*Life's overwhelming me...*

[Guest *NightFire*]

Hey all,

I don't think that I've posted on here since my intro-but my life has been a bit manic lately.

Anyway; I just feel like everything is getting on top of me again...

I have so many thoughts going around in my mind, so many things that I want to do in my life that seem impossible, & so many things about myself, & my life that I constantly find fault in, that it's driving me mad. I just feel like life is totally overwhelming me at the moment.

The past 2 days have been really good; I went out with a School friend that I hadn't seen in ages on Sat eve, & it was ace-we had a great heart to heart about our lives. Then last night my 2 Best Friends came round, & we all had a laugh. But today I had one of those; 'I have to totally make-over my life because it's ****' feelings, & it's ruined it all.

I have a Dr's appointment today [which isn't related to OCD-as I don't *quite* feel ready for that yet], & a Psychology lesson later [which I'm freaking out about as I only have a week in which to do my Coursework, & I haven't even started it yet]-but I'm considering boycotting Psychology [again] as I feel like I can't handle it, as I'm losing my mind at the moment. :eek:

Here are some of the things that are getting me down;

Work: I work Part-Time, & I love my job & everyone that I work with-but I *really* need to get a Full-Time job asap as I'm not making nearly enough money to get by.

College: There's the Psychology Coursework issue, & the fact that I'm most likely going to fail GCSE Maths [again].

Career: I have dreams of studying Hollistic Therapies, & moving to Southern Ireland-but it seems impossible for me to ever do.

Family: All we seem to do is argue :argue:, & they can't seem to understand how I feel about anything [especially concerning my OCD]. I feel like I need to escape from living with them.

Friends: I always feel really insecure about my relationship with my friends, & what they really think of me, etc.

Love Life: It's non-existant! I have issues with trusting people, & I feel lke I'm going to be a Virgin, & alone forever at this rate.

General: The facts that I'm 22 this year, still living at home, not at Uni yet, not driving yet, don't have hardly any money, & generally aren't very independant at the moment are always on my mind.

I'm trying not to cry as I'm writing this-but I just feel like a complete loser...

I just don't know where to start on improving my situation & my life. I always put loads of pressure on myself, & give myself high standards to live up to-so therefore I tend to fail. So any advice that anyone can give me would be *greatly* appreciated.

Also; I am planning on going to the Dr's about my OCD/Depression very soon-I'm just plucking up the courage!

Peace & Love;

*NightFire*

XXX

Edited March 10, 2008 by Guest

[Mel1971]

Hey all,

I just don't know where to start on improving my situation & my life. I always put loads of pressure on myself, & give myself high standards to live up to-so therefore I tend to fail. So any advice that anyone can give me would be *greatly* appreciated.

Also; I am planning on going to the Dr's about my OCD/Depression very soon-I'm just plucking up the courage!

Peace & Love;

*NightFire*

XXX

Hi nightfire,

sorry to hear things have been getting you down

But the quote about putting pressure on yourelf and having high standards to live up to - could mean that you can be disappointed. The things you should be trying to focus on are your achievements, however small, and building on that. I often say to people 'dont be so hard on yourself' and its true, the more you focus on what you could be doing, or what you should have, then the more depressed you will feel.

I also think a visit to the doctors very soon to talk about ocd is vital - below is a gp icebreaker sheet that you can download and take with you,

gp icebreaker sheet

I do think that to go sooner is a good idea as the gp can refer you on for CBT and also give you some medication to help with the low mood and anxiety that comes with ocd. I know its hard to take that step to find help, but as soon as youve done that, i'm sure that you will greatly benefit from it.

take care

Mel xxx

[Guest jolie_fee]

Nightfire

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time at the moment. I can definitely relate to what you are going through. Although I went to uni, I scraped through, barely going to any lectures in the third year, and not really having any friends. I'm now 26 and struggling still, in that I am not realising my full potential. I am trying to take it really slowly, and as Mel says, not expecting too much of myself. Even going to see your friends is a positive step and one you can build on. I also have the problem of over-analysing what friends/colleagues say to me and what they think of me, but (it sounds cliched) I am learning to accept myself and the way I can be slightly awkward around people. The more I relax about it, the less I am anxious about it. This is where CBT is useful outside of OCD. Learning that things aren't black and white, ie training myself not to think either someone approves of me or someone doesn't, and rather that on certain days people might come across as if they don't like me because of other stuff going on in their lives. Basically everyone has value, no matter what they have or haven't done in life...

