Driving Fears

[Guest KTC]

Hi Everyone,

I have fears while I am driving that I may have hit someone, will drive into oncoming traffic and really fear cyclists, motor bikes, pedestrians and pretty much any one vulnerable on the road (which I suppose is everyone).

I've had these fears on and off for several years but unfortunately it's at it worst. I am fortunate enough to be seeing a great psychiatrist and facing my fears as much as possible.

I've come a long way but as always something seems to get in the way of progress. Last night I was driving and had to pass a cyclist and it just terrified me. I had to pass him twice and once there was not a lot of room (I like to give them plenty of room) and it really terrified me. I know nothing happened because the cyclist ended up directly behind me when I was stopped at traffic lights but I just get so scared.

I imagine that if you only give them a small amount of room it might unstable them and make them fall. Then another car might hit them. Then because I passed him at such a slow speed where all other cars just seem to go straight past I worry that might have unstabled him.

It's like you can't do anything right. I drove my husband to work early this morning and had to pass two cyclists again. I was concentrating on making sure I was as far to the right of my lane as possible and then before I knew it I had passed them. I quickly glanced in the mirror and saw them but it was not long enough. I know I have done my best but everything I do just feels like it is not safe enough or my fear somehow makes me dangerous because I am over cautious.

I'm not giving up but just feeling frustrated and like all OCD these thought just haunt you. Thanks for listening/reading - hope you are all doing as best as you can.

Take Care,

KTC

[Guest Creative Cat]

Hi KTC,

Wow! I can sure relate to you with the "Driving OCD". Last night I had a difficult experience and it was like a "wake up call" that I need to really work on this problem in my life. I have been giving in to my ocd and checking and it just makes things worse.

My biggest temptation is to look in my rear view mirror and I know that this is not good. As of this morning I have started to not stop and check and to resist using my rear view mirror too much. I will keep this up and will post my progress.

Creative Cat

[Guest KTC]

Thanks for your post Creative Cat.

You seem to be going well and not giving in to your OCD which is great.

I'd love to hear about your progress.

Take Care,

KTC

Hi KTC,

Wow! I can sure relate to you with the "Driving OCD". Last night I had a difficult experience and it was like a "wake up call" that I need to really work on this problem in my life. I have been giving in to my ocd and checking and it just makes things worse.

My biggest temptation is to look in my rear view mirror and I know that this is not good. As of this morning I have started to not stop and check and to resist using my rear view mirror too much. I will keep this up and will post my progress.

Creative Cat

[Guest LeddiB]

Hello,

I'm having real problems driving these days, too - it only properly started recently (it has happened a few times before, but never become a big problem until now). I'm not worried about hitting people, but I keep thinking I might have hit an animal and keep having to stop and go back to check. I wince every time I hit an insect, which is usually unavoidable (still makes me feel terrible, though), and if it's quite a big insect that might have survived, I have to go back and try to find it as, although I probably won't be able to save it, I can move it off the road. This has lead to horrible situations, though - I had to kill a fly and a bee last week, as they were half-dead and suffering; I haven't killed anything deliberately in my life, not since I was a child when, one day, I got so frustrated with being different that I trod on an ant - something I've never forgiven myself for - so you can imagine how traumatic this was.

I also stop when I see an animal on the road that hasn't been obviously run over and, for want of a better word, squashed, and if it's dead, I move it to the side of the road. I know this all sounds crazy, but the trouble is, this has actually caused me to save one life and perhaps another - a few weeks ago, I drove past a squirrel on the road (a country lane), on the way to my doctor's appointment. On the way back, I felt like I should move him out of the road as he was intact (I feel terrible when animals' bodies are just left there to be driven over like a piece of dirt), and as I drove up to him, he lifted his head. I picked him up and decided I couldn't leave him like that (he was having trouble opening his eyes as they were sealed, possibly with blood, and he had grit stuck to his nose with dry blood) and that I would take him home to clean him up a bit and keep him warm until (hopefully) he was well enough to be brought back and released, but as I opened the car door, he "came to" and scrambled off me and ran across the road, almost getting hit again. I approached him again a couple of times, worried, as he now had some fresh blood coming from his nose, but he kept running away down the bank (there's a steep, woody bank at the side of the road), just out of reach, and I couldn't get to him - besides, I didn't want to terrify him any more than I had, even though I desperately wanted to help him. In the end, I had to leave him there, hoping that he would come around and go back to his life. It was truly awful, but then if I'd caught him and taken him to a vet (which would have been incredibly traumatic for him) he'd have been put to sleep anyway. I still worry and wonder what became of him, and whether I did the right thing. I went back a week later (it took all my strength not to go back sooner to check) and there was no sign of him, so he had either been eaten or had recovered (please let it be the latter).

