my image and looks

[Guest ace of base fan]

i was chatting with one of my friends today about how i have been feeling and that someone saying i was skinny really effected me as i have been going to the gym for 18 months now trying to bulk up,i associate skinny with scrawny and being a wimp and being ugly.alot of my ocd recently has been about some of my other friends appearance such as not liking the way they look and the clothes they wear and that has made me feel like im such a bad person to think that.but i think that all stems from me feeling so insecure about the way i look so if i think im not very good looking and i have friends that i feel are not very good looking that makes me feel even less attractive because at school when i was a boy i always seemed to have friends who were not very popular in general and not trendy,deep down i wanted to be popular and amongst the good looking boys(im gay) so even into my adult hood i want to have friends that are good looking as that would make me think that i must be good looking to have good looking friends i mean how shallow is that.my best friend is one of the people that my ocd attacks the most with really violent thoughts towards him and finding him and his appearance generally annoying so i get confused is that my ocd or how i really feel towards him,if i was honest i would rather him be somone i think is really handsome but i do enjoy being in his company so yes i am so shallow and a bad person.

[Caramoole]

Hi Ace

No your not a shallow or bad person, you have OCD!!

This sort of problem gets a bit mixed up with 'normal' emotions and feelings as well. Everyone (IMHO) wants to look good, wants to be liked. Almost all people work at improving appearance whether it is by hairstyle, clothes, figure, dental work, and even more so today with surgery. It is a basic desire felt by most people. As is being in with the 'In' crowd, we all want to be popular.

Every day we are all making judgements about other people all of the time, it's a fact. Only an hour ago I was chatting to a woman (a very nice woman I may hasten to add) and thought, what a stupid haircut, why would anyone 'choose' that hair style It was just a fleeting thought (and not an 'OCD' thing for me) just an observation and if we're honest most people do that. Some people only like blondes, or redheads, some people like slender people, some with defined muscle, it's just the way we are. It even happens in the animal kingdom where the female species always chooses (or vies for) the biggest, strongest and most colourful mate.

All of your feelings are quite normal, just in your case your style of OCD chooses to make these feelings and thoughts excessive and objectional to you. You have to gain a deeper understanding that the thoughts are OCD thoughts, it's probably harder to realise this when they aren't involved with fear of violence etc, they're possibly harder to identify, hence you just feel you are being a horrid person.

It is OCD, it's an exagerated form of the type of thoughts that other people have every day. It doesn't make you an awful person, just a bit bewildered by it all.

[Guest ace of base fan]

thanks caramoole,i guess sometimes i feel im a bit judgemental on people just because of the way they look.my best friend is not ugly but has his hair wierd and sometimes his clothes are not what i would wear but he is a wonderful person who is kind and understanding,i think i really worked at getting to know him even though i had the guilt of my initial thoughts of his appearance and im glad i did.

[Guest postalpostie]

isn't it normal to want to associate with people you find attractive? that's what the tests with children found out. i'd say that's normal.