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My family knows


Guest Beth

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It turns out my parents told my sister the day after i told them three weeks ago. My sis said that my mom was really annoyed I went to the doctors and told no one adn I don't think she wants me to see a psychiatrist becasue apparantley it goes down on your record and all employers are told and have to be aware of it. My sister said she doesn't think I have it. Because she hasn't seen me do anything :thumbup: . Does she not see the shame I feel, of course i'm going to hide it. Does she think I'm going to flaunt it, she said about me turning lights on and off, 'Why only in your room why don't you do it everywhere else' and three weeks or so ago i could have said i don't know and i still did.

But recently its spread I've started doing it in other rooms, i can't control it, and its getting worse and i know my only chance of help is through therapy, and so i don't care what they think about employers knowing i'm going to get help. I'd rather have my employer know than let it get severe and ruin my whole life. Coz it will develop badly, it's started doing it now. Them saying the bad points of therapy don't outweight the good points, I dont' want to get worse I need help, I just need them to accept it and support it, but i don't feel they do.

My doctor (the same one who reckons ocd is a teenage phase for me) told me tell them, and that they were on my side not against me, so why the :D does it feel like they aren't.

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Guest tangoblu

Dear Beth,

Firstly I want to say that you are a very brave and determined girl and well done for going to see the dr in the first place. I particularly liked this comment:

I'd rather have my employer know than let it get severe and ruin my whole life

I think that perhaps your parents are in denial. I am a parent of a teenage son with OCD and at first we were absolutely terrified of what OCD could do and was doing to our son - that was a year ago.

We have since learnt as much as we can about the condition and are no longer frightened of it. I would encourage your parents to visit the friends and family forum and to read up as much as they can - knowledge is power (for both of you!)

One good piece of news Beth is that our 14 yr old son was incapable of doing anything this time last year - and now he is functioning in society and dealing with the OCD. It hasn't gone away but he doesn't let it rule his life.

He is happy, impossible at times (as all teenagers are!) he has confided in some of his friends and is living life to the full.

He have CBT every 2 weeks now and is on meds - I truly beleive that he will be able to cope in life now - he is so much more mature than others his age because of what he has been through.

Hang on in there, don't give up on your parents I'm sure they will come round and be there for you.

Sending you a big hug

Pam

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Guest Beckett93

It can be hard when a family doesn't fully understand or emotionally support people with OCD. You are not alone though. Most of us have experienced something similar. I was told once by my grandmother to just quit thinking about myself and "grow up." Another family member told me it was all in my head and yet another said I was just too lazy to do anything other than hide from the world and cry. I will offer you some advice that my doctor once gave me. You are wanting to get better for yourself, not them. It would be nice if your family was behind you (and they may still be yet), but you have to learn to rely on yourself, because your family isn't always going to be there.

It doesn't mean that they don't love you and it doesn't mean that they aren't on your side, but you must try to understand that with all the misconceptions about OCD and psychiatric issues in general that they might need some time to adjust and accept it. Encourage them to do what tangoblu did when finding out that her son had it, to educate themselves on the nature of OCD. But try to give them time.

And you did the right thing by going to the doctor. Your family does not know how absolutely awful OCD feels and you are not obligated to suffer like that at the risk of anyone's bad opinion, be it employer or parent. You are dealing with OCD actively and that is great.

I wish you all the best with your treatment and your family.

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Guest lilyelspeth

Hi Beth:

Sorry you aren't feeling so well at the moment. It will get better as long as you are feeling up to it. My family still doesn't "get it" after 10 years and it gets to me sometimes. I think it's hard for people, even those who love you to understand what we as sufferers go through, I mean, if they only knew! :thumbup:

But I have to congratulate you on taking the step and getting help for yourself. Acknowledgment of the OCD is the first step and I applaud you. :D Keep it up and try to think positive thoughts. And hoepfully someday soon your family will begin to realise that you are NOT the OCD, OCD is something you have.

I wish you the best.

Regards, Lily

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Hi Beth

You must be feeling disappointed by your parents' reaction, after finding the courage to tell them about OCD. As some of the others have said, it is very difficult for family members to fully understand how it feels for you. My teenage daughter suffers from OCD - I have found out a lot about it, and try to support her as much as I can, but if she were to post on here she might see things differently!

From reading your post, I wonder if perhaps your sister is having difficulties coming to terms with your OCD too. My other daughter finds it hard to understand, and gets very angry and hurtful sometimes. Maybe it would help your sister to visit the board or read some of the information on the website.

I think you are right, and very brave, to still consider going ahead with therapy and I hope your parents will become more supportive in time.

Good luck :thumbup:

Rose

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Guest Hypnosinc

Hi Beth,

This is bound to be a difficult dilemma for you. But no matter what anyone in your family says, you always need to bear in mind that only you have the responsibility for your life. If you feel that therapy will help you, that is what you must go for, and you cannot allow anyone else's negative attitudes to dissuade you. They don't have to live with the experience at such close quarters.

Ok so you are not going to be able to count on their approval. The true hallmark of being responsible for your life is knowing that you are not dependent on another's goodwill for your happiness. It is not straightforward, but master that and anxiety will cease to be a feature of your life. (And if you are successful at it, come back and tell me how you did it. I'd love to know. :blushing: )

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Guest postalpostie

it might go on your medical records but unless you are a serious hazard i don't think that anyone has the right to know about it from your doctor.

your employer can't go to your doctor and ask what your record is without your permission.

what it boils down to (i think) is if you want to join the police or army or something like that they will ask for your medical records. then they will see.

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Guest ScottOCDid

Hi Beth,

But I have to congratulate you on taking the step and getting help for yourself. Acknowledgment of the OCD is the first step and I applaud you. :blushing:  Keep it up and try to think positive thoughts. And hoepfully someday soon your family will begin to realise that you are NOT the OCD, OCD is something you have.

I wish you the best.

Regards, Lily

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These are wise words from lilyelspeth.

It's a shame that you've got the additional burden of family awkwardness but I hope you can hang in there with getting the appropriate help. Nobody has the right to access your medical records without your prior knowledge and it's only certain professions that would require access as a matter of course. Even at that, your employer can only take existing conditions into consideration if they are likely to prevent you carrying out the duties of your post.

It must be hard for you dealing with this on top of your OCD but please try to be strong and get whatever help you need. That CD-ROM I mentioned previously ("Why Me?") is very good and may act as a good training tool for your family.

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/shop.htm

I wish you the very best of luck with persuading your family that OCD is a real and recognised condition. Meanwhile, just vent your frustrations on the board...

Take care,

Scott

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Hi Beth :censored:

I'm sorry that your family haven't offered the support you would wish for :censored:

I can actually understand that...I had my first OCD problem 30 years ago but it was only 8 years ago that I'd even heard about OCD. It's difficult to understand and comprehend when you are the sufferer never mind simply being connected to it....it doesn't transpose very well in the telling.

You have done the right thing by seeking treatment, you deserve this, and don't let anyone put you off...keep ploughing forward with it.

I agree with Ittyk, make information available to your family and hope that in time they will begin to understand and support you. I often think it's like period pain (sorry chaps :lol: ) you can descibe it in as much detail as you can but in the absence of them being able to experience it, or have a similar pain to understand (and there isn't one), they can't comprehend it fully, I guess it's the same with OCD.

Ignore their protestations, their lack of knowledge.....make information available but put yourself first and carry on finding the support and treatment you need and deserve.

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