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soooooo angry help


Guest rainbow

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Guest rainbow

hi havnt been on here for a long time have been doing ok for quite sometime had so many changes since lst time ive posted. Two major changes my husband and I have been seperated for over a year soon to be divoresd after 23 yrs. My 18 yr old daughter whom also has ocd like me is 4 wks off having her first baby.

I dont where to start but here goes.... when my daughter was first pregnant on her first vist to see the miwife she told the midwife of her ocd as we both felt wolud be benifaical to share with her because as i am very aware that having a baby can increase and agrovate ocd tenfold.

I felt that to get the best possible help for my daughter she needed extra support and help through her pregnancy and as I explained to the midwife that very often after th birth ocd symptoms would increase and medication would be very benifical, as my daughter has had long periods on meds I felt sure she would need them after the birth as did our GP. The midwife did understand some concepts of ocd and was very supporative and as been excellent all the way through my daughters pregnancy. At the very first meeting the midwife refered my daughter to the social services because she is a teenage pregnancy was in a very turbulant relationship and her ocd she felt made her a case for special needs. anyway so thats what happend she was refered and now the ..... has hit the fan. Last Thursday my daughter had a vist from SS i was privey to lets just say half the convo and what i heard made me feel sick to the stomach!! Whilst I had been out this woman had told mt daughter that because of her ocd in particular her thoughts it had sent alram bells ringing and she was in the process of arranging a meeting with a view to putting my daughters baby my grandchild on the at risk registar!!! My poor daughter had no idea what this ment as the SS didnt explain just made the asumption that she should, now how many 18 yrs old would have a clue not many? my daughter in her innocence thought it was a good thing. I am not ashamed to say it but I went mad saw red!! told the woman on what grounds and asked her in all the months you have had you have not even bothered to research find out one simple thing about ocd but come here and have the front to tell me and my daughter just because she has thoughts that she seems to think the baby is at risk. I said I have had it for 25 yrs plus bought up 4 kids and never have they been at risk, in fact if you had bothered to research it a little and lets face it! it is so well documented now, then you would no they are just thoughts and do not in any way make you a bad person and a ocd sufferer is less likely to hurt anyone and she would have been able to read that they are just thoughts and have no reflection on you as a person and these toughts are never acted apoun. I am so angry so hurt and so fear full for my daughters future and my dear grandchild and it has now kicked in my ocd big time as the stress is playing havoc on it. My daughter is in bits thank god she lives with me so I can look after her but she is petrified of now giving birth and the SS taking her baby away. IM struggling to cope and this thursday have to attened meeting with board with view to my grandchilds future. As my daughter put mum hes not even here yet and will be born with a stamp on him what future does he have what boxes does this oipen??

very sad hurt mum who wants to scream and shout having ocd dosnt make you a bad person at all and we shouldnt be made to feel ashamed

please please my head hurt a bit but if anybody got some good info on ocd and thoughts that i could share with bods at meeting i would be very very grateful lv rainbow xxxxx

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Guest fathom_nature

Rainbow, that's really sad. And you're totally right, a professional in that line of work needs to know their **** or they are about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Have you considered getting advice from an organisation like Mind or Rethink? I know mind work towards raising awareness. Could you get a letter from your GP or a CBT or something to back you up? Something official like that would be good. And personally I'd put in a complaint if I were you, that kind of ignorance is just unacceptable in a social worker! It's just possible though that at this meeting there will be other people with their heads screwed on who know about OCD. This SS you saw is not representative of all social workers - I used to work in an office doing admin for a team of SWs and most of them were nice just a few ****s. Honestly though, try to get something offical from a GP or Therapist to take to the meeting with you and if you contact Mind before the meeting they will be able to support and advise you.

FN

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Guest rainbow

hi just a real quicky on way to vist my daughters doc very shortly.

just wanted to say a very big thankyou to fathom_nature and lawrie for your kind words of support, ment a great deal to me and my daughter especially yours words Lawrie that my dear grandson will be at no risk at all thankyou My daughter read this and put a very big amile upon her face. I will be asking my daughters doc today for a letter to take to the meeting on thursday and am also waitng for my gp to return a call so she can write a report on my daughters ocd and hopefully midwife will be able to help too as we are both seeing her tomorrow. I have rang the SS and have told them I will be making a formal complaint. I have also been given a number by Mind a group called family rights group whom hopefully will beable to point me in the right direction and arm me with some vaulable imformation on how i can be prepare and what to expect at this meeting.

