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Bad thoughts


Guest Esm

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During the past few years i've been having thoughts that really disturb me and they have intensified the past few months. I have nightmares about these things and wake up wondering if i have done anything awful.

I don't think i could find the words to tell my psychiatrist about the thoughts i don't think i could tell anyone. I feel so awful for thinking about this. I keep thinking that i have either done something already or i am destined to do it in the future. I'm worried that this hasnt got anything to do with ocd.

I'm convincing myself that other people can tell what i'm thinking, and keep going over what ive said to people in case ive said something by mistake.

I'm worried i'm going to do these things. I just feel like i am a really awful person

How do i tell if these are ocd related thoughts or not

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Guest Smudger
How do i tell if these are ocd related thoughts or not

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Look at yourself, that's how. You're obviously terrified and greatly upset-that's the reaction of somebody with ocd, not the reaction of someone with a desire to do harm of any kind.

Ocd will make you doubt yourself about anything, and it doesn't care whether it makes you think you're about to do something awful, or that you've already done it.

I'd recommend posting your worries on here-I know from personal experience how terrifying that is, but it's completely anonymous and no one will judge you, I promise. Let us do what you can't, and make sense of the rubbish the ocd is trying to make you believe.

Take care :wontlisten:

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I don't think i'm terrified i think i maybe just wanted for it to come across that way so everyone wouldnt think i'm disgusting. My dreams, past memories and these thoughts have all seemed to blend into one. I'm not sure whats reality and whats not.

I dont know who ive become, the nice person i used to be seems to be long gone and now i feel like im evil. I'm scared to tell my psychiatrist about this because a few years ago i had violent thoughts and i was convinced i was going to act upon them and i was sectioned because of this. I'm worried that something like that would happen again or that if i have children in the future then they would be taken away from me because of the thoughts i'm having.

I feel weird because its more commen or well documented for men to do these things and it seems more awful for a female to think or do this.

I'm worried everyone here will think that i'm actually capable of doing these things. I over analyse everything and think maybe i'm saying these things, thoughts are 'bad' just because society thinks it is. Maybe i don't think they are 'bad' maybe i want to do these things.

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Guest Smudger

No one will think you're capable of these things, and from what you've written so far, it sounds like you were sectioned as a result of a bad diagnosis.

Have you read my topic 'Getting Worse Again'? I suggest that you do. Not because it's mine, but because it deals with doubting your past, your memories and your self worth, and the subject matter is child abuse, so hopefully you'll be able to see how nice everyone is towards me, even with such a nasty subject matter, and hopefully that will make you feel more confident about talking about your own worries.

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Guest MajesticShannon
I'm worried everyone here will think that i'm actually capable of doing these things

No-one will think that. Its nerve wracking to open your thoughts up, but do it - as it makes them weaker and you stronger. Seeing them on a message board is like a release.

As smudger says 'getting worse again' sounds like it applies to your problem. When i post on there i worry to that 'what if i have actually done these things?', 'will people think im really capable'???etc. But we all have OCD, so we're all in the same boat :mad:

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Guest Dennis912

Hey ESM:

Can I start by saying what ever horrible thoughts you are having There are

100 people here who can relate (not judge)..

I have terrible thoughts about hurting people - My wife, co-workers, Neighbors ect.... Not only do I have nightmares, but daymares about raping woman in general not a specific one..On this board they call what I have PURE O

when you have the obsessive thoughts without the compulsive part..

I just really wanted to tell you that at my worst I can come here and vent about whatever it is that day that is bothering me, and I feel 50% better just by writting my thoughts down..YOUR NOT GOING TO ACT ON YOUR THOUGHTS is the theme of this board & its true, so try writting a post of all your wackey thoughts then

read it 10 times to see how rediculas it is..

Once again NOONE HERE WILL EVER JUDGE YOU but believe me at my worst

I can write whatever and I have 10 people writting back telling me how they relate to me - I'm not the only one makes me feel better also

Stay positive,

Dennis.. :mad:

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Thanks for your replies.

I don't think i'd be allowed to go into detail here about the thoughts and i suppose its the detail that is actually most disturbing to me. The fact that these thoughts aren't just fleeting but actually have substance and detail to them, if that makes any sense.

They are along the themes of rape men/women, abuse/children not sure if i can write that.

Feels weird cause i actually feel really strange putting just that down, physically sick.

I sometimes think, i'd enjoy doing these things. Anyway cant write anymore at the moment feeling a bit too real

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Guest Smudger

Esm

No one here is going to try and make you do something that you feel uncomfortable with, but I should imagine that if you did post your worries here, we could help put them into perspective (ocd-wise).

If you're worried about the actual content and whether it's acceptable for the board, you could PM me or one of the moderators-as I've said, no one will judge you, and it's completely anonymous. Only PM/post a little bit at first if it makes you feel an easier about it.

:mad:

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Hi Esm,

I'm very sorry to read you are having such a bad time at the moment. But as you can see from the replies you have got you are by no means the only person who experiences these most uncomfortable of thoughts. I will confess myself that i too have had some pretty bloody awful thoughts too , and have questioned is this ocd or have i become a really bad/evil person.

I appreciate that you may not want to talk about these problems, but the fact you have acknowledged them for what they are....ie intrusive thoughts....would suggest to me that you are not a bad person. I dont think a truly bad person would recognise guilty thoughts etc.

I think the best pearl of wisdom i can give you is from The Feeling Good Handbook. This was my first self help attempt at getting on top of things. The statement that basically underpins over 500 pages of advice is IT IS DISTORTED THOUGHTS NOT REALISTIC ONES THAT CAUSE ANXIETY.

Try and remember that mate, and do stay in touch with the board. No ones gonna judge you here.

You look after yourself

Adam

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Guest robert1

esm everthing you have written i have gone through and it is hell ,if you read all my posts you will see my systoms ,i will not go into them now as that will just give them strenght again,from what i have seen of your posts you undoubtally are suffering from ocd so put that one to bed now and stop worrying that you may do these things you won't,also the next thing that will happen is ocd will evolve and try and get you some other way so be ready for it ,just let the thoughts glide through you and realize that if these things you think give you nothing but pain and suffering then they are not you .if you want to pm me you can.

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