New here--- My story

[Guest ohmandyissodandy]

Hello there! I joined this forum in hopes to get support and talk with others. I have no one else to talk to about this since my family and friends seem to be no help. Sorry for this being so long!!!

I've had OCD since I was a little girl and I've had my ups and downs throughout the years, but it wasn't really until months back that my OCD got really bad.

Back in April, I ended up getting strep throat and was severely sick. During that time, my face also broke out back (possible impetigo) with boils and very itchy lesions that bled and weeped clear fluid.... and it literally covered 97% of my face and was very painful. That immediately sent me in a severe depression and after my strep throat was "cured", I stopped going to school and became home schooled for my last couple months of my last year in high school. During this time, my OCD wasn't bad at all, because truthfully, I was too depressed to even get out of bed, and I didn't really give a care in the world about germs. My face ended up getting treated with antibiotics and accutane , but since then, my OCD has been out of control.

Germs terrify me and I never ever want to go through what happened to me in April ever again. This paranoia leads me to wash my hands many many many times a day with antibacterial soap- to the point where both underneath and on top of my hands crack and bleed. I'm only 18 and my hands look like they belong to a 60 year old. I also am constantly disinfecting my room and bathroom with lysol, and I get stomach aches to know that someone is touching things around the house without washing their hands first.

An incident that happened yesterday is what encouraged me to go look up more info on OCD and join this forum. My grandma was cooking rosettes for Christmas (which are deep fried in oil) and the smoke from the oil was all over the kitchen and living room. My first instinct was panic that the house would become contaminated with grease and I broke down crying my eyes out... opening all the windows.. wiping everything down with a disinfectant wipe, etc. My mom thought I had completely lost my mind and wanted to get me on some medication or see a therapist ASAP.

Here's the thing- I absolutely do not want to see a therapist (way too expensive for me and I've gone to one before and thought it was a waste of my time.) As for medicine, I wouldn't mind taking something that will help me take more control over my OCD, but I don't want to become dependent on anything. My biggest hope is that I could fight this all on my own, without the help of medication.

Edited December 24, 2007 by Guest

[Iolana]

Hey Mandy,

First off I just wanted to say well done. It sounds like you’re having a hard time at the moment but you found the courage and strength to seek out help and support. It’s a hard step, I know I just started to re post myself (I’m petrified of writing nasty things) but you took that step without any ones help, it shows you’ve got a determination inside of you to seek help for this nasty critter that’s OCD.

I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience with your last therapist and you don’t have money to pay for a private one but therapy could really help you. Please don’t let the first therapist put you off seeking help.

I kind of go with that old tale of, if you know you’ve got a broken arm but the first doctor says you don’t you wouldn’t agree with him you’d head straight to the next or even the next until you receive that cast and support that you need to fix it (sorry silly story). What I’m saying is don’t give up on therapy there’s lots of different methods and lots of different people who are more understanding.

I’m sorry I’m not being much help, I use to be good at this posting thing a few years back before the internet started to scare me!

I just want you to know although we don’t all have the same OCD problems, we do all have the same feelings. The fear, the worry, the guilt, the sadness and that makes us all understand what you’re currently going through. Without sounding clichéd (is that how you spell it?) you’re not alone. (okay that was clichéd).

Take care of your self, stay strong and I know it’s hard but try and have a lovely Christmas and holiday.

Lots of Love Ally

[catherine]

Hi Mandy and welcome to the forum :original:

It sounds like you've been through a really tough time both physically and emotionally.

On a practical level can you use lots of moisturiser on your hands to ease the cracking? Some people use a stong moisturiser at night and put cotton gloves on their hands and over night the cream gets absorbed into your skin. I personally use simple aqueous cream which is cheap and effective. Obviously though in the meantime you need to try and tackle the degree of handwashing you do.

If it was the strep throat which caused your awful problems with boils, why do you think that by washing your hands so much it might prevent it from happening again? I'm just trying to get at exactly what purpose the handwashing is serving for you and suspect that there is no evidence that it was hand bourne contamination that caused your problems?

Yes there are medications you can take for compulsive rituals and they usually involve taking one of the SSRI group of drugs which are have both anti depressant and anti obsessional properties. There are several to choose from eg Seroxat, Prozac, Citalopram etc and it is a case of finding the one that suits you best.

I wouldn't be totally resistant to the idea of having therapy although of course I appreciate that cost might be an issue for you (apologies I'm not totally au fait with the funding arrangements in the US). But Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is recognised as a therapy that offers good results for OCD.

Hopefully you will have a look at the site and keep in touch.

Oh one other thing, try and use a moisturising soap rather than an antibacterial. They are just as effective but kinder on your hands. But that's only short term advice, the long term job is to cut down on the washing!

Catherine :original: