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Guest cat1

i feel like all the work ive done fighting my ocd is wasted as now im back to being uncertain its ocd one minute and certain it is,the next! this thing at the drs has really messed me up mentally.Ive been bad all week,moods up and down,confused,stressed..angry,lost...completely lost..

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Guest cat1

hi,im wondering if anyone is reading this thread,as im feeling quite lonely here..helloooo? i just had another spike this afternoon.My mum has a programme called 'embarrassing bodies' on,it shows people undergoing medical exams on tv,yes all there bits and pieces.And they showed this guy going to undo his trousers.And i got this rush of anxiety and blushed and felt like i liked it (although i know i wouldnt in reality).And then when he opened them further i felt really anxious and thought 'yuck' as i realised what we were going to see.Then i went out the room as it was only an advert.When i came back in the programme was still on,and i saw it and thought 'i want to see this programme',then i had another intrusive thought saying 'and that mans bits'.As i knew they hadnt shown that bit yet.I then felt completely sick at that thought,as i also had the urge like i wanted to watch it,i felt like i did because of the anxiety i presume.I tried not to ruminate although i kept thinking why would i feel like i wanted to watch that),but i managed to let it go.So i sat and watched it,with no interest there in reality,i was just watching it with my family.Then that bit came on and i had very little anxiety,and thought nothing positive of it.Ive had these urges before where ocd makes me feel like and think that i want to watch something with a guy in,and when i give into it and watch it as i often do,the anxiety is reduced.I suppose this is like a checking compulsion right? as i know that when i watch things i will be ok,if have no or little anxiety. where someone gives into it and then gets relief when theyve done it? the whole thought of wanting to watch a guys bits is not what id want at all,its totally unwanted and i hate the thoughts.Yet at the time,lately i seem to get this real urge to laugh with the anxiety.And yet the thoughts are far from funny.maybe its a compulsion to laugh.can anyone help with this as its really upsetting me?! one funny thing today was that my mum gave me some old photos of me as a kid to look through,which were quite nice,except that i got this really unsettled feeling as i felt sad as i didnt have this ocd back then,and looked so carefree.When i saw one picture when i had no top on,i was about 11 or 12,i got a kind of anxiety groinal thing like when i have the ocd.which to me proves that its all caused by ocd!

i find my compulsive urges,or just urges i dont know,even more disturbing than the thoughts sometimes,as i get this horrible liking or wanting to do it feeling,even though it make me feel sick after.Sometimes i dont even realise theyre ocd urges,and act on them thinking i must really want to do it,then i end up feeling physically sick,and very anxious and analysing why i did what i did or felt like i wanted to do what i did.please help me on this! and this urge to laugh feeling of brief enjoyment i get with the anxiety makes me feel sick too! especially as ive got a similar feeling on non ocd non triggering situations when i do find something funny.but i really dont think that when i get it with the ocd spikes that i find it nice or funny at all!

i find it sickening that the ocd can make me think i like something or enjoy it against my will.As i would never choose to feel like that.what with that and the groinal response (although i dont get that when i get the laughing thing) its killing me! i cant stand it!my daughters been doing sex education at school lately,and when she even mentions men,or just laughs at sex things on tv like kids too,it sets off my anxiety and laughter thing.so even shes spiking me now! (and yes im doing my best to do the four steps etc).

an ocd therapist (who unfortunately cannot be mine) told me that the anxiety can make u feel like u like it,that its because of the adrenaline etc released.i wish i could believe that right now..

the horrible thing is,sometimes when ive had these urges and been anxious,ive tried to think them through as though they are rational,and have them believed thought that i did want to look.But then when i looked i felt so horrible.so i feel like the ocd is disguising itself as me very convincingly.As sometimes when i do them i feel horrible,as ocd then says i looked because i was interested or tries to make me analyse why i wanted to look,which i can never answer,and sometimes i feel relieved (as ive checked i suppose).

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Guest cat1

seriously,can anyone advise me on this? its so horrible!

im never sure what to do when it strikes as its so hard to ignore.I have been trying the four steps etc but im not finding its helping me much with this one.how do other people cope with unwanted urges that give u feelings u dont want? im thinking that maybe subconsciously i know that if i look it will confirm for me that im really gay,as when i have given into it ive NEVER liked what i saw.

