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Can't cope with the future


Guest meg5

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Hi I have not posted for a while so many things have been going on but today I am so desperate.

I

have started cbt but seem to have got side tracked in trying to combat my low self esteem which the therapist thinks ( and I do too ) is an important issue. The problem is I don't know if I can afford to keep going as I don't feel I have made any progress and I have already paid out a lot of money. I like the therapist and I want to stick with it because I can see it could work but it is so slow.

I feel today I don't know how to face the future . My lovely 8 year old daughter seems to have developed OCD. Her problem seems to be Pure O at the moment with intrusive thoughts but over the last few months she has also gone through phases of being convinced she has something wrong with parts of her body ( a sort of BDD I suppose ). Once she spent a morning sobbing about the wrinkles on her face. Of course at 8 years old her skin is perfect.

It is not so much that I need advice on what to do for her . I know only too well what needs to be done, it is more I feel I don't have the strength to cope with it. I feel so low myself and I think my daugghter is better and less distressed with thoughts when she is happily occupied bit I have to struggle so hard to keep up a level of cheerful activity because inside I feel so bad. Because of my OCD ( contamination based ) so many activities are difficult for me so I know I often don't seem relaxed. I think she picks this up .

I think I am begginning to be obsessed with the idea that I have to stay alive for a resonably long time because my daughter is going to need me. I have real problems with taking meds because it feels to me like taking poison but now I feel guilty for not taking any thing maybe I would be more useful if i did. Some of the cbt tasks involve taking risks which I see as being deadly so that now that leaves me with a feeling that I should not take these risks because my daughter would be deprived of the person who not only loves her but understands her. I am sure people will tell me the best help for her would be a mother who has beaten Ocd but even as I think this , part of me is thinking what use would I be if I died.

Meg

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Hi Meg,

You poor thing; I really feel for you - things sound so difficult. I wish I could just make it all go away.

I think I am begginning to be obsessed with the idea that I have to stay alive for a resonably long time because my daughter is going to need me. I have real problems with taking meds because it feels to me like taking poison but now I feel guilty for not taking any thing maybe I would be more useful if i did.

Maybe it would be worth giving the meds a try - they do help a lot of people. I know that won't be easy for you, but perhaps if you could have a word with whoever you see, you may be able to see them in a different light - not as a poison but as a support.

As to the cbt tasks - the risk taking is frightening but the tasks your therapist sets won't harm you - you will be safe - again maybe you need a bit more support to do the tasks.....perhaps your therapist could be there while you take the risks and may be able to reassure you.

I am so sorry that you now feel your little girl may be suffering - as you say, at least you love her and understand her.......I'm sure you're already doing this - keep an eye on her for more serious traits and it might be worth you talking this over with your GP/therapist to see whether intervention is needed or if it is perhaps a little phase she's going through.

I don't have any children so at least I have never had the guilt which seems to accompany many parents who have OCD....but I'm sure you're a lovely mum and have nothing to reproach yourself for.

Take care Meg. You know we're here whenever you need support.

whitebeam

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