Jump to content

frustration!


Guest musicman

Recommended Posts

Guest musicman

hello everybody,

this is first post and i would like to share my experience of csp

i have experienced csp to face only for about 25yrs i devoleped the behaviour in my teens.

about 10yrs ago i got a scalp fungal infection,i then started to pick at scalp continously,over a short period i made a mess of it.

the scalp was never left to heal,once it scabbed over i would i would then pick/scratch the scabs till they bled.

i was admitted to an acute psychiatric ward in 1994,but due to shame and guilt i could not reveal the full extent of my futile behaviour.

i now experience severe anxiety and the compulsive picking/scratching is much stronger than me.

although i am very sad and frustrated with the behaviour,i cannot control it.

recently i have scratched my scalp to such an extent i almost felt momentery pleasure from it,the pain gives a transient feeling of ease.

i feel the pain and soreness of scalp is like an extension of my inner self.

have people on forum experienced similar feelings.

kind regards musicman

Link to comment

Hi there musicman, (I like your name btw! :thumbup: ) and welcome to the forums.

i now experience severe anxiety and the compulsive picking/scratching is much stronger than me.

No it isn't! You are stronger than any CSP or OCD. Anything they throw at you, you are stronger. I know that at times things feel overwhelming, like you cannot cope with them, but you will win out over them. :)

although i am very sad and frustrated with the behaviour,i cannot control it.

You have made the first step in stopping the CSP by posting on here and hopefully you will find that, with the support of people on here, you can control and reduce it. You said that you felt unable to tell the doctors on the ward about your CSP - how about going to your GP? If you feel unable to tell him you could take a print-out of some info about CSP. I know that when I was unable to tell someone about my OCD I gave them a print-out from the internet and said 'this is me', because I couldn't find the words to explain it to her. You sound like you're really struggling and you deserve to get some help to make you happier.

recently i have scratched my scalp to such an extent i almost felt momentery pleasure from it,the pain gives a transient feeling of ease.

i feel the pain and soreness of scalp is like an extension of my inner self.

have people on forum experienced similar feelings.

I perhaps have very, very minor CSP but one way in which I can identify with what you're saying is that I have (had?) a problem with self-harm. I found that although I wouldn't say I got pleasure from it, it gave me a sense of relief, of calmness, that it made me temporarily feel better, something that I assume is the same for you? Please correct me if I'm being hurtful or presumptuous here. If you would like me to expand on what I've said about self-harm or if I can help in any way then please feel free to post on here or send me a PM.

Hope this helps in some way :)

Link to comment

Northern Star, for one so young you are very wise :)

MusicMan...Hi :)

You have found these boards and are in the company of many others who are or have suffered the same torments and made progress. Let's hope that "Can't" becomes a thing of the past, let's substitute "Can't at the moment" and see where it leads :)

OCD, CSP are devastating but you can make progress and I'm sure you will, I think everyone here moves forward with the support of others and the knowing that this is not just me.

Look forward to seeing your posts and your progress :thumbup:

Link to comment
Guest Crispie

Hey Musicman!

I tend to agree with the stuff Northern Star said. I too, have CSP, and I also did Self-injury. There is a fine line between the two sometimes. And when I was to the point that you are at, where it actually felt good, I knew it was the self-injuring side. CSP to me, is not a happy sort of thing, it is a compulsion. Self-injuring, I did to feel the rush. It was different.

I am so glad you are here to get some pointers. You came to a good site! :thumbup: Keep coming, and learning, and trying. But NEVER give up, or give in! You ARE stronger than your CSP, you just don't realize it yet. Best Wishes!! Crispie

Link to comment
Guest musicman

hi,thanks for your support

i didnt want to appear weak to everybody with the content of my first post.

i have experienced major life issues the last few years i experienced a major psychosis through stressors which were out of my control.

this was a very frightenining experience and it took a long time to recover.

a legal case for over 3yrs transpired from the psychotic breakdown.

during that time i could no longer hold down my staff position at work.

my marriage disintegrated around me and my home was sold.

since these events my ocd/csp/anxiety is very severe,i have had to show great strength of character to cope.

i put immense pressure upon myself and i guess i look at the past few years and although the events were out of my control i tend to feel responsible for them.

the csp is a way of dealing with my intense feelings of responsibility.beleive you me at this time if could resist compulsions i certainly would.i have put a lot of effort

into resisting behaviour(wearing gloves etc) psychology/psychiatry.

the doctors are trying to reduce the immense anxiety i have,they feel until that can be done it would be fruitless tackling the behaviour at this point.

anyway,thanks for your support

kind regards

musicman

Link to comment
Guest Crispie

Musicman--

It sounds like you had quite a traumatic time. And NONE of us will EVER think you are weak by coming here and posting--anything. :) If anything, you are very STRONG for having the courage to come and tackle the issues affecting your life. Keep up the good work!! :drunk: Take gentle care--Crispie

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest musicman

hi everybody,

since i added second post explaining things,it has made me uneasy(anxious)

at the time of post i felt a great need to mention everything

i guess its my ocd challenging my decision,you know sometimes you feel

a great need to talk about difficult issues,and afterwards you reproach yourself

almost feeling over exposed

i guess this takes me back to my first meetings with specialists

do these thoughts sound familiar with others on forum

i would appreciate any comments

kind regards

musicman

Link to comment

Hi again musicman,

since i added second post explaining things,it has made me uneasy(anxious)

at the time of post i felt a great need to mention everything

I certainly often feel when telling someone something that I have to tell them everything exactly how it is/was and if I don't then I do get quite anxious. I'm not sure if this is what you meant but I think there are quite a few people on here like that who find they have to say what they're saying in an exact way so as not to unintentionally mislead people or whatever. Hope this helps but if I've got what you've said wrong then please let me know and I'll try again!

Hope you're feeling better now anyway

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...