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Cat, please stop thread bumping and give people a chance to respond. Sadly I suspect many people are fed up of repeating the same thing to you, which is why you are not getting many replies. We can reply, but it is no point if you don't take those replies on board.

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Guest cat1

i understand that ashley,and im sorry if u think that.but i have not had a response on this issue of urges,and think that maybe i should treat them differently to the thoughts.thats why i wanted some peoples opinions.Believe me,ive found it very helpful the opinions and advice ive received on this thread.To me it feels like i need a proper way to deal with the urges,and im wondering if anyone whos had therapy for such things could share with me how to deal with them.As when i get them,i dont know if i should be trying not to give into them,or ignoring them.As i dont want to make them worse by responding in a bad way.this problem is killing me right now and id just like to know what to do! ive just had another urge to look at the tv,when this guy said this other guy was going to take his clothes off.There no pleasure involved at all for me,i felt like i had to look! i hate this so much! whats wrong with me!

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Guest cat1

ive already been referred for therapy over 8 months ago and assessed by a psychologist,and since been told they have no ocd specialists there.so may have to go back to my drs.I asked ashlely to chase up my cbt for me but havent heard from him.i cant face waiting another eight months on a waiting list.The person doing my telephone help is also trained in cbt though.I feel like there is no help in my area.im really panicking right now about these urges.please can u tell me what to do about them? i genuinely dont know if what im doing is right or if i need to do something else.im sorry if ive been told before,but if i have i cant remember.im feeling so bad right now.if u tell me ill save it to my computer to make sure i dont ask again,ok?as when i look at it ill remember ive already asked. im in tears right now and dont want to go on like this...i cant cope,i really mean that,i dont know what to do.im not trying to be annoying im really not.i just cant take this anymore,the ocd,the stress,everything.i mean,why the hell would i get anxiety then feel like i had to look at that guy on tv? how can this all be ocd?PLEASE HELP ME!

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Guest legend

Their concern over these bad thoughts may cause them to scrutinize their bodies to determine if the thoughts result in feelings of arousal. But, focusing attention of any part of the body can result in feelings in that part of the body, hence doing so may decrease confidence and increase fear about acting on the urges. Part of treatment of sexual intrusive thoughts involves therapy to help sufferers accept intrusive thoughts and stop trying to reassure themselves by checking their bodies.[17]

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Guest cat1

how should i know? what am i supposed to say to that! if i knew i wouldnt be asking what to do.its not because i fancy them or get pleasure from looking at them.when i get the urge i dont even feel interested in them,in the way that if i was interested in something i would feel some positive looking forward to it kind of feelings.its not like that.

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Guest cat1

im not interested in men! can i make that clear as i feel u dont believe me on that!

well if i get an urge to look i get anxiety then a thought saying i want to look,then i feel like i want to look,although that feeling makes me feel sick to my stomach,then i feel like sometimes i feel like i have to look.Sometimes i get a thought telling me im choosing to look,but whichever it is it feels horrible when i give into it.And any feelings i get when im anxious that make me feel like i like it make me feel like i want to die,rather than have them.Although sometimes after ive looked i get some relief briefly from the anxiety,then i get more intrusive thoughts saying 'you looked because u want men',but i dont.does that help u?This is making me feel worse legend.most of the time,if im less anxious when i get the urge,i know its not out of sexual interest.But then more doubts creep in making me doubt everything.i really need some help here.im trying to understand it myself so i cant answer ur questions,its making me more confused and anxious.

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Guest legend

What would be your goal from this cat, to not look at men at all,and/ or to have the unwanted urges and thougthts

that make you feel the need to look at them diminished.

Just like to make it clear, i have been supporting you, and i dont need reminding that your gay, thats why

you have unwanted intrusive thoughts about being attracted to men.

Accept your ocd cat, your still challenging it.

one day, youll be able to look at men, and be able say, hes a good looking guy, without it making you anxious

and doubtful, thats the ultimate goal in my opinion

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Guest cat1

i want the urges and unwanted thoughts to go away!(by that i mean the 'you fancy him' kind of ones) i realise the thoughts might come up from time to time.i just thought from ur questions that u werent sure if i really wanted to look at the men.i thought thats what u were saying.im sorry if thats wrong.but because im panicking,when someone asks me more questions it makes me more confused and doubting.can u explain what u mean by u saying im still challenging my ocd? as ill do everything i can to beat this.when im not having many problems with the ocd,i can look at a guy and think hes attractive,and it not make me that anxious,although it does bother me a bit.So i have been there,but im not at the moment.

