Back to square one AGAIN!!

[Guest Dennis912]

Hello,

Yesterday and today have been 2 of the worst days since i've had OCD.....

I was doing really well, I used to think about hurting my wife and dog but now

that has gone away, I was feeling better (more in control)..

Anyway Yesterday I started thinking about my neighbor. Just the site of her car

makes my mind start thinking all this crazy stuff, I feel like i'm losing it. I am taking xanex to calm down, and I guess it's working.

Why won't this stop - is this going to happen forever, I'm such a good person -

I don't want any of this I just want to be normal again..

MY FAVORITE SAYINGS...................................................................................

What's starting to scare me the most is the anxiety is getting less and less but the thoughts are getting stronger --> or so it feels/ does that mean I am a bad person

am I going hurt people..........thats all I can think about, i've used all my sick time at work for this year, I'm nuts right, I should be commited..

:clover:

can anyone relate to this, why does this happen..

[Adamski]

Hi Dennis

Sorry to see that you are having such a bad time at the moment. First thing to give consideration to is the fact that recovery from ocd is going to be long and hard and not without its setbacks. Try to keep in mind that this is what is happening here...it is just a setback. It may not be easy but try to accept that this is going to happen from time to time. Also try to remember that you have dealt with this situation before, and that you can do it again. It may not seem like it at the moment but you will remember some strategies and skills to cope with this.

You know you are not going mad and do not need to go intop hospital etc....that's just the ocd talking. By recognising your horrible thoughts as things that are the exact opposite of what you are really like should also help you realise that nothing bad is going to happen to you or anyone else. No one ever does anyhting morally objectionable because of this problem.

Keep going mate...it will get better. Especially if you work as hard as last time to get better. And stay in touch with the board!

Take it easy

Adam

[Caramoole]

Hi Dennis :clover:

Sorry you're having a bad time at the moment but this will pass as well. Just as you've improved in respect of the feelings towards your wife and dog, it will also with the current fears about your neighbour.

I used to use notes, or little flash cards and kept them in my pocket "This too is OCD, I know that and can deal with it. It is unpleasant but not dangerous. People don't turn mad, then normal, then back to mad within a few hours" (or whatever) and I'd fish them out and read them when I was struggling.

It's interesting to note that fears of harming are almost exclusively focused on people you love or like and rarely about people you have good reason to dislike. It's worth thinking about....it causes you so much pain because it's the last thing you'd ever WANT to do. It really hinges on a fear of losing control....and you won't.

As Dr. Jeffery Schwarz explains, you actually are far, far LESS likely to do anything untoward than others. Why? Because your safety valve is actually set too high, it is alerting you to danger where none exists and would prevent you from doing anything untoward.

It's a bit like having the security levels on your Norton software set at High Risk and it keeps flashing 'Alerts' up at everything, stopping you accessing even safe sites. Or a smoke alarm that keeps setting off when all you're doing is grilling bacon.....it's trying to tell you your house is going to burn to the ground and you'll all be killed. Our OCD behaves rather like that.

It will improve Dennis

[Guest Dennis912]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for the encourgement -

My whole world feels like it's crumbling right in front of me right now!

My brain feels like soup, I can't focus on anything but these stuiped thoughts

sometimes "alot of time" I just want to sleep all day..

[Caramoole]

It's so tempting to escape by sleeping, I understand that because it buys you a little bit of peace. A good nights sleep is very beneficial but if possible you should try to avoid sleeping when it's used as an avoidance method. Activity is the best tool, I know it's not easy but it does get easier, fronting up to OCD is difficult and scary but the rewards are sweet.

Keep strong Dennis and use the support you have here, we all know where you're coming from and will help to support you through this. Lots of Luck, hope tomorrow's a better day

[Guest Dennis912]

Thank you for your responses..

[Guest lilyelspeth]

Hi Dennis, Sorry you are having a bad time right now. Just keep in mind that your lows are going to be low but your highs should definitely make up for that. I certainly hope you can make it through this period, however, I know you recognise how you are feeling which is important and I have faith that you and all of us) can make it through this. Good luck.

[Guest ace of base fan]

keep going dennis you are doing great and you will get through this bad patch

[Guest Tilly]

Hi dennis

Just try to keep going because i know exactly what your going through. Caramoole is right about using sleep as an avoidence method.