Also, I definitely did save a lamb last week - I was driving on a remote mountain road and again, I stopped to check that a lamb at the side of the road was/wasn't dead, and found that it was alive, but very weak, with no mother in sight even though the night was starting to close in. I panicked, then drove back a few miles to the nearest house, which, thankfully, was the farmer's, took him to the lamb, who he then took home to warm and feed. The lamb wouldn't have survived the night otherwise, so I am insanely proud to have found it (although, ultimately, desperately sad because I know what will eventually happen to it) but at the same time, it has fuelled my ocd - I now feel I have to stop and check every dead animal I come across, just in case it's still alive.

I'm so sorry to have rambled on. This strand of my ocd is quite new to me and I don't really know how to deal with it. I can't cope with the thought of an animal suffering and dying just because I haven't checked. I really don't know how I get out of this one.

Sorry, again, for the essay.

[Guest KTC]

Hi Leddi,

Thanks for your reply. It does help to chat with others who understand what you are going through.

It is a fine line between trying to help an injured animal and checking everything you see. My uncle lives in the country where there is a lot of wildlife and he often stops to pick up vulnerable wildlife such as turtles or snakes that are sunning themselves on the side of the road. However, I think you need to bear in mind that you are not God and you can't save everything.

I think it is ok to stop once in a while to move something off the side of the road but if you are stopping at everything you see then you may need to set yourself some rules or boundaries.

Do people or other cars bother you at all while driving?

Take Care,

KTC.

Hello,

I'm having real problems driving these days, too - it only properly started recently (it has happened a few times before, but never become a big problem until now). I'm not worried about hitting people, but I keep thinking I might have hit an animal and keep having to stop and go back to check. I wince every time I hit an insect, which is usually unavoidable (still makes me feel terrible, though), and if it's quite a big insect that might have survived, I have to go back and try to find it as, although I probably won't be able to save it, I can move it off the road. This has lead to horrible situations, though - I had to kill a fly and a bee last week, as they were half-dead and suffering; I haven't killed anything deliberately in my life, not since I was a child when, one day, I got so frustrated with being different that I trod on an ant - something I've never forgiven myself for - so you can imagine how traumatic this was.

I also stop when I see an animal on the road that hasn't been obviously run over and, for want of a better word, squashed, and if it's dead, I move it to the side of the road. I know this all sounds crazy, but the trouble is, this has actually caused me to save one life and perhaps another - a few weeks ago, I drove past a squirrel on the road (a country lane), on the way to my doctor's appointment. On the way back, I felt like I should move him out of the road as he was intact (I feel terrible when animals' bodies are just left there to be driven over like a piece of dirt), and as I drove up to him, he lifted his head. I picked him up and decided I couldn't leave him like that (he was having trouble opening his eyes as they were sealed, possibly with blood, and he had grit stuck to his nose with dry blood) and that I would take him home to clean him up a bit and keep him warm until (hopefully) he was well enough to be brought back and released, but as I opened the car door, he "came to" and scrambled off me and ran across the road, almost getting hit again. I approached him again a couple of times, worried, as he now had some fresh blood coming from his nose, but he kept running away down the bank (there's a steep, woody bank at the side of the road), just out of reach, and I couldn't get to him - besides, I didn't want to terrify him any more than I had, even though I desperately wanted to help him. In the end, I had to leave him there, hoping that he would come around and go back to his life. It was truly awful, but then if I'd caught him and taken him to a vet (which would have been incredibly traumatic for him) he'd have been put to sleep anyway. I still worry and wonder what became of him, and whether I did the right thing. I went back a week later (it took all my strength not to go back sooner to check) and there was no sign of him, so he had either been eaten or had recovered (please let it be the latter).

Also, I definitely did save a lamb last week - I was driving on a remote mountain road and again, I stopped to check that a lamb at the side of the road was/wasn't dead, and found that it was alive, but very weak, with no mother in sight even though the night was starting to close in. I panicked, then drove back a few miles to the nearest house, which, thankfully, was the farmer's, took him to the lamb, who he then took home to warm and feed. The lamb wouldn't have survived the night otherwise, so I am insanely proud to have found it (although, ultimately, desperately sad because I know what will eventually happen to it) but at the same time, it has fuelled my ocd - I now feel I have to stop and check every dead animal I come across, just in case it's still alive.

I'm so sorry to have rambled on. This strand of my ocd is quite new to me and I don't really know how to deal with it. I can't cope with the thought of an animal suffering and dying just because I haven't checked. I really don't know how I get out of this one.

Sorry, again, for the essay.

[Guest Creative Cat]

Hello,

Well, the big motivator to help me work on this problem is that I've realized that when I drive really slow and stop, or pull over to the side of the road to look back or circle back around again to go check on something that my behavior can look really suspicious to other people. They do not know that I have OCD and that I'm just checking. They may think that I'm doing something suspicious.

This all came to light to me in a horrible way this past week. I was driving really slow down a residential street. A car behind me started pulling to my right and I thought they were going to pass me so I swerved to the left (which was unsafe! -- thankfully no other cars were around) Anyway, I realized (to my embarrassment) that the car behind was NOT trying to pass me, but was parking on the right. The person really should have been more patient and waited until I passed before pulling up on the right, but nevertheless, it was all a crazy situation. I drove down the street further and then I saw her looking down the street at me (she had gotten out of her car). Then I thought -- maybe I should drive back and explain what happened and when I drove back she would not talk to me at all. I had rolled my window down to talk with her and she just ignored me. I felt soooooo horrrible!! I can't even tell you how bad it made me feel. She was on her cell phone describing me to someone (I heard her). So, I drove home and told my husband and could not even eat dinner or get to sleep at a regular time. I realize that this woman may have thought that I was a drunk driver or who knows what with my irratic driving behavior (then I worried that maybe she has seen me pull over or turn around on that street before). In my defense, she should not have pulled to my right the way that she did (which was very impatient), but she probably did not want to wait because I was driving too slow. So, it was like a "wake up call" to me that I REALLY HAVE to work on this problem. Otherwise, I could look like a crazy person and get myself in trouble eventually. I have been so embarrassed over this whole thing. I have been working very hard this week on NOT checking. I have made some progress but need to really be hard on myself with this one because I can very easily give in to myself and check. But, now I have this reminder hanging over my head that other people in my neighborhood could be watching and making the wrong conclusions and I do not want that to happen!

Creative Cat

[Guest KTC]

Hi Creative Cat,

You seem to have a really good attitude about your OCD and it is great that you are still driving and putting your thoughts into perspective.

I also used to over correct when I thought people were going to over take me or drive slightly more to the other side of the road if I saw someone standing on the side of the road but I also realised that you have to be reasonable. You can't predict everything that is going to happen and driving too much on one side or the other is not the answer. So, I also concentrate on driving in the middle of my lane. The last thing I wanted to have happen was to cause an accident being overly cautious.

Unfortunately my OCD is being really nasty at the moment. I was walking home from the supermarket tonight and there was a cyclist riding towards me on the footpath. I also worry about walking too close to people on the footpath and knocking them over. I was feeling pretty down and I thought to myself I am not going to be overly cautions. Anyway as he approached me I recall slightly turning away from his direction and he passed me. I didn't think about it, I didn't watch closley how much space there was between me and him I just did it. See, I told myself that was fine. But no, then the OCD started. How do you know you weren't too close to him and caused him to swerve out of your direction onto the road and was hit by a car, etc etc.

