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Guest Antiquity

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Guest Antiquity

Hi!

Sometimes I wonder if I have OCD or not, then I look at some websites and it seems I do. I sort of know that I do, but it's nothing that interferes with my life of a huge basis so I sometimes feel like a fraud.

I've always had to just do things for as long as I can remember. Can't go to sleep unless the bedroom door is closed in the correct way. Sometimes just have to touch door handles. I need to spend a week checking forms before I can send them off, and all plug sockets and appliances need to be checked before I go out. I always have visions of death, like falling down the stairs, or when I stop to cross the road I imagine myself stepping out in front of a car. It makes me cry to say these things. I usually make fun of the stuff I have to do, because it helps me cope, but sometimes I wonder if I'm coping at all. I constantly worry I'm suffering from a fatal disease, and the death thing takes up an hour or two a day, it got worse after I had my son 10 months ago. I'm sick of it and just want it to stop.

All the things never stop me from doing things although I have anxiety about doing things.

I also think I have Tourette's because I've had to do things also for as long as I remember like tics, twitches, breathing twitches and making noises in my throat. A male relation of mine also has these as well as some spitting and swearing.

Sometimes I think about going to the doctors but I don't know the NHS has the resources to help someone with a mild things like me that don't really impact my life and I've read anti-depressants help but I really don't like taking pills and I'm scared I will change with them.

Sorry to go on so miserably. I'm actually quite a fun person and if I'm just having a laugh about things I have to do it doesn't seem as bad, but then I wonder if things could be different for me... I also worry about my son. I want him to be normal, but I know Tourette's is genetic and boys get it worse. I get really worked up when he rocks even though I know it's normal baby behaviour and he's only 10 months old anyway. He also throws his head back now and again and I don't know if that's normal.

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Hi there Antiquity

Welcome from me :)

Good to have you with us.

I've always had to just do things for as long as I can remember. Can't go to sleep unless the bedroom door is closed in the correct way. Sometimes just have to touch door handles. I need to spend a week checking forms before I can send them off, and all plug sockets and appliances need to be checked before I go out. I always have visions of death, like falling down the stairs, or when I stop to cross the road I imagine myself stepping out in front of a car. It makes me cry to say these things. I usually make fun of the stuff I have to do, because it helps me cope, but sometimes I wonder if I'm coping at all. I constantly worry I'm suffering from a fatal disease, and the death thing takes up an hour or two a day, it got worse after I had my son 10 months ago. I'm sick of it and just want it to stop.

All the things never stop me from doing things although I have anxiety about doing things.

I'm obviously not medically trained or qualified in any way - but from what you describe it does sound as though you are displaying definite signs of OCD.

I have the same thoughts and images as you, and it's horrid isn't it? Like you I tend to make fun of what I do in order to help me cope, but at the same time - it's like a sick joke isn't it?

It's really good that you're not letting it stop you from doing the things you want to - that's an excellent way to be. I wish I could be more like that I really do!

I appreciate your fears about not wanting to take anti-depressants etc, I'm also the same - although with me it's because I have a fear of contamination.

You say you haven't been to the Doctors yet. It may be worth thinking about to get a correct diagnosis, you're not under any obligation to take medication indeed it may not even be prescribed for you.

Anyway, just to say welcome from me - keep posting, we're a friendly bunch and there's always someone here to help when you need it!

Take good care

From Queenie

x

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I've always had to just do things for as long as I can remember. Can't go to sleep unless the bedroom door is closed in the correct way. Sometimes just have to touch door handles. I need to spend a week checking forms before I can send them off, and all plug sockets and appliances need to be checked before I go out. I always have visions of death, like falling down the stairs, or when I stop to cross the road I imagine myself stepping out in front of a car. It makes me cry to say these things. I usually make fun of the stuff I have to do, because it helps me cope, but sometimes I wonder if I'm coping at all. I constantly worry I'm suffering from a fatal disease, and the death thing takes up an hour or two a day, it got worse after I had my son 10 months ago. I'm sick of it and just want it to stop.

All the things never stop me from doing things although I have anxiety about doing things.

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Hi Antiquity,

First of all, welcome :) .

The things that you describe do sound like OCD. It sounds like you are really a positive person because you don't let the anxiety stop you doing the things you want to do - and that is what a lot of the treatment for OCD entails.

The official diagnosis is something like having obsessions and/or compulsions that take up more than an hour a day or being overly distressed by the thoughts etc.

It might be worth a visit to your GP - he/she may talk about meds - but you have the choice there - quite a few people tackle their OCD without meds. He/she may also refer you to a specialist if he thinks your symptoms warrant it.

As to the Tourettes, I don't know much about that so don't feel I can comment, but again, if you're concerned about yourself and indeed your baby, I think a visit to the GP would be a good idea to either make a diagnosis or to reassure you that your son is OK.

I hope you find posting on this board will be helpful; there are usually people around to listen and offer support.

Take care

whitebeam

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Guest Antiquity

Thank you for the quick replies! Wow! :) Nice to meet you all :)

Yeah... the not having it affect my life much is one of the reasons I wonder about going to the doctors. I can function quite well, it's just it gets me down when it's at its worst, not depressed though. I had depression for a number of years in my late teens and early to mid twenties and I know it's not that.

Though I do wonder if some things are to do with OCD that do have an effect or if they're lack of self-confidence. I always thought not being able to call and do offical things on the phone was lack of confidence, but I've just read about having to get things perfect and now I wonder because when I think about it I'm scared of saying the 'wrong' thing and have to run over how I think the conversation will go in my head a number of times before I can actually go through with it. Then I play it back afterwards to check that it went okay! Haha! When we lived in the US I once got a job as a telemarketer *LOL*. I did three calls and ended up shaking and crying my eyes out in the toilets because I didn't have enough time to prepare the next conversation before the dialler rang the number!

Do you think this is related or just because I lack confidence?

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Though I do wonder if some things are to do with OCD that do have an effect or if they're lack of self-confidence. I always thought not being able to call and do offical things on the phone was lack of confidence, but I've just read about having to get things perfect and now I wonder because when I think about it I'm scared of saying the 'wrong' thing and have to run over how I think the conversation will go in my head a number of times before I can actually go through with it. Then I play it back afterwards to check that it went okay! Haha! When we lived in the US I once got a job as a telemarketer *LOL*. I did three calls and ended up shaking and crying my eyes out in the toilets because I didn't have enough time to prepare the next conversation before the dialler rang the number!

Do you think this is related or just because I lack confidence?

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For me I think it's definitely related. I think it relates to feelings of perfection and 'hyper-responsibility'. I used to panic so much in my old jobs when I was giving people instructions/help over the phone. What if I was telling them the wrong thing? What if I'd left out some vital detail? etc etc etc. It is also related to confidence too, though I think. Maybe if you're more confident you will worry to a certain extent about what you're saying - but it won't consume as much of your time and wrap you up in so many bad thoughts, if that makes sense?

Love from Queenie :)

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Guest Antiquity

Thanks Queenie :)

I've just written a list out for if I go and see a doctor. I need a list because I would start crying otherwise. But I feel panicky whenever I think about making an appointment. It would be like getting confirmation and making it a medical issue if I do, whereas at the moment I can just think I'm a bit different than normal but coping well.

But the anxiety about dying is getting worse, especially with a flight coming up this year and... well I don't want to go into my specific dread because it might set someone else off, or can we go into specifics on here?

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Guest Antiquity

Also hubs just reminded me that not liking change is part of my problem and worrying that something horrible will happen if I make a doctor's appointment is part of it too. He's reminded me it won't change anything, just that a doctor would now know. I'm going to do it I'm going to do it... I hope... maybe I'll wait till I've talked to my mum as well.

