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Could I have OCD?


Guest therios

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Guest therios

Hello all.

I'm new here, and only found this forum because I am looking for some advice. I know it's not good etiquette to sign up to a forum and start making 'requests' straight away, but I hope you might understand.

Now I have always displayed some forms of ritualistic behaviour, but not to a degree that I have thought anything of it. For instance I will always wash my hands before handling food, even if I know they are clean - I don't even wash them though, just run them under the tap, and dry them of. Maybe that's not too strange, due to food/germs etc.

I also sometimes (only sometimes) have instances where I'll see, say a knife, and imagine inflcting harm on someone - which I would obviously never, ever do, but the thought is there, and I'm thinking 'Why on earth would I think that'.

Similarly, I would sometimes run through 'what-if' scenarios, worrying about things that might happen to my younger brothers and sisters - if they fell down the stairs while playing around - or if something fell off a shelf onto their heads etc.

Now I've never really thought much about this, except that it is a little odd - it is only the situation that i find myself in now, that has caused me to think it all might be linked, after I have spent the last few weeks reading up about mental health conditions on the net.

Also, I've recently grown a beard, I find myself tugging on it incessantly, even when it hurts.

Sorry for the babble, I'll quickly get to the main reason for my message: -

About 6/7 years ago, there was something that really bugged and upset me (sorry, but i don't really want to go into it right now - suffice to say, it was nothing horrid, like abuse, or anything like that). It bugged me for a while, but I accepted it, and moved on.

Now for 7 odd years, I barely ever thought of it. Every now and then the thought would pop into my head, I'd feel a bit gutted for a moment, then it would pass.

About a month ago go, this memory, for no reason whatsoever - and I mean no reason that I can think of, no obvious trigger to me anyway - just popped into my head. Literally just jumped in there. I have been able to think about nothing else since.

When I say that, I mean it almost literally. Every minute, or every few minutes at least, this memory is with me. It will not go away. I have done everything I can possibly think of to think about somethng else. I think about it the second I wake up, before I go to bed, and all throughout the day. I have had almost no respite for almost an entire month - that is a lot of time thinking about something I don't want to think about. As you might imagine, it is driving me absolutely stir crazy.

I'm not sleeping properly, not eating properly - I've lost a stone in weight over the last 4 weeks. When I do sleep, I am dreaming much more than I ever did, and so am not getting much proper deep sleep. Hence I am utterly exhausted all of the time - can't concentrate at work, or on pretty much anything.

These intrusive thoughts are driving me absolutely crazy, I just want them to go away. I dealt with this years ago - it has no bearing on my life whatsoever. I just don't understand what this is happening to me. A month ago I was acting just as I ever did. Happy as anything. Now it's all fallen to pieces, for no reason that I can see.

I only wonder if it could be OCD related, as I have read that a large symptom of OCD is having obsessive, intrusive thoughts that do not seem to go away. Does anybody have any similar experiences to this? Or am I trying to loosly fit my experience to a condition that I don't have?

Thank you for reading the diatribe.

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I have no medical experience and so I can't say what you are experiencing is ocd, but I will say that maybe this thought that you think you dealt with years ago, wasn't dealt with. Maybe deep in your conscience you've never dealt with it, perhaps this would be a good time to reflect and truly seal the hatch on the thought.

Hope someone can help you more than me, there are some great people on here so feel free to keep writing and don't worry about making requests, everyone is happy to help.

Beth

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:lol: therios,

It sounds to me like you are showing the traits of someone with OCD. When you explained the thoughts regarding the knife, children, etc., I believe these are all natural thoughts that people have, but it's when they cause you anxiety and starts to interfere with your daily life that it can be considered a disorder.

Your main reason for posting - your main intrusive thought, to me sounds as though it could be OCD. It is the same sort of thing that has happened to me in the past regarding my intrusive thoughts.

Have you experienced any stress or worry of late? It is believed that OCD can lay dormant and then a stressful event can set it off on its downward spiral.

If you feel up to it, I think it would be worth you going to your GP and getting it diagnosed if this recent intrusive thought is causing you this much distress. I for one should be doing the same because although I've suffered nearly all my life, I've not ever sought help for it and now is the time for me to do so I feel.

