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Guest adifferentmember

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Guest adifferentmember

You had me sweating there a bit lol. Yes, there is still a bit inside me that feels bad and I am sure as I will not go over what I have explained here again that it will grow bigger but I know deep down that what I am worried about is not true and is merely what I fear most. Therefore when the feeling, sickness and anxiety comes back I will remember that I have logically proved my fear wrong without actually reassuring myself again and so should overcome this also. I feel fine now but tomorrow may be a different story. I just think I'm well equipped to deal with it now...

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Hi, a DifferentMember. I am glad youare feeling slightly better now. I can kind of appreciate what you are going through as I have experienced a major upsurge of sexual guilt OCD in recent weeks, which has meant that I am signed off work and am returning to a pscyhiatrist for the first time in a decade. I am philosophical about this - I have done well for 10 years and that is more than many people have been blessed with. I have not really been into Internet Pornography, but I have enjoyed erotic fiction, particularly when I was younger. There is of course a plethora of material available, and in the main I am totally in favour of people expressing themselves in a safe and legal enviornment. In the earlier years of the Internet however, there was much more of an unregulated free-for-all than today. IRC Channels and the early chat rooms harboured people sharing their fantasies on all sorts of things. I can recall that some of these scenarios were of the 'edgier' kind you describe. Now, it's not illegal for consenting adults to discuss their fantasies, even if they were things which would not be acceptable to society. I have read that "taboo" sexual fantasies are rather common, whether they be of the type you descibe or of the more eccentric "German soldier and Swiss Milk Maid" variety.

Recent months though, as my mental health has deteriorated, I have experienced the kind of obsessional doubting that you have described: what if one of those people progressed from legal sexual fantasy to downloading illegal materials, or lost the balance between reality and fiction and acted out on an illegal act. How would the rest of the people who had ever visited such rooms be responsible - if at all? If they were in some way peripherally morally responsible, how could they make amends or undo their implication? These are very "what if" thoughts which give a big clue to their OCD related nature. The compulsion I have to "neutralise" these ideas though - which is a complex self-punishment type of ritual involving isolating myself from my friends and support networks - is, whilst exaggerated, very persistent at the current time, and gaining additional sustenance from my low mood and guilty ruminations. I am a little afraid that I might give in to the compulsions, which would be of course a life-long sentence of self-isolation. I am seeking to find a way of forgiving myself - if indeed, I need to be forgiven - without resorting to such a self-damaging ritual.

Best wishes

Tez :cool

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Guest adifferentmember

If I understand what you are saying then I can empathise with oyu. You feel like you must shut yourself off or punish yourself for being immoral, or wrong. You feel guilty for something you have 'done' and do not really think you can continue your life. However a person without OCD would not be like this. Before I was worrying about this I never even thought about it. A normal person would know the reason for viewing whatever they did. They would know in my case, as I have found, that they were not enjoying whatever it may be, for incestrous reasons, but others. The incest was not the turn on and there were other linked factors.

I know no that I do not enjoy incest and it does not turn me on. I used to worry that it may have been what I was enjoying. However this is simply my greatest fear, that I enjoy incest. I thought of this example.

I have often played video games with my friends. In many of these we would hunt each other down and try to shoot each other. In real life I would never hunt down and shoot one of my friends. I do not worry about being a murderer, and wanting to shoot people. I know that there were other reasons for playing that game (social, competition etc.) and the idea I could shoot my friends was not a motivation. So there is no reason for us to worry similarly if we know deep down that that is not why we enjoy it.

I hope this makes sense to you in a way, or have I hit a wrong point? I think I can emphasise with you. I hope you get back on track again and start enjoying your life once more, as you deserve to. We have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about and if we did not have OCD we would not be worrying about things like this. :)

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good post mate, re the video playing, even ocd could grab hold of that, and thats how the evil :censored: works.

glad your ok.... different

legend. :a1_cheesygrin:

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Guest .reject
I know no that I do not enjoy incest and it does not turn me on. I used to worry that it may have been what I was enjoying. However this is simply my greatest fear, that I enjoy incest.

I worry that I may enjoy the thought of incest.

This thread has only seemed to make me feel even worse though!

Ughhh...

It was something Tez said.

For some reason, this upset my OCD:

I am totally in favour of people expressing themselves in a safe and legal enviornment. Now, it's not illegal for consenting adults to discuss their fantasies, even if they were things which would not be acceptable to society.

I don't even really know why, either...

:(

I feel sick.

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Guest adifferentmember

Treat it as good exposure! Seriously though, having felt like this only a few days previously I can really empathise with what you feel like right now. Just realise that you cannot control your thoughts and that all people have had thoughts of incest etc. The difference is we attach meanings to these thoughts whereas people wihout OCD would not. ie. I thought I was weird or sick. When my explanations didn't seem to work I started feeling sick and anxious. This made me believe that I was sick then, because I felt anxious, that must have been proof of how sick I am. Yesterday my aunty was round and I had thought lots of thoughts of having sex with her. Normally I would be really worried and would have had to explain why this happened. Yesterday I realised that all those were were thoughts. I could not control them. They do not mean anything. Everyone has thoughts like these, its just people with OCD that try to attach meaning to them. .reject, maybe try taking this point of view for a while and see if it works...

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My sincere apologies to .reject - it is often difficult to know what to say or to anticipate how postings can affect different people. I am horrified to think that my posting may have triggered an obsessive intrusion. It was obviously not my intention, and if I can clarify, then I certainly shall. And of course, I'm not expert in mental health - so feel free to ignore anything I ever say if you need to!

Given that there are a number of people suffering anxiety, guilt and sexuality related OCD, I reckon that it might be a good idea to have a dedicated board within the OCD-UK boards to deal with these sorts of issues, and/or it might be something that can be looked at during a future OCD conference.

Best wishes

Tez :cool:

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hi tez, i think on the ocduk disclaimer, it does say that reading the boards can act as a trigger,

and anyone could be triggered by anything on here, thats the nature of the beast, .

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Guest .reject

Tez- It's alright. legend is right, anything here can trigger any of us, and I understand that.

What I don't understand is why, out of everything said here, that triggered me.

I guess it just has to do with the fact that I once wondered if I would ever want to ask to participate in such an act with a relative, and whether or not that relative would consent. I know that I never would do that, nor want to, and I think maybe that's why your post triggered me.

adifferentmember- Did you ever feel as though those thoughts turned you on? My boyfriend seems to try and ignore that I have OCD and sexually force himself onto me, which he did this morning. All the while, OCD went crazy trying to mentally replace him with my sibling, I tried so hard to fight it, but it was successful in replacing him twice. When that happened, I felt as though I was turned on, and I've been anxious and guilt-ridden ever since.

What if I were just, to let it replace my boyfriend, and what if it aroused me?

Then what would that mean?

I feel like a perverted sicko.

I hate today.

:(

Edited by Guest
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Guest MajesticShannon

hi reject.

my understanding is that;

people can be aroused by all sorts of strange thoughts - it does not mean you want to carry them out.

I have had trouble with this, as 'you must like it if your turned on' . However, this is not the case. The fact that the thoughts keep entering your head when you dont want them to,and cause anxiety (the awfulness feeling) is cos you disapprove of them so much.

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Guest .reject

Wow!

That article you gave is really helpful, I saved it to my favorites, and read the whole thing.

Definitely something to keep around if I ever need it again.

I just hate how the whole time when I was trying to read it, as the author was giving explanations to things, my OCD was coming in and contradicting everything.

Like, I think one part they were talking about how you shouldn't worry about arousal feelings from the sexual thoughts because you are wired to feel that way no matter what the sexual thought was about, and my OCD came in and said: "Well then, why is it when you try to think about your boyfriend, you never feel aroused?"

Things like that.

Ughh.

...

Still a very helpful article though.

Thank you very much. :)

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