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Perfectionism and OCD


Guest ocd13

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Well today has been a very strange day...

I had my counselling session this morning (I believe it is psycho-analytical counselling. It is not CBT) and today I decided to talk to her about the fact that I've lost my identity and don't know who I am anymore.

She asked me who I was and I couldn't think of any answers. Eventually with a little help, she prompted me to start listing good or bad qualities about myself, which I did.

When I got home, I decided that I wanted to explore this further, so I started writing a list of all my good qualities (my positive attributes) and all my bad qualities (my negative attributes). As I was listing them all down, I found myself putting the word 'perfectionist' in both categories. I decided to explore this even further still and did some research on the internet of what a perfectionist entails. See, now I always considered myself to be a perfectionist, but it was always in the sense that I would have to make sure I had made no mistakes in my written work and similar things that didn't really seem to be a big deal. But as I read on about perfectionism, I realised that I have been applying my 'ideals' to pretty much every aspect of my life. If something isn't perfect, it wasn't good enough. If I am not accepted by people for whatever reason, that's not good enough, and the list goes on.

I started thinking about this approach to 'my world' and wondered if in fact, this perfectionism of mine is what has triggered my OCD. It makes a whole lot more sense to me now. Or maybe my perfectionism in daily life is the 'symptom' of my OCD and something somewhere has caused me to want to live in a more and more perfect world - and perhaps this something is the trigger.

I don't know if this is the answer, but it just seems to fit in with all of my 'what ifs' and my doubts, and my lack of confidence and success, etc. etc. I am very very hard on myself and this was realised today in my counselling session.

Maybe this is my clue to getting help for my OCD. If I can work on not being a percfectionist and learn to 'accept' that nobody and nothing is perfect, then I can use this with CBT??

I think a lot more exploring is needed and like I said, I don't know if it's the answer, but I have to say that today, there does seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

If anybody has got down this far and is interested in what I have written, I have included this link which I found to be very informative and pretty much describes me down to a tee:

http://www.coping.org/growth/perfect.htm

Any opinions or responses would be greatly received.

Thanks for listening guys!!

Love Andrea

xx

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Guest Smudger

I started thinking about this approach to 'my world' and wondered if in fact, this perfectionism of mine is what has triggered my OCD.  It makes a whole lot more sense to me now.  Or maybe my perfectionism in daily life is the 'symptom' of my OCD and something somewhere has caused me to want to live in a more and more perfect world - and perhaps this something is the trigger.

31999[/snapback]

It's quite 'chicken and the egg' isn't it?

I'm at a loss for any practical advice really Andrea-sorry about that.

I know what you mean about being a perfectionist though-I often find myself making life unneccesarily difficult for myself because of this.

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Hi Andrea

I hope you don't mind my replying here. I'm not an OCD sufferer but I am a perfectionist, though perhaps less than I used to be. I think if I'd done the same exercise as you did, I would have been quite sure about my bad qualities but would have added 'sometimes' or 'mostly' to all the good ones! It's interesting that you put 'perfectionism' in both lists because it can come in useful occasionally, but as you say it can also affect your whole approach to life. Really interesting link, I could relate to a lot of it. I am having counselling myself at the moment, so maybe this is something I need to look at!

Hope you get some feedback re OCD.

Best wishes

Rose

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Hiya Smudger,

Yeah I don't by any means think it's the answer as such, but it gives me a bit of a clue and hopefully will give me something to work on.

I also have to try and accept that I'm allowed to have negative qualities as well as positive qualities (which isn't something I'm very good at) and to try and accept that nobody and nothing in this world is perfect.

I shall just have to see where this takes me...

Thanks for your reply!! :dry:

Love Andrea

xx

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Hi Andrea

I hope you don't mind my replying here.  I'm not an OCD sufferer but I am a perfectionist, though perhaps less than I used to be.  I think if I'd done the same exercise as you did, I would have been quite sure about my bad qualities but would have added 'sometimes' or 'mostly' to all the good ones!  It's interesting that you put 'perfectionism' in both lists because it can come in useful occasionally, but as you say it can also affect your whole approach to life.  Really interesting link, I could relate to a lot of it. I am having counselling myself at the moment, so maybe this is something I need to look at!

Hope you get some feedback re OCD.

Best wishes

Rose

32009[/snapback]

Hi Rose,

Thanks so much for your reply. :dry:

It's really interesting you should say that, because funnily enough, I did actually put 'sometimes' next to a couple of my points on the list. There are also a couple of other points that I had to put in both categories because they depended on the situation, etc.

I definitely think I'm going to mention this what I've done today to my counsellor next week. In a way, I feel as if I've achieved something today. :)

Love Andrea

xx

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Guest Smudger
Hiya Smudger,

I also have to try and accept that I'm allowed to have negative qualities as well as positive qualities (which isn't something I'm very good at) and to try and accept that nobody and nothing in this world is perfect.

