Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Guest cat1

where im at now...

Recommended Posts

Guest cat1

hi northern star,thanks so much for ur reply.yes i think it would.Im currently receiving support for the trauma stuff from a rape charity,so im hoping that will help me work through the stuff from that there.Its easy to see when im not spiking that the thoughts cant hurt me,but at the time it really feels like they can.They feel very powerful sometimes.Thanks for the hug,im taking each day as it comes right now..how do u do the hug thing? i havent got one on my screen..

i just spiked again reading about someone playing with a sonic screwdriver on here,as my ocd is trying to say i was aroused by it,but i dont think i was,but felt a very slight tingle when i focussed down there.ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post

Hi cat,

Hopefully the rape charity people will be able to help you but if you feel it's not working or you'd like extra help then maybe your GP could refer you for some counselling?

To make a hug emoticon it's : hug : but without the spaces :) :hug:

Share this post


Link to post
Guest legend

or use emotions on the left, after you clicked reply, you can also click show all x

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

Had my second mentoring session with no panic for my ocd tonight.Went ok,but im not sure how its going to help me though yet.The lady seems understanding,but we havent done any cbt yet.She asked me a weird question,something like 'if u did feel attracted to someone,would u know the difference between that and ur ocd reaction'.Cant remember the exact words she used.But overall she seems to understand ocd quite well.Although i felt like i had to explain everything in depth with her just in case she didnt.Im hoping the support gets more focussed next week.I do wish i had access to cbt face to face though.Im still feeling quite delicate after my nightmare ocd day.im a bit scared about going out tomorrow with all its potential triggers... this is me: :bag:

:helpsmilie:

cant find the hug thing even with show all.

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
cant find the hug thing even with show all.

If you look down the "Show all" page you'll see pictures on the right and words on the left. The words are all in alphabetical order, so scroll down to H's and you'll see hugs...just double click on the word

Caramoole

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

Am i right in thinking that focussing on ANY part of the body can produce an ocd reaction? this morning i had an ocd trigger and focussed on my nipples,which got partly erect,although i had no sexaul feelings.Im wondering if it was because i had this intrusive thought 'sexy' when i saw a picture of a man and a woman,although i was drawn to look at the mans chest.It was all totally unwanted,and when i looked at the picture again,i didnt find any evidence to think that i found anything sexy about it.Ive noticed that my checking has now turned to my nipples instead of down below.is this still ocd? IM worried as when i looked at the picture,i got the thought and a feeling of anxiety and like a liking feeling,that disgusted me.I remember reading somewhere that womens nipples can do that to all sorts of none sexual things.I also kept getting the nipples erecting thing last night when i was telling the mentoring lady about my ocd thoughts,i was feeling quite anxious at the time.Although this morning when i got it i felt less anxious until after it happened then i felt horrible and anxious.

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Guest legend
Am i right in thinking that focussing on ANY part of the body can produce an ocd reaction? this morning i had an ocd trigger and focussed on my nipples,which got partly erect,although i had no sexaul feelings.Im wondering if it was because i had this intrusive thought 'sexy' when i saw a picture of a man and a woman,although i was drawn to look at the mans chest.It was all totally unwanted,and when i looked at the picture again,i didnt find any evidence to think that i found anything sexy about it.Ive noticed that my checking has now turned to my nipples instead of down below.is this still ocd? IM worried as when i looked at the picture,i got the thought and a feeling of anxiety and like a liking feeling,that disgusted me.I remember reading somewhere that womens nipples can do that to all sorts of none sexual things.

what do you think cat, and what advice,would you say to someone, if they had posted this?

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

if i knew that i wouldnt be asking! aaaaaaaaaa! i think its ocd yes.But what concerned me was the intrusive thought 'sexy' and the feeling like i liked it,(false feeling) and then the response i had physically.i mean,how do i know it wasnt real arousal not anxiety arousal? do i know because when just after i had the thought i realised it wasnt what i really thought,ie true?the really wierd thing is,is that all these pictures or people which trigger my ocd,when i look at them again or carry on looking at them,its like,what i see AFTER the spike is totally different to what i see WHEN i spike.I mean,with this picture this morning,when i spiked i thought the guy was smiling and other things about the picture,which made me spike,but looking at it now,it doesnt appeal to me (either genuinely or false ocd appeal) and the guy isnt smiling.Its like when i see things,i dont see them as they really are.

