Advice on illness-based worries

[Guest sweetdisaster]

Hi, I was just wondering whether going to see a doctor when you are concerned about your health serves to get rid of worries, or whether this can only serve to make it worse (unless of course you actually are ill with good reason to believe this, obviously).

What I suppose I mean is, is it best to humour the OCD if it will stop you worrying about something, or is it best to deal with it in another way?

For instance, if you are afraid of getting infected with HIV or something, should you go and have an HIV test to set your mind at ease even if you know the chances of you actually having it are very small? (yes, this is relevant to my current worries - I have actually near enough convinced myself I have somehow contracted the HIV virus and even though I know that I am being ridiculous it seems so real I cannot bear it. I have convinced myself that this is how I will die and I've prepared my reaction when the doctor tells me and everything. I've done this before, with breast cancer and M.S and various other things, and they only went away when they were replaced by something else. I'm just very tired of being worried about my health all the time, I would like space in my life to worry about other things but that is not being allowed to happen at the moment).

I would very much appreciate answers to this question even though it probably seems obvious. I feel very much like somebody is playing games with my mind, to an extent I've never experienced before.

Thank you.

[Caramoole]

I agree with Ittyk.....of course you must seek advice if you feel you have a real medical problem.

I think we know what is real and what is OCD at some level and fear of ill health/death is a biggy to OCD sufferers.

I don't think it is better to humour OCD, it is always better to know what is OCD and work towards confronting it. It's not easy but it is the way forward.

[Guest Brainstrain]

Hi, I was just wondering whether going to see a doctor when you are concerned about your health serves to get rid of worries, or whether this can only serve to make it worse (unless of course you actually are ill with good reason to believe this, obviously). 

What I suppose I mean is, is it best to humour the OCD if it will stop you worrying about something, or is it best to deal with it in another way?

For instance, if you are afraid of getting infected with HIV or something, should you go and have an HIV test to set your mind at ease even if you know the chances of you actually having it are very small? (yes, this is relevant to my current worries - I have actually near enough convinced myself I have somehow contracted the HIV virus and even though I know that I am being ridiculous it seems so real I cannot bear it. I have convinced myself that this is how I will die and I've prepared my reaction when the doctor tells me and everything. I've done this before, with breast cancer and M.S and various other things, and they only went away when they were replaced by something else. I'm just very tired of being worried about my health all the time, I would like space in my life to worry about other things but that is not being allowed to happen at the moment).

I would very much appreciate answers to this question even though it probably seems obvious. I feel very much like somebody is playing games with my mind, to an extent I've never experienced before.

Thank you.

29594[/snapback]

Hi sweetdisaster

I get the same thoughts as you, hiv, ms etc. I could never face going to the doctors though cos I would probably never go back for the results! Any way even if you did have as test and it was negative now, the ocd would probably only bring the same fear back in a couple of years saying, oh yeah you were clear then but what about now? etc. Plus, I'm not 100% sure on this one but apparently you have to declare hiv tests when applying for life insurance and even if they are negative it can make your premiums dearer as you are seen as being at risk. As I say, don't quote me on that one and it is probably a very trivial problem compared to the stress of your ocd but just thought I'd mention it! I don't even have life insurance so why do I care?! Nevermind it's late!!!

Brainstrain

[Guest sweetdisaster]

Thank you for the replies people!

ittyk, no I am not receiving any help for the OCD. It's not been diagnosed or anything. I went to the doctor about it before Christmas and he gave me some info to read and I had a follow-up appointment but then I started feeling MUCH better and almost normal over Christmas, but now I have gone back to uni I've started feeling the same again. I suppose I should go back to the doctors, but I find it hard, you know?

Whenever I get these feelings I always look up all the symptoms (I know I shouldn't) and then somehow convince myself I have them, making it really hard for me to know whether it's real or not. I do know there's no real risk of me having HIV above any other person, but with these kinds of "invisible" long-term illnesses I get very worked up and imagine them working their way through my body over time without me even realising. I convince myself I can almost feel them spreading through my body, and that's a very scary and very real feeling.

The strange thing is, a few months ago I actually was very ill with an eye-infection and had to stay in hospital for three days but I wasn't worried at all really. So it's obviously just certain things that worry me, not illness in general.

I suppose I knew really that it's best to not give into the thoughts, but it's very hard sometimes. Logic just seems to not exist, haha.

[Guest Jimbo]

Hi Sweetdiaster,

Been there, done that, felt the dread and didn't buy the t-shirt just in case it was infected!

I think the problem with HIV which is why it is a biggy with OCDers is because of the uncertanty about infection. We all remember the don't die of ignorance campaigns of the '80s. The fact is unless you take part in risky sexual practices, take intravineas drugs or have sex with people from africa the risks are minimal . Someone posted the actual chances of infection on here a while back. We worry about it because the time taken to show the effects of being infected can take years, where as we want definates now and we don't want to worry about it anymore.

I know this doesn't help but the point I'd like to make is If you are really worried about your health it is always better to get it checked out than not. My GP is very aware of my problems but takes each seperate worry I may have as seperate.

To Brainstrain, unless you are diagnosed HIV+ a test will no longer make a difference to your appplication for anything (For at lest the last 8 years anyway). So many people have the tests done and insurance companies may ask for it themselves that it probably works in your favour especially as the stigma has gone from the insurance point of view.

Reassurance wise if you can't stop worrying then take the test; I've had a few, then once reassurrred live life carefully and make sure you know the facts and chances of infection for next time.

Good luck and I'm sure everything will be fine,

Jimbo.

[Caramoole]

I think this is the thread Jimbo means

http://ocduk.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=1526&st=0

[Guest sweetdisaster]

I think this is the thread Jimbo means

http://ocduk.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=1526&st=0

29689[/snapback]

That's helped a lot, thank you

[Guest Beth]

Going to the doctors is like what ittyk said it's feeding the ocd. I did it myself I had worries that were impossible to be true, but it played on my mind so much I figured going to have it checked out would erase the worry, but it didn't I actually still think about it, and showing myself the results didn't help and it didn't convince me even with an experts opinion on the matter.

All going to the doctors did for me was make me realise that I'd lost control and my fears had taken my mind over and I had no control at all, because of this I knew I ahd to see someone about my ocd so I guess it helped that i got diagnosed, but going to a doctor about worries that are caused by fears is giving in to the ocd and fear and once you do it it is hard to get control back.

Beth

[Guest sweetdisaster]

Going to the doctors is like what ittyk said it's feeding the ocd. I did it myself I had worries that were impossible to be true, but it played on my mind so much I figured going to have it checked out would erase the worry, but it didn't I actually still think about it, and showing myself the results didn't help and it didn't convince me even with an experts opinion on the matter.

All going to the doctors did for me was make me realise that I'd lost control and my fears had taken my mind over and I had no control at all, because of this I knew I ahd to see someone about my ocd so I guess it helped that i got diagnosed, but going to a doctor about worries that are caused by fears is giving in to the ocd and fear and once you do it it is hard to get control back.

Beth

29701[/snapback]

Yes, the loss of control is what I'm scared of. I know that I was never this bad until I actually went to the doctors about something a few years ago, always thinking that because I'd thought and worried about something it couldn't possibly be true (strange logic I know) but since then it has just completely snowballed.

I probably would just get scared about being infected again after having a test, but then what if I am right this time and by not having a test I am delaying treatment or the dealing process? It's thoughts like these I just can't shake.

[Guest sweetdisaster]

Hi, it's 4.23am and I cannot sleep. I've got myself into such a state about all of this. I tried not to look at HIV websites but I just did and I cannot stop crying. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be at uni tomorrow but I will not be able to get up. I have convinced myself that I am infected, that there is actually a chance of this, even though I know how remote that is. It's not like I am even displaying symptoms, I have just convinced myself that my "feeling" is correct. Even if I wanted to have a test, I don't think I could because I'd be so scared of the result. I keep thinking of ways I could have caught it. I have no energy for this anymore.

I tried to talk to my friend today and she thinks the OCD is just a part of me being worried about my health - that I've not really got anything wrong with me, I'm just being a hypochondriac even with the OCD.

