Not sure what to do for the best

[Guest Anthony]

Hi everyone

It's been a while since I last posted.

Things have been pretty tough with the obsessions. Got slightly better over Christmas (probably because I had some time off work), but pretty hard at the moment - feeling very tired, depressed and on red alert 24/7

I guess I'd like to hear your opinions on this - please don't be offended

I find visiting the board helpful in that it is good to share my experiences and OCD with others who have similar issues. But I also find that I read stuff that freaks me out. I feel so susceptible to obsessing about the things I read here. One of my obsessions is that I might become OCD contamination, so as you can imagine I find it very difficult to read those posts and wonder if it is actually making things worse. Even if the underlying message is a positive one, my mind focuses on all the "bad stuff"

My wife says it's a bit like being afraid that you've got cancer and picking up a medical dictionary - hey presto, you've got all the symptoms

I keep going round and round in circles - is it a good thing, am i feeding the OCD, I need to share my feelings with people who understand, will I read stuff I don't like, should I be focusing on positives etc etc

I know this board has been a huge help to many people, so please don't be offended by my questions

Cheers, Tony

[Adamski]

Hi Anthony,

There is a couple of things i notice about your post. The main point however is that you fear that certain posts (and i can imagine which posts they are) are going to trigger your ocd problems. Trust me, that is the ocd talking. I get like that and i'm sure that i am not the only one on the board that does. Try take these thoughts at face value. If they are causing you bother and you feel an urge to perhaps put right the thought then that has got to tell you that it is ocd. Also it may be worthwhile mentioning that this board is by no means the only resource which could have this effect. The media is full of stories which can spark reactions and therefore trigger ocd. But the same rule of thumb applies to them as it does to some of the posts on this board. If the response to the article starts a chain reaction with your obsessions, then it is definately your ocd dropping by for a chat. And that's all it is...just your ocd!!

Take care mate and speak soon i hope

Adam

[Guest Anthony]

Thanks Adam.

I guess my OCD is a kind of hypochondria focused on mental illnesses and anxiety disorders and anything associated with them - so I also get the violent and sexual stuff too. So I read something and then can't get it out of my mind - that's OCD for you I suppose - problem is once they are there I can't get rid of them.

So many people seem to be able to look at their OCD and laugh at it. For me it seems a matter of life and death

Thanks, Tony

[Guest Dragonfruit]

So many people seem to be able to look at their OCD and laugh at it.  For me it seems a matter of life and death

29047[/snapback]

Hi Tony

Welcome back!

(First of all apologies if this sounds in any way patronising. I'm not sure how I manage it but anytime I offer help/advice or try to teach someone something new at work I come across as the most obnoxious person - I'm sorry - I'm not sure how or why this happens - but I know that it does. It is not intended that way at all)

When I was going through my worst times I too felt that the OCD was a matter of life or death - I couldn't see anything remotely amusing about it. It just seemd like a huge black hole that had swallowed me and totally engulfed me.

I was scared, I was miserable, I was depressed, I was a mess.

Now however there are ELEMENTS of my OCD that I can laugh at. I can laugh at the fact that I used to carry a stick in my bag so that I'd always have access to it if I needed to "touch wood". At the time it was so real to me and so painful that I would never have considered I would be able to find it funny. Now I look back and it makes me giggle. It's taken a lot of years to get to that point but I've found it's quite a helpful tool. If you can manage to laugh at some of the more irrational behaviour you indulge in - it kind of makes it harder to go back to. I'm describing that really badly - but I found that once I'd been able to genuinely laugh at something like that it couldn't hurt me anymore.

There are some aspects I'll never find amusing - the intrusive thoughts have floored me, continue to do so and I imagine will always be a problem for me. But the way you deal with them is in your hands. It's not easy in any way - but if you accept that you will have the thoughts but that you'll be able to deal with them - the prospect of having them is easier to cope with - and I've found that the one's I've faced I've been able to almost eliminate. Not the thoughts themselves - they still come - but I've been able to ignore them and not let them bother me so much.

The other trick I've been trying to use is to really focus on the intrusive thought. Really try to picture it and concentrate on it and repeat it over and over again. It feels like torture to begin with - but in the same way a word loses any meaning if you repeat it often enough - it gradually gets easier to bear - and easier to move away from without fighting it and strengthening it.

I know this prob won't help you much - it wouldn't have helped me if someone had tried to tell me the same thing when I was struggling - but it will get easier.

[Guest bigkeefer]

Hi Anthony,

You are not alone with this issue. It used to be raised by numerous people when we used to live on the previous OCD board forums - and I think it is a very valid concern.

When you are suffering badly from OCD you are effectively at risk of being caught in the spiral effect. This can lead to a fragile state where reading about other people's OCD fears may well "give your OCD ideas"!

However - i think the benefits to you (in the long run) of coming here will far outweigh the possible short term issues.

Also the thing to remember is that, while you are in this fragile OCD induced state, you will pretty much pick up on ANYTHING that is around you. The news, medical articles, things people say in the street etc. etc.

I also think that, in the majority of cases, where people with their own fears will often read other people's fears and think "I'm not worried about those things. Things like that don't worry me." but they WILL understand what that person is going through because the common factor that is OCD's modus operandi.

But of course, sometimes, there will be a chance that some thing written may give your OCD something to feed on. I think most people here will recognise when this may be the case and put words similar to "possible trigger" somewhere before the main explanation as a forewarning.

One of the first things I worked on when my OCD was at its worst was to learn to start laughing at it... The theory being learning to accept that the OCD thoughts (whilst painful and potentially disabling in many ways) is in fact nonsence; Flotsam & jetsam of an anxious mind. A mental form of the unwanted dinner guest (who simply will not shut up talking about himself)...

And as such it helps to deride the thoughts. Treat it like a little unwanted Imp on your shoulder who keeps whispering unwanted thoughts in your head.

Ignore the Imp. Deride the Imp. And eventually push the little off your shoulder and leave him behind, eating the dust spawned from your departing feet...

I found humour a big weapon in my fight against OCD - often as a way of not giving it the respect it demanded by laughing at it instead.

Keep fighting.

[Guest Anthony]

Dragonfruit

You are quite the opposite - you expalin things very well and with empathy that only a fellow sufferer can have.

I'm glad to hear you're are improving and I know how hard you have been working at it. I must try to remember (without forcing it - that's my big problem) that I too have improved in the past.

I know I need to take responsibility for managing my OCD, rather than relying on luck or someone else. I just find facing the thoughts when i'm so worn out and tired and can't stop fighting them so difficult. I know that when I've felt OK I've looked back and can't believe that I actually concerned by these thoughts, but when i feel like this, that's a different story

I also know that I need to learn to let the thoughts go. It's so frustrating that I know it but just can't seem make it happen. At the moment I'm in battle with them every waking hour (If it's not one it's something else) and want them to go...I know that's what keeps the OCD alive...but agian just can't seem to break the fighting habit. BUT I WILL (that was really hard to write) :grin:

The other trick I've been trying to use is to really focus on the intrusive thought.  Really try to picture it and concentrate on it and repeat it over and over again.  It feels like torture to begin with - but in the same way a word loses any meaning if you repeat it often enough - it gradually gets easier to bear - and easier to move away from without fighting it and strengthening it.

I've been trying something similar to your repeating the thoughts. Today I wrote "Agoraphobia...I could get it", "what if I couldn't get out the street door" etc on about 6 pieces of paper and scattered them around where I was working. At least I'm trying

My thoughts seem to bounce from one to the next. So as I was focussing on "agoraphobia" - "schizophrenia" "harming" "can't get on a train " "heights" etc were all in for the party. From time to time I tried to look at the paper and read the "agoraphbia" words. I guess this is just the nature of my OCD

Good to hear from you

Tony