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Guest legend
i want the urges and unwanted thoughts to go away! i realise the thoughts might come up from time to time.i just thought from ur questions that u werent sure if i really wanted to look at the men.i thought thats what u were saying.im sorry if thats wrong.but because im panicking,when someone asks me more questions it makes me more confused and doubting.

not at all cat, sorry if i made you more anxious,

remember though cat, these are thoughts, and the thoughts are awful and very debilitating, and they belong

to an illness, we just need to change the way we react to them, and of course

let them be, they cannot harm, they simply are just thoughts, thats all

challenging, ....your responding to its demands, feeding it the food it craves, if you starve it, it will get easier

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Guest cat1

thankyou.its more the urges and groinal responses (which dont usually occur together) that are most upsetting to me now.As i cant rationalise these urges to look at men or whatever the thoughts say i want to look at.theyre what kill me the most! im at such a low ebb right now,please be gentle with me,i really cant take anymore stress.i dont want to argue or upset anyone im just desperate for help.im sorry if im being annoying,its not on purpose,but i dont know what else to do right now.im at the end of my tether with this and everything,.when im panicking i cant always think logically at all,and say the wrong thing.so if i get an urge to look i dont give in?

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im not interested in men! can i make that clear as i feel u dont believe me on that!

If that is what you feel, you've really not taken on board what people are saying Cat.

Why do I get these urges to look at Men?

Because you have OCD!

That is also why you check your intimate areas constantly.

Looking at men, fearing you fancy them, fearing they fancy you, fearing you're becoming straight,

tingling and checking, looking at men on TV.....

ARE ALL PART OF THE OCD SYNDROME

In a situation like the TV programme at your Mums, you should aim to carry on normally and when the panicky feelings arise, label them and carry on.

If you're at home and the urge comes to check your reaction to magazines or TV featuring men...resist the urge and relabel, if you're doing it to check.

The alternative is to watch as much as you can with content you find disturbing until you're utterly bored by it.

I am a married, straight woman and watching a programme featuring womens bits wouldn't bother me.....and yet I'm not gay. The same would be true of most people....gay women wouldn't exerience such distress at the sight of the male form....UNLESS it featured as one of their OCD worries.

At the moment you are still relying heavily on others to get you past these blips....is this thought, is that thought, what about this sensation....????

It's one of the reasons your OCD is troubling you so badly. This is something many of us have discussed with you before. It's probably another reason peole aren't responding, as they know that by doing so, they aren't helping you.

There is so much information in your threads for you to read back on but you have to start applying the advice. You have to take a calculated risk and identify these feelings for yourself.

I don't underestimate your fears at all but ultimately, we have to put the knowledge to use ourselves....and I know, it's hard.

Caramoole

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Guest legend

most important thing cat, is you know why you have them, and the thoughts, because you have ocd,

and thats important to accept.

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Guest cat1

so id i have the urge to look and im at my mums i give into it? or not?as i dont know if i did right by sitting down and watching that programme today after the ocd said i wanted to see it.the thing is,i dont always know consciously if im giving in to check or not,thats why i dont know what to do.do u see what i mean? i just know i find it all very disturbing and unwanted.so would u think 'i want to watch a programme with naked women in'? as i just feel that it has to be ocd for me,otherwise i simply wouldnt be gay would i.i said that to legend as i didnt think he realised i wasnt into looking at men.

so if i look at a man and then have an urge to check my body,i dont do it.ok ive got that one.

If that is what you feel, you've really not taken on board what people are saying Cat.

Why do I get these urges to look at Men?

Because you have OCD!

That is also why you check your intimate areas constantly.

Looking at men, fearing you fancy them, fearing they fancy you, fearing you're becoming straight,

tingling and checking, looking at men on TV.....

ARE ALL PART OF THE OCD SYNDROME

In a situation like the TV programme at your Mums, you should aim to carry on normally and when the panicky feelings arise, label them and carry on.

If you're at home and the urge comes to check your reaction to magazines or TV featuring men...resist the urge and relabel, if you're doing it to check.

