where im at now...

[Guest cat1]

i know how it feels for me.I cant answer that for myself as i dont get those feelings.Im not asking about me,as i cant,as what i experience is not sexual arousal.Im asking objectively,generally,how it differs.im looking for a more factual scientific kind of answer.Another reason its dfferent for me is that i dont get unwanted sexual arousal in response to intrusive thoughts.i think i need a lie down...im sorry,im just asking a general question.Are people saying here that they dont know the answer? as if so,please tell me and ill drop it.

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Caramoole]

But if someone has a sexual response to a thought,whether its unwanted or not,what makes it ocd and what makes it normal sexual arousal?

Why do you need to know?

If it's sexual arousal and it's a feeling you enjoy, would be happy to progress further with, it's normal.

If it's sexual arousal but not in acordance with your beliefs, is something that you wouldn't feel happy about, that may arouse anxiety, then it's something you wouldn't progress with. You wouldn't act against your beliefs.

You've told us many times you know what sexual arousal is, and you know what anxiety arousal is, you know what OCD is and I'm puzzled to know what further details would help you and why.

[Ashley]

i know how it feels for me.Im not asking about me,as i cant,as what i experience is not sexual arousal.Im asking objectively,generally,how it differs.im looking for a more factual scientific kind of answer.Another reason its dfferent for me is that i dont get unwanted sexual arousal in response to intrusive thoughts.i think i need a lie down...im sorry,im just asking a general question.

If it is an unwanted sexual thought and reaction which causes distress and anxiety then chances are it is OCD. One thing though Cat, you seem to be going to huge great lengths to tell us what you experience is not sexual arousal. Are you just telling us this or are you trying to convince yourself?

[Caramoole]

im looking for a more factual scientific kind of answer

Then I do think you need to research that question elsewhere or next time you see your GP. Perhaps your No Panic Mentor can offer you an explanation.

This question has been raised many times over the last couple of months and no-one has offered an explanation that satisfies your query, I feel it's doubtful that we can answer your question.

[Guest cat1]

im just telling you this mainly for several reasons.The first one,is because legend said his article might help me,which discusses unwanted physical responses,ie unwanted sexual responses.So i wasnt sure if he thought that was what i had.And also because lawrie said 'how does it differ for you',after id asked her what the difference was between wanted and unwanted sexual arousal.So i thought by her question she thought that i experienced unwanted sexual arousal.Im sorry if i got that wrong lawrie,but that is how i read your question...i dont need to convince myself.Also smarties said that shed had an unwanted physical response to a woman,and that it was a normal response to an attractive person,and i was explaining that my ocd is not like that.Thanks for ur answers caramoole and ashley.I dont understand why people keep asking me why i want to know,as i dont understand why it matters why i want to know.I just wanted to know because i did.No other motivations behind it.By scientific lawrie,i mean i was asking not so that i could work anything out about my feelings,but about people in general was what i meant by scientific.I didnt feel foolproof.

Caramoole,i dont believe that that question has already been answered before.If u mean that i have asked about groinal responses before then i have,many times,but thats not what that question was about.The question was regarding sexual feelings,whether unwanted or wanted,not anxiety arousal or any responses caused by ocd.

If it is an unwanted sexual thought and reaction which causes distress and anxiety then chances are it is OCD. One thing though Cat, you seem to be going to huge great lengths to tell us what you experience is not sexual arousal. Are you just telling us this or are you trying to convince yourself?

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest Lizbeth]

I'm just wondering, Cat, if this is a scientific question you are looking to answer then why are you asking it here? The moderators are not trained science professionals and cannot be expected to know the answer to these kinds of questions.

Another question is how are you feeling while you are typing this? Do you feel generally calm and engaged with the thread? It's just that you've said several times that you become frustrated when people cannot seem to understand what you mean but if this is the case why do you return to the same place to ask your questions? Why do you return to an OCD support forum is you are looking for a purely scientific, factual reason?

None of this is a criticism but sometimes I think asking yourself questions like these can open up better ways of dealing with these things.

[Guest legend]

im just telling you this mainly for several reasons.The first one,is because legend said his article might help me,which discusses unwanted physical responses,ie unwanted sexual responses.So i wasnt sure if he thought that was what i had.And also because lawrie said 'how does it differ for you',after id asked her what the difference was between wanted and unwanted sexual arousal.So i thought by her question she thought that i experienced unwanted sexual arousal.Im sorry if i got that wrong lawrie,but that is how i read your question...i dont need to convince myself.Also smarties said that shed had an unwanted physical response to a woman,and that it was a normal response to an attractive person,and i was explaining that my ocd is not like that.Thanks for ur answers caramoole and ashley.I dont understand why people keep asking me why i want to know,as i dont understand why it matters why i want to know.I just wanted to know because i did.No other motivations behind it.

Caramoole,i dont believe that that question has already been answered before.If u mean that i have asked about groinal responses before then i have,many times,but thats not what that question was about.The question was regarding sexual feelings,whether unwanted or wanted,not anxiety arousal or any responses caused by ocd.

yes, and a unwanted sexual response, is also known as unwanted arousal.....same meat, just different gravy

both caused, and causing anxiety to the sufferer

[Guest cat1]

im sorry that u feel that way lawrie,but thats not what i was trying to do.The only reason i kept repeating myself and reexplaining things was because from peoples responses,they didnt understand what i was asking.Im happy for people to say what they like to me,but for people to say here that im asking for reassurance that is untrue.And that does make me frustrated.As i feel like explained many times that i was asking the question from a factual standpoint,and people keep asking me 'why do u need to know'.I just dont see how thats relevant to me wanting to know.Why does it matter why i wanted to know? i had said it was not about reassurance and yet i dont feel beleived,and people have said im ruminating on here as part of my ocd,even when ive said im not.I just think that if someone had considered my question when i first explained it,i wouldnt have had to keep explaining and repeating it.I think thats what made me feel frustrated,as i felt that people were too concerned with asking me why i wanted to know, if it didnt apply to me,than in considering my question.do u see what i mean? i was happy for people to say they didnt know the answer,but noone said that.Im thankful to caramoole and ashley who have now answered my question.I just feel that all the tooing and frooing of responses could have been avoided.

I do think that one of the problems highlighted by smarties post in particular,is that everytime i ask a question about anything to do with ocd,that people assume i must be seeking reassurance or ruminating.Also the problem that some people feel that my question has already been answered because they have misinterpreted what i was asking.I feel ive answered the first one,the second one im not sure how to remedy.But i would like people to understand how frustrating it is to feel that i have to explain myself several times as people have thought that im asking was it ocd or not.Just as i can understand how people here might be frustrated as they think theyve already answered my question before! do u see what im getting at? theres a clear lack of understanding here on both my (and by that i dont mean that i dont understand how ocd works or what is reassurance and what isnt,im referring purely to me not understanding why people have misunderstood what i was asking) and others parts here...

ps,i do acknowledge that i have a need to be understood that borders on the obsessional.

Cat,

Excuse me if this sounds rude but replying to you is like walking on eggshells. You pick people up on the smallest of points. This makes me question whether your OCD is the driving force behind your seeming need to have answers given in a very definite way and how nobody ever seems to understand you when we dont answer in the way you want.

Lawrie

x

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

thankyou soo much legend,i really appreciate ur answer.

yes, and a unwanted sexual response, is also known as unwanted arousal.....same meat, just different gravy

both caused, and causing anxiety to the sufferer

[Guest cat1]

hi,ive noticed that lately,i find it hard to relax like i used to before i got my ocd.I was wondering if anyone found it hard to relax,even when they havent had many spikes lately? Im wondering if i'll ever get back to my carefree old ways or chilling out etc.I find it very hard to relax sometimes,although more recently ive found that i can spend time at home without doing stuff and the ocd doesnt come in.But sometimes i feel i have to keep busy in case the ocd comes back in,particularly when im doing well with my ocd,like at the moment.Does anyone else feel like that?

[Guest cat1]

Ive had some intrusive thoughts come back tonight.I have been relabelling etc and my anxiety seems lower,but in a way that makes it all feel more real..i hate this ocd! it creeps up when ur not expecting it! why is it the thoughts still have the power to make me believe them even after all this time? trouble is,now im on edge in case it comes back again..ive been checking again,without even being aware i was until i was doing it..i cant seem to get out of it...im also worried about why i got for weeks with no symptoms then it comes back quite badly.I mean,ive become habituated to the thoughts once before,then they went away,then they came back and started scaring me again.Is this how ocd normally works? i thought once u were habituated to the thoughts,the anxiety wouldnt go up if they came back.

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest Wombat142]

I assume that's just a rant, not a question.

Sounds rotten.

Hope you feel better soon.

Wombat142

[Guest cat1]

err no,it was a question...im also feeling a low mood coming on again.why,after all this time do the thoughts still feel like theyre going to come true,even though i know logically they wont,at the time it doesnt feel like that...i wish i could stop my head! i feel so disgusted that the ocd is creeping back in.how can i get it into my thick head that my ocd is never going to change my sexuality?!! one weird thing that ive had lately,is the ocd telling me im feeling something,and even though i know im not,i beleive the thought while im anxious.Tonight when i spiked over several people on tv,one after the other,with one,my ocd said i was about to get aroused,and i really believed i might,even though i knew it was not about the guy,and nothing happened.That was the scary one,but the others were like mini spikes,as somehow even though i was spiking,i also knew it was a load of rubbish,and the anxious only increased AFTER the spikes.does anyone get that? i did relabel each one and distract etc.It was like,within about five minutes,my ocd suddenly went crazy and i was spiking on every guy,and the thoughts felt threatening,but also not,if u see what i mean.It was like i was observing what was going on,as well as being in the spike too.

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest PatsyG]

Cat I feel you are still analysing every thought and feeling and I dont thinks its gonna get you anywhere. The same subject was brought up with another user so Im not sure why people keep repeating themselves to you about the same things again and again.

I think you have been given a lot of advoce, probably all that can be given and I think youd benefit from trying to relabel yourself ather than other people trying to reassure you its all OCD. Youre keeping yourself in the loop of OCD.

[Guest cat1]

hi patsy,i know ur right,im not looking for people to tell me its ocd,i know that deep down,but on the surface i feel so dirty and disgusted that the ocd has got to me again,albeit not as badly as before..as i said i did do the relabelling etc.Its like sometimes it just wont 'click' in my head that its all ocd,does that make sense? ie when im right in the middle of it.But overall ive spiked a lot less lately,and let go of several quite well over the weekend.Not sure why its coming back in force now though!...my issue isnt not knowing its ocd,its the ocd doubts and the fact that my head wont accept it sometimes,even though i know deep down it is.And once ive spiked i feel like i then cant relax in case it strikes again,and worse..

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest nic]

Cat, you have to cling to that knowing deep down its ocd feeling, like the rest of us do. It is the hardest thing to do, the anxiety is a killer, but you have to cling to it. You have to say "AM I GONNA WIN, OR AM I GONNA LET OCD WIN? " You have to dig deep, find every last bit of courage you can find and start to believe in your rational mind. We are all struggling lovie, me more so than ever, but the only way to win is to fight love nic xxxxxxxxxx

[Guest cat1]

aww thanks nic,thats very kind of you.im sorry ur struggling right now.what makes me worry also,is that when i have groinal responses lately,i get a whole range of different symptoms,none of which feel even vaguely sexual,which tells me how irrational the whole ocd thing is,but also concerns me.thanks for replying.

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest nic]

Cling to the knowledge that it is irrational, only then will you get better xxxxxxxxx

[Guest cat1]

thanks nic,i think im upset today mainly because i think ive lost a good friend,with no explanation as to why hes ended out friendship,so the stress started my ocd up again,i feel very down about that.I cant believe that after being friends for over four years,hes emailed me saying he thinks we cant support each other,and saying sorry.Thats it,and he hasnt replied to my emails since last week.Its hitting me today as ive had a busy weekend occupying myself with stuff,and now i have more time its come back.I can feel myself on the edge of a bad depression again..im just so fed up.lawrie/anyone,what can i do? another problem ive had lately,is when i see a programme where the girls obviously fancy a guy,by their reactions etc,my ocd says im going to feel like them toward the guy,which scares me ********.Thats what happened tonight watching this tv advert (the thoughts i mean and the anxiety).god i feel like **** right now...

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

do you have other friends, what about your daughter, is she around to for you?

sorry you lost your mate, and support, not easy,

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

Only a few legend,and they work so i dont get to see them often.Mind u,i didnt see the friend i mentioned much as we mostly talked on the phone.Yes,my lovely daughter is my world right now,and she helps me so much out of this hell,without even knowing it..i felt really bad tonight,as she caught me doing a compulsion and asked me what i was doing.I feel like a bad mother sometimes,although i give her all my attention,mentally sometimes im off in anxiety land..god i hate this so much! The awful thing is,i dont know for sure if i have lost ma mate,as his last email didnt say that exactly,but i think thats what he meant.I emailed him today and he hasnt responded,nor to my one last friday.When i emailed him today,i said that i felt he owed me an explanation for dropping my friendship.I know hes having a stressful time right now with no time to himself,but that doesnt excuse him treating me badly.Ive tried to make other friends,and i have through my dance class and tai chi class,but i dont get to see them out of classes much,so theyre not like close friends.i have also made friends through working at oxfam,but most are about 80! i dont get out much socially to meet anyone else.im fed up of being so isolated and ill...

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

i never have close friends, because i know that you can get to attached in a way, just my opinion, i tend to concentrate

who is close to me, my family and kids, because in my opinion, too many friends, of the close side, costs too much effort,

but i have a wide variety of friends, who are simply, good mates,

you concentrate on yourself, and getting better, thats whats important.

does your daughter understand ocd

[Guest cat1]

no,shes only 8.I know what u mean about getting too attached to people,i do it all the time.Someone only has to show me a bit of caring and i get obsessed with them! i didnt know others with ocd did that too and that it was an ocd trait...im a full on intense person and have driven people away who couldnt cope with that.But i watch myself more now.Ive no idea how to stop being like this.Any ideas? it sounds quite sad that you dont have any close friends because u can get too attached.Im hoping a counsellor,if i ever get one,can help me with that issue...i think what annoys me,is that i put so much into friendships and rarely does the other person put in so much effort.maybe im just not worth bothering with..

i dont know if i have the energy anymore to get better,i was doing well until a slipup today when it crept back in.It was as bad as before though,but still quite scary...

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

i have lots of very good friends, too many actually, but i dont do the, oh i must ring every nite, type of person,

but then again im a bloke lol...........

im a diversifier lol.

efforts dont count cat, people love you for who u are....thankfully im very loved, by many ...lol.....and so are you

[Guest cat1]

actually,im feeling worse hearing about all your friends,when i dont have so many...ur right,efforts dont count for ****,so ive stopped making any,its all a ******* waste of time.When i think of the energy ive wasted on people who didnt deserve it or my time it makes me feel sick! ungrateful ********! i wont make that mistake again! i think im a good friend for someone to have as u wont get more loyal or caring than me! how did u get to have so many friends? i dont feel there are many who love me for who i am,and dont feel very loved,but i do have some i think,ie my friends at oxfam and at dancing and tai chi class.They may not be social friends but they do care about me.

Ironically,i know that my family love me,including my parents,but i dont feel my parents love,as all they seem to do is nag me or criticise me,which means thats all i see of them! im the kind of person who needs to be told im loved,otherwise i dont assume its there for me,if u know what i mean...?

Edited June 15, 2009 by Guest