupus test not a liver test. Then the doctor came round spoke 2 me and asked me questions and said he was not concerned at all about how many paracetamol i had taken and wud not get worried until i had taken 16 or so in 24 hrs! he seemed 2 think i was ok and my liver wud b fine and i needed 2 stick 2 the doseage in future so the blood test did not happen he did not seem fussed. My partner told him about Lupus and the doctor said i was not showing any signs of Lupus or presenting any Lupus symptons. He did know about my OCD and realised he had not convined me that i don't have Lupus. I am seeing my GP tomorrow who i hoping will arrange for a Lupus test as i still am so scared the only way i will believe i don't have it is through evidence. Thank you all of you for being so supportive you are a great bunch and you really heped me tonight take a big step and make the call. Although i didn't have a blood test i spoke 2 a doctor who was fairly helpful and he did do a few examinations ie checkin my joints checkin my chest etc which i was concerned he wud find sum fink wrong with me but didn't! it was also helpful discussing my paracetamol consumption which had got out of control and started scaring me and hopefully won't happen again. The doctors and nurses scared me tonight i have leant how dangerous paracetamol can be in overdose even though i already knew it was a reality check.

P.S.

About your daughter: She must be quite bewildered with what is happening and although she is very small and probably not able to speak, she might mistakenly feel that you are ill because of her.

Please spare a moment to talk to her even if she doesn't understand the words and assure her that you love her and that your illness is not because of her, this is very important that she doesn't feel a burden to you...

I wish you all the best, keep posting

U r very right there liquorice and i do tell her very often that i love her and how sometimes mummy goes a bit strange lol she understands alot so maybe she knows what i am saying 2 her.

Edited May 31, 2006 by Guest

[Ashley]

I am seeing my GP tomorrow who i hoping will arrange for a Lupus test as i still am so scared the only way i will believe i don't have it is through evidence.

The problem is Carolyn, I believe it is your OCD driving this fear of Lupus, much like those who have a fear of catching AIDS/HIV go for regular HIV tests. I wonder if you should accept this to be OCD and not ask for the Lupus test, because I fear if you do, somewhere down the line you will convince yourself you have something else and want a test for that.

You have done so well tonight, I wonder if you should face the fear out again, talk to your GP tomorrow and see what he thinks.

[Guest Stella]

Hi Carolyn

That's brilliant news about the hospital last night. Well done for your courage :clapping: !!

Make sure you discuss everything with your doctor today - try not to leave any details out which would help her get the full picture - maybe it would help to write it down and take it with you? I know when I get to the doctors that I forget most of what I want to say, or I just feel too uncomfortable or anxious to actually say it.

:clover: Best of luck :clover:

Stellax :original:

[Guest PrincessJenna]

The problem is Carolyn, I believe it is your OCD driving this fear of Lupus, much like those who have a fear of catching AIDS/HIV go for regular HIV tests. I wonder if you should accept this to be OCD and not ask for the Lupus test, because I fear if you do, somewhere down the line you will convince yourself you have something else and want a test for that.

You have done so well tonight, I wonder if you should face the fear out again, talk to your GP tomorrow and see what he thinks.

Carolyn,

I want to echo what Ashley has said. You did do great in going to the A&E and talking about the amount of medication you are taking but the main issue is your OCD and how you are letting it convince you that you have Lupus. Yes, a test will be the "evidence" you seek but I can guarentee that in a few weeks/months we will all be back here again for another illness scare. My intention is not to minimize your fear but to offer help in realizing that if you fall into this Lupus scare you will be letting the OCD win.

~jenna

[Guest Kitty]

Carolyn,

I want to echo what Ashley has said. You did do great in going to the A&E and talking about the amount of medication you are taking but the main issue is your OCD and how you are letting it convince you that you have Lupus. Yes, a test will be the "evidence" you seek but I can guarentee that in a few weeks/months we will all be back here again for another illness scare. My intention is not to minimize your fear but to offer help in realizing that if you fall into this Lupus scare you will be letting the OCD win.

~jenna

I've resisted posting in this thread for a long time, mainly because I've found it very triggering for me but also because I can totally see myself in a lot of what Carolyn is posting.

Carolyn, firstly - you did so well in getting to A&E last night - very brave of you.

I have to say I wholeheartedly agree with everything Jenna says in this post too. Speaking as someone who suffers from health anxiety/health OCD I can only echo what is being said here.

Over the years I've had appendicitis at least 100 times, I've had several brain tumours, I've had stomach, breast and bowel cancer, I've lost count of the number of times I've had meningitis and septiceamia and alongside all of those I've had DVT too.

