where im at now...

[Guest Wombat142]

Yes that's it. Do whatever the the situation seems to call for, but do NOT, if you can possibly help it, do anything just because an OCD urge has got in your head. Don't look at things just because your OCD wants you to look at them. And don't refuse to look at them just because your OCD wants you to look at them. Do whatever you would do if it wasn't for the OCD, because an OCD thought in your head has no importance at all except that it is annoying.

I have to say that it's not just you that can't sort this out. I had to reread the mods' postings a couple of times before I could be quite sure what they were telling you to do. It does get complicated doesn't it?

All the best,

Wombat142

[Guest Wombat142]

Oh bother I missed the last two postings. But what I said still applies.

[Guest cat1]

yes it is very complicated,particularly as the urges seem different at different times and come with varying feelings.i wish i knew what i would do if it wasnt for the ocd.i do know i wouldnt choose to watch a programme i knew would have mens bits in,as that doesnt interest me.im feeling i have to know how to respond to each urge,thats what makes it complicated,as i dont want to treat it wrong and make the problem worse.thanks wombat.i see what ur getting at...

Yes that's it. Do whatever the the situation seems to call for, but do NOT, if you can possibly help it, do anything just because an OCD urge has got in your head. Don't look at things just because your OCD wants you to look at them. And don't refuse to look at them just because your OCD wants you to look at them. Do whatever you would do if it wasn't for the OCD, because an OCD thought in your head has no importance at all except that it is annoying.

I have to say that it's not just you that can't sort this out. I had to reread the mods' postings a couple of times before I could be quite sure what they were telling you to do. It does get complicated doesn't it?

All the best,

Wombat142

[Caramoole]

yeah but along with the thoughts was this feeling of wanting to watch it

Yeah but nothing

That is what OCD does.....this is something you're not managing to take on board.

Take some time to read round other threads....every type of OCD produces these feelings. Somebody who fears they will molest a child may see a naked youngster on the beach and have that same feeling that they wanted to look.....

......it's that element of the condition that gives it the power.

Somewhere Cat, you're going to have to find a way, and the faith, to trust people when they tell you your thoughts....all of them, are typical of OCD. Until you can take that bit on board, despite the doubt it will create.....nothing anyone says is going to help you. You have to work that bit out and live through the doubt and questions that arise.

[Guest cat1]

thanks caramoole,i agree with u,although im surprised and disturbed with how bad these false good feelings can make u feel,ie how real they can feel.thats the bit that gets me.As all the ocd books says that the thoughts dont bring u any pleasure,but they dont mention this false good feeling or false liking feeling do they...? if theres a book that does please let me know which one...so the THOUGHT are typical of ocd? not just the reactions? i get what u mean,thanks.

Yeah but nothing

That is what OCD does.....this is something you're not managing to take on board.

Take some time to read round other threads....every type of OCD produces these feelings. Somebody who fears they will molest a child may see a naked youngster on the beach and have that same feeling that they wanted to look.....

......it's that element of the condition that gives it the power.

Somewhere Cat, you're going to have to find a way, and the faith, to trust people when they tell you your thoughts....all of them, are typical of OCD. Until you can take that bit on board, despite the doubt it will create.....nothing anyone says is going to help you. You have to work that bit out and live through the doubt and questions that arise.

[Guest legend]

no ocd books, told me, that when i was having intrusive thoughts about abusing my kids, and in those thoughts

i was enjoying it...............still ocd though, and so is yours, sadly, your illness is still making you doubt.

legend

Edited June 6, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

thanks legend,that must have been awful for you.ive had thoughts about hurting my child when she was younger,in violent ways,i dont get them so much now though.Ive also sometimes had thoughts about doing inappropriate things to her,that utterly sicken me.But luckily i dont get them often now though.why dont books mention the feelings part more in relation to ocd? and why dont they explain more about the physical symptoms or anxiety,ie list all the variations or something.im wondering if i should write a book saying the things i wish were already in books about ocd! mmmm.do others here get urges to look at things they deep down dont want to look at? or do things that deep down they wouldnt want to do? i think it would help me to know what others go through in this regard.i dont mean just the thoughts,but real urges that they find abhorent? has anyone with sexuality or sexual obsession had these urges and did u ignore them?i dont just mean that the ocd tells u ur enjoying the urges,but that u feel horrible nice like feelings which u dont want to have?

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

im back to getting thos sudden ocd panics.where i suddenly feel panicky and think that im not really gay,and actually 'feel' like im not.Its the most horrible feeling in the world.does anyone else get these? legend,did u get that where u felt u were really a paedophile? its so scary and horrible i almost feel faint from the high anxiety,i also feel sick.I did ignore it as much as i could and its going slowly down now.When i get like that if i want to read a gay magazine i feel like i cant as it makes me feel really horrible,as though im a liar or something,or a fraud.does anyone else get this? once the feeling has passed and the anxiety has gone i then worry about what it was,why it happened etc.i can only think that its part of the ocd.i had some panics on holiday too,like one minute i was ok then the next i would have this huge panic out of nowhere thinking my groinal response must really not be that at all.its like i feel like im dying when i get it,or going to die,its so horrible.im upset these feelings have come back as ive got way past the point where i felt like the thoughts were true,but i seem to have slipped back there lately.for me its one of the worst part of the illness,ive noticed they dont mention it in ocd books either.

[Guest legend]

Of course i did cat, and as my pysch said, the thoughts become so strong you actually believe in them....

as a sufferer believes there hands are dirty, the doors not locked, i fancy men, the arousal means i must be

unfortuantly, whether its in a book, billboards, tv, your ocd will still make you doubt, and thats why its

called the doubting desease, and the longer you continue to search for answers, and check, the longer

you stay in the loop

stop looking for certainty cat, you have ocd, thats it, nothing more, nothing less,

Take the leap of faith, and start to concentrate, on not engaging with the thoughts, and do lots of distraction,

Acceptance is very important, and any doubt that ocd will throw at you, ignore it, its difficult, but the

efforts are well worth it.

In theory, carry on what you want to do, if it makes you anxious, carry on, dont avoid, it will fade.

[Guest cat1]

ok,thanks legend.i did ignore the panics today and carried on,despite the anxiety.i didnt let myself ruminate on it.I had another trigger this morning,which i managed to ignore.I think ive done a lot better today then i have recently.what annoys me though,is that after being on here last night,i felt more of a fight to tackle this evil monster,then this morning it goes at me again with this panic! it doesnt want u to feel good i think! sooo,if i get an ocd urge to watch a programme with a man in,as my ocd says 'you want to see them/their bits etc',or the same with a book or real person,do i do what the urge says and look,or do i ignore it and dont look? or do i ignore the thought and carry on watching it? thats what im confused about still.Particularaly as the ocd confuses me sometimes and i end up not knowing if i want to in reality watch it or if its the ocd making me feel that way.do u see what i mean? i mean,mostly when the anxiety starts to go down i think i know i wouldnt want to watch it.The trouble is,sometimes i end up telling myself i wouldnt want to watch it out of sexualt interest,but im now thinking that by saying that its engaging with the intrusive thoughts.And it gives the ocd a chance to say back 'are u sure u dont want to watch it etc etc'.i know i shouldnt engage with the thoughts,but should i do what the urge says? as often i dont know if its an unconsious checking thing,ie i dont consciously think ill watch it to check,but sometimes i get anxiety relief when i watch as see that i dont like the man.But sometimes when ive given in to it,i feel worse as i get more intrusive thoughts saying 'you watched it because u fancy men',or the ocd tries to make me analyse why i thought and felt like i wanted to watch it.

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

The aftermath, you ignore, thats ocd trying to trick you.

and, with a good therapist, and using exposure, your ocd will get better.

[Guest cat1]

but if i give into the urge,isnt that giving in to the ocd,which says i want to watch it? shouldnt i NOT give into it? ive found that i cant seem to win either way.As if i give into it,i then either get some relief,as my anxiety gets lower as i know then i dont like the man.Or at other times when i give into the urge i feel much worse,as the ocd comes back at me with more intrusive thoughts ie 'you watched it,that proves ur not gay',which are very scay and panic inducing thoughts.thats why i find it so confusing to know how to treat it!

i dont have access to a therapist! i wish i did!

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Caramoole]

I think only you can work this one out Cat.

Try and work to identify what these thoughts are, whether this is you wanting to watch things to check that you don't respond and to neutralise the anxiety.

As an outsider looking in, I think that these aren't always urges as such but the typical taunting and intrusive thoughts that flash into your mind....as are very typical in all forms of OCD.

If they are thoughts flashing in saying "Aha....you're really interested beause this has Men in it, you really want to watch it".....they're probably just an intrusive thought.

If you feel a really strong urge to view material, and if you don't, the urge & anxiety gets stronger....I suspect it's more probably the urge to check.

As with every type of OCD, we know that you don't want to do do these things for pleasure...so you need to try and work out which of the above is happening when it does.

The ultimate aim is to react normally.....like yesterday at your Mum's, the normal behaviour would have been to watch the programme without being distressed, even if it was a programme that you perhaps wouldn't have chosen yourself.

Caramoole

[Guest cat1]

i do feel they are urges though,as it feels like i have to watch or do it,even though when i give into it i feel horrible and then get more anxious.Its definately not me consciously thinking i want to watch it to check how i will feel,i know its NOT that.But i wondered if subconsciously i want to check,even if im not aware of it consciously,and thats why i give into it? its like a pull to do it whether i want to or not deep down.If u see what i mean.i would never consciously think 'i want to watch stuff with men in',its just not something i would think,if u know what i mean.Thats why i think its a compulsive urge and part of the ocd.yes sometimes i have watched things because i know i wont get anxious,but when i do that its not because of an urge.Its not just thoughts saying 'you want to watch that',theres an urge to do it along with it,pulling me to do it.do u see what i mean? Theres never any pleasure involved in giving into these urges at all.I have also had urges where i feel really anxious if i dont give into it.It varies really.As sometimes i feel more anxious AFTER ive given into the urges,as i then get more intrusive thoughts trying to get me to think that i watched it because i wanted to see the men,when i know i didnt.All i know is that its not me at all.

I just think that by watching that programme yesterday,after having an urge,ie a feeling of pull to watch it AND an intrusive thought,was not thr right thing to do,as it meant that i gave into the urge and the thought.

I just know that when i want to watch something to check it doesnt come with the same feeling.As when i watch something to check i have this self confidence feeling like i know everything will be alright,when i do watch it.Its like im proving to the ocd how irraitonal it is.The urges i get though dont come with this feeling,they come with a feeling of wanting to watch it,alongside the anxiety and intrusive thoughts telling me i do.Then i feel physically sick at all the thoughts etc.From what ive read about compulsive urges,it sounds like a classic one to me.Just as a person with paedophile ocd feels they have to look at a child,and feels like they want to look,although the feeling and thoughts are caused by ocd not them.The thoughts i get with the urges are not me,if u know what i mean,theyre very obviously intrusive,and not something i decided to do to test myself.It always feels like someone else telling me what i want to do,not me.So for me,its intrusive thoughts AND a strong urge to look that i get.I mostly feel awful when ive given in to it,although occassionally get some anxiety relief to start with as ive done what the ocd said.Then more intrusive thoughts come in,which are worse.

I think only you can work this one out Cat.

Try and work to identify what these thoughts are, whether this is you wanting to watch things to check that you don't respond and to neutralise the anxiety.

As an outsider looking in, I think that these aren't always urges as such but the typical taunting and intrusive thoughts that flash into your mind....as are very typical in all forms of OCD.

If they are thoughts flashing in saying "Aha....you're really interested beause this has Men in it, you really want to watch it".....they're probably just an intrusive thought.

If you feel a really strong urge to view material, and if you don't, the urge & anxiety gets stronger....I suspect it's more probably the urge to check.

As with every type of OCD, we know that you don't want to do do these things for pleasure...so you need to try and work out which of the above is happening when it does.

The ultimate aim is to react normally.....like yesterday at your Mum's, the normal behaviour would have been to watch the programme without being distressed, even if it was a programme that you perhaps wouldn't have chosen yourself.

Caramoole

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

i think i get a mixture of both the things u said.As often after the urge to watch and i have given in to it,it neutralises the anxiety.But sometimes when i get the urge to watch and i give into it,the anxiety then gets worse and i get more intrusive thoughts.But there is always a feeling urge there and the thoughts are always like someone else telling me,not me deciding.Actually,now i think about it,wheever i have given into the urges,ive most often got some relief from the anxiety even if only for a minute,before more intrusive thoughts and worse doubts come in...mostly ive given in to the urges,so its hard to say what would happen if i didnt.But on the odd occassion i havent given in,ive felt AWFUL.

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

i think the important bit cat, is to watch tv how you would normallly,your favourite programmes, etc.

[Guest cat1]

and if i get a thought saying 'i/or you want to watch that programme with men in it'? i do what? im getting so confused by all this and dont know how to react! help! i feel like caramoole is saying they may not be urges,but they feel like them to me.

[Guest legend]

so does the urge happen before a programme, or after you start to watch ?

[Guest cat1]

Always before,often before i know whats going to be on.Say if im reading my tv guide,and see something with men in,i get the thought and urge to watch it,even though i wouldnt normally be interested in something like that (im not saying i am when i get the urge,just ocd makes me think i am).Ive even had the thought when ive seen something with men in advertised 'you will want to watch that next week'.so the ocd says that when it comes on tv the next week,i will want to watch it.which i rarely do.

Although if im already watching a programme,and they show an advert for a bit on men which is coming on later in the programme,i will think that i will watch it,as i know i wont spike.(i think thats me fooling myself into thinking that im not really going to watch it to check though!)

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

get ya now, so the ocd says, youll want to watch that, because its got men in, and you feel like the

ocd wants you to watch it..........this you really have to ignore, its an intrusion.

watch what you want, when you want to, and if you get intrusions whilst watching, sit it out, it will

help in the long run.

legend.

[Guest cat1]

sooo,if the ocd says 'you want to watch it',and makes me feel like i do,i dont watch it?

i do this to the ocd?>>>>>>>>> :afro:

the thing is though,sometimes it used to confuse me into thinking it was me not the ocd,but it never felt like me,as it wouldnt be something id normally want to watch.

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

thats it cat :clapping: .......hit it on the head..........and yes it is ocd....everytime.

it would of been similar to me, in my position, ocd would of said, you want to watch that programme

as it has kids in it, its an intrusion,

legend.

[Guest cat1]

thanks legend.ive not had a bad day today,only spiked slightly earlier,but got over that quickly.i think whats youve said about me accepting that i have an illness is very important,and something i find hard to do.I think its because sometimes when i go a long time with no triggers,i dont feel like i have an illness anymore.does that make sense? im now not sure if when im not affected by it,i should know that i still have it,so it shocks me less when it strikes? as it often catches me out when it comes back again.Im wondering if ill ever get to the point that ur at,where the thoughts etc no longer bother me.i think sometimes i get anxious if they dont bother me,as i worry that i'll start to like them,although i know thats not true.i do feel frustrated about my lack of cbt therapy.im worried if i go back to the drs i will have to wait up to another year (which ive been told the wait is by the place i was assessed at last july) to see an ocd specialist.i dont know if there are any other places where i could get cbt on the nhs where i live.I just dont think i can wait another year,i want this sorted now,im trying to help myself over this as it looks like i may not have any alternative.

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest legend]

Anticipation, cat, a very powerful tool too, you can go many days, or weeks ocd free, but sometimes it

can come back and bite your bum, but....having the knowledge, and being able to recognise it when it does happen,

is an important tool.

of course, having intrusive thoughts, without anxiety, can be quite worrying, as the ocd can make you doubt

you even more, where as in reality, the idea, is to get rid of the anxiety, and not let the thoughts

bother you.....

ive rubber stamped myself cat, im an ocd sufferer, thats the way it is, but at least i know the rules, inside

out, i think lol....and i lead a very good life, despite having intrusive thoughts, from time to time.

leg. x

re cbt, i think it would be a good idea, if all the people on here, signed a petition, and sent it off to parliament,

maybe that would rattle a few cages !!

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest cat1]

but how do u let the thoughts not bother u or make u angry or frustrate you,as they do me? i get so annoyed at the ocd for making me feel like im not really me again.The times in between when i dont have it are like heaven,as im me again! So when i dont get the ocd am i supposed to think it might be around the corner? as i think if i thought that id trigger it off...i do think i recognise it most of the time,except just lately since it has changed how it had attacked me slightly.Although often when i think its changed i later realise that it hasnt,that ive had the same thoughts/physical anxiety symptoms before.Sometimes i have the trigger with just the anxiety and NOT the thoughts,that catches me out.Sometimes i just know that the ocd has been triggered,by my response to the situation,do u know what i mean? do u never get caught out by new thoughts etc?

yes,i think we should lobby parliament,maybe even the queen herself! its outrageous,i mean,the nhs is supposed to help people with all sorts of illnesses.It annoys me that so much government money is wasted on certain pointless things,when it could be put to good use providing more therapy for people who really need it and want to get better! :hammer:

Edited June 7, 2009 by Guest