In fact im worried about just how different my ocd is making me see things lately.Its very confusing.is this the impulsions thing ive read about? you know,when people think they can 'see' dirt on their hands,which isnt actually there? it seems like it to me.I mean,i used to have a compulsion of looking again at people to check,and used to panic if i had more intrusive thoughts,or of i thought there was something i genuinely thought looked nice about them.But i dont know,as i know thinking in reality that someone looks nice is nothing to do with sexuality,but appreciating good looks.But with what i was talking about with the pictures and looking again,was ocd at work not me.

why do i get this weird symptom of ocd? i mean,ive not talked to anyone else who has it,that kind of freaks me out.But ive had it for over four years now,and only realised lately what was happenning.Its like i see things like an illusion,but im not delusional as im still in touch with reality.what freaked me out about my ocd trigger this morning,was that initially i felt like i liked the picture,ie in a non sexual way,then my ocd made me focus on the bloke and i got the ocd triggered.Im worried that this nipple thing will happen again,and that all these physical symptoms cant really be ocd and that its all been a lie.....help!

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Its like when i see things,i dont see them as they really are.

I'm no expert but the way I see it is that you see a picture of a guy and your OCD automatically leaps in and says, "guy - attractive - sexy - you're attracted to him". It's like the OCD sets off a chain reaction type-thing - does that make sense? I don't think I'm explaining this very well but what I'm trying to say is that OCD can make us see / feel things that aren't really there............I sometimes think (when I feel that my hands are "contaminated") that they've touched something else eg my clothes and therefore (in my OCD mind) the clothes are "contaminated" when in reality they went nowhere near my clothes but I actually felt a physical sensation that they had touched!?!

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Northern Star,

You are spot on with your analogy. I do the same. Its bias thinking with catastrophinsing. Its so engrained that you think and feel it immediately, backed up by the anxiety etc etc. Cant see the woods for the trees !

Share this post


Link to post
Guest gat

Speaking from personal experience, if I get anxious and focus on the part of my body that I think will have some sort of arousal, it straight away gets it and the more anxious I get the more aroused I feel.

It is definitely an OCD thing and highly likely to be not real, with ocd the more you focus on something the more "real" it seems, but it is an illusion.

GAT

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

yes! thats exactly it northern star! thankyou so much for sharing that with me.Its nice to know im not alone,although of course i wouldnt wish ocd on anyone...well except for on real sick people,ie real paedpohphiles and murderers and rapists! Yes my ocd does set off a chain reaction,although the order in which it happens constantly varies.I think thats whats so hard about ocd to deal with,the way the symptoms and thoughts and anxiety levels can vary and change throughout the course of the illness.I do know what you mean also about the contamination thing.I dont know if i had that particular obsession,but after id been raped,I felt constantly like i was dirty and couldnt wash myself clean enough,no matter how long i took washing myself.I also felt like a creeping disgusting skin crawling feeling,which came back to me yesterday,after this weird guy flirted with me...ew!!

I'm no expert but the way I see it is that you see a picture of a guy and your OCD automatically leaps in and says, "guy - attractive - sexy - you're attracted to him". It's like the OCD sets off a chain reaction type-thing - does that make sense? I don't think I'm explaining this very well but what I'm trying to say is that OCD can make us see / feel things that aren't really there............I sometimes think (when I feel that my hands are "contaminated") that they've touched something else eg my clothes and therefore (in my OCD mind) the clothes are "contaminated" when in reality they went nowhere near my clothes but I actually felt a physical sensation that they had touched!?!

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

hi gat,i dont find my anxiety in the groin gets worse when i concentrate on it.I know it is ocd and not real,so i think its a lot more than highly likely not to be real! it is horrible how the symptoms of ocd can change..

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

well,i havent phoned the practise manager like i was asked to by her (she asked me to let her know by the end of the week if i wanted to set up a meeting with her and the nurse who did my smear test.).I thought id leave it until today,but then got an idea that i wanted to take someone with me,but couldnt get hold of the person i wanted until 5 o'clock today (not her fault as she was working).Tried to phone the practise manager this afternoon and she wasnt at her desk,it was an answerphone.I was glad as i am so nervous about ringing her.Now i will have to ring her on monday.Im so scared about setting up and going to this meeting on my own,but i have noone to go with me.I do think i need to go though,to get some answers from the nurse.But im really scared theyll try and make me look stupid for complaining,or that i will feel stupid and as though im making a fuss by following up my complaint.I just feel so stressed about it all.can anyone support me on this? im still as stressed as i was when i started this thread.in fed up with dealing with all this and everything by myself.im so glad i have here.Although i did speak to a friend tonight,which was good.Im sick of being on my own,and not having a partner to share with.I just feel like i have no motivation right now to do anything,i dont feel anything...

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post

Hi cat,

Did the person you spoke to say she could go with you or could you maybe take your mum or someone?

I think it's fair that you want this meeting - she should have stopped when you asked her to; even if she didn't know your history. I had my first smear test last year and she said that if it hurt at any point she'd stop.

