Jump to content

is it down to the OCD


Guest mynameis

Recommended Posts

Guest mynameis

Where do I start..... My wife has been diagnosed with OCD about 6 months ago, after getting shot of the GP who was frankly as much use as a chocolate fire guard, we have just had 1 visit to a therapist who hopefully will help us but we understand its early days. I've been able to cope with most things she throws at me, such as constant reasurance, drinking, staying up all night and of course the constant checking of things.

the 1 thing I have found hard is she went out and ended up kissing another guy, she did not tell me straight away I had to find out for myself and it transpires that she had told me lots of lies that night. the question I need to ask is..... is this behaviour, or could it be down to OCD. I have been through break ups before because my partner cheated and am trying to understand if she has cheated or if her illness could lead to mis-judgement. I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for me and not her, but helping her with the other aspects of OCD will be alot easier if I think she still respects me. rant over. please be honest with your answers....

Link to comment

Hi there and welcome. :original:

Both yourself and your wife must be under a great deal of pressure right now and even though your wife may be finding her symptoms very stressful at such an early stage of her treatment, I do feel that it is your wife who is responsible for her actions and I'm not sure it could be blamed on OCD.

Sorry if thats not what you would pefer to hear, but that would be my own opinion for what it's worth.

Have you both talked this through? Has she been able to offer you any reason for her actions at all?

You do deserve to be treated with respect and I guess only your wife can give you the answer to why she acted as she did.

Perhaps some of the partners on here will be able to help more. :original:

Wishing you all the best,

Deb

Link to comment
Guest mynameis

I'd rather you were honest and to be honest I thought that would be the reply!!!

As for an explanation she said she wanted to feel attractive and that it is out of her system now?? 1 of her thoughts is that she is over weight although she is not. guess i just have to stick it out or risk pushing her away. she will only get 1 chance though?? or I will end up the 1 in front of the doc!!

thanks for listening

Link to comment

OCD can really dent self confidence unfortunately. I'm not saying that excuses what your wife did, not at all, she does sound to be struggling on this front though from what you mention.

I hope you can both find a way forward through this and the very best of luck with the therapist.

Do take care of yourself too though, it's a tough ride for partners as well. I hope you find these forums really help, even if it's just to "sound off" sometimes it really helps.

Best wishes,

Deb

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest mynameis

She seems to be a bit closer to me, but she has said that we can't have sex anymore because she feels that because she has let herself go and relax in front of me she can't have sex. I know it sounds selfish but after everything that has happend I need to feel wanted and some re-assuring contact. she does not have contamination issues so I dont understand.

Its all driving me mad she is so secretive and says she wants more space. Maybe I want it to be the OCd and not the end of our relationship.

sorry to rant but got no where else to turn!!!!

Link to comment

About the not touching--she may have other OCD issues (like sexuality OCD stuff) that she has not revealed to you out of embarrasment. Sufferers can be extrememly secretive with their obsessions and compulsions.

But I see what you are saying about blaming it on the OCD and maybe its really not that, but you want it to be.

I wonder too if I put too many of my husband's mean behaviors to the OCD. Like when he will finish treatment, I'll be a bit scared. In the back of my mind, I wonder, "what if the OCD fades a bit after treatment and he turns out to be a BIG jerk anyway under all the layers?" I don't think this is the case...but sometimes I wonder...its just been so long that we've been living with the disorder, I don't know what's real anymore.

I dunno. But it seems like your girlfriend does not have any excuse for her cheating. I know that OCD can make a person feel low-self esteem and all that....but I haven't met that many people on these forums that act like THAT! You seem like a very nice person. It is a shame you are being treated so poorly. You seem like you really care about helping her and learning more about her condition. I think you deserve to be apprieciated a bit.

Link to comment
Guest mynameis

God its driving me potty, when ever I question her about being secretive she says its all in my mind and that she loves me and would never cheat again it was a big mistake last time and when will I stop punishing her, however she sneaks around and gaurds her phone with her life. The more I get wound up with her the more secretive she gets. I just don't want to be a mug!!

Don't know where to go, don't just want to walk away as we have a daughter, but I think she maybe relying on that.!!!!!

Link to comment

Wow, that is tough. I'm sorry to hear that this is happening.

Please don't feel that you will be ruining your daughter's life if you leave or have a temporary seperation. It is better to have parents split but each happy in their own lives rather than miserable and togheter. Not that you guys are miserable, I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel so guilty about your child that you make decisions that do not help you live a happy life.

Perhaps you could convey how serious you think this is and that you want couple's therapy? It is sad that you are being treated this way, and it sounds like you need to get to the bottom of the truth and your feelings.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest lickle-pwincess

hi im very sorry to hear that but some time's ppl over act with OCD when they are caught they blame it on OCD so yuo let them off whotch is not very good well i dnt really no wat to say sorry

lickle-pwincess xx

Link to comment
hi im very sorry to hear that but some time's ppl over act with OCD when they are caught they blame it on OCD so yuo let them off whotch is not very good well i dnt really no wat to say sorry

lickle-pwincess xx

Actually this is a very good point and one may be we all need to think about sometimes. How often do we allow someone to behave in a certain way because they are suffering from OCD, which in normal circumstances we would find totally unacceptable.

Are we sometimes too accepting and in actual fact because of that are doing more harm than good?

And by the way Im not referring to lickle-pwincess' situation at the moment, because I know everyone is having a terrible time, but more in our every day lives.

Link to comment
Guest mynameis

the wife is with her therapist today and i just hope she tells him what she has been doing and hopefully he will talk straight to her. I'd rather lose her than be taken for granted.

I have a situation at the moment where she has asked for more space and she wants to go away for a weekend to Czech republic...... I was fine with that at first until i found out that there is a competition there that the guy i suspected she might be seeing (as a friend!!) is competing. have not said anything as she has not confirmed dates that she wants to go. if she says she wants to go that weekend then I think I need to walk away and leave her to play her games.

it was our wedding anniversary yesterday and all i could think about was her lying.

I'm nobody's muppet!!!

even though i love her to bits

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...