I hope this helps a little!

You should find that everyone on here is very helpful and will support you.

Take care,

Andrea

xx

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Guest therios

Thanks for your replies. :lol:

The intital things I mentioned have never particularly caused me any distress, but I thought they might be pertinent as they seem to be symptoms of OCD. But as I said, I may just be trying fit myself into an OCD 'box' to try and explain away what is happening to me.

This is what I can't understand though - there is nothing unduly stressful going on in my life, other than normal everyday stuff. In fact, a month ago, I was probably feeling happier than I had in a good while. I was just trundling along through life, not knowing how happy I actually was, until it all shattered.

It's just this one intrusive memory that I cannot shift. Any other worries I do have completely fail in insignificance compared to how this is plauging my mind right now.

I think I may well pop along to the GP (though I don't want to), as I was hoping that I would have been able to sort this out in my own mind by now, but haven't been able to. I've tried everything: tried to push it aside and think of something else, which I've learned doesn't work at all, because while consciously trying to think of somethng else, you think about it all the more.

Tried actually properly thinking about it and working it through in my head, but that just hurts, and doesn't seem to help much.

Tried convincing myself of a hundred different things to help me accept it, which can help for a little while, but doesn't seem to stick.

I'm just sick and tired of ruminating about it. I keep on telling myself that I accepted it before, so I can accept it again. But keep on asking myself why it has come back - especially after such a long time has passed. In my head, it's as if I have forgotten the last 7 years, and these feelings have resurfaced like it were yesterday.

I don't recall these feelings being this destructive before. All I remember, is that it bugged me for a while, and I eventually just got over it, and stopped thinking about it. I can barely remember how I got over it, because it was so many years ago.

I must admit I am feeling rather battered. Can't understand why my mind is gdoing this to me.

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Guest Dennis912

Hey Therios,

I too have bad thoughts about hurting people. They all seem to be about people

in my family or neighbors. I have been to my gp & 2 therapists before someone

put the OCD label on what I have..

My gp told me I have an anxiety disorder which is fine but: why can't I get these

thoughts out of my head. :lol:

So in your quest to find whats going on with you, try to be as specific as possible

when dealing with doctors. anxiety disorders, panic disorders, ocd (pure o) all kind of have similar traits.

Keep your head up man, and know people are always here so write often & you'll get through it.. the beginning is the worst, it can only get better..

Dennis..

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dear therios,

i definitely have OCD, and what you describe i can really really relate to.... so i would say - without being a doctor, that you almost certainly have OCD, if only just very mildly.

now, i can really relate particularly to the memory causing you real problems. i have so many like that, that just come up and bug me when otherwise im really fine and happy. and the worst is when one goes away another comes up!

and definitely i can relate to the fact that you've already accepted it - 7 years ago.... each time a memory comes up for me, i realise i've solved this problem so many times before!!!

about the memory... maybe it would be a good idea if you could talk about it here? i mean, we're all just names on the internet - and you never have to meet us! and of course, having OCD, there's no horrible memory or thought that would shock or surprise anyone here!!

about beths advice above.... she's clearly being very thoughtful, but from experience in this, i would say that i would disagree with her advice.

the stance she takes seems to be a psychotheraputic one - a sensible attitude to get things out in the open and deal with them... however.... it sounds like you have already thought enough about this memory - like i have with mine... and it coming back is just annoying - and without reason.

my advice would be to put into practice some kind of technique to get rid of your intrusive thoughts.... i have developed a pretty good way of displacing my thoughts - but it has really taken me years....

if you want some advice on this you should carry on posting here - its the best place to be!!!

i went to my GP about my OCD when it became too bad.... about 4 years ago. i was lucky and was referred to psychotherapy. but bear in mind that you'll probs need to tell them what the memory is.

i really think that being diagnosed with OCD is a positive thing - its the first step to getting better.

some advice:

- dont get angry that you havent sorted it out yet.