I really don't know what I am going to do. I can't sleep unless I am drunk these days, unless I am so tired I'm about to collapse. But being awake is driving me mad. I don't know what I'm supposed to do :mad:

[Guest Brainstrain]

Hi, it's 4.23am and I cannot sleep. I've got myself into such a state about all of this. I tried not to look at HIV websites but I just did and I cannot stop crying. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be at uni tomorrow but I will not be able to get up. I have convinced myself that I am infected, that there is actually a chance of this, even though I know how remote that is. It's not like I am even displaying symptoms, I have just convinced myself that my "feeling" is correct. Even if I wanted to have a test, I don't think I could because I'd be so scared of the result. I keep thinking of ways I could have caught it. I have no energy for this anymore.

I tried to talk to my friend today and she thinks the OCD is just a part of me being worried about my health - that I've not really got anything wrong with me, I'm just being a hypochondriac even with the OCD.

I really don't know what I am going to do. I can't sleep unless I am drunk these days, unless I am so tired I'm about to collapse. But being awake is driving me mad. I don't know what I'm supposed to do

29752[/snapback]

Hi Sweetdisaster

Please try to stop worrying - easier said than done I know. You just really need to keep telling yourself it's just the OCD that is giving you these thoughts. Well done for trying to talk to your friend although it wasn't very helpful it's a start. I think maybe you should try to tell all of this to your doctor and see what he says about it, you never know it might help. I get my OCD thoughts worst at night too and know exactly where you are coming from with the not sleeping thing but you really can't let the OCD win. I know it takes a lot of energy to keep fighting it and sometimes it is somehow easier to just give in to the thoughts and go with it but in the end that isn't gonna help you. I hope you wake up feeling a bit better but definately give the doctor a go, do your doctors already know about the OCD?

Brainstrain :mad:

[Guest Jimbo]

Hey sweet diaster,

You sound just like me 10 years ago. I got myself so worked up and buried it. I started drinking heavily and it worked but eventually it stopped working and the OCD really set in.

When you worry this much about something which probably isn't true and worth worrying about, your life is on hold indefinately until you bring it to a head.

Having a test isn't feeding your anxieties in the normal way. If the situation worst case secario was that you were scared of getting sick off of bacteria from a coffe cup or toilet seat, then exposure therapy and reasurance to challenge the beliefs would work in the medium/long term.

Having this fear over you head can't be resolved first time around. Take a test to re-assure yourself. You have to wait 3 months from possible exposure until you take the test because that's how long it takes for your body to bulid up the antibodies to the infection that the test looks for.

Seek help in the future, know the facts and be safe. Chances are you are fine. What you can't do is what I did and worry about it for years before finally taking a test. I was convinced I was positive. I wasn't. The next day I went out celebrating and ended up sleeping with a girl unprotected. I had to wait 3 more months to take another test. Those 3 months were agony for me after finally having the courage to go for the first one after such a long time. The very same day after the first test with the euphoria and thankfulness I got myself in the same position again. I felt it was fate and couldn't believe how stupid I was. Knowing the facts then would have helped ease the worry although I still would worry about a one night stand without taking precautions.

3 months later I went for another Test. A week later my results came through. In those days you couldn't get you results over the phone so you had to go back and get them. All clear again. Very relieved but by this point drinking heavily was a way of life and wasn't working that well.

That night, by co-incedance both result days were on a friday, I was in a pub and really having a good night. I met a girl who I ended up seeing for 18 months!! There was a fight near us where someone was bottled. I was covered in blood and hit by flying glass and cut in a few places. You've guessed it, 3 more months wait with the worry etc. Again all clear.

So I now have 3 tests a drink problem and a new girlfriend. Roll this together with the fact that I'm sitting exams and the drink isn't helping the anxiety anymore and hey presto full blown OCD.

If you already had OCD before this particular worry became your focus then take the test, know the facts for the future and take care, I'm sure you'll be happy with your results. If you weren't OCD when all this started then take the test, seek help for the OCD, don't start drinking, avoid selfish girlfriends and remeber the facts.

Don't let this ruin your life like it did mine. If you want to know anymore or just want to chat about it please PM me. My post is already too long so apologies.

Jimbo