Self Harm - does it ever go away?

[Guest Dragonfruit]

(Wasn't sure where to post this - Ashie I'm sure will move it if it's in the wrong place)

I just wanted to ask anyone who used to selfharm and doesn't anymore whether you feel completely 'cured' - or whether you still get the urge but don't act upon it.

I'm asking because I used to selfharm and stopped about eight years ago. But during the past eight years any time I've been stressed or angry or upset my first instinct has been to selfharm - I haven't given in but it's been my first thought.

In the past couple of months since I've started trying to really fight the OCD I've found it increasingly hard to fight the urge to selfharm and have given in a couple of times :dry: - only in really minor ways but enough that I'm worrying about it.

Just wanted to know what anyone else thinks?

[Guest FobicFairy]

Hi Dragon,

I think this is an indivual thing again, and probably like OCD once youve self harmed I think you are more likely to think about it when under stress.

About 3 years ago I self harmed, it wasn't very extreme, just cuts on my arms mainly, but I did feel a lot of relief if I was in a state from doing it.

I spoke to my psychologists about it and asked what could be done' she simply said 'choose not to do it'. I could see how distresing it was to my family so I stopped. If I get very depressed then sometimes the feeling to need to do it returns, but I choose not to.

It can be hard sometimes because for me knowing that if I did self harm it would take the bad feelings away if only for a short time, but I will always fight it now, ive not done it for ages, and personally feel that the longer I go without not doing it the better I feel about it. There is pride at stake as well now.

FF

[Guest tom]

hello

my experience of self harm is probably the polar opposite of yours so i won;t relate it in detail. Self harm was once described to me by a psychiatrist as a 'defence mechanism' against stress - he was a reductionist I fear. Given then that OCD is in itself very stressful for the idividual could your urge to self harm be the product of anxiety, in turn a consquence of the OCD? I know when I fight it, the OCD, that I find it a hard struggle and become more and more anxious. It could be then that it is a general raising of stress levels and a past history of self harm which is producing the urge to self harm now.

wishing you well

[blue]

hey dragonfruit hope your ok, like you i used to self harm, managed to stop and its been about 2years now when im feeling down or stressed i sometimes get an urge to do it but ive managed to resist it and i always feel better for it because i know id totally regret doing it. Your not alone mate well done 4 resisting it and dont worry about the times you havnt been able too its not them that count keep up the good work :dry: x.

[Northern Star]

Hi Dragonfruit,

I have moved this to the GAD/depression forum where there are some other posts on self-harm, hope you don't mind :dry:.

I just wanted to ask anyone who used to selfharm and doesn't anymore whether you feel completely 'cured' - or whether you still get the urge but don't act upon it.

I have self-harmed on and off since about Jan/Feb 2003. During that time I have had 2 or 3 quite lengthy periods when I have been able to stop self-harming, the longest was a few months . Although I am currently self-harming again I know that I have stopped in the past and so can hopefully do so again at some point. During the first few days/ first week when I have stopped I usually still got the urge to SH but didn't, and every time I resisted it got easier to resist the next time. After about a week, maybe slightly less, it got to the point where I no longer felt the need to SH.

I'm asking because I used to selfharm and stopped about eight years ago.  But during the past eight years any time I've been stressed or angry or upset my first instinct has been to selfharm - I haven't given in but it's been my first thought.

I find that when I get angry/stressed/upset then my first instinct is often to self-harm too. I don't know for certain why this is, all I can guess (from my completely non-expert opinion!) is that SH is something that I have learnt helps (albeit only temporarily and in the very short-term) and so when I am distressed it is something that I know has a chance of making me feel better and calmer temporarily and so it is something I sometimes turn to.

I just wanted to ask anyone who used to selfharm and doesn't anymore whether you feel completely 'cured' - or whether you still get the urge but don't act upon it.

Coming back to your original question here, I have a couple of friends who used to self-harm, both of whom have now stopped. They both know that I used to SH, one knew in June/July that I still was (ie before the summer hols), I'm not sure if she knows I still do; I think she may have seen the marks last week. She certainly seems to have completely 'got over it', it was quite a long time ago that she used to SH and from what she has said to me she is over that very unhappy time in her life. The other friend, I have seen the scars on her arms, but that is what they are - scars, healed, not fresh marks. She was wearing sleeveless tops in the summer, I was so happy for her! I think they have both realised that it solves nothing in the long run.

I hope someday I will feel completely cured and that the scars will fade to invisibility. I know that at the moment I am in a place where the self-harm is a part of me, it is just how I am. Someday that will hopefully not be the case. In 10 or 20 years time (eek!) I don't want to be walking around still wearing long sleeves in the summer.

Speaking as someone who knows a little of what you are going through and as a friend, if you want to chat about it to me some more on here or in PM then feel free to let me know .