- try not to think rationally about the thought... it doesnt help because your mind can always counter-argue (its just as clever as you are)

- dont think that this means your life has to start over... its obvious you dont have OCD badly if its only just become a problem really.... and your hand washing is very mild.

- really look after yourself during this period. treat yourself. take baths, buy nice food etc. anything that will show your mind that you dont have to be horrible to yourself!!

im only talking from my experience, but i hope it helps that i really understand what you're going through.

sam

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Guest whirlwind

Hi Therios

I dont know if it is OCD or not but it sounds just like what happens to me.

When a thought gets a hold and I try to make sense of it and the more I try the worse and more muddled and believable it gets.

What I try to do is say to myself "its only a thought - I dont know if its real or not at this stage but it cant hurt me anyway at the moment" - then I tell it to go away and Ill "look back in on it" later - if that works - later I will make myself think about it again and if its still bad I (try) to say "stop I will have another think about you later" and so on so Im in control of the thought not the other way round until the anxiety subsides enough to be able to put it thought into perspective. (I know -easier said than done!)

I have had 2 courses of CBT and been on medication for over a year now. I have with alot of practice developed the above strategy which works for me most of the time (I do have ups and downs but theyre not nearly so bad)

Could you ask your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist for assessment and treatment?

Good luck

Whirlwind x

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Guest therios

Thanks for all the advice. I especially like this bit:

some advice:

- dont get angry that you havent sorted it out yet.

- try not to think rationally about the thought... it doesnt help because your mind can always counter-argue (its just as clever as you are)

- dont think that this means your life has to start over... its obvious you dont have OCD badly if its only just become a problem really.... and your hand washing is very mild.

- really look after yourself during this period. treat yourself. take baths, buy nice food etc. anything that will show your mind that you dont have to be horrible to yourself!!

32698[/snapback]

I think I will probably end up going to the gp soon - but it depends what time of day it is. At the mo, shortly before bed, the thoughts are still very much with me, but are just about bearable. So i talk myself out of getting any outside help, and convince myself that I can deal with this on my own.

I know from the past 4 weeks experience that it will be a different story in the morning though. My mind sucks

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I'm new here, and only found this forum because I am looking for some advice.  I know it's not good etiquette to sign up to a forum and start making 'requests' straight away, but I hope you might understand.

32673[/snapback]

Hi therios,

Don't worry about making a request on your first visit - the whole reason behind this board is to listen and support people when they're having a tough time.

About a month ago go, this memory, for no reason whatsoever - and I mean no reason that I can think of, no obvious trigger to me anyway - just popped into my head.  Literally just jumped in there.  I have been able to think about nothing else since.

When I say that, I mean it almost literally.  Every minute, or every few minutes at least, this memory is with me.  It will not go away. I have done everything I can possibly think of to think about somethng else.  I think about it the second I wake up, before I go to bed, and all throughout the day.  I have had almost no respite for almost an entire month - that is a lot of time thinking about something I don't want to think about.  As you might imagine, it is driving me absolutely stir crazy.

I'm not sleeping properly, not eating properly - I've lost a stone in weight over the last 4 weeks.  When I do sleep, I am dreaming much more than I ever did, and so am not getting much proper deep sleep.  Hence I am utterly exhausted all of the time - can't concentrate at work, or on pretty much anything.

These intrusive thoughts are driving me absolutely crazy, I just want them to go away. 

32673[/snapback]

My OCD did the same - fears of contamination arrived totally out of the blue and I was like you - could not shake free of the thoughts. they totally plagued my life :) .

(I must admit that looking back I had had fairly severe OCD for quite a time - but I'd just put it down to being a worrier)

However, now (I have to admit it is quite a while later) it is much better. Yes I still have contamination fears but they do not colour every single aspect of my life as they used to.

I think the best thing with OCD (if that is what yours is - or any other anxiety disorder) is to 'nip it in the bud'. Try and get some help before the thoughts get too deeply entrenched. I too think a visit to your GP can help; he/she would be the first port of call and s/he can treat or refer you - whichever they feel is best.

I hope you will soon feel better and get some relief from these thoughts.

Take care

whitebeam

PS I haven't said 'Welcome' :thumbup: so will do so now.

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