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I believe my thoughts


Guest pinkfrog24

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Guest pinkfrog24

over the past few months i believe that i have sexually abused my brother. I have had these thoughts for years but they seem too real for just thoughts. I am thinking about going to the police but my boyfriend and mum just say i'm really ill. Ive been messed around with 3 different medications over the last few months and they have put me back on my origional meds paroxetine. I don't know what to do but i need to be punished for what i have done. I feel sick all the time and hate myself, i just want to die if this is true.

please help

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Guest pinkfrog24

They think its all o.c.d as i have suffered with this for years. They think i would never do anything like that and it makes me sick to think about it

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Guest Littlemiss

I dont know what advice to offer as Im all new to this, but all i can say is that it must be hard but try and listen as much as possible to your family and what they say about it.

Are you receiving any treatment?

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Hi pinkfrog, i had similar circumstances, i had thoughts i had abused my children,

As my pysch said, you had intrusive thoughts that were so strong you actually believed

in them.

At the time i was not diagnosed with ocd, i told my wife what i "THOUGHT" i had done, left her

felt suicidal, naturally!! went to a hospital who did not know sweet fa about ocd,

so i was consequently arrested, and released without further action.

So you are not alone with your thoughts, the only posititives you can take,

is you must realise that it is only ocd, it is making you feel sick, guilty, shame anxiety,

all because of an intrusive thought, nothing else.

DONT GO to the police station because 99% dont have a clue about ocd,

and it will remain on file as it is a child protection issue, and it also crops up

on your futur crb checks, you have been warned!!

Maybe a med change, or increase but relax you aint done nothing, despite what ocd is trying to make you beleve,

stay calm. keep fighting its just a thought!!

legend

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Guest pinkfrog24

It can't be just a thought i remember it i'm sure. I mean i don't remember the date or year it happenend but who can if it took years to come out of me. Dosn't mean its not real. But the thought/memory is too strong not to be real. Maybe through all this med change the real me has come to light and something needs to be done. No one can say its not real so i will take it as real. Maybe my head couldn't deal with what i had done so blocked it out for years and then gradually showd me the light who knows?

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So if you know its real, why are you posting on here?

It is typical ocd, it has come up numerous times on these forums, where ocd sufferers believe

they have done something, and no matter how much you discuss with them, it still seems so real

it is not real its ocd in its prime!!

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Hi Pink Frog, Legend is right. And you know really it is your OCD but the thoughts are so strong at times that it's overwhelming. We all understand because we have had similar thoughts. Sometimes a real event which happened comes distorted beyond all recognition in our head and becomes something sinister which it's not.

The best thing to do is try not to fight the thoughts. They are very distressing but try to keep yourself distracted and when they come, allow them to pass through your mind without trying to argue with them and go over and over the thoughts. It's hard but with practice it is possible. Are you having any therapy at the moment? Did the paroxetine help you the first time you had it? It might take a while to work but it may be worth discussing your meds again with your GP.

Take care - you are not alone!

Rach

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Guest ppyvabw
It can't be just a thought i remember it i'm sure.

Absolutely unrelated but it makes the point.

I like to build car engines for fun. I remember one time I was doing up some bolts inside the engine, and initially I didn't think anything of it. Then I put the lid on, and left it. Then much later I started to think, maybe I hadn't done them up. I couldn't check them because I had put the lid on so I tried desperately hard to remember tightening them. I could remember doing it, but I mentally checked so much I started to seriously doubt whether I had remembered correctly. Eventually I was so confused I couldn't remember if I had actually done them up or if I was imagining it I had to take the lid off to check. (Lid meaning non technical term here for non mechanics lol)

Point is, you propbably had this thought, "What if I abused my brother.....blah blah?" and then you tried to remember if you did. You obviously can't remember doing it because it didn't happen, but you're not satisfied with that so you have to try and remember it more, until reality and imagination become so screwed up that you firmly believe you did do it.

If you had done it, you would certainly remember.

The more you check something, the more you doubt it. Think of something you don't have problems with (so for me it would be light switches, I aint bothered about them so don't check them, but some people do) It has to be something that you wouldn't normally obsess over. Then check it, whatever it is. After checking it a few times I think you will start to doubt the memory that you actually did do whatever it was. That might help to convince you that you are just doubting your memory. Our imaginations are very powerfull. They can convince us of lots of things.