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Hi Antiquity.

Welcome from me too :)

I've just written a list out for if I go and see a doctor. I need a list because I would start crying otherwise. But I feel panicky whenever I think about making an appointment. It would be like getting confirmation and making it a medical issue if I do, whereas at the moment I can just think I'm a bit different than normal but coping well.

I think making a list is a really good idea :) :). Some people find that it helps having their OCD actually labelled as OCD.

But the anxiety about dying is getting worse, especially with a flight coming up this year and... well I don't want to go into my specific dread because it might set someone else off, or can we go into specifics on here?

You can go into specifics here :). Anything you think could be especially triggering then it might be an idea to put a trigger: references to ....OCD e.g. fear of dying or whatever, or to put a spoiler line into the top of your post. But I wouldn't worry overly about it. One of the conditions that people agree to when they become a bulletin board member is something along the lines of you acknowledge that you might be exposing yourself to possible OCD triggers. So everyone should hopefully be aware of that before reading any posts. Anyways, that's just how I see it. I'm sure another mod will correct me if I'm wrong!

Also hubs just reminded me that not liking change is part of my problem and worrying that something horrible will happen if I make a doctor's appointment is part of it too. He's reminded me it won't change anything, just that a doctor would now know. I'm going to do it I'm going to do it... I hope... maybe I'll wait till I've talked to my mum as well.

Your hubby's right! :) Try to make that appointment :) Maybe take your husband along with you for moral support.

Take care and feel free to post anytime :)

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im not a doc or anything either, but i can relate with a lot of what youre describing, everything has to be just ''right'' and the intrusive thoughts- it sounds like you probably could have OCD

and dont worry youre not a fraud, it comes in many shapes and sizes and can change and vary over time

welcome :)

gemgem x

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Guest Antiquity

Thanks :thumbup:

I've not been around because I've basically been coming to terms with this. I bought "Brain Lock" because I saw it mentioned a few times and it's been really helpful for the small stuff and it made me realise some other things I thought were normal probably weren't, and other things so seriously not normal that I'd buried deep down were normal for OCD. The sheer relief! I blabbed everything to hubs who is very supportive. I even sat near the washing machine when it was spinning! I was still convinced it was going to explode and I would die and I was shaky and relieved when it had finished, but I stayed there!

I still haven't decided about the doctors. Mainly because reading and talking about it a lot was helpful and I felt free of the big ones. But now that has passed the major things are coming back. I always have to work myself up to going to the doctors anyway. I hate it. But I have to go for a birth control reason, which I've been putting off for three months anyway! so maybe I will bring this up as an add on thing.

From the book I also discovered I'm much more obsessive than I am compulsive. I do have some compulsive things, but I have an absolute ton of obsessions.

I'll probably be around more now!

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I've not been around because I've basically been coming to terms with this. I bought "Brain Lock" because I saw it mentioned a few times and it's been really helpful for the small stuff and it made me realise some other things I thought were normal probably weren't, and other things so seriously not normal that I'd buried deep down were normal for OCD. The sheer relief! I blabbed everything to hubs who is very supportive. I even sat near the washing machine when it was spinning! I was still convinced it was going to explode and I would die and I was shaky and relieved when it had finished, but I stayed there!

Yay! well done! you're doing great :thumbup::thumbup:

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Guest ScottOCDid

Hi Antiquity,

Welcome to the board! :thumbup:

It sounds like "Brainlock" has helped you out, which is great.

As for the doc thing, I guess I can relate to what your hubby says about a dislike of change... but getting the appropriate help is a wise move if you can stop the OCD taking more of a hold. A GP will be able to refer you (and the waiting list may be quite long) - so I'm afraid I'd disagree with Mr Antiquity about it being a case of "well the doc knows but that's all that you've achieved".

Good luck in getting whatever professional guidance you require.

All the best,

Scott

:thumbup:

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