Grief

[catherine]

Yes, as with NS, please feel to pm me too .

I think what you say about today being a blip is quite accurate. Somedays it just hits you more than others for no apparent reason. In my experience (not unlike with the OCD) the important thing is to have a strategy in call upon during those bad days eg phoning a friend, posting on here, doing an activity. Unfortunately such days cannot be wholly eliminated so it's a case of managing the situation as best you can.

Catherine

[Guest Kitty]

Hi to you both, NS and Catherine

Are you seeing a counsellor at all? I don't know if you'd want to or not but maybe they could help you while you're struggling like this. Of course you can always come and talk to us lot on here  

I was seeing a counsellor up until about 10 months ago - but I stopped going for one reason and another. I think I may have to go back, but I can't always afford the £35 a session.

It's good to know you guys are out there and can help me too and I'm so grateful to you for helping me out yesterday.

Thank you to you both also for saying I could PM you both - I may take you up on that at some stage. Thanks!

I'm feeling a bit better today - I had a really good sleep last night which helped a lot. My minds still a bit whizzy today but not as bad. I think the sleep helped loads to be honest!

Anyway, thanks to you both once again - hope you are both doing ok, too?

Luv from Queens

x

[catherine]

Hi Queenie

I think thats terrible that you had to pay for counselling. Try your local CVS, CAB or library to see if there are any voluntary organisations who provide counselling for no charge. Certainly in Liverpool we have quite a few but maybe we're just lucky.

Catherine

[Guest Arethusa]

Hi Queenie,

My condolences in your loss. Although I lost my grandparents many years ago, it was my Dad's death that really hit me. Although I have now gotten over his death, it took a long time. I received help from CRUSE. The lady I spoke to was wonderful. She advised me to write a letter to my Dad, and say whatever I felt in there. It's amazing what you can say when you're really missing someone, and it did help to offload alot of pent up feelings inside. (I did have alot of anger at my Dad, as well as love for him). The other thing that I did was to remember all the funny things about him.

I find that I have alot of dreams about my Dad, presumably because he will always be alive in my memory, it's strange that in the first dreams after my Dad's death, he, too was trying to re-assure me that it was all a mistake and that he was really alive. Needless to say, these were quite upsetting when you wake up and find that it was only a dream. He still appears in my dreams now and then, but he is no longer telling me it was all a mistake. I know it is a bit of a cliche, but time is a great healer. Remember all the good things about your Grandad and you will find that you will smile at those thoughts and hang onto them. The other thing that really helps me is to talk to my Dad. I tell him about his grandchildren, my job, day to day stuff; I do this when I go home to Wales and find a spot he used to take me as a child. I find this helps to visualise him im my memory.

I hope this helps a little. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

Gary

[Guest polarprincess]

Hi Queenie,

My condolences in your loss.  Although I lost my grandparents many years ago, it was my Dad's death that really hit me.  Although I have now gotten over his death, it took a long time.  I received help from CRUSE.  The lady I spoke to was wonderful.  She advised me to write a letter to my Dad, and say whatever I felt in there.  It's amazing what you can say when you're really missing someone, and it did help to offload alot of pent up feelings inside. (I did have alot of anger at my Dad, as well as love for him).  The other thing that I did was to remember all the funny things about him.

I find that I have alot of dreams about my Dad, presumably because he will always be alive in my memory, it's strange that in the first dreams after my Dad's death, he, too was trying to re-assure me that it was all a mistake and that he was really alive.  Needless to say, these were quite upsetting when you wake up and find that it was only a dream.  He still appears in my dreams now and then, but he is no longer telling me it was all a mistake.  I know it is a bit of a cliche, but time is a great healer.  Remember all the good things about your Grandad and you will find that you will smile at those thoughts and hang onto them.  The other thing that really helps me is to talk to my Dad.  I tell him about his grandchildren, my job, day to day stuff; I do this when I go home to Wales and find a spot he used to take me as a child.  I find this helps to visualise him im my memory. 

I hope this helps a little.  Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. :mad2:

Gary

15891[/snapback]

i just wanted to say i thought your post was really nice, grief i have found, is one horrendous pile of

one which tends to fall at my door more often than i feel fair, and belive me i am not being indulgent.

i was grateful for your post, one person i lost over seven years ago, i still dream about. the night of the day he died i had the most vivid dream that he was in a huge room filled with people on a little raised stand waving saying he was ok and he looked straight at me through the crowd and smiled. now i have dreams like you, that he is still here and its all a mistake. but things have got better through the years.

more recent losses are harder to process and realise, it is such a uphill battle, one which i regularly tyre off, almost in a child like tantrum way, then i feel ridiculous for this response because i know its not just me that has this to face.

Queenie, i hope you got my message, i don't trust these computors!

best wishes,

PPx.

[Guest Kitty]

Thank you both polarprincess and Arethusa for your kind words and messages of support. It means a lot.

At the moment I'm not doing too badly. Things seem to have settled down and I'm coping a bit better with it all.

However, I think things are really starting to affect my mum now - does anyone have any advice on how I can help her?

She says she feels depressed and unmotivated. She was so busy around the time my Grandad died that she didn't really show any emotions at all - however, we chatted earlier on today and she admitted she was feeling ropey and wondered whether it was all hitting her now. I'm going to have to be strong for her but I'm not sure how to manage things really.

Queenie, i hope you got my message, i don't trust these computors!

best wishes,

PPx.

I did get your message - thank you so much - I hope you got my reply ok, too. :dry:

Take good care

luv Queens

x