I am in the process of writing a letter which I will give to every person present at the meeting stating that unless they all have a very clear understang of ocd and how it works, then they should leave the meeting. Im guessing that none of them will, so i will tell them that the meeting has to be reschdule as Lawrie so rightly suggested.

finding this all very very hard as i put in earlier post my ocd has kicked in big time and am stuggling very much at the moment anyway but with all this and trying so hard to help my dear daughter whom should be very excited about impending birth is now so scared and is finding it very hard to cope.

any more suggestions would be very gratefully received does anybody no of anything that i could down load that would paint a very clear picture of pure o that I could take with me. I have been looking on net but to be truthful finding everything a bit too hard at the mo

thankyou love rainbow xxx

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Guest legend

hi rainbow, just to let you know that you are not alone on this one,

3 years ago i had a breakdown and had thoughts that i had abused my children,

i told medical staff about my thoughts, and 3 weeks later i was arrested and

questioned by the police, denied access to my kids for 3 days,

children were also interviewed, obviously everything was normal,

but now when i apply for my crb the incident crops up everytime.

I am still in the process of having it removed from my records, and

have lots of proof that i am not a danger to kids, as my pysch quoted

He had thoughts that were so strong that he actually believed in them

Yes the ss were involved and they were really good and understanding,

unlike yours.

I can only suggest that you ask your gp and mental health to write

that there is no way that your daughter is a danger to anybody and she

suffers from ocd.

Good luck, and i do hope it all works out for you all.

It is a disgrace that so little is understood about ocd, especially pure o

and you show them what for, and if they do not understand, as lawrie

said ask for another meeting.

Will be thinking of you all

legend

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Hi Rainbow

Good Luck with the meeting, I can only echo and support the advice given by Lawrie.

Stay calm and be firm, it may help to write some of the questions/points/prompts down on paper so that you can refer to them, often when we're in a stressful situation we forget or become flustered.

"What medical knowledge have you gathered on my daughters diagnosis of OCD".

This is the important one to ask

Good Luck to you both

Caramoole :)

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Guest rainbow

hi

i desperate need for some help in particular all people who suffer from intrusive thoughts. Need lots evidence to take with me to meeting on thursday to show all bods that having intrusive thoughts doesnt make you a risk to anybody, that they are just thoughts that are never acted upon. have got lettter from daughters doc at hospital but to be very truthfull dont read very well just says yes she does have thoughts explains in detail what they are, says that baby is at no risk, but i am very fearfull that bods at meeting will just see the the thoughts of harming, and if they do not have a very clear understanding of ocd how it works my future grandson will be put on th at risk registar or o my dont even wannt to think about worse case sinero take him away from my daughter. If they do not have a clear understanding of ocd then the outcome doesnt look good at all. My daughter is so scared and i am so fearfull for her wellbeing if the outcome isnt a postive one.

thankyou legend

your letter bought tears to my eyes i am appalled at what happened to you its a disgrace just should never have happend. I cant begin to imagine what you went through the trumar must have been so awlful for all of you, am outraged that you and your family should ever have had to go through that at all. thankyou for your very kind words of support it means so much take care love rainbow x

thankyou meeting thursday am dreading it

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Guest rainbow

Dear caramoole

Thankyou for your post, yes I will write things down and arm my self with as much info as I can get. as I put in previous post got letter from my daughters doc from hos but really dont think it will help. I asked for a letter to be wrote explaining that yes she has ocd get intrusive thoughts but has we all know poses no risk, instead he has gone through her whole history when it first started which in my daughters case was triggered by her being privey to her baby sister dieing of cot death 14 years ago, this has been mentioned which as you can imagine has bought out so many trumatic memories for my self and all other falmily members. Yes in letter he has explained risk that has he put it very low but this in self I cant understand I have read my daughters note and her thoughts they are the same as millons as other peoples are with ocd in particular her hating knives! which I know is extremely common, i so scared that they will just see this and in their ignorance will feel they will have a free rain to choose what happens to my dear grandson

Im so scared cant eat feel sick with worry and am so so fearfull for my daughters wellbeing at a loss at mo what to do

love rainbow xxxx

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Hi Rainbow, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I remember you and little Rainbow. I think Lawrie is right - it's not your job to explain to these people what OCD is. The doctor's letter says that the baby is at no risk and that is great, but as you said, you can insist the meeting is rescheduled if they have not done their research. Is there anyone who can go along to this meeting with you on Thursday for support?

Your daughter must be so pleased she has your support.

I will be thinking of you both on Thursday and am hopeful the meeting will go well for you.

Take care of yourself,

Rach xx

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Guest maxymum

Hi Rainbow,

I'm new here but just wanted to add a few words of support. I'm so sorry to hear what is happening to you and your daughter......the ignorance about OCD astounds me at times!!

Love and best wishes to you both.....will be thinking of you on thursday,

Tracie x

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Guest legend

You will be ok rainbow, what really gets me about all this utter c..., is

it seems that everyone outside the understanding of pure o is covering

their own back, not giving two hoots about the needs what your daughter might need,

she will need lots of support and so will you, not frets of whether she is a going

to be a danger because she suffers with unwanted thoughts,

no wonder sufferers hold back,

thanks for lovely words, it means a lot, and i know how you must feel,

i will be thinking of you all,

take care legend

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Hi Rainbow,

Do you have any of the OCD self-help books like Imp of the MInd?