The alternative is to watch as much as you can with content you find disturbing until you're utterly bored by it.

I am a married, straight woman and watching a programme featuring womens bits wouldn't bother me.....and yet I'm not gay. The same would be true of most people....gay women wouldn't exerience such distress at the sight of the male form....UNLESS it featured as one of their OCD worries.

At the moment you are still relying heavily on others to get you past these blips....is this thought, is that thought, what about this sensation....????

It's one of the reasons your OCD is troubling you so badly. This is something many of us have discussed with you before. It's probably another reason peole aren't responding, as they know that by doing so, they aren't helping you.

There is so much information in your threads for you to read back on but you have to start applying the advice. You have to take a calculated risk and identify these feelings for yourself.

I don't underestimate your fears at all but ultimately, we have to put the knowledge to use ourselves....and I know, it's hard.

Caramoole

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so id i have the urge to look and im at my mums i give into it?

It's not a case of giving in to the urge (in this case), it's carrying on normally in a situation dictated by others....not to watch (in that case) would be avoidance to avoid the thoughts it may provoke.

Caramoole

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Guest cat1

im really confused though,as surelly if its an ocd urge shouldnt i be not giving into it? as if i do give into it,i then get more intrusive thoughts.But then agin if i dont give into it i get more thoughts about what it meant anyway,so i cant win.when i thought that earlier at my mums,i did relabel it ocd,even though the doubts were at the back of my mind and i felt awful.i did manage to carry on.but i felt guilty and bad as i think my mum wondered why i was quiet and i couldnt say why.i think why i find it difficult to deal with is that if i give into it,sometimes i feel relief from the anxiety,as i know i dont like the men i see,and sometimes i feel worse,as i then get more thoughts saying that i gave into it because i really do like men.so then feel more anxious and disturbed by it.And sometimes when i give into it i dont feel as bothered,as i know its not for interest reasons (ie what ocd would say it was) that i looked.but it still troubles me.The feelings around it vary too as there is always anxiety,but sometimes its less and i give into it.sometimes i find i just dont give into it,as i ignore the thoughts and the urge goes away.

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im really confused though,as surelly if its an ocd urge shouldnt i be not giving into it?

At your Mums, did you say "Turn this programme on Mum", using it as a sneaky way to give in to an urge?

I presume your Mum had the TV on and wanted to watch the programme. The normal behaviour (which is what we aim to achieve) would be to accept what was on (despite the fact it might trouble us) i.e not avoid it.

Caramoole

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Guest cat1

no i didnt.it was on anyway,and before i left the room i saw an advert for what would be on the programme later,showing the man undoing his trousers,then it cut to something else.At the time i felt awful as with the anxiety came this urge to laugh like i was enjoying what he was doing,which made me feel sick.no,enjoyments not the right word,but i felt like i was holding back the urge to laugh and as though i thought it was funny.Later on as i came back in the room i had the anxiety and thought 'i want to watch that' as i noticed she still had the programme on,and knew that bit was going to be on.then the ocd added on another thought 'you want to watch that to see the mans bits,or the man,(i cant remember which).then i sat down with my parents and watched the programme,as id ignored the thought.And didnt feel any desire to watch it,i just watched it as they were.(although the thougths had worried me) when that bit came on i did feel this slight anxiety but didnt enjoy watching it.My daughter was there (shes 8) and she was laughing and commenting on it,which made me feel embarrassed and laugh a bit because of that.

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and thought 'i want to watch that' as i noticed she still had the programme on.then the ocd added on another thought 'you want to watch that to see the mans bits,or the man

But that isn't an urge.....those are just the taunting thoughts that OCD produces. To stay and watch the programme (despite feeling uncomfortable) was the right thing to do.

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Guest cat1

yeah but along with the thoughts was this feeling of wanting to watch it (false feeling which ocd tries to convince me is real) ,which i know i wouldnt want if i hadnt been anxious and had the thoughts.it was like a pull to watch it,(with no feelings of real desire there) which i found disturbing.i get that with all my urges,like i feel like i have to watch it,but the ocd also makes me feel like i want to,but i dont really.sometimes the urge to watch is strong and i just do it.sometimes it feels like i have to do it,even though i dont want to,although the ocd will try to make me feel like i do want to.

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