I still can't drive, and I have made it my goal this year to at least start learning. Even if it takes me years, just the fact that I have made a step forward will make me feel good. You do have time to do the things you want to do, even if not as quickly as your high standards would have you believe. Perhaps, if you need GCSE maths, and you need money at the moment, you could get a full time job and work on the GCSE in evening classes? You might also be able to rent if you are working full time.

...I think you should go to your GP about the OCD soon, and get on the waiting list for CBT, because that will almost certainly improve things for you and help you feel better about yourself. The main thing is, don't give up, things will get better. I've been there. :hug:

JF x

[Atlantis]

hiya nightfire -

first of all - you're 22 which is a wonderful age to be at, I'm ten years your senior and have hit a brick wall in terms of direction and goals. I currently work in a call centre (the modern day coal mine) but I hate it, I studied drama at Uni, but didn't pursue it properly - now I am thinking of getting into acting again as although I was always skint, I was happier filling the creative side of my brain with positive imagination rather than the OCD **** that haunts it now.

You're no loser, you're a fighter, sure you may end up on the ropes from time to time as we all do, but you persevere with it. Hun, when I was 22 I got swamped with bad OCD, and I feel so angry that all of my late teens and early 20's were seen in tunnel vision cos I let OCD take over, I wish I could rewind that clock and live for the moments in 3-D again, sucking it all up as it happened and cherishing it.

As for not trusting people - you have to conquer that one, so what about virginity ? - I didn't lose mine til I was 21 (OCD related) you have the glory of youth to drive you on mate, look at it like Tony Montana's statue in Scarface - THE WORLD IS YOURS.

sorry if I don't make sense, I've had a **** day in the office.

ps if you're a bit of a spiritual chick and into ambient music you have to check out a dude called Davide Swarup - youtube him and look for a 46 second clip under amsterdam hang drum, bet that chills you out hon.

take it easy

Atlantis x

[Guest *NightFire*]

Thanks; Mel, Jolie, & Atlantis for your replies. :a1_cheesygrin:

I just wallowed in self pity yesterday-relaxing, watching an inspiring film ["The Pursuit Of Happyness"], & letting myself cry for a few hours-which I find hard to do as I usually keep it all inside. :closedeyes: So I feel a bit better today.

Mel: Thanks for the advice. I think that deep down, I know that I have to focus on the good things about me, & not the bad-but as the eldest [of 3] I've always been expected to be good at everything, & I have had loads of pressure put on me to be able to get on with it alone-but I try. Thanks for the Icebreaker sheet aswell-it made me laugh at first; as I had a funny image of me going into the Dr's, sitting down in silence, & then just handing them that sheet! :lol: I will take it with me when I go to see my GP. X

Jolie: I honestly don't know what I would do without my 2 Best friends. I have to admit that CBT scares me a bit... I do GCSE Maths at the moment [i'll be finished soon]-but getting a Full-Time job is a big aim for me. X

Atlantis: Well, I'm 22 in August! Sometimes I feel like a loser, & sometimes I feel like a fighter-but you're right; I need to perservere. :boxing: I have to admit here that I haven't seen Scarface yet! But one thing [& sometimes the only thing] that keeps me going, that keeps me from hurting myself, or giving up on life, is my Spirituality. I intend to use it more to help me get through life positively. X

So...thanks for sharing your experiences, & your advice guys! :original: