*Hey everybody-I'm a Newbie!*

[Guest *NightFire*]

Hey everybody! :a1_cheesygrin:

I'm NightFire, I'm Female, 21, & I'm from Wiltshire [in England].

I found this forum as I was searching for people to talk to about my O.C.D-as nobody I know has it, or can understand it, & it's really difficult for me. :down:

I've had O.C.D for about 10 years [it's not been diagnosed, but I know that I have it]. I think that it was triggered when I was 11, & my family & I moved to a different area [& a house instead of a flat], & I had to go to a new Primary School . I think that it was a way for me to try & control my life more.

To give you an idea of some of the things I do/experience I'll write some below;

*Hoarding [mainly mags, & books].

*Checking [my room, my bag, myself, etc].

*Timetables [of what I should do every day, week, & month]

*Daily routine [certain things in a certain order].

*Routine cleaning.

*Negative, paranoid thoughts [about myself & others].

*Checking things online [like forum posts, my myspace page, etc].

*Trying to do everything 'perfectly'.

*Trying to give myself a 'life makeover' every now & again.

*Getting panic attacks, & depressed when things in my life 'don't feel right'.

I used to go to a Pychiatrist when I was alot younger [when I found out that my Dad was actually my Step-Dad], & I've been to a Counceller a few years ago after self harming a little [not much though]-but it didn't really help.

But I've never been to the Doctor about O.C.D [although I've thought about it], or been on any medication for it. I hate the thought of going on medication-as I'm Vegan, & I only take The Pill, & Paracetemol [which I only take at that time of the month!]. Other than that I take B-Vitamins, & Multi-Vitamins & Minerals. I hardly ever get ill, & [physically] I'm really healthy.

I also suffer from Depression [again, undiagnosed]-which I think is linked to my O.C.D.

Anyway...that's some background info about me I thought that I'd share-sorry for the essay!. :lol:

Actually, this is the most I've ever shared about this to anyone before... :blink:

[Guest Alexander]

Wlcome to the forum, it is very hard because no one understands what you going through, I have been undiganosed too, but I KNOW I have it. I hoard like you do, magazines is one ( i thought we were ment to keep em heh) and rubbish, like paper and food rappers.

But mine is mainly Pure O, i get horrible thoughts about me hurting ppl or ppl getting hurt, sexual thoughts, thoughts about god.

And I get depressed all the time due to thoughts and real life situations, i obsesse over every little thing, its gotten to the stage i just wanna die, but that wont do anygood for me or anyone else.

Also another thing, Negative, paranoid ?

I dont know if this is it or not, but i was talking to a girl online which i blocked ( i cant remember why) but i unblocked her recently because i felt so guilty, now i feel khama will bite me in the bum and somone i care about will block me or just goaway one day for me not to see again. arghh and i keep thinking im annoying ppl or making them angry when clearly im not. I even have to ask them and i think they get annoyed by me asking them if there getting annoyed :haha:

I hope life improves for you, because right now for me im taking it very hard.

I have never seen a doctor yet, but im thinking after xmas, maybe you should too.

Be well!!!

Alex-

Edited December 18, 2007 by Alexander

[whitebeam]

Actually, this is the most I've ever shared about this to anyone before... :blink:[/b][/font]

Hi *NightFire*

Good to meet you.

I'm really pleased that you have been able to open up on the forum. It really can help to get it all out there.

I think your best course of action would be to go to your GP and tell him/her the things you've told us. You don't have to take medication. Some people are happy to whilst others prefer not to.

There are other forms of treatment besides meds - CBT which includes exposure work which I found the most helpful to me (along with my meds)

Anyway, take care :original:

whitebeam

[Guest *NightFire*]

Thanks for your replies [nice to meet you too]. :original:

I keep seeing the words; "Pure O" around the Forum-but I've never heard that term before, & so I don't know what it means [thanks for explaining].

I also have thoughts about Suicide-but I don't think that I would ever do it because of my family & friends, & because I'm a very spiritual [but not religious] person-I'm all about Peace, Love, & everyone deserving to be themselves in this life. :a1_cheesygrin:

As for negative thoughts & paranoia-I get this really wierd thing that sometimes when I'm eating, my brain will start thinking of really disgusting things to try & put me off. :dry:

Also I get feelings that everyone is just humouring me-that they don't really like/love me, but that they're just putting up with me.

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try & pluck up the courage to see a Doctor [maybe I'll take my Mum with me?] after XMas. Hopefully spending time on this Forum will help me.

Also, what's CBT, & exposure work [sounds a bit scary!]?

Another thing that I hate is bending back the pages of Mags & Books, & I've seen a boy [on T.V] being asked to do this for treatment of his O.C.D-it made me cringe just watching it!

Edited December 18, 2007 by Guest

[whitebeam]

Also, what's CBT, & exposure work [sounds a bit scary!]?

CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - I can't explain what it is - as to be quite honest I don't know :blushing: but there is an explanation on the main part of the OCD-UK website.

Exposure work is as it sounds (and it is a bit scary). In my case I was always worried about germs, so my exposures were things like:

- not washing my hands when I 'felt' they were contaminated

- not re-washing clothes that had just come out of the washing machine

- picking up something which was on the floor

........don't know if that helps - it's basically exposing yourself to the things you fear and not immediately doing rituals to prevent them.

It generally is graded so you tackle the things that bother you least to start with and gradually work up to the things you fear most.

Hope that helps a bit.

I know others will be able to give clearer explanations.

Take care

whitebeam

[Guest Soldiering on]

Thanks for your replies [nice to meet you too]. :original:

I keep seeing the words; "Pure O" around the Forum-but I've never heard that term before, & so I don't know what it means [thanks for explaining].

I also have thoughts about Suicide-but I don't think that I would ever do it because of my family & friends, & because I'm a very spiritual [but not religious] person-I'm all about Peace, Love, & everyone deserving to be themselves in this life. :a1_cheesygrin:

As for negative thoughts & paranoia-I get this really wierd thing that sometimes when I'm eating, my brain will start thinking of really disgusting things to try & put me off. :dry:

Also I get feelings that everyone is just humouring me-that they don't really like/love me, but that they're just putting up with me.

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try & pluck up the courage to see a Doctor [maybe I'll take my Mum with me?] after XMas. Hopefully spending time on this Forum will help me.

Also, what's CBT, & exposure work [sounds a bit scary!]?

Another thing that I hate is bending back the pages of Mags & Books, & I've seen a boy [on T.V] being asked to do this for treatment of his O.C.D-it made me cringe just watching it!

Yeah Pure-O.... Joyous little ******.

It's the worst un' because it's purely mental and doesn't manifest itself in you needing to indulge in obsessive behaviour. But it means you feel desperate and beside yourself as your brain pelts you with various concoctions of negativity....!

I suffer from this horrendously, so if you want to talk....

Actually I'm off work at the moment (Using up holiday time before January! :a1_cheesygrin: )... Been off since last Thursday and then go back for 2 days this Thursday. But it does mean that I'm left alone with my Pure O more than normal! The worst one is it making a huge deal out of nothing, making me crave company and I'm obsessively checking posts on a particular forum... Worst one was when I had to park my a few miles away (for parking permit reasons.) and I just sat there convincing myself I might have run someone over on the way there and that I might be going to prison! Ridiculous little Pure O....

I did have a particularly 'heavy' weekend though... What I would say is that although I am prepared to deal with the fall out of a 12 hour drinking session with friends (Sometimes it just needs doing...!) and uhm, a night out the following night...., MOST people with pure O should not attempt this for any reason.

It's taken me ages to compensate the despair that alcohol adds to the affliction. For me the fun and the elation just about out weighs the come down, but most will tell you, it isn't a good idea!

J

[Guest *NightFire*]

Thanks for explaining CBT to me whitebeam-it sounds like a Nightmare! :lol:

Also thanks Soldiering on for sharing your experiences. Unfortunately I can relate-alot of the time it's like I'm fighting against my own brain.

It's *so* good to talk to people who understand what I'm talking about! :a1_cheesygrin:

I'm Straight Edge -& it's just as well really, as I could easily become addicted.

[carolj]

Hi

If you go to the doctor I would definitely take your Mum with you...us Mums are very useful when it comes to filling in the doctor with things you have forgotten to tell him and also listening very carefully, so that when you come out and say "what was it he said", Mum can tell you!!! :lol:

[Guest alison]

hello fellow newbie!

i spent ages trying to find someone i could talk to, and when i finally went to see my gp she was brilliant. there seems a lot of help available, i am not taking any medication, i dont like the idea of it, i am mostly reading/researching/trying to get on a cbt course, which yes, does seem scary, but everyone i speak to tells me it is the best chance of success for me, so i just want out of the situation im in, so ill try anything!

good luck, hope you find the help you are looking for.

ps maybe taking your mum with you would be a good idea, too often its easy to get given the brush off, dont be afraid to persist for answers/solutions, you deserve them!

[Guest *NightFire*]

Thanks for the replies, & advice carolj & alison. I'm still in the; "having the courage to talk about it with other people" stage. :a1_cheesygrin: