Worrying about worrying

[Guest Sammyhostie]

Hi everyone,

I dont post on here very often, but I feel like I need some support so i hope you dont mind me asking you.

I have had OCD since I was about 8, and as we all know highs and lows, and times when it hasnt been there at all. Anyway it has been really bad for about a year. i recently had a baby and it has become worse since then.

I spend most of the day worrying about everything, not silly things, well they arent to me anyway. I worry about my heart a lot, as sometimes I get palpitations and when i have one that really scares me, then I get more anxious, and get more palpitations, etc. Im going to go and see the doctor about them but i am very scared about that. I get palpitations mostly when I have a few glasses of wine, so I stopped and they went, but then i fancied some, and they came back. I know that it would be a lot better if I stopped altogether.

I think I might have GAD as well, bcos honestly I am anxious almost all the time. I got anxious watching the diving this afternoon! Anything sets me off, a doctors appointment, I had a hair cut the other day and I felt like I was starting a new job!

Im lucky bcos my partner Wayne is very understanding and we do have a laugh about it, but I feel so sick most of the time with worry and Ive had enough of it. My OCD is really bad, and my touching and horrible intrusive thoughts are really bad at the minute. Even writing posts, having to edit them or delete them then write them again.

What really annoys me is that I was in this positon a few years ago, although not as bad. and went to CBT. That worked for a while, but I didnt find it something that helped me long term. i know you are supoosed to work at it, perhaps I wasnt committed enough, or not ready to self expose myself all the time.

Im seeing the mental health team on the 1st September to be assesed, as about 5 weeks ago my doctor thought i might have had PND, but its defo not that now (it may have been a bit just after I had my baby) but now I think its just OCD and GAD.

Sorry for this long post, it is just so good to write down how I am feeling, it is driving me mad, madder than I thought I was already.

xx

Edited August 23, 2008 by Guest

[Rachie]

Hi Sammie, it's good to hear from you and congratulations on the birth of your baby! That's lovely news. Sorry you have been feeling so rubbish, though. I think it's good you have an assessment coming up. I think we do have to keep working at the CBT techniques. But maybe you can be given some more help. It's not uncommon for people to get more anxious etc after giving birth anyway.

I had palpitations a lot at one point, then it stopped. I get it occasionally now but not much. Get it checked but I am sure it'll be nothing. You might get it when you drink because you're worrying about it?

XX

[Guest millicentbystander]

hi there,

i have ocd and gad and what they thought was pnd. i just think its depression linked to my ocd rather than pnd. i know what you mean about getting mad. its like your crazy. i can rational see what im doing or thinking wont effect any thing but just can believe it.

maybe after your assesment you will be offered some more cbt. trying it with a new therapist might help. ive had two therapists and i definatley contected better with one over the other and made more progress with the one i connected to.

if you are strugggling and feel like you could do with some extra support you could always ask your health visitor to refer you to get a Home Start volunteer. i have one who comes out and about with me once a week (i have trouble getting out due to my ocd)

im glad your partner is supportive of you and they are lots of people on here who will help you out. you are not alone.

Mills x

[Caramoole]

Hi Sammy it's lovely to hear from you and a huge Congratulations on the birth of your baby, I'm so pleased for you and Wayne :hug:

I think I might have GAD as well, bcos honestly I am anxious almost all the time

You probably have and it's not really surprising tbh. You have gone through enormous amounts of stress over the last few years Sammy, the difficulties with your pregnancies and then the tragic, awful loss of little Thomas. I would imagine your recent pregnancy was a real bag of mixed emotions....joy, hope, fear, guilt, it must have been very, very difficult for you at times, not to mention the influence of all the hormonal changes.

Even when your new baby was born those same emotions would be there....they are for many new parents but because of the horrible times you've gone through, those emotions would be magnified. Fear for keeping your baby safe, sadness about Thomas not being with you, guilt for loving this new little soul...just to mention a few of the emotions.

You do suffer from anxiety problems, it's not surprising, that although much wanted, your pregnancy and birth would have been very, very stressful. Having a new baby without any other problems can be stressful enough, never mind having had to go through all of the things you guys have done.

So the first thing is to forgive yourself for feeling as you do, so would anyone else in the circumstances.

I know where you're coming from with health anxiety, it's been one of mine and it seems normal that we should worry about things that could be real.

Palpitations are scary, when you get that awful thundering or fluttering in your chest, it does worry you because there is a very evident, physical symptom to remind you. In a young, healthy person palpitations are rarely dangerous...despite being convincing. They're usually caused by an over sensitised body which is charged with adrenaline and other stress hormones. Tea, coffee and alcohol can also have effects as you've found. It's odd really but they can just go as quickly as they came. When you go back to the docs, ask about the palpitations so that he can rule out any physical cause...and then as with all these wretched OCD things, you have to carry on and ignore them.

So Sammy, be kind to yourself by accepting that there's good reason for the anxiety you're feeling just now and hopefully as weeks and months pass and you become more at ease with your new baby and the worry subsides a bit, so will the anxiety.

Take Care

Caramoole :hug: