where im at now...

[Guest autumn girl]

its all ocd,when i dont know if bits of it are.I do recognise that some bits were,but others bits are less clear.how do i treat those bits if you can see what i should do.please tell me.

The focus you have on every single one of your thoughts and what they are or what they mean, strikes me as obsessive, and in that respect I would say that this is part of your OCD.

It can take many guises.

How long do you spend thinking about these things?? how much anxiety does this provoke in you??

Do you think that OCD may have latched on to something else??

[Guest cat1]

thanks autum,yes i am exhausted.What upsets me is that noone apart from nim and yourself has tried to understand what im asking about last night,and had just said its all reassurance seeking,which doesnt help me as i know its not.Noone is willing to consider that they might have it wrong.Maybe its because people cant really understand where im at,as im at the end of a computer,but i know how far ive come,and i know that im not in that place now,and so does my mentor.I dont see why it would hurt for people to just consider what im asking,as im asking for practical help to deal with my ocd.And telling me not to ask for it isnt helping me.I want to know how to deal with it so i dont need to ask again? Its not the thoughts from last night im thinking arent ocd,its the feelings im not sure of,ie if they were ocd or not.Maybe it shouldnt matter,but the only reason it does,is that i would like to know if they happen again and i am doubting,do i treat it all as ocd and move on? knowing that would help me a great deal.I honestly dont know how to deal with situations with both ocd and not ocd otherwise.

Honestly Cat you must be absolutely exhausted!

The OCD logo is "it's ONLY a thought", again I don't really know what to say to help but try to focus on the ONLY.

You give your thoughts so much power, every one that comes into your head seems to be analysed and categorised in some way (although I know you have said that you don't do that but I believe you're contradicting yourself on that).....everyone has a million thoughts going through their head every day, most of which are dismissed as just not that important.

Stop giving them so much importance.

xx

[Guest cat1]

when im not ocding,i dont spend anytime thinking about these things,and i have little anxiety about it.i dont know if my ocd has latched onto something else.

The focus you have on every single one of your thoughts and what they are or what they mean, strikes me as obsessive, and in that respect I would say that this is part of your OCD.

It can take many guises.

How long do you spend thinking about these things?? how much anxiety does this provoke in you??

Do you think that OCD may have latched on to something else??

[Ashley]

thanks autum,yes i am exhausted.What upsets me is that noone apart from nim and yourself has tried to understand what im asking about last night,and had just said its all reassurance seeking,which doesnt help me as i know its not.Noone is willing to consider that they might have it wrong.Maybe its because people cant really understand where im at,as im at the end of a computer,but i know how far ive come,and i know that im not in that place now,and so does my mentor.I dont see why it would hurt for people to just consider what im asking,as im asking for practical help to deal with my ocd.And telling me not to ask for it isnt helping me.I want to know how to deal with it so i dont need to ask again? Its not the thoughts from last night im thinking arent ocd,its the feelings im not sure of,ie if they were ocd or not.Maybe it shouldnt matter,but the only reason it does,is that i would like to know if they happen again and i am doubting,do i treat it all as ocd and move on? knowing that would help me a great deal.I honestly dont know how to deal with situations with both ocd and not ocd otherwise.

I am sorry Cat, but you are seeking reassurance, you may not realise this yourself, but that is exactly what you're doing. it is great that you are doing better, but you have made hundreds of posts now and I can go through them and sum up all of those posts to just 3 or 4 questions. This is the problem, you are flooding our forums daily with the same questions. We have answered them all for you, but your OCD is not accepting that and you simply repost the same thing daily, all be it in slightly different wording/fear.

I can't allow the flooding to continue, but we are torn between supporting you and looking after the forum for everyone. The problem is I just don't think we are helping you so it is hard to justify the forum flooding.

[Guest cat1]

no legend,their responses are helping me a lot.Theyre not making my ocd worse.My mentor doesnt debate the raitionality of my ocd thoughts with me or give me reassurance.I dont need that anyway.As most of the time i know what my ocd is,but sometimes i dont,thats where i need the help.i posted on here before i spoke to the lady tonight at no panic.I dont doubt their answer at all.But i would like more opinions on it also.

carry on using no panic, no doubt, there response, are probably keeping you trapped,

if hes helping you, why do you post on here? probably because you doubt there answer, and your here just to make

sure, and your still doubting. STOP STOP STOP...........for gods sake stop....

[Guest autumn girl]

thanks autum,yes i am exhausted.What upsets me is that noone apart from nim and yourself has tried to understand what im asking about last night,and had just said its all reassurance seeking,which doesnt help me as i know its not.Noone is willing to consider that they might have it wrong.Maybe its because people cant really understand where im at,as im at the end of a computer,but i know how far ive come,and i know that im not in that place now,and so does my mentor.I dont see why it would hurt for people to just consider what im asking,as im asking for practical help to deal with my ocd.And telling me not to ask for it isnt helping me.I want to know how to deal with it so i dont need to ask again? Its not the thoughts from last night im thinking arent ocd,its the feelings im not sure of,ie if they were ocd or not.Maybe it shouldnt matter,but the only reason it does,is that i would like to know if they happen again and i am doubting,do i treat it all as ocd and move on? knowing that would help me a great deal.I honestly dont know how to deal with situations with both ocd and not ocd otherwise.

People are trying and trying and trying Cat!

You obviously are looking for people to say something specific, what is it, what do you want to hear???

[Guest cat1]

all i would like autumn,is for people to give me their opinions on last night and what happened,not to say anything specific,and yet noone will.So i dont feel that some people are trying to understand,as they keep repeating 'reassurance seeking' over and over.i dont think that is helping me why cant someone just try and understand what im asking,thats all i would like.i would just like someone here to help me deal with my ocd,where i am now.is that possible? cant anyone give me their opinion on how to deal with situations like last night? as im not sure how to deal with them.im trying to get better here.

If what im asking is for reassurance,why does the no panic ladt understand what im asking?

People are trying and trying and trying Cat!

You obviously are looking for people to say something specific, what is it, what do you want to hear???

Edited June 18, 2009 by Guest

[Guest autumn girl]

I am sorry Cat, but you are seeking reassurance, you may not realise this yourself, but that is exactly what you're doing. it is great that you are doing better, but you have made hundreds of posts now and I can go through them and sum up all of those posts to just 3 or 4 questions. This is the problem, you are flooding our forums daily with the same questions. We have answered them all for you, but your OCD is not accepting that and you simply repost the same thing daily, all be it in slightly different wording/fear.

I can't allow the flooding to continue, but we are torn between supporting you and looking after the forum for everyone. The problem is I just don't think we are helping you so it is hard to justify the forum flooding.

I must admit I get swept up into these threads and there are other people on here with threads with very few answers on, I feel that they are being neglected a little, and I am guilty of this for sure.

I am going to leave this thread on that note!

xx

[Guest Lizbeth]

when im not ocding,i dont spend anytime thinking about these things,and i have little anxiety about it.i dont know if my ocd has latched onto something else.

But the thing that worries me is that you don't seem to spend much time not thinking about these things. The problem is Cat we simply do not know how you should handle/categorise or explain every single thought that passes through your head. Nor does anyone qualified or not.

We can give you outlines of the disorder, tried and tested methods of helping yourself but what none of us can do is read your mind and understand every fleeting thought. I know how scary this but ultimately you are on your own in your own head...we all are. You need to begin to trust yourself and the fact you have OCD and that these responses are OCD driven (I am not talking specifics).

You want crystal clear clarity about your every thought or impulse....just in the exact same way that OCD demands 100% certainty. It does not exist. The answers simply aren't always there and living with that uncertaintly, on both fronts, is the ONLY viable way out of OCD.

[Guest cat1]

im not sure i understand what your first sentence means,as i said that i dont spend much time thinking about these things...except when im ocding.But its not the thoughts im not sure which are ocd,its the feelings im not sure about.But yes i agree with u,i dont think anyone can get into anyone elses head on here,and know for sure.I guess thats up to me to work out.I do feel that if i did know what was my ocd and what wasnt,it would help me to deal with the ocd better though.I really appreciate you taking the time to understand what i was asking,and i think you have i spot on! i guess it shouldnt matter what is ocd and what isnt,but when ur trying to deal with ocd,i think it helps to know what the symptoms are ur dealing with.I know mostly what my ocd symptoms are now,but sometimes im not sure.I only asked as i wondered how other people with ocd deal with not being sure...unless im the only one who has this problem...

But the thing that worries me is that you don't seem to spend much time not thinking about these things. The problem is Cat we simply do not know how you should handle/categorise or explain every single thought that passes through your head. Nor does anyone qualified or not.

We can give you outlines of the disorder, tried and tested methods of helping yourself but what none of us can do is read your mind and understand every fleeting thought. I know how scary this but ultimately you are on your own in your own head...we all are. You need to begin to trust yourself and the fact you have OCD and that these responses are OCD driven (I am not talking specifics).

You want crystal clear clarity about your every thought or impulse....just in the exact same way that OCD demands 100% certainty. It does not exist. The answers simply aren't always there and living with that uncertaintly, on both fronts, is the ONLY viable way out of OCD.

Edited June 18, 2009 by Guest

[Ashley]

If what im asking is for reassurance,why does the no panic ladt understand what im asking?

I assume you just added this, with the edit just now several minutes after posting? Anyway, who says the No Panic lady understands OCD at all? She may well don, but if she doesn't understand OCD and is answering you then she is unwittingly playing into your OCD by giving you the reassurance. I was not sitting in on the call so I am not saying that did happen, but you need to ask yourself does this person really understand OCD.

[Guest cat1]

no,i added it before i posted the thread,i think.Yes she does really understand ocd,and she is trained to help people with it.I am not sure if she understands my specific obsession,as she mentioned what feelings were i surpressing coming in by tensing my body up,which seemed an odd question.But she does understand ocd as a whole and how it works.I know that by what shes said to me.And in no way is she allowed to give me reassurance.I agree that if she doesnt understand ocd then she would be making me worse.But i dont believe that thats the case,based on her support so far.For instance,in regards to last night,she didnt say it was all ocd or not ocd or that any part of it was or wasnt.She simply said that if there was doubt involved,then ocd could be at work.And she said lots of other stuff too.

I assume you just added this, with the edit just now several minutes after posting? Anyway, who says the No Panic lady understands OCD at all? She may well don, but if she doesn't understand OCD and is answering you then she is unwittingly playing into your OCD by giving you the reassurance. I was not sitting in on the call so I am not saying that did happen, but you need to ask yourself does this person really understand OCD.

[Ashley]

She simply said that if there was doubt involved,then ocd could be at work.

You mean something like this?

The golden rule from Brain Lock is that if you think something might be OCD, then generally it is OCD!

[Guest legend]

therfore stop ringing, or asking for reasurance from other sources, and accept you have ocd, and accept that

reasurance makes you worse, if you spoke to jesus, youd still wouldnt be convinced,

as i said earlier, one word, its hard, its difficult, but it works............................stop

[Caramoole]

Why do you need people here to answer a question you have asked and talked through with your mentor?

I would be interested to hear this too. It seems that the No Panic lady is answering your questions effectively and in a way you understand.

I know you have a background in counselling, my understanding is that counsellors often prefer that two types of counselling/therapy are not undertaken at the same time. Perhaps it would be better for you to concentrate on your work with the No Panic mentor for the time being.

It seems that throughout this thread you remark that people don't understand you. It is also clear that those who have contributed to the thread are not in agreement with how you see the situation and are not happy to respond along the lines that you feel would help you.

Rarely have I seen anyone have more input to their threads and yet, it still isn't helping, it's still proving to cause you irritation and upset. People cannot tailor their replies so that they're ones that tick your boxes.

Are u saying that your not willing to tell me how you think i should handle situations like last night?

The truthful answer would be yes, I'm not willing to offer an opinion about last nights situation because I don't feel it would be helpful. I don't believe that you need to categorise every single thought or feeling that enters into your consciousness in this manner. I have spent a great deal of time discussing many issues with you and have been happy to do so....but I think we have reached a position where your manner of questioning is not helpful to your continued improvement.

Read back through this and other threads, everyone who has replied to you is a sufferer themselves and yet almost all are in accordance with their belief that by answering the questions you ask would cause more harm than good.

The outcome comes to the conclusion that we don't understand OCD and are not offering the information that you desire and all that causes, is more frustration on your part.

I truly struggle to understand what beneficial advice you're receiving from us, it seems we don't (and often won't) offer. Perhaps some time out to work with your No Panic mentor would be better for you at this time.

[Guest cat1]

Then what the purpose of this forum is,if not to help people such as myself overcome their ocd.It is clear from your response that you still dont understand what im asking.I didnt say that i wanted to disect every thought from the other night.What i asked was how can i know if the feeling i had was ocd? that seems straight forward to me,and isnt asking for reassurance.Me asking for reassurance would be for me to want you to tell me it was ocd.But thats not what i want.I am asking how i can distinguish possible ocd feelings from possibly non ocd ones.Im presuming that you dont know the answer to that,rather than that you dont want to tell me.If thats the case then id rather youd said you didnt know the answer,instead of saying that you wont help me,which is what youre saying yes? Im very disappointed as i thought this forum was here to help people.I dont know what its here for if not to help people.Why is it so important for people to know why i want to know here? why does that matter? I asked people here,as i hoped that people who'd recovered from their ocd,or were on their way to it,might have experienced something similar and be able to advise me on how to deal with it.So am i right in thinking that nobody here has ever had a situation where they had some ocd and some possible non ocd? i cant believe that thats the case.My mentoring isnt actually counselling,so help from here as well does not contradict that.Its a fact that people here dont understand me,as all ive been asked is why i want to know,and been told that im seeking reassurance.With the exception or nim and autumngirl,noone has even TRIED to understand what i was asking.I think that reflects badly on what is supposed to be a supportive forum.The imput ive had previously here has helped me a lot.But as ive said,the situation the other night wasnt just an ocd spike situation with nice feelings caused by the ocd.It was a situation with both ocd and possibly non ocd elements.I really dont understand why giving me advice on it will make my ocd worse.Perhaps someone could explain that to me? As im not seeking reassurance how can anyones responses possibly do me any harm.Why do u think it is that my mentor understands what im asking isnt reassurance when ive only spoken to her for three weeks,whereas people ive spoken to here for a lot longer dont?I posted this here before i asked her,thats why i posted it here.And i still would like some more feedback,not in terms of that situtuation as i ahve now dealt with that.But on how to deal with future situations where i might not be sure which bits are ocd or not? any advice on that would be most welcome.I kept asking here after id asked the mentor as i was interested in whether you would have some alternate advice.

so,if u dont believe i should be categorising every thought and feeling,what SHOULD i be doing in situations like that?

I would be interested to hear this too. It seems that the No Panic lady is answering your questions effectively and in a way you understand.

I know you have a background in counselling, my understanding is that counsellors often prefer that two types of counselling/therapy are not undertaken at the same time. Perhaps it would be better for you to concentrate on your work with the No Panic mentor for the time being.

It seems that throughout this thread you remark that people don't understand you. It is also clear that those who have contributed to the thread are not in agreement with how you see the situation and are not happy to respond along the lines that you feel would help you.

Rarely have I seen anyone have more input to their threads and yet, it still isn't helping, it's still proving to cause you irritation and upset. People cannot tailor their replies so that they're ones that tick your boxes.

The truthful answer would be yes, I'm not willing to offer an opinion about last nights situation because I don't feel it would be helpful. I don't believe that you need to categorise every single thought or feeling that enters into your consciousness in this manner. I have spent a great deal of time discussing many issues with you and have been happy to do so....but I think we have reached a position where your manner of questioning is not helpful to your continued improvement.

Read back through this and other threads, everyone who has replied to you is a sufferer themselves and yet almost all are in accordance with their belief that by answering the questions you ask would cause more harm than good.

The outcome comes to the conclusion that we don't understand OCD and are not offering the information that you desire and all that causes, is more frustration on your part.

I truly struggle to understand what beneficial advice you're receiving from us, it seems we don't (and often won't) offer. Perhaps some time out to work with your No Panic mentor would be better for you at this time.

Edited June 19, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

hi legend,the mentoring is helping me.Im not asking her for reassurance as im not here.And she recognises that,but im not sure why people here dont.i accept that i have ocd,but what i dont know,is whether to relabel all 'nice' feelings i get about men as ocd.If i knew that,i would know hwo to deal with them when they come along.But because i dont know that,i dont know how to deal with it.i know tha reassurance makes me worse,which is why i dont want any! i genuinely dont know how to deal with the situations i mentioned.will anyone help me on that? i dont see how i can beat this thing if i dont know how to identify it.I know most of the time,except in these confusing situations.what would anyone else do if they werent sure if some bits were ocd or not?

therfore stop ringing, or asking for reasurance from other sources, and accept you have ocd, and accept that

reasurance makes you worse, if you spoke to jesus, youd still wouldnt be convinced,

as i said earlier, one word, its hard, its difficult, but it works............................stop

[smarties]

What i asked was how can i know if the feeling i had was ocd? that seems straight forward to me,and isnt asking for reassurance.Me asking for reassurance would be for me to want you to tell me it was ocd.But thats not what i want.I am asking how i can distinguish possible ocd feelings from possibly non ocd ones.

Cat, despite what you say, it is apparent that you do not yet have a full understanding of OCD, nor of the 4 steps. You are not required to distinguish between OCD feelings and non-OCD feelings, and I feel that your OCD is now focussing on two ares:

1) An obsessive fear that you may not be a lesbian

2) An obsessive need to check, analyse and categorise EVERY feeling and thought you experience.

I don't believe you have acknowledged the second one yet, but this is OCD in its own right. People without OCD do not do this.

When applying the 4 steps, you are not required to do it separately to every feeling and thought that you experience, nor do you need to treat each of these separately. You need to look at the whole picture, and think, 'I am experiencing anxiety because of that TV programme I watched, but I need to remember that the reason it is making me anxious is because I have OCD' etc etc etc...

[Guest cat1]

yes,partly.But what really helped me,was being able to tell her briefly what happened that night,and how i saw things and she was able to listen to me,and try to understand what i was asking,which is something i would have liked people here to have done.She has suggested strategies for dealing with situations like that in the future.We discussed the fact that when i decide to ruminate on something that i feel like im in control.But how im really not.And she said that when i choose NOT to ruminate,and let it go,i can take that risk.Ok,from what ive been told here,people have said to me,if a feeling is unwanted,its ocd right? well to start with,when i had the feelings of slight enjoyment watching the men thing on tv,i didnt know if it was unwanted or wanted,as i didnt think about it,until my ocd kicked in,and made me worry about those feelings and what they might mean,ok? Then i started to get intrusive thoughts about it all.Which i let go of,was that right? So if i get feelings that i think are ocd but are not sure of,is it best to label it ocd,as you said ashley,if it seems like ocd it is? thats what im struggling with.As the feelings didnt produce an immediate feeling of horror,maybe it was because i also knew that they feelings were no threat to my sexuality as they werent any way near sexual.But im bound to get situations like this again,where i get feelings my intrusive thoughts target.So thats why in this case the situation was different from my previous ocd spikes,as to start with,i didnt think they were horrible,(although i didnt particularly enjoy them either).Im now thinking maybe they were ocd driven feelings in a new guise,could this be right? or has my ocd twisted some innocent non threatening feelings?

You mean something like this?

[Guest cat1]

Hi smarties,i do understand the four steps,ive been using it well for ages now,but that situation caught me out.The thing is,i didnt feel that anxious watching the tv programme,i mean i did have SOME anxiety.i feel what youre saying is that youre saying that all my thoughts and feeling were due to ocd.But how then in the future will i know that if a have a good feeling in regards to a man,that this is not a genuine feeling,ie non ocd driven? By the way,when i said 'nice' i didnt mean sexually nice,just that the programme was funny.Youre absolutely right,i do sometimes feel i have to categorise every thought and feeling,But the reason i do this,is because when i have situations like the other night,that started off possibly innocently,then ocd came in,the ocd confuses me as to which bits were ocd and which werent.I realise how irrational my initial post is.I tried using advice from here at the time,by saying to myself that if the feelings were unwanted,they were ocd,but then i kept thinking 'maybe they werent ocd',and kept getting confused.To be honest id rather just think that they were ocd,rather than not,but if i do that then my thoughts will say 'ahhh,but they might not have been',which i know is the ocd talking.I know that if i didnt have ocd,i wouldnt be categorising every thought and feeling,im aware if that i really am.And i dont WANT to do it.But i honestly sometimes think that doing that will help me recover.So are people here saying that i shouldnt do that,but treat it all as ocd? as id really like to know if by relabelling it all ocd im handling it right here.

I think its difficult when ur recovery,as its common ive heard to get situations where u can watch something with men in,and NOT automatically get high anxiety,but rather just a little bit.And i think its good that the feelings atn first didnt bother me as i knew they werent sexual.Then the ocd made me analyse it all...so if the ocd came on AFTER or rather during me having the feelings,then its possible the ocd could still have caused the feelings im thinking.Legend said to me that you can get the feelings without the anxiety.Maybe thats why im strugglin to recognise it all as ocd.what do people think on all this? have i got any of this right?

Cat, despite what you say, it is apparent that you do not yet have a full understanding of OCD, nor of the 4 steps. You are not required to distinguish between OCD feelings and non-OCD feelings, and I feel that your OCD is now focussing on two ares:

1) An obsessive fear that you may not be a lesbian

2) An obsessive need to check, analyse and categorise EVERY feeling and thought you experience.

I don't believe you have acknowledged the second one yet, but this is OCD in its own right. People without OCD do not do this.

When applying the 4 steps, you are not required to do it separately to every feeling and thought that you experience, nor do you need to treat each of these separately. You need to look at the whole picture, and think, 'I am experiencing anxiety because of that TV programme I watched, but I need to remember that the reason it is making me anxious is because I have OCD' etc etc etc...

Edited June 19, 2009 by Guest

[smarties]

Cat, my main point was that its not just the fear of being straight that is your OCD, the whole thing is OCD. You are obviously very afraid of having sexual feelings towards men, and from what I have gathered, this may be linked to an incident in your past, which I will not go into as I know nothing about it. However, that fear in itself is, I think, what is driving you to try to reassure yourself that any slight positive (in sexual terms) feeling towards a man is OCD-driven. I think perhaps you may need some further counselling with respect to what happened to you, because I think it is the feelings left behind from that, that drive you to stamp out any remote possibility of sexual feelings towards men.

You obviously are a lesbian, there is no doubt about that. But I think that in your case, there is something particular behind your need to constantly prove that, beyond all doubt. I wish you the best of luck in working through this issue.

[Guest autumn girl]

Cat, can I just point you to Becca's post about Diet and OCD.

She asked for advice, she was in a state, the thing that popped out for me was when she said "oh my god, i have gotten myself into a state havent i"

Bless her, but everyone understood but EVERYONE on here has gotten themselves into this kind of state about OCD. The support we all get from each other on here is that we tell it like it is.

We have OCD, that is what winds us all up like coiled springs, everyone can see this with you just as everyone could see how Becca was struggling, and just as everyone sympathised with Becca everyone sympathises with you.

The difference as I see is that comment that Becca made:

"oh my god, I have gotten myself into a state haven't I"

Acknowleging that by engaging with her OCD she had caused herself some distress. I think you need to take this step too rather than accuse all and sundry of not understanding you.

We understand this thing well and truly, we ALL suffer from it and know how damaging it can be. You need to take responsibility for the state you are getting yourself into.

Why is this so hard for you??

(have a read through the thread, I think it's a true reflection of why OCD UK is so great)

xx

[Guest legend]

Cat, my main point was that its not just the fear of being straight that is your OCD, the whole thing is OCD. You are obviously very afraid of having sexual feelings towards men, and from what I have gathered, this may be linked to an incident in your past, which I will not go into as I know nothing about it. However, that fear in itself is, I think, what is driving you to try to reassure yourself that any slight positive (in sexual terms) feeling towards a man is OCD-driven. I think perhaps you may need some further counselling with respect to what happened to you, because I think it is the feelings left behind from that, that drive you to stamp out any remote possibility of sexual feelings towards men.

You obviously are a lesbian, there is no doubt about that. But I think that in your case, there is something particular behind your need to constantly prove that, beyond all doubt. I wish you the best of luck in working through this issue.

What i had already said, smarties, and there is a lot of truth in what you have written, in my personal opinion,

as i said to cat, ocd does run alongside other issues, so its important to treat, both or more, accordinally.

[Guest cat1]

im sorry,but i find ur assumptions quite offensive.I have ocd just like everyone here.There is no 'remote possibility of sexual feelings towards men' that im driving out! I no more having feelings i want to drive out,than someone with paedophile obsession feels they have to drive out the possibility of feelings of attraction to children! i dont know how u can say something like that to someone with obsessive doubt! The way youve posted,although youve acknowledged im gay,seems to indicate that you think i have unresolved issues that affect my ocd.I no more have those than anyone else does here.Yes,i was raped,but im over it now,(am much as u can be with something like that!),and it has nothing to do with the content of my intrusive thoughts now.Yes,i do believe thats why my ocd chose to attack with me thoughtts on men though.But im not having them now because i havent got over my rape.Ive had counselling for my rape and have moved on now.Im not very afraid of having sexual feelings for men,what i do have in intrusive thoughts saying that arousal is going to happen,or that im afraid of it.I feel like youre saying that these are my thoughts,ie thoughts which have meaning.Im not trying to reassure myself that the feelings are ocd driven,i put that because ive been told that any feelings that i have in reaction to an ocd trigger are ocd driven.Thats a fact as far as im aware.They are also not sexual feelings.I do find it offensive that you are assuming that i have left over feelings from what happened to me,as noone has the right to make assumptions about what im feeling.There are no left over feelings and im not driving out any remote possibility of sexual feelings towards men.There are NO possible sexual feelings towards men that im stamping out! Any doubt ive mentioned around that is OCD.im gay and have been happily for over ten years.I dont have sexual feelings towards men.Any reassurance i give myself is part of the ocd itself and not because i think there might be real feelings im trying to drive out!

Cat, my main point was that its not just the fear of being straight that is your OCD, the whole thing is OCD. You are obviously very afraid of having sexual feelings towards men, and from what I have gathered, this may be linked to an incident in your past, which I will not go into as I know nothing about it. However, that fear in itself is, I think, what is driving you to try to reassure yourself that any slight positive (in sexual terms) feeling towards a man is OCD-driven. I think perhaps you may need some further counselling with respect to what happened to you, because I think it is the feelings left behind from that, that drive you to stamp out any remote possibility of sexual feelings towards men.

You obviously are a lesbian, there is no doubt about that. But I think that in your case, there is something particular behind your need to constantly prove that, beyond all doubt. I wish you the best of luck in working through this issue.

Edited June 19, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

legend,i have had both issues treated,and the rape doesnt affact my ocd now.Ive had good therapy for my rape issues.The only other issues affecting my ocd now is depression sometimes.

What i had already said, smarties, and there is a lot of truth in what you have written, in my personal opinion,

as i said to cat, ocd does run alongside other issues, so its important to treat, both or more, accordinally.