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AIDS OCD


Guest Shell

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I am so worried and need some advice on the best way to deal with this. Basically last night I went out with one of my friends who was extremely drunk and he cannot remember much of the night. Anyway I had had a bit to drink and I often find that when I drink and hit the cold air I get a bit of memory loss. This happened last night and I don't remember the taxi journey home. However I remember all of the night and I remember getting in an making myself something to eat. Anyway this morning I have woken up with an achy arm - it feels like i have bumped it or something. But I am convinced that last night someone injected me with something on the journey home (that I can't remember) and now I have AIDS. I know it sounds ridiculous but it is really worrying me. I have considered giving up drinking all together because my mind always runs wild the next day and I convince myself of various scenarios if I have had a bit of a memory gap. However is giving up drinking like saying I am going to give up driving because it makes my OCD worse - I always think I have knocked someone down when I am out driving - and not actually dealing with the problem ie going out for a drink like all my friends do and not beating myself up about it the next day and letting my OCD get the better of me.

So really there were too things I would like to ask for a bit of advice on - how do I control my thoughts today over the incident with the bruised arm and does anyone thing tht it is good for people with OCD to give up drinking? Thanks

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Guest Calvin&OCD

Hi shell

This bruise on your arm is it as if you rubbed your arm on a rough surface?

What and how do u you think you were injected with?

Regards

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I don't know what I think I was injected with its really just my mind running away with me. It just feels tender at the top of my arm like I could have knocked it

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Guest tangoblu

What you have to recognise is that it is your mind making you think these things - try and keep yourself occupied and busy doing other things and if possible don't respond to your thoughts.

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Thank you tangoblu am going to try and watch a programme I have watched and make myself a cup of tea. I really need to stop obsessing because I know it is a slippery slope which ends in me getting an AIDS test (which I have now done 3 times in about 3 years - all negative). Then the waiting for the results is torture and I work myself up so much and then get the results and then convince myself I need to go again because of an 'incident' that happened maybe a few weeks before - I know you need to wait 3 months before results are correct. In the past these AIDS tests have sent me into such a state of depression I end up feeling that I would rather die than live with all my thoughts.

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I don't see a ***** and I know that when I have had injections in the past at the doctors I always have a ***** mark and a real bruise. There is no bruise on the top of my arm it just aches a bit

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Listen Shell

I used to have this OCD very badly. I used to be mega paranoid of syringes when I was out hangin about the streets as a youth, whenever I would feel a stinging pain in my foot when walking across a field, car park - wherever I would instantly think SYRINGE! But that was just the OCD making attributions, of course it had to be a syringe cos thats what the OCD is about - whereas now its about kids, so if I'm walking through a crowd, and something bangs into my leg - I instantly think "KID!" and panic.

This is what is happening with you, you mind is getting bombarded with "what ifs" and its too multi leveled and tangled for you to properly decipher giving you that horrid OCD shroud over your mind. Don't try to decipher, just let the thoughts come and I bet you by 6 o clock tonight the frequency of the rational thoughts of "this is stupid" will catch up with the frequency of the anxious thoughts.

I promise you that you're ok.

A x

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Thank you Atlantis - your comments have helped me to rationalise things. I have had the same thoughts when i am out about syringes lying on the ground. I think people must think I am ever so odd because I will be walking along and then suddenly I think I felt a sting in my foot and have to stop and check the ground. I am having CBT at the moment and have explained that AIDS is one of my worst fears so he has told me to sit and think about my thoughts for 20 mins each day and has said the feelings will begin to subside - but it is so hard. Have you had CBT to get over your worries?

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Hi Shell,

I'm the same with AIDS

But since you don't see a mark, it'll be fine :a1_cheesygrin:

Plus you would have defintely felt it a lot more

Only doctors and nurses can make it hurt less

Nicola

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Thank you Atlantis - your comments have helped me to rationalise things. I have had the same thoughts when i am out about syringes lying on the ground. I think people must think I am ever so odd because I will be walking along and then suddenly I think I felt a sting in my foot and have to stop and check the ground. I am having CBT at the moment and have explained that AIDS is one of my worst fears so he has told me to sit and think about my thoughts for 20 mins each day and has said the feelings will begin to subside - but it is so hard. Have you had CBT to get over your worries?

no I am starting meds soon, then I will start CBT - bit dubious cos its seroxat and been having a lot of heavy waves of suicidal ideaology recently cos I have had enough. Nasty bout of OCD and also (i think) fallen head over heels for someone who's just not interested.

another brilliant victory for sodding OC bloody D.

anytime now I'm gonna start listening to the smiths. :dry:

Edited by Guest
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Guest Calvin&OCD

Hi Shell

Seeing your replies , i think there has been no physical injection contact , its just the OCD playing up within you.

Trust me you do not have any disease like AIDS, its just the repeatitive thoughts , once i had slight pain near the hip but i had these repeatitive thoughts that i had some kidney failure and will die soon because of it. And all this was some 7 years ago, In reality nothing was wrong with my kidneys and it was just some muscle pain for few days

Take care, try involving in other activities which will keep you occupied

Regards

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Hi to all!

I have the same thoughts especially when someone accidentally bump me or touch me in public places I have this thoughts that someone stubbed me with a infected needle. Also when I am biking I have this thought that I run up with needle in the street and it catapulted it from tire to my legs. And sometimes it feels like stingy thing in my leg which I know is just a psychosomatic thing of the mind.

Shell it is just our OCD that made us think this way. Usually when drunk we become drowsy and we bump a lot of things. If you do not put yourself in a risky behaviour and you know from your heart it just OCD then dont take the test.

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Hi Shell,

I used to suffer with a very similar fear as you do. I suffered with a massive fear of contracting HIV/AIDS, although not quite the same as you as I never worried about someone injecting me, rather contracting it through contact with bodily fluids...so although not exactly the same experience as you, one that I can really relate to.

I am pleased to say that I am pretty much in control of my OCD now, and leading a relatively 'normal' life, without a massive fear of contracting HIV. I managed this through a course of medication and CBT....so I am pleased to hear that you are receiving CBT, as hopefully it will help you as much as it's helped me.

I wanted to add to this thread as you also mentioned giving up alcohol...and whether this is a good idea or not....personally, I gave up alcohol completely when I started CBT. Like you, I found the aftermath of a good night out was horrendous. My OCD would escalte to an uncontrollable level, and I would suffer for days and weeks after. Since giving up alcohol, I feel so much better. It's a decision that I have never once regretted...and even now I am 'better', I don't miss drinking at all.

Obviously, it needs to be a personal choice, and one only you can make...but I just wanted to let you know my experience. I can appreciate that some may see it as a form of avoidance...and you are avoiding it so not to trigger your OCD....but it's an avoidance that I am happy to live with.

Hope this helps a little

Love

Kylie

x x x

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