Since I injured my wrist two weeks ago, I've been suffering from septeceamia - I've had all the symptoms. Since I had my wound checked and redressed yesterday I've also contracted MRSA. It's agony. Yet no-one else knows. I'm not being treated for them, no-one else has commented on all the symptoms I've got. You know why? Because they're all in my head as part of my OCD.

When one 'illness' goes it will be replaced a little while later with another one, and thus the cycle continues. I'm used to it now. But when I was at my worst I was exactly the same as you are now.

I think your anxiety is being compounded by the fact your body is being starved of the essential nutrients it needs to keep it going. I know, I've been there - I've been in a situation of only living on 400 calories a day. I know the aching feeling, the sick feeling, the all consuming anxiety - you think you're going mad, you think everything is caving in on you. It isn't. You need to try to start eating little and often - and for now whatever you can. Some fruit, crisps, soup - things that taste nice and will slip down eaily without you knowing it. I guarantee once your blood sugar levels go up a bit you will start to calm down a little.

I do understand totally this worry you have, I do believe me - my heart breaks for you when I see how much you suffer, you have yourself and your little girl and partner to think of - and it's the OCD and NOT lupus that is consuming you. My next door neighbour suffers from Lupus and let me tell you, you would know about it if you had it, that I promise you.

The point of this post is to offer you a ((hug)) and to tell you to look after yourself. Take care. I'm not preaching, I'm just saying I've been where you are and I know.

Edited May 31, 2006 by Guest

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

I've resisted posting in this thread for a long time, mainly because I've found it very triggering for me but also because I can totally see myself in a lot of what Carolyn is posting.

Carolyn, firstly - you did so well in getting to A&E last night - very brave of you.

I have to say I wholeheartedly agree with everything Jenna says in this post too. Speaking as someone who suffers from health anxiety/health OCD I can only echo what is being said here.

Over the years I've had appendicitis at least 100 times, I've had several brain tumours, I've had stomach, breast and bowel cancer, I've lost count of the number of times I've had meningitis and septiceamia and alongside all of those I've had DVT too.

Since I injured my wrist two weeks ago, I've been suffering from septeceamia - I've had all the symptoms. Since I had my wound checked and redressed yesterday I've also contracted MRSA. It's agony. Yet no-one else knows. I'm not being treated for them, no-one else has commented on all the symptoms I've got. You know why? Because they're all in my head as part of my OCD.

When one 'illness' goes it will be replaced a little while later with another one, and thus the cycle continues. I'm used to it now. But when I was at my worst I was exactly the same as you are now.

I think your anxiety is being compounded by the fact your body is being starved of the essential nutrients it needs to keep it going. I know, I've been there - I've been in a situation of only living on 400 calories a day. I know the aching feeling, the sick feeling, the all consuming anxiety - you think you're going mad, you think everything is caving in on you. It isn't. You need to try to start eating little and often - and for now whatever you can. Some fruit, crisps, soup - things that taste nice and will slip down eaily without you knowing it. I guarantee once your blood sugar levels go up a bit you will start to calm down a little.

I do understand totally this worry you have, I do believe me - my heart breaks for you when I see how much you suffer, you have yourself and your little girl and partner to think of - and it's the OCD and NOT lupus that is consuming you. My next door neighbour suffers from Lupus and let me tell you, you would know about it if you had it, that I promise you.

The point of this post is to offer you a ((hug)) and to tell you to look after yourself. Take care. I'm not preaching, I'm just saying I've been where you are and I know.

Thank you your post was so helpful. You are right we are so similar. Over the years I have thought i have had all the illness's you have mentioned there and you are right its torture but 4 sum reason this Lupus worry feels so much more real. I just feel scared and no matter how much i keep tellling myself its OCD i always think "but what if" "I really do have Lupus" I just want this torture 2 end i really do.

I have my doctors apointment at 3pm i will let u all know how it goes.

Edited May 31, 2006 by Guest

[Guest REBECCA]

I hope your doctor appointment goes well.

If you have a look through the posts on this forum you will see the amount of times people write that they understand their OCD, but whilst locked in a specific fear they say that "this time it feels so much more real."

It's wierd how each time we fixate on something we forget that we've felt the same in the past and that the feeling has passed.....when we feel obsessed and anxious about something we decide 'It is definately it this time'.

KittyG is certainly right about your eating too. Not having enough sustenence and nutrients in your body will certainly make you feel hollow and wired and have aches and pains. I have experienced this too in the past. If you have an eating disorder are you receiving any treatment/support for that too?

I hope you might consider mentioning that and your OCD to the Doctor.

All the best and take care of yourself,

Rebecca*X

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

I have just got back she was so helpful!!!! a Lupus test has been arranged for me tomorrow with entonox at our local hosiptal around 11 o clock. I am so relieved but at the same time very scared! it will take a week for my blood test results to come back but i am so glad at last i will know.

