feeling down

[Guest Brainstrain]

Hi all

I've been coping with my ocd for so long and have felt really strong but over the last few weeks I've just been feeling so low and the ocd thoughts are starting to attack me again.

I had my baby five and a half months ago and have had nothing but stress since then, baby ill and in special care unit for 8 days, debt problems and threats of court proceeding and bailiffs, bad recoery from the delivery myself resulting in surgery needed and husband who for personal reasons has only just been able to get involved in helping care for baby. Although through all this I've been quite stressed the ocd hasn't been a problem. However, now most of it is sorted out I've just lost all my 'get up and go' and the ocd is starting to ruin everything again. It's my baby's first christmas and I should be so excited but deep down I'm not excited about anything at the moment.

My ocd is starting to convince me that I'm doing lots of things wrong with the baby adn although I'm managing to fight most of these thoughts off they're always there at the back of my mind. Plus I'm forced to return to work now which is really upsetting as I believe the place for a baby as young as mine is with it's mum - eventhough the ocd tries to convince me that I'm no good for her at all anyway! While getting her ready for the bath the other day I squeezed her bum innocently in fun. The ocd straight away tried to tell me I was doing something perverse. The rest of my brain knew I wasn't and I know my mum used to kiss my brothers bum when he was a baby - something I could never risk with my head - and there is nothign wrong with that but it's little things like that all the time. My baby has been having some trouble feeding and I'm convinced she needs some baby gaviscon and may have reflux but I took her to the doc about 2 months ago and she said she didn't believe in it. But she hasn't grown out of it and fits all the symptoms of reflux. However my ocd is trying to convince me that I've got that psycological problem where you invent illnesses for your child so that you get attention.

I don't know! I know this is rather rambly but it helps to get it all out, I won't be offended if no one replies! I just don't know what to do. Ideally I dont' want to go back on the meds I was on a couple of years ago cos I'd be scared that if they think I'm being treated for mental problems they might start prying into how we care for the baby! So many things going round and round my head!

Brainstrain

Edited December 21, 2007 by Guest

[Guest sweetie]

Hi Brainstrain

It's not surprising that your ocd is effecting you at the moment with the problems you've had to contend with. But please don't question your ability as a mum. You sound like a very caring mother to me and a very caring person. I think it's probably quite normal to worry more than usual about things when you've just had a baby. And please don't feel bad about having to go back to work. Many more women are having to go back to work earlier than they would like to to pay the bills these days. You've certainly nothing to feel guilty for there. The most important thing is keeping a roof over your heads etc etc.

Try not to place any importance on your intrusive thoughts regarding your baby. Your worry about your thoughts just shows that you would never harm or behave improperly towards your baby. You must know that deep down. So try and relax.

As regards Christmas.. lots of people find Christmas a stressful time because of the financial implications of it and also they feel added pressure to act as if everything is rosy, when the problems are still there. Remember that Christmas is that special day that we celebrate the birth of Jesus. That's the reality of Christmas. Everything else that goes with the day is just pressure from the media and retail to just spend spend spend and be merry with drink and eat all day. But that really isn't what Christmas is about. Try and relax and enjoy the day as much as you can with your baby.

It's good that you've posted as it does help to get things out of your system.

I used to have lots of problems with feeding my daughter as a baby too, and that can really stress you out too. I think if I remember rightly I used Infacol. (Not sure how you spell it) I think it was the most challenging and difficult I have ever done personally, bring a baby into the world and caring for her. Your probably tired as well which doesn't help. I hope you have some family support.

I'm sure you don't need to worry about being treated for mental health problems and looking after a baby. I had a bit of talking help from a lovely health visitor when I was very depressed after my daughter was born, but there was never any question about how I was looking after her. Having ocd and feeling low doesn't make you a monster or automatically liable to neglect your baby. You get parents without mental health problems who don't care for their children as well as they should!

I hope you feel better soon. Don't worry if you need to go back on meds. It's your choice, but there's nothing wrong with having a little help that way now and again when you need it.

I hope your mood lifts and you manage to enjoy Christmas.

Lots of love

xx

[Guest Brainstrain]

HI Sweetie

Thanks for your reply and kind words, I'll try to take on board what you've said as you've given me some good advice there.

I hope you have a nice christmas too!

Brainstrain x

[Guest sweetie]

Thanks Brainstrain,

It's always difficult to know what to say for the best. Hope I've helped a little. Just wanted to reply to your post.

Best wishes for Christmas and lots of love.

xx

[Guest Brainstrain]

I'm glad you did reply cos it made me feel better!

Thanks!

Brainstrain x