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Should I feel guilty. Do I just want OCD


Guest sweetie

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Guest sweetie

I told my colleague at work about a personal worry and how it had made me cry at the weekend. I told her that I felt bad about thinking the way I do and this particular worry but I can't seem to stop myself. She told me that I should just let it go.

I know she was only being nice and trying to help me, but I started feeling very bad about myself and how I find it hard to let worries go. I know I've got OCD and it does help normally when I hear people say 'it's not me, it's the OCD.' But then I thought... well it's an illness, but am I using it to give me licence to worry worry worry and get upset about things that other people would have forgotten a long time ago.

I wouldn't do this to myself on purpose would I? Giving myself such a hard time and getting very upset. The way my colleague was talking was as if she thinks my worry I told her about is an excuse to feel sorry for myself.

Could she be right though. Do I just want to feel sorry for myself?

Is there pleasure to be gained from feeling sorry for yourself to the point where you end up getting so anxious that suicidal ideation comes into your mind. I'm confused.

Any thoughts?

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Hi sweetie

I think you've got in a a bit of a pickle here haven't you :wink:

It sounds you are worrying about the worry topped with worrying about feeling sorry for yourself.

My own take on the matter is that you have got into a genuine OCD vicious circle with this one and you can't see the wood for the trees.

Fact: You have OCD

Fact: You are a worrier

Fact: You are trying to punish yourself

Fact: You think you are attention seeking

Fact: You are not attention seeking

It is really hard to get a grip on this when you are in the midst of it all and that is why you post...to get other peoples perspective on the issue.

Give yourself a break and try to be a bit kinder to yourself :original:

Catherine

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Guest Gemini

Sweetie

No-one would choose to have OCD therefore I don't think 'you just want to feel sorry for yourself. If your colleague doesn't suffer from OCD then she probably just doesn't understand how bad it makes you feel. I know how awful it is to worry to the point of despair. I'm sure you are getting no pleasure from it.

Take Care

Gemini

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Guest alison

hiya sweetie.

you question whether you use your ocd as an excuse to worry worry worry...

of course people without ocd worry too, but if you had no ocd you certainly wouldnt be worrying about how much your worrying!!!

catherine hit the nail on the head.

ocd makes you feel like an attention seeker, questioning whether you are an attention seeker fuels the ocd.

certainly a vicious circle.

i usually have a "i didnt ask for this ocd, its not my fault" attitude, but this week ive been bogged down with thoughts...

answer yourself this question, dont you think you have enough going on with the original worries??

im sure the colleague meant no harm, your ocd has just leapt on it.

try and relax, tomoro is another day, i recommend coffee and cake!

take care, alison

xxx

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Guest sweetie

Ok. I told my colleague my obsession with mum and dad at the moment and how bad thinking about them makes me feel. She said they are different people now and I should just let it go.

I know I know I know I know I know this.

But why can't I? I do...I want to. I'm sick of it to the point that I sometimes wish I were dead! I've had enough of it. I thought counselling might do this to me....and it has. Oh how I know myself so well.

Going to have to go to bed early tonight. I've just cut my £160 wig until it looks nothing like it used to. Great. Going to have to buy another one now.

Thanks for your support. I know need to give myself a break. But it's hard. Better distract myself somehow. Computer games here I come.

Sorry.. I'm all wound up.

xxx

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Hi Sweetie, computer games is a great idea!! Or a good book.

I think if you stick with counselling it will benefit you eventually, but it is going to be a painful process as you address issues. If you didn't bother with it and tried to just ignore it, is that healthy? I don't know...it's hard to know what to do for the best sometimes, isn't it?

I hope you get a good sleep and feel better soon.

Rach xx

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Guest Balloon

Hi Sweetie,

Sorry you are feeling so bad at the mo.

As you know, I have similar worries along this theme too and know how horrible it is.

One of the strategies people have mentioned to me is to try to look in on your situation as if you are a friend.

As an outsider looking in, I think it is most probably a viscous OCD cycle you have got yourself into, and not attention seeking...

You have got yourself into a bit of a pickle as Catherine says - but pickles can be undone with time.

I think Catherine has hit the nail on the head - worrying about the worrying, doubting - sounds a bit like OCD don't you think! Oooppps!

I hope that is not reassurance, more of your friend looking in and pointing you in the right direction - something we all need occasionally.

It is much more difficult to see this when you are so wound up - try to relax, do something you enjoy, perhaps with your hubby or children, have a nice bath, drink, chocolate (whatever you enjoy), try any relaxation or breathing techniques you might have and by all means distract yourself with computer games, a book, television etc.

I know how awful it feels, but it will pass - you know it will.

Try not to be so hard on yourself - you strike me as being a lovely caring person and certainly not the "attention seeker" you describe.

I agree with Alison that your colleague probably didn't mean any harm with the comment and your OCD gremlin has decided to jump on it for you - clever - but you are cleverer!

I think sometimes counselling can make you feel like this and it hurts - I'm not sure, but perhaps you need to fight it out rather than run away from it - sorry, I don't mean to upset you, just wondering whether if you can fight it it will help in the long run, but I know that's not easy to do.

Don't start worrying now about your wig - that can be sorted when you are less stressed - as long as you promise Auntie Balloon no more hair cutting tonight! Be brave - you know you can do it!

Take care now and let us know how it goes,

Balloon :original:

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Guest sweetie

Thanks Rachie and Balloon,

I think the problem is I'm over tired. Just had a go at Bookworm. Great game but still worrying so am off to bed in a mo.

Well I'm not having the counselling now, but I could go back to it if I wanted. The counsellor said if ever I wanted to continue he would be pleased to see me. I'd probably just end up going round and round in circles when what I probably need to do is learn how to manage my OCD better. Not sure.

Thanks Balloon. I know you suffer from similar thoughts. And yes your right. They're horrible. I know I get worse when I'm tired and 3 am bed time wasn't good last night, so hopefully I'll be better in the morning.

Thanks for mentioning about looking at my situation/thoughts etc as a friend looking on. That's a very good idea. I'll try that tomorrow. Can't see the wood for the trees tonight. I wish I hadn't said anything to my colleague now because I feel like I've been judged.

Mind you she did help with one thing. I said that I felt terrible for crying in front of my 8 year old daughter and that I want her to group up happy and balanced. She said that she needs to see that people do get upset and that life isn't always rosy...or words to that effect, which is true of course. I hadn't really thought of that.

Thanks for the compliment Auntie Balloon. Don't feel very lovely at the moment, personality wise or looks. Hope my wig doesn't look too bad for work tomorrow. Still going to get a new one.

Thanks everyone for being so lovely.

Hope your doing ok Balloon.

Must go. Am exhausted.

xxxxxx

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