At such short notice, it could be helpful to have as much supporting evidence as possible to indicate how common and non-dangerous these worries are. I'd be happy to mail you my copy tomorrow if it would help. Let me know.

I am flabbergasted that people deemed to have power to influence such decisions, can do so with such little or scant knowledge of the condition they consider a danger.

Caramoole :)

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Guest rainbow

hi thankyou all so very much for all your great support and avice.

No carmoole I havn't got that book have read it though very good book, hard going at times though!! have got some info from my daughters cbt doc that will take with me and will be busy today getting as much info i can arm myself with.

I am just so disgusted that they have had 7 mths since they first heard of my daughters ocd and in that time have done jack..... to find out one single thing about ocd if they done any research then they would know without a doubt that she does not pose a treat to anybody let alone her dear son!!

on top of because doc from hos sent in his medical report from wen lil rainbow first went and got diagonsed. Ie what age she was freinds family realationships any trigger factors they have mentiond my son who also has ocd, he also has harming thoughts but is much better that lil rainbow. so they now know about my sons ocd he has a daughter too and is expecting his secound child very soon, i was in tears yesterday because I then had to tell him that it may be very likly that they will make a vist to him. They have open such a big box that has had such a massive impact and a knock on effect with so many people. I want to scream and shout protect my children from these stupid Igronant ........ but know that I have to be strong and hold it together for my daughter tomorrow. I will state at the opening of the meeting unless they all have a very clear understanding of ocd then this can not go ahead as how can anybody make such a very important desscion life changing! without any knowledge at all and if you had one bit of knowledge then this meeting should not even be a consideration at all.

many thanks rainbow xxxxx

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Hi Rainbow,

I'm so angry and horrified at what these people are putting you and your daughter through.

I think Caramoole is right - if you have a book on OCD that talks about these thoughts, can you photocopy a relelvant passage and give ti to the people at the meeting?

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck at the meeting tomorrow, keep a cool head and have written down and photocopied everything you want to say, I know I forget things in the heat of the moment if they're not written down.

Good luck :)

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Guest obrien

I finally started reading that Brain Lock that everyone talks about....anyway, I JUST came across this line and thought I'd post it, since the author is supposed to be one of the leading OCD doctors. Page 36 describes new mother who is having violent images, "Lara has never acted out a violent thought. People with OCD never do." Well that's a pretty strong statement, so that's good.

I also saw a quote in the book "tormenting thoughts and secret rituals" and tried to find it for you when I pm-ed you yesterday so you'd have it in time for the meeting, but couldn't find it. I just remember it says something like, "OCDers are least likely of anyone in the world to harm another person." That book was written be a doctor w/OCD himself.

I hope I'm not doing the whole reassurance thing here :) I know that's no good, I just thought maybe these quotes could arm you guys a bit in whatever happens in the next days/weeks.

Let us know how it goes. This is very worrisome to hear that you guys are being treated in this way :(

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hi rainbow

sorry to hear what youre going through,

my husband has pure ocd, with intrusive paedophile thoughts, about our 7 year old daughter, he has told his psychologist and psychiatrist and numerous crisis team representatives, cpn's etc. And not one of them has ever turned round and said anything, or even raised an eyebrow.

And believe me, if they had of done, i would have swung for them..but thats beside the point.

so they obviously have no case against your daughter, this is just some ill informed plank do gooder thinking they are saving the world again - when actually they are really upsetting a very young woman who is about to have her first baby soon - thats the real scandal, not your daughters ocd.

take care and be strong,

Melissa xxxxx

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Guest rainbow

Hi

GOOD NEWS!!!! my soon to be dear grandchild will not be going on no registar, went there and kick butt!! took so much info wrote letter all about ocd, they didnt have leg to stand on. Not one person at meeting had a clear understanding of ocd, and some people new nothing at all. I did copys of all imforamation that I gave to chair before start of meeting and suggested that unless they all read my documents then the meeting would not go ahead. When meeting was concluded they all asked to keep documents and said that they had learnt alot and the imformation would help them all greatly.

my last quote at bottom of letter that I wrote was I wonder how many of you here today suffer in silence with OCD? and I wonder now how many took the imforamtion for their on benift?

Thankyou so very mcu for all your kind words of support xxxxxxxxxx

love rainbow and little rainbow and soon to be wee rainbow xxxxx

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That's great news Rainbow...I'm so pleased for you, your daughter and all concerned.

You've done really well, not only for your own family but for furthering awareness of this condition which will also benefit others in the future :thumb up:

Caramoole :)

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Guest obrien

Wow, you should be so proud of yourself!! You pulled it together during a very stressful time and came out on top!!

And seriously, you are right about it being a benefit to them. Think too of their family members and also others they will come into contact with as clients. Now each person in the room has shifted their entire thinking about OCD---and countless others can benefit throughout their careers dealing with the public. Well done!!!!!!

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