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Guest Freeatlast

I agree with ppvy.....great advice! I think I started to recover when I realised I had a medical illness called ocd, didn't make it easy but easier I think....try and accept it's ocd in all it's awful glory playing on your mind.

All the best

Carol

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Hi,

I think ppyvabw and the others are right. This sounds like OCD. I have had similar thoughts and have found it difficult not to ruminate about this particular issue. I don't think going to the police is going to help you. I have had similar urges to confess to people who could punish me but fortunately I have never actually gone through with it. The act of confessing to these imaginary crimes is one of the most devasting ways we can express our problem. ppyvabw has explained the process very well. I can understand how terrifying such thoughts are, that is why OCD is such a debilitating condition. You should go to your GP and see what help you can get. There are a number of different treatment options for OCD. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time but try to remember there is help out there.

Take care,

Briain

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Guest Littlemiss

Sorry I couldnt continue with the converstaion, I had to go off.

Thanks for adding me to your friends list.

I was actually going to mention the medication change you have been having, perhaps this is making you feel worse?

I hope you feel better soon,

Keep in touch! :hug:

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Guest pinkfrog24

I know what u are saying is right but my thoughts have changed where as before i kinda knew they were o.c.d now they look and seem real memories. I have been concentrating on the thoughts aswell and doing some of my own c.b.t methods on them but i still feel the same. I'm terrified and feel selfish like i'm too scared to confess to the police. My mum was getting angry with me today about it because she knows she can't help me. I still don't feel reasured or anything its just there in my head 24/7.

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Guest Littlemiss

Perhaps another visit to the doctor or therapist is in order in this as it seems to really need some help.

I dont have this type of OCD, but how does your brother feel? Have you spoke to him? Cant he reassure you?

Sorry, Im not being much help to you!

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Guest pinkfrog24

Your sweet thanks for all your comments. I am supposed to see a psychiatrist soon but i don't really trust them as they have let me down in the past. I just wish i was normal. The saddest thing is that i could never have any children. Because all children freak me out and it scares me just seeing them sometimes. I know i would be an amazing mum but i could never be that selfish so i bury all of that heartbreak cus its too painful to think of. I tell my friends i don't want kids and my boyfriend of 5 years says he would rather have me than have children.

Sometimes i imagine being a mum and holding my child and it makes me feel amazing but it never can be. (i'm getting teary)

luv tre

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Guest Littlemiss

Yes, I know that feeling. I am 32 and have no kids. Yes sometimes I would like one to but as you say, idont want to be selfish and bring a child into the world when I suffer depression and OCD. It sounds as if you have a good partner who supports you.

I do hope you manage to ride out this bad patch and feel better soon. I know it is difficult to feel comfortable with professionals, you will know after talking with them who to trust, so perhaps this one will be better. After years of meeting professionals i was also dubious but the woman I am seeing now seems to be genuine and I can talk to her about how I feel.

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And why would you let ocd deny you something that you yearn for, this is being

negative, once you gain control of the ocd, which you can, you will have kids and you

will be the best mum in the whole wide world,

i am a father of 2 and despite ocd trying to ruin that, it failed, because i would not let beat me,

youll get there, take care legend.

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Dear Pinkfrog and all

This experience sounds to me like what psychologists have classified as OVI - overvalued ideation. As I understand it, it is only in relatively recent years that researchers have begun to understand that the "insight" into the irrationality of OCD is not always present, particularly in the midst of an anxiety attack, when emotions and physical symptoms are at their highest. David Clark in his 2006 book "Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy for OCD" actually documents instances where one can experience OCD delusions at the point where OVI becomes so high that the person living with OCD becomes convinced of the reality of the obessions. This might be why previous courses of treatment have not worked for you: it is not your fault, but a consequence of this additional layer of complexity.

The good news is that the mental health profession is examining more and more how to deal with overvalue ideation in OCD. And once dealt with, the success rate of cognitive-behavioural therapy jumps up phenomenally.

Best wishes and keep posting

Tez :cool:

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