If a friend / relative can't go with you then how about someone neutral, just to make sure that you get across all the points you want to? If not, then I find it helps to write down the main things I want to say as sometimes in the heat of the moment my mind goes blank!

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

hi,she said she would have done,but it is difficult as she works varying hours.But she said she would try and phone me from work if i let her know which day,either before or after ive been to talk to through with me.I cant take my mum,as she doesnt know ive made the complaint,and doesnt know about my past trauma.So there is noone else i can take.I will try and write things down as u said,as my mind goes blank too! I just hate having to do all this,but i cant see any other way of me getting answers,even if it doesnt help me get a resolution.Im so fed up right now of life being so damn hard all the time! i feel quite low right now.I just dont get why that nurse didnt stop when i told her to,i mean,dont people know that no means no! it makes me so mad!!!!!

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Guest legend

hi cat, just to let you know, when ive had to complain, through my old surgery, the people there,

were very sympathetic, and also throughout the meeting.

the practise manager is there, to oversee everything,.....if u feel that you cant do it on your own,

i think they can offer a advocacy service, but this is normally done through pals.

either way, im sure you will be fine x

legend

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

thankyou legend.I hope youre right i really do.I just dont know if im strong enough to do all this right now.Im fed up with dealing with all this **** all the time! do u know what i mean? im still stressed out about the nipple thing earlier too.I feel like my mind is using my body against me and it make me feel sick!!! :helpsmilie:

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Guest legend
thankyou legend.I hope youre right i really do.I just dont know if im strong enough to do all this right now.Im fed up with dealing with all this **** all the time! do u know what i mean?

yep...., but its important too cat, .............as nic says, lol, im normally right lol ..xx

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

yeah,but do u ever feel like u dont have any fight left?!!!!!! ive just had that bloody tingling on edge feeling moving down my body again as i was anxious listening to this guy on tv..

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Guest legend

youll always have it cat, the fight, sod the feeling, there ocd, tell it to xxxx off

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

yeah,but i also got it when i was laughing,and focussed down there and tensed myself up.Then it was there,it felt slightly sexual like but not real arousal,if u know what i mean.im sick of this!

Share this post


Link to post
Guest legend

bad thing ocd cat, but you must accept that you have it, and not react to it, or analyse every minute

detail

anticipation, is very important too, when you see a man, you must realise and accept, that ocd wants to play,

it is then your turn, to not engage

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

i do accept that i have it,although my ocd may make me doubt that.I am trying to deal with it,i think it catches me out though.As sometimes i go a long time before spiking,and i dont expect it.Or i might be having a great time without it,then bamn its there again! then the ocd tries to get me to analyse my good feelings.So that i become afraid to experience ANY good feelings,ie non sexual ones,in case they turn into that towards someone i dont like.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest cat1

I decided yesterday to start doing some writing,to try and take my mind off my ocd.So i went to the library to get some books on writing,tips etc.But the thing is,the more i read on how to write etc the more confused i get.I mean,ive read a lot of books about writing before,and i think how do i know which ones to follow,ie which advice to follow.Ive just done an open university course on writing,and am thinking about doing another one in october.But i think,how do i know the open university courses are teaching me what i need to know about the craft of writing? Im still trying to decide whether to do that course in october or not.I think i might do it,as it will help me to generate writing through their exercises which i find difficult to generate without a structured course.And i know ill love the course,well most of it i think.But how do i know if its the right thing for me to do that course? i mean,are those reasons enough to warrant spending the money on doing it? These courses also sprak my creative passionate and take me away from the ocd.They make me feel alive! But at the end of it,will i be aby better off in terms of becoming published? there are bits in the course about how to get published etc.I just feel like i dont know what to believe in terms or writing advice.Also i just want to start writing,but because id like to write a book,think i have to do research and planning first,and dont know how to go about that.All these questions are going through my head and i just want to write! but dont know what to write about! am i making things too difficult for myself here? does it sound like im obsessing a bit about all this? im getting really stressed about all this as i feel like im paralysed by indecision...any advice most welcome...

I just feel totally STUCK,as though my brain cant process anything right now,and i cant make any decisions about anything.Its like my brain has stopped working.does anyone else get this? or am i going mad? whever i try to make a decision about ANYTHING,my brain says 'access denied' almost! any tips to get out of this would be great.I feel like im stuck in this state of confusion and stress and dont know how to get myself out of it!

I also can feel the ocd doubts creeping into my head,making me feel like im no longer gay,like my ocd has or is changing who i am,although i know how i feel about women is real.Its like the ocd is trying to make me question that too.how do i have faith and believe its ocd from underneath all this? i feel like its getting more powerful again,the ocd,and not sure what to do now.. :helpsmilie:

seriously,do people here think im having a breakdown? its not just anxiety..

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...