Return of the handwashing

[Guest Beth]

I'm having a bad time right now and my ocd seems to be getting really bad at points. When it started I remember I used to have to wash my hands in a perfect routine and not touch anything that might have germs on it, so if the towel had any marks on it I had to wash them again. I stopped this though, eventually I began to control it and I started to wash my hands normally, but I've always had to wash them again if there is anything on the towel or I touch something like the sink edges, but the perfect routine faded.

This week though it's gotten worse. I have ezcema dermatitis, which is when a chemical reaction with my skin causes ezcema because I have very sensitive skin. In year 8 when in a science lesson we did an experiment a bit of chemical got on my hand and caused ezcema (this was before 9/11 the event which seemed to trigger ocd). I have medicaton for my ezcema but I think the fear of getting ezcema all over my hands is the reason behind why I wash my hands the way I do. In the winter though my ezcema gets bad and I get bad skin inbetween my fingers. I have a new really sore patch on my left hand which is so bad that not ojnly does soap make it sting, water hurts it.

But over the last week my washing has gradually got worse and last night I wanted to cry and scream because of it and the fact I couldn't escape. I washed my hands after I went to the toilet and I dried them on towel but there was a stain on it so I washed them again, then I touched the side of the sink and so did it again. This was the longest time I've spent washing my hands. I must've spent 10/15 minutes on it and washed them so many times. To make matters worse I wash with cold water, and after about 5/6 washes I could just about feel my hands, in the end I couldn't feel them, they were either numb or the water felt like it was burning them, they were bright red and so painful. When I finished (washed them perfectly with no contact with stained towel or sink or bath) I left the bathroom and went to my bedroom, where until I fell asleep I thought I should get back up and wash them again because I felt the ritual wasn't complete.

I know I've gone a bit but I was so desperate to tell someone, it was one of the hardest and most painful things I've done, but I had to do it. My ocd seeems to be getting worse.

Beth

[Guest Kitty]

Hiya Beth

I'm really really sorry you feel so bad at the moment .

I'm glad you opened up and told us about your experience. It sounds like you're going through it a bit.

Beth, is there any particular thought or event that's happened to trigger your handwashing again?

I don't really know what constructive advice I can offer to you at all in this instance, maybe someone else could help me out here.

A positive thing though is that you say you felt you should have got up to finish off your ritual - but you didn't! You went to sleep. That's gotta be a good thing.

If your eczema is really bad at the moment - I'm not sure washing your hands in cold water is gonna help too much - maybe you should try increasing the temperature of the water you use when you wash bit by bit. I'm guessing that the cold water will chap your hands and make them even more sore. I don't know whether it would be ok with your eczema medication or not - but you might be able to use a really thick moisturiser on them to heal your skin.

Anyway, I really hope you're feeling better soon, Beth. Take care :hug:

Love from K

xx

[whitebeam]

Hi Beth,

I thought I'd answered this post already but I seem to be losing threads all over the place :hug: .

I can empathise with your 'too much handwashing' as although I've cut down on the amount of hand washing I do, I still wash them too much .

Sorry your hands get chapped and split - it's particularly hard when it's cold as they seem to get worse then.

The obvious answer is "don't wash your hands so much" but I appreciate that this is neither an easy nor a quick solution.

I use Dove liquid soap in a bottle with a blue pump top and find it is very gentle on my hands - I know it's not the answer, but at least your hands aren't so sore all the time. Also if my hands are split I get more anxious and wash them more which makes it worse.

See if you can just reduce your hand-washing by a little - perhaps one less wash initially and once you've walked away from the sink, try not to go back for 'just that last wash'. Once you've left the sink try to stay away even if it means finding something to distract you - like coming on here or watching something you like.

Take care and I hope that gradually you are able to cut down on the number of washes and allow your hands to heal.

Take care

whitebeam

[Guest Deb]

Hi Beth,

I just wanted to pick up on something Whitebeam said, Dove is incredibly gentle. I have had Eczema since I can remember and I have to be really careful what I use on my skin. Washing my hands without using any cream afterwards would leave them sore, dry and eventually cut and bleeding. I know because of the OCD it will be difficult to cut down on the hand washing, but what about having some moisturiser at hand to minimise the damage? I always keep a tub of Atrixo near the sink so if I have to get my hands wet they don't dry out to much.

Do you have some medication to use for your Eczema? I always find a good steriod cream works wonders but keep it minimal.

Hope things improve for you soon.

Debx

[Guest Beth]

Thanx for your suggestions, I do have medication for my ezcema it's called something like Betnovate, and I have to use it sparringly. I think that the problem with my handwashing is more the pain of the cold then the ezcema. The pain of the burning it causes to my hands with the freezing cold water and the numbness it creates, actually blocks the pain of the ezcema out. I try to walk away but I just can't I'm scared something bad will happen if I don't finish it. I'm going to try it though, I did it once before I know if I try hard enough I can do it again.

Beth

[catherine]

Hi Beth

What I have to offer won't really help the underlying problem but might help a bit with the sore hands. 4 months ago when I saw my psychiatrist I talked to him about the hand washing and actually asked him if he would prescribe me Dermol lostion as they were getting so sore. I realised this was a strange request to make to a psychiatrist but he knows that I will over wash my hands anyway and if he could relieve the pain of it then he would. He was really great about it :hug:

I now have a container of dermol downstairs and upstairs and my hands are sooooooooo much better. They have not cracked or split all winter and just to be on the safe side I apply moisturiser once a day. The really great news is that using the dermol has actually helped me cut down on my hand washing a bit . In the past I always had to wash my hands before I applied handcream, but because I don't have to apply it so often I don't have to wash my hands as much :hug:

You can buy dermol but it's about £12 a bottle (500 mls) so I now have two bottles added to my prescription and it keeps me going nicely.

Just a thought :huh:

Catherine