I resisted the urge to look behind me. I knew it was OCD being cruel but it is the 'what if" that kills me and the constant you should have thought more about the other person. I know its ridiculous and I am trying to just get on with the rest of my day and not give these thoughts attention but it is difficult. I just seem to come up with the worst case scenario from nothing. I'm sure many OCD sufferers can relate.

Take Care,

KTC.

Hello,

Well, the big motivator to help me work on this problem is that I've realized that when I drive really slow and stop, or pull over to the side of the road to look back or circle back around again to go check on something that my behavior can look really suspicious to other people. They do not know that I have OCD and that I'm just checking. They may think that I'm doing something suspicious.

This all came to light to me in a horrible way this past week. I was driving really slow down a residential street. A car behind me started pulling to my right and I thought they were going to pass me so I swerved to the left (which was unsafe! -- thankfully no other cars were around) Anyway, I realized (to my embarrassment) that the car behind was NOT trying to pass me, but was parking on the right. The person really should have been more patient and waited until I passed before pulling up on the right, but nevertheless, it was all a crazy situation. I drove down the street further and then I saw her looking down the street at me (she had gotten out of her car). Then I thought -- maybe I should drive back and explain what happened and when I drove back she would not talk to me at all. I had rolled my window down to talk with her and she just ignored me. I felt soooooo horrrible!! I can't even tell you how bad it made me feel. She was on her cell phone describing me to someone (I heard her). So, I drove home and told my husband and could not even eat dinner or get to sleep at a regular time. I realize that this woman may have thought that I was a drunk driver or who knows what with my irratic driving behavior (then I worried that maybe she has seen me pull over or turn around on that street before). In my defense, she should not have pulled to my right the way that she did (which was very impatient), but she probably did not want to wait because I was driving too slow. So, it was like a "wake up call" to me that I REALLY HAVE to work on this problem. Otherwise, I could look like a crazy person and get myself in trouble eventually. I have been so embarrassed over this whole thing. I have been working very hard this week on NOT checking. I have made some progress but need to really be hard on myself with this one because I can very easily give in to myself and check. But, now I have this reminder hanging over my head that other people in my neighborhood could be watching and making the wrong conclusions and I do not want that to happen!

Creative Cat

[Guest LeddiB]

I think you need to bear in mind that you are not God and you can't save everything.

I think it is ok to stop once in a while to move something off the side of the road but if you are stopping at everything you see then you may need to set yourself some rules or boundaries.

Do people or other cars bother you at all while driving?

Take Care,

KTC.

Hello KTC,

Thank you so much for your reply. You're absolutely right, I know. I can't possibly save everything, but I feel that I have to do everything I can. I also realise that I should only do as much as is practical, that it shouldn't interfere with me living my life (not that I have much of a life right now), but like so many other things, that's all well and good in theory! Practically, I find it very difficult, probably more so as I feel that nobody else really cares - that they wouldn't bat an eyelid if they'd hit an animal and would quite happily drive on as if nothing had happened, especially around here as it's a farming community. That's probably why I only obsess about hitting animals - I feel that the help would be there if a person was hit, whereas nobody would care if it was an animal suffering. Also, I feel that I'd definitely know if I'd hit a person or a cyclist, or, if I hadn't noticed, I'd soon find out. For some reason, it just doesn't get to me like with animals.

What I do worry about, though, is how my checking makes me look suspicious, and how sometimes (only on very quiet roads, although that shouldn't matter) it makes me drive in a way that would probably be considered unsafe. I am terrified that I will be reported or stopped by the police, so I HAVE to get a grip.

How are you doing now? I hope your anxiety has come down. I'm sorry, I don't really know what I can say, except that you know in your heart of hearts what the truth of the situation is and that you just need to hang on in there for the anxiety to fade, but then I'm a fine one to talk! You can do it, though - you're doing brilliantly, so just hang on in there.

xx