[Ashley]

I have just got back she was so helpful!!!! a Lupus test has been arranged for me tomorrow with entonox at our local hosiptal around 11 o clock. I am so relieved but at the same time very scared! it will take a week for my blood test results to come back but i am so glad at last i will know.

Hi Carolyn,

Did you discuss with the GP that this is likely to be the OCD talking? I am not 100% sure having the test is the right thing for you in the long run.

[Guest fluffytip]

If you feel that having the blood test is the only thing you can do to put your mind at rest, then i think you should do it, as nothing else will stop the thoughts. However, you have to be careful, that when you get the results back, you put the issue to rest, and don't let it affect your life anymore, that includes worrying about everything to do with lupus, the blood test etc.

Good luck!!

a

x

[Guest Kitty]

Thank you your post was so helpful. You are right we are so similar. Over the years I have thought i have had all the illness's you have mentioned there and you are right its torture but 4 sum reason this Lupus worry feels so much more real. I just feel scared and no matter how much i keep tellling myself its OCD i always think "but what if" "I really do have Lupus" I just want this torture 2 end i really do.

I have my doctors apointment at 3pm i will let u all know how it goes.

Hope your appointment went ok, Carolyn.

Just to pick up on something you said 'this Lupus worry feels so much more real...'. I think atm you can't see the wood for the trees - because I was and am the same - every illness I worried I had the worries seemed much more real than the last time...they do - you just forget, it never alters.

I would in essence agree with Ashley - I'm not sure being tested for Lupus is the best thing to do in terms of your OCD. I only say this because I know for a fact that if it was me as soon as the results came through I'd question them. If it came back negative I'd think 'there must be a mistake....' and thus it continues. You might feel satisfied - but don't be surprised if your OCD latches onto it and starts to question the result.

I'm not saying that to scare you flower, I'm really not - I'm saying this as someone who has been there and been through it. I requested two ECGs when I was 22 because I was convinced I was having a heart attack and had heart problems - the Dr let me have them and when the results came back ok I wouldn't accept it. I still think I've got a dodgy heart now, but know that there's no way I'll get another ECG...not unless there really IS a problem and not one that my head has created.

Look after yourself petal, let us know how you get on :original:

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

I think that this Lupus test is goin 2 help me so much if it comes back ok. I know i have had worries over illness before but this is a general worry not a OCD worry at first i thought it as but now i know its real. I won't get the results back until next Wednesday or maybe Thursday i have 2 phone up 4 them and that part is going 2 b the hardest part finding out if i have Lupus or not.

[Ashley]

I think that this Lupus test is goin 2 help me so much if it comes back ok.

But this is the point, Carolyn, 'if'. Life is full of 'ifs' and your OCD loves to play on them and the fear is that by having your test your OCD will then encourage you to have a test every time you have a muscle ache in the future, it will make you think the first test was faulty or done wrong.

My advice is accept this to be an 'if' and you don't need the test because its only the OCD encouraging you, I am surprised the GP actually arranged it for you to be honest.

[Guest Kitty]

I'm afraid, having been following this thread, I disagree with this. I think it IS an OCD worry, from what YOU have described yourself. A doctor has already told you you have no symptoms of lupus, and I just worry that this test will not do anything to get you out of this destructive line of thought. But if you feel it will set your mind to rest - and you know yourself better then I do - then I really hope it does.

Take care

Shar

Yep - this is what I was trying to get across too - the Dr I saw said there was nothing wrong with my heart, it was beating strongly and soundly - but I wasn't convinced. The ECG confirmed what the Dr had told me and I STILL wasn't convinced. The fact is I'm still here - four years later so the Dr was right all along. It was my OCD - just like this is yours. Like you said last night - the Dr said you showed no signs of having Lupus.

As I said to you this morning, my next door neighbour has it - and believe you me Carolyn she is a very poorly lady with all the symptoms and various illnesses she gets with it. I'm not going to go into it here as I don't think it's right of me to do so, but you really really would know about it if you really did have it.

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

But this is the point, Carolyn, 'if'. Life is full of 'ifs' and your OCD loves to play on them and the fear is that by having your test your OCD will then encourage you to have a test every time you have a muscle ache in the future, it will make you think the first test was faulty or done wrong.

My advice is accept this to be an 'if' and you don't need the test because its only the OCD encouraging you, I am surprised the GP actually arranged it for you to be honest.

I disagree with you. I can tell the difference between OCD worries and real worries. At first i thought this was all OCD thats why i came on here but then i realised it wasn't just OCD but a very real worry of mine that i DO have a sympton for. If it comes back ok which i hope so much it will then i will never question i have Lupus again unless my doctor thinks so. My gp arranged it 4 me because i am generally worried and i can't go on worryin as that in itself will make me ill. This is alot different from liver damage. I am genereally worried i have it.