Everything is wrong

[fruitloops]

Hi,

I've been away from the board for a while. Everything just seems to be going wrong at the moment. I suffer from contamination issues and a huge fear of blood / disease. I'm usually spending 2 hours getting ready in the mornings - sometimes I just end up lying in bed because I can't stand to face the day ahead. My therapist says this is a sign of depression. On top of that, I take about 3 hours to get ready for bed at night. I have loads of dustbin bags with dirty clothes in - waiting to be washed. Thing is, if I put them all in at once my mum refuses to wash them. So I have to put in like one item every so often. My bedroom is contaminated - I don't have the energy to clean it. I keep telling myself I must, but just can't find the motivation. There has been a couple of times in the past year or so that people have been in there. Still haven't got around to cleaning it. I just take ages to do anything - prepare food, household chores etc. So sometimes I just don't do much. Then I get told off for not doing enough. I'm always in a rush and always end up being late for appointments etc (I am seeing a therapist usually once a week.) I'm at college part-time, but it's such a struggle getting ready and when I get back home I'm faced with the same depressing situation. Our pet dog is 'in season' which means spots of blood are appearing a lot on the kitchen floor. We have a mop to mop it up, but she goes on the carpets too, so it's hard to see if she's left a mark. How are you supposed to mop a carpet anyway? And there is so much that I do turn a 'blind eye' to anyway. Like I hate people touching my food as they are preparing it, usually they've touched a door handle or something before. But I don't say anything. If I did I would get told off. Well, I suppose I should be grateful that they are preparing something. If it was left to me the meals would take ages. We would be eat at midnight or something! :lol2:

Then I've just been told that I have to go to this specialist OCD centre in London. I am not at all keen on that because it involves using trains and the underground. I can't exactly stand up on the whole journey to London (I usually stand up when I use the train.) Plus my dad is coming, and he's going to go home after sitting on the underground and contaminate stuff. I dread to think of that. Life it tough, sigh, but at least I can come here for support.

[Caramoole]

Hi Fruitloops

Firstly, your Dad nor the dog is not going to contaminate anything....you're going to feel they are...it's a big difference...OCD talking.

I woud agree with your therapist, the apathy you're experiencing does sound like depression. Are you taking any anti-depressant medication?

I remember feeling just like this many years ago (and since but to a lesser degree ) Everything is just too much effort...so there are clothes all over the floor...'So what' and you walk past them, it's just too much.

For me taking charge worked, making lists of things I 'WOULD' do every day and I made myself do them. Like your washing, you could decide to put a load in yourself, perhaps when everyone was out. Maybe take all the dirty coffee cups out of your room. It helps take back control....."Today I will do"....and then make sure you do them.....start with something simple, like making your bed, clearing your bedside table....anything, but start somewhere. You can you know, I'm going to bump the Challenge Club back up.....let me see something you're going to try posted there :omg:

I'm pleased you've got an appointment at the OCD centre, hopefully it could be the start of improvement for you. Keep us informed

[Guest Beckett93]

Sorry to read that you've been feeling so badly lately. If your therapist says you are depressed, then I would believe him/her. OCD and depression often go together hand in glove (no pun intended). Depression makes OCD symptoms feel a whole lot worse, so that could possibly explain why everything seems wrong. It will be alright though. You will get through this and even though you may not ever be completely OCD free, you can feel better. Your trip into London might feel uncomfortable, but you can make it because you know that what you will think and feel are just OCD and have no real meaning. They are just brain farts, enough to make you wrinkle your nose in disgust, but ultimately nothing but hot air. I wish you all the best and hope your treatment with the specialists goes well

[whitebeam]

Hi fruitloops,

Sorry to hear that things are a bit tough at the moment. I also have contamination OCD so I can sympathise with how you're feeling about certain things. I'm also really slow at doing most things although, since I've had my treatment I'm getting a bit better.

Depression is a really difficult condition to cope with; staying in bed so as not to have to face the day is quite a good indicator of depression.

I agree with Caramoole about setting small tasks for yourself. When my depression was really bad I ended up setting myself three tasks to do every day

- to do one household chore (anything, no matter how tiny)

- to go out of the house (even the garden counted)

- to write and/or post a letter or card (this was something I quite like doing but had problems with)

I didn't do the three things everyday - some days I didn't manage any, but as time went on I found I could achieve little steps.

I don't know if you are on medication - I have to say that I think it was the right medication that made the biggest difference - it helped to lift the depression and enabled me to have a go at the tasks my psych set. No doubt all that will be discussed at the centre.

I know a lot of people don't feel comfortable about meds - it's a personal choice.

I think it's a really good thing that you're going to an OCD specialist centre - they will be able to see what treatment you best need. Try not to worry about the journey too much; at least it's getting you to the place which will hopefully help you. It's nice your Dad's going too; even if that adds to your anxiety - it shows he cares about you.

Good luck with your treatment - when does it start?

Take care

whitebeam