[Guest Hippychick]

I just wanted to ask anyone who used to selfharm and doesn't anymore whether you feel completely 'cured' - or whether you still get the urge but don't act upon it.

I have self Harmed before when I was at my worst anxiety wise, and I managed to stop. However I do still get the urge, not as often as before and I would never act on it, but sometimes when I am feeling very bad I want to. I hate that I have the urge to. although I havent felt the urge in a few months though, I think because I am generally happier. Although If I am having a panic attack I will sometimes Scratch my arms with my fingernails, I cant help it But again, that rarely happens now, I dont often get into such a panic.

I find when I get the urge I have to just do something else or talk to someone else and the urge goes away. Plus I know if I self harmed my Mum and my girlfriend would be really sad and hurt and so I cant do it to them.

[Northern Star]

I find when I get the urge I have to just do something else or talk to someone else and the urge goes away.

I think that is the key. When you ('you' meant in general terms here not specifically at you Hippychick!) get the urge it is important to keep busy - talking to someone can be an especially good way of doing this - 1) because it can help to get whatever is bothering you out of you so that you don't keep it bottled up and 2) because when you are with someone or talking to them on the 'phone or whatever then your attention is occupied with them and cannot therefore be occupied with SH.

Plus I know if I self harmed my Mum and my girlfriend would be really sad and hurt and so I cant do it to them.

My sister (older than me) once told me in blunt terms that I should stop SH-ing because it was upsetting people around me. I know that she is right but this really upset me. It was partly because I knew that it would upset my family that I didn't tell them, it was someone else who told them, and even then it was my mum and ages ago my dad, certainly never my sis. The reason I SH is 'cos I get upset, angry (sometimes at other people) but I am not good at shouting at other people, only at myself, and so I express this through SH, I thought that I was only hurting myself, that was all I wanted and still do want to do. My mum saw some marks on my hand on Sat, she knows that I cut last week, she doesn't know the extent of it, or that it is continuing, I don't want to hurt her and also I just don't feel able to talk to her about it, I am not in a place to be able to do so atm I don't think. At the end of the day I know that if/when I stop it will have to be when it is right for me and I will have to stop for me, rather than for them. Of course not wanting to hurt them may play a part in it too.

[Guest Hippychick]

Yeah I think when you do stop self harming it has to be for you not other people. But I find its a really good way or reason that I can tell myself not to do it again. If I feel I am doing it for someone else It makes it easier for me. I didn't mean it as a dig at anyone, everyone has to find their own way of stopping or dealing, and my way is to tell myself not to cos it would hurt others.

A great distraction technique is...computer Games :dry: For me anyway. for those times when I just wanna forget everything going on I can just play a computer game for half an hour and it helps me zone out.

[Guest polarprincess]

(Wasn't sure where to post this - Ashie I'm sure will move it if it's in the wrong place)

I just wanted to ask anyone who used to selfharm and doesn't anymore whether you feel completely 'cured' - or whether you still get the urge but don't act upon it.

I'm asking because I used to selfharm and stopped about eight years ago.  But during the past eight years any time I've been stressed or angry or upset my first instinct has been to selfharm - I haven't given in but it's been my first thought.

In the past couple of months since I've started trying to really fight the OCD I've found it increasingly hard to fight the urge to selfharm and have given in a couple of times    - only in really minor ways but enough that I'm worrying about it.

Just wanted to know what anyone else thinks?

15151[/snapback]

in my experience self hram is something you can over-come , but like all coping stratagy's (i sooooooooo can't spell ) its a job to overcome them, you need support to find other less damaging ways to cope with the stress that your battle with ocd is provoking, have you tried putting ice cubes on your skin? or wearing a rubberband round your wrist and flicking it when you need to?? this may sound weird but these are alturnatives that i have learnt about through work and training.

please try not to batter yourself to much about the selfharm, i would see it as a reflection of the amount of effort you are putting into fighting the ocd and it will be stressful.

do look after yourself be mindful of the wounds - keep them clean and dressed- if needed, and do go to appropriate services if you need to. keep your chin up.

:dry: best wishes PP x x x

[Guest Dragonfruit]

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied to me!

(And thanks for moving the post to a more appropriate place, Northern Star!)

I was really mad as I haven't SH'd in eight years and I really thought I was over it completely - even though I've still had the urge quite a lot I've never given in. And I know that trying to fight the OCD properly now (that front door has a lot to answer for!) is making me a lot more stressed out - but that's no excuse and I'm still mad with myself. :dry:

However, I told my fiance last night (he was the reason I quit in the first place ) and I know he's upset about it - so it has to be the last time. Has to be.

Northern Star - I really hope you can stop too - I do know how hard it is - and anytime you want to talk or PM please do.

Well done to everyone who has managed to overcome the urges - I'm hoping I can be strong again and that this will just have been a little blip.

If I'm getting to the point where I'm really struggling I will def try some of your tips, polarprincess - thanks! (And good to see you posting!)

Thanks again everyone - I don't talk to anyone else about this - so it's nice to be able to share!

[catherine]

I've just had a read through the above posts with interest. Over the years there's not much I havn't done in terms of OCD :dry: , but I wouldn't say I was a self harmer in the accepted sense of the word ie I don't do things like cut myself. But on the other hand I have made myself very ill over the years by restricting what I eat. I go through all the usual feelings of getting a kick from depriving myself of food and punishing myself and have on two occassions been dangerously anorexic. I'm incredibly obsessive over food and even now live on a very restricted diet of sandwiches, raisins and milky coffee. I havn't had a proper meal for years and am very embarrassed over my food rituals . Without doubt I have caused great harm to my body and in a funny sort of way it probably gives me the same kind of satisfaction that 'traditional' self harm gives people (if you know what I mean ).

The other thing I wondered about was whether the old skin picking constituted a form of self harm. Certainly some of the sores on my body would bear this out !! At what point does picking become harmful?

I guess I'm just raising questions really and I'd be interested to hear from any traditional self harmers out there to see what they think

Thanks

Catherine

[Northern Star]

Hi Catherine,

The other thing I wondered about was whether the old skin picking constituted a form of self harm. Certainly some of the sores on my body would bear this out !! At what point does picking become harmful?

I guess I'm just raising questions really and I'd be interested to hear from any traditional self harmers out there to see what they think

From a totally non-expert opinion, I think I would have to say that it depends on why you did / do skin-pick. I think one of the definitions of self-harm (SH - I'm too lazy to write it out in full every time! :dry:) is something along the lines of 'causing deliberate damage to the skin / tissue that leaves marks lasting much more than an hour'. I don't really know anything about skin-picking but I know that sometimes it can be a form of SH. My own personal opinion would be that if you pick to hurt yourself, to relieve negative feelings (be they guilt, anger, unhappiness etc) then it is SH, whereas if it is more just out of habit then it isn't. However I must stress that I am not medically qualified or anything.

[Guest polarprincess]

I've just had a read through the above posts with interest. Over the years there's not much I havn't done in terms of OCD :dry: , but I wouldn't say I was a self harmer in the accepted sense of the word ie I don't do things like cut myself. But on the other hand I have made myself very ill over the years by restricting what I eat. I go through all the usual feelings of getting a kick from depriving myself of food and punishing myself and have on two occassions been dangerously anorexic. I'm incredibly obsessive over food and even now live on a very restricted diet of sandwiches, raisins and milky coffee. I havn't had a proper meal for years and am very embarrassed over my food rituals . Without doubt I have caused great harm to my body and in a funny sort of way it probably gives me the same kind of satisfaction that 'traditional' self harm gives people (if you know what I mean ).

The other thing I wondered about was whether the old skin picking constituted a form of self harm. Certainly some of the sores on my body would bear this out !! At what point does picking become harmful?

I guess I'm just raising questions really and I'd be interested to hear from any traditional self harmers out there to see what they think

Thanks

Catherine

15205[/snapback]

if you speak to alot of people within mental health then they would say that self harm as a term covers a multitude of things rangeing from smoking to drinking to cutting to banging into objects on purpose.

i think its anything that is done by oneself, that is harmful.

would you say that there is a obsessive angle to your picking though?

do you find yourself picking without even thinking about it? and is there a compulsion to pick, in as much as you don't want to but you can't stop? just wondering, without going to deep, i do understand some of what you say.

to the question of when does it become harmful? whot do you feel about this? it is easy to say that cutting badly is very harmful, but i can understand your confusion with picking - it rarely lands one in a+e. yet that is a unfair way to assess something as we all know, i hope you understand my meaning!

i think the answer lies in how much distress it causes you to pick, do you feel that you cannot control it and in turn does this cause you distress?

'harm' as we know is not limited to phisical harm, there is emotional harm as well.

when i was around 14 i couldn't stop picking an area on my face this lasted years, my mum took me to the doctors and she suggested a straight jacket, can you belive that!!? however i must add this dr is still my doctor and is actually really good!

this is just my opinion (which you are free to disregard )

best wishes,

PP x

[catherine]

Thanks NS and PP

You've given me much food for thought and I think I'll have a word with my psychologist about it. I guess there's a fine dividing line between compulsive and harmful behaviour and yes, I do feel 'compelled' to pick. I think I start to worry when the picking becomes so bad that the sores all bleed and sting, but it feels good :dry: .

Thanks guys

Catherine