V. Bad Day

[Guest lilyelspeth]

Nothing is going well for me right now and I had nowhere else to go. I can't sleep, eating is difficult (another OCD conundrum).

-I can't find a job and I'm a v. talented person. I am running out of money and I am afraid I am going to lose everything.

-My boyfriend is giving me a hard time, I'm changing myself to be with him. Loneliness is just too much for me anymore.

-My mum had an operation today and they decided to make my brother the one they called with updates (as always, leaving me out). I'm more like extended family than a daughter. I ring her every other day and he rings her maybe once every 10 days?!

I just want to give up on everything. I had a good scream and cry though. So now I am watching sad things and listening to depressing music. Sometimes that seems to help.

God I could rip my hair out sometimes. I'm so afraid to die, but who would miss me?

[Caramoole]

God I could rip my hair out sometimes. I'm so afraid to die, but who would miss me?

I'm sure there'd be more than you think

My mum had an operation today and they decided to make my brother the one they called with updates

Who knows, perhaps your Mum realises that this would cause you a lot of stress and did it to lessen the load. When we're feeling down we can often only see the negative side.

I can't sleep, eating is difficult

Can sympathise with both. Sleeping's not so easy, I just lie there, try think of nothing and do usually nod off eventually. Eating, or inability to, can be a biggy for me when very anxious...it seems physically impossible.....try and identify when you can get something down and try....for me it's late at night....forget the nutritional value and eat what you can, when you can......I can usually manage toast, crisps or soup...do what you can to get by.

So now I am watching sad things and listening to depressing music. Sometimes that seems to help.

I used to do that when I was younger.....now I do the opposite, something really upbeat like Status Quo (Okay, I know that's not hip :blushing: but it defies you to feel sad!!)

My boyfriend is giving me a hard time, I'm changing myself to be with him

Just don't....it will only work in the short term anyway. Always be yourself and only change for yourself if that's what is best for you.

I can't find a job and I'm a v. talented person. I am running out of money and I am afraid I am going to lose everything

That's a bit more difficult in the current climate. Is there anything you could do short term....perhaps not in accordance with your skills.... but just as a stop-gap money earner? It doesn't have to be forever.

In the meantime...sending you a :hug: and hope that tomorrow's a more hopeful day.

Take Care

Caramoole

[njb]

Hi Lilyspeth,

You sound like a thoughtful person and I am sure so many people would miss you. There are more aspects to you as an individual than OCD, remember that. You are made of so many unique and wonderful things. Is opening up to your mum and brother an option as a start ?

I always think the one's who truly know you best, even better than yourself when a fresh perspective is required are your family. They may not be your best friends but they may know you best. Failing that friends or GP (stranger in the street :lol: !!!)

Sorry you are at a low point, it's part of the illness, but you can and will get better.

:biggrin:

Edited June 16, 2009 by Guest

[Guest chippy]

Sorry to hear you feel like that, I've been having a hard time myself and am in a similar position job wise. It brings you down and is incredibly frustrating, especially when you have money worries on top of that. I agree your mum probably didn't want to worry you, my family do the same thing, they don't tell me things cos their worried it will upset me.

As for who would miss you, you know your family would and you wont always feel like this. Music usually helps me cheer up or I'll watch something i love like Father ted because it's bound to put a smile on my face even for half an hour.

I felt very depressed and suicidal in the last few weeks and i eventually opened up to my family and felt a lot better after talking about it. Is this an option for you?

[Guest Maverick09]

Hello,

I saw your post and I too have had a bad day today. I have 7 GCSE's and should have 3 A Levels in September and I cannot find a job for love nor money. I like to think of myself as talented and bright but it's not really got me any true friends or what I would describe as a life. I ask myself the same question, who would really miss me if I was to do the unthinkable? You are here on this planet for a purpose, you are an important human being, even though you yourself dont recognise this. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies!

I understand and relate to your current feelings. I am feeling them to as I am sure many others are reading this. You aren't alone. And those giving you a hard time, in my opinion, I would only listen to anyone who has something productive to say, because what you need is a hug and some support, not people fighting against you.

Can I suggest that whilst listening to sad songs and stuff will ease you a bit, from my own experience, it's better to try and switch off and find something that makes you smile or laugh, or interests you, as hard as it may be right now. Don't get yourself into a bigger hole.

You have my support, feel free to PM anytime about anything. :original:

Take care and best wishes

Michael

[Guest lilyelspeth]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I really appreciate the support. I'm still a little down, but I am doing better today.

As far as the queries about my family, we are not close at all. They refuse to discuss my problems and I'm not even sure they accept that I have OCD. They would never do anything to "spare my feelings" and it's actually the opposite. They seem to do things just to make me cross.

And as far as friends, I don't have any besides my boyfriend. And sometimes that's a little weird to talk about things with him, especially when it's about him!

So we'll see how it goes. Thanks again!

[Guest TheGovna92]

I hope you're doing better today!

Yeah, this is quite a lonely time of year for a lot of us. Many people are going on vacation and for those of us in school/college/university we don't really have a load of people to talk to. I feel bored and lonely a lot of the time as well.

Don't let your boyfriend make you think you have to change yourself. I know you want someone to be with, I feel the same way, but just be yourself and someone will love that.

Think of this: since you have talents, and such a large group of people is struggling to find a job, you will be one of the first picks.

Try to do things that relax your mind and you enjoy before you go to bed; I like drawing.

Everyone would miss you if you died, trust me.

As for the OCD about eating, open up about it and it will help. After that, you can confront it once and for all.

It sounds like your family really doesn't understand OCD and is relying on your brother because they consider him more "stable". Maybe you could write them a letter explaining the condition and if they don't listen that says a lot about them.

Watching and listening to depressing things does help for a while, but eventually it will only make you feel worse. Sometimes I watch or listen to things that I wouldn't ordinarily but make me feel better at the time. For example, I used to listen to the song "Clumsy" by Our Lady Peace (don't really like or dislike it) because I could relate to it and it made me feel better. After a while, depressing stuff will only do harm but you may need to start off with it. Afterward, watch a funny movie or something like that.

Keep us posted

-theGovna92

[Guest chippy]

Good post