32010[/snapback]

Of course you're allowed to have negative qualities-absolute perfection within oneself doesn't actually exist, and it's probably a good thing because if it were possible to achieve this, we may find ourselves with nothing left to try for. Possibly.

The trick is to not see negative qualities as 'failings', and to also recognise that just because you consider an aspect of yourself to be negative, it doesn't actually mean it is. For instance, if there is an aspect of yourself you see as negative, and you want to change it (that is, to make a positive change), then good has come of it, meaning that it isn't totally negative-you see?

Blimey. If talking nonsense was an Olympic sport, I'd have more gold around my neck than Mr T.

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Hiya Smudger,

I also have to try and accept that I'm allowed to have negative qualities as well as positive qualities (which isn't something I'm very good at) and to try and accept that nobody and nothing in this world is perfect.

32010[/snapback]

Of course you're allowed to have negative qualities-absolute perfection within oneself doesn't actually exist, and it's probably a good thing because if it were possible to achieve this, we may find ourselves with nothing left to try for. Possibly.

The trick is to not see negative qualities as 'failings', and to also recognise that just because you consider an aspect of yourself to be negative, it doesn't actually mean it is. For instance, if there is an aspect of yourself you see as negative, and you want to change it (that is, to make a positive change), then good has come of it, meaning that it isn't totally negative-you see?

Blimey. If talking nonsense was an Olympic sport, I'd have more gold around my neck than Mr T.

32017[/snapback]

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

That makes two of us then cos what you said made complete sense to me!! :dry:

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Guest Smudger
:lol2:  :lol2:  :lol2:

That makes two of us then cos what you said made complete sense to me!!  :dry:

32018[/snapback]

:)

The trick is to accept your own 'negatives', and to realise that we all have them, the only difference is yours seem more prominent because they are yours.

If you were to aim for being completely perfect, you would end up with a lot more negative aspects to deal with because you would innevitably keep failing in your quest to attain the unnattainable.

Also bearing in mind that you have a disorder which causes you to be harder on yourself that most people is a good way of finding a balance sometimes.

Besides, look at all the positive things you've achieved on these forums: you've put many a smile on my face when I was at my wits end, and I know that's also true for a lot of other people on here too, so you can't be that negative! :)

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Besides, look at all the positive things you've achieved on these forums: you've put many a smile on my face when I was at my wits end, and I know that's also true for a lot of other people on here too, so you can't be that negative! :)

32021[/snapback]

Aaaaw shucks!! That is the nicest thing to say!! :welcome: Thank you... :)

I don't talk about this much but I believe I also suffer with BDD - it's the same thing to me as the perfectionism. If there is something on my body I don't like, I will attempt to either perfect it or hide it, etc. There have been times when I've perfected some parts of it, and then my obsession has moved onto another part, so I see what you mean about trying to be perfect only ends up in finding more failings or 'flaws' in my case.

Still, that doesn't make the problem go away - I guess because like you say, I 'do' have a disorder...

Erm... people will probably hate me for this, but I put my OCD down as one of my negative qualities... :blushing:

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Guest Smudger

I think my fiances sister suffers from BDD-she's very easily upset over her appearance, and her family were always going on about how vain she was-never out of the bathroom, always looking in the mirror etc. I'm no expert, but I'd assume that truely vain people don't do that to such an extreme, and that people with BDD do-because they're not looking at themselves because they think they look fantastic, but because they want to see if their 'flaws' are on display or not. Again, that's a maybe, I'm no expert.

I'd probably list my ocd as both. It's defiantely more of a negative, but good has come of it.

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Hi all,

Do you feel more able to accept or forgive the failings of others? Myself I am all too prepared to accept or explain away anyone elses failings. I allow myself to bully myself so much, just like the line in your signature Andrea. Having said that there are some situations where it is a little easier to accept less that perfection. Aw I'm not sure I've made any sense, things are so mixed-up in my head.

Matthew

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Guest Smudger

Hi Matt :welcome:

I'm very forgiving of others-mainly because my ocd worry makes me feel like I'm sub-human, and that I don't have a right to judge anybody for anything, being that I'm the lowest of the low.

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Hi Smudger,

Know just what you mean about not feeling able to judge others! Not being worthy, its always 'playing' in the background. Don't deserve to be happy, etc...

Matthew

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Guest ScottOCDid

Hi Andrea,

Good to have you back on the board! :hug:

I can certainly relate: I'm a perfectionist too, as well as being something of a control freak (self, not others). I always end up setting myself unrealistic standards and timescales... I'm no good at doing things "by halves" so I have to be vigiliant not to take too much on. I put a lot of effort (excessive amounts!) into my work and am utterly inflexible when it comes to commitment to my exercise routine - so there's never much spare time in the day! :)

Take care,

S

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