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A little stuck, some advice please


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Hi everyone

just want to vent out something that has been bothering me all day at work. Had a very stressfull 1st day back on only 2 hours sleep :(

and a thought came to mind which i have never had before, im 70/30 that it is OCD but its in abit of a grey area, so i thought i would see if any pros here no better.

I helped out a chap at work do the delivery a few times about 2 weeks ago, and he was always swearing for cutting himself with knifes we use to cut the boxes open. Called Fishknifes, not a proper sharp blade sort of thing.

Thought nothing of this until today when i was doing the delivery alone as he has been fired. i thought to myself "what if i used the knife after he did and there was blood on it, and i got his blood under my finger nail when i had a cut"

as i did last time we worked together, and we always put our knifes down and pick eachothers up as they are just laying around. This thought reall alarmed me and it bought all of our convesations forward about how he calls himself a slut and never practices safe sex. So i am really worried basically if i was at any risk

:helpsmilie:

Edited by cam
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perhaps grey area is the wrong term really. I am almost sure this is a OCD thought (as i never thought about it at the time) but i thought i would air it incase there is an actual risk with a situation like this, as there are many HIV pros here

Hope you dont mind

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Guest legend

perhaps grey area is the wrong term really. I am almost sure this is a OCD thought (as i never thought about it at the time) but i thought i would air it incase there is an actual risk with a situation like this, as there are many HIV pros here

Hope you dont mind

alarm bells rang, and you were pretty sure it was ocd cam, but to take it that little bit further you had an urge to ask

just to make sure it is ocd, and thats the nasty reasurance seeking creeping in.

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just thought id update on this. The thought kept niggling at me during my sleep, havnt felt myself since returning from holiday.

I tried relabling, but i think the anxiety was to high. so i used facts that i know, is that a good idea?

like i know that you cannot catch HIV from touching blood off an object/surface and that it has to be direct cut to cut etc and quite a large amount. Should i have gone down this route of thinking? or persist with the 4 steps?

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Hi Cam

I suffer from same thoughts. I have difficulty differentiating between what is seeking reassurance and what is making an informed decision !!

I used to talk through with my counsellor about my OCD thinking patterns. What I would notice would be that my thinking would be in a certain pattern (ie OCD anxiety fearful fuelled repetition, what if I can catch it this way or that way.........) Non-OCD sufferers would be aware of risks and conduct their lives in a way that reduced the risk and did not ruminate over situations, but dismissed them as harmless. We called it TYPE A thinking and TYPE B thinking.

As an example, I have a dread of being nicked by scissors when I go to the hairdressers for a haircut. I have a fear that if they have already nicked someone with HIV then I can catch the illness. It got so bad I let my hair get into a real mess because I was afraid to go to the hairdressers because I thought the risk was high. However, my mum is 77 and has gone to the hairdressers every week for as long as I can remember!! Either for a cut or wash and blow wave and she has never seen it as a high risk as she does not suffer from OCD.

It may be seen as reassurance? I don't know. All I know is that if I recognise that my thinking is based in FEAR and "What ifs" then it is probably my OCD kicking in.

If I get some sort of level thinking and can fight the OCD from a position of strength because I have gained some FACTS and assess how anxiety based my thinking is, the I feel that is acceptable to me and it works for me. I don't see it as seeking reassurance. I see it as making an informed decision and having the strength to recognise and ignore the OCD anxiety fuelled thinking.

Maybe it is a way of reassurance in a non-direct way? I don't know. All I know is I try to recognise the OCD anxiety thoughts, and focus on the way non-OCD suffering people would evaluate situations, and then try to build up my confidence in trusting my judgement based on facts, not react to anxiety fuelled thoughts based on OCD.

Don't know if this makes any sense but perhaps you can grab a bit of something to help from my ramblings!!

Maybe being at work is increasing your anxiety and so you have an increase in anxiety fuelled thoughts whilst you are using the fish knives to cut the boxes?

It is a combination of feeling anxious, being in a stressful situation, and having the physical triggers in place which go in the melting pot to give the OCD thinking a boost of just the sort of food it needs!

The thoughts will pass. You know the truth. You can hold onto the facts and dismiss the OCD thoughts for what they really are.

Best wishes

BQ

Edited by bleachqueen
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Hey cam, i dont know if you saw my post last week but it was about a tatoo and the worry of catching hiv, i know this is probably ressurance but when i went to see my doc he told me that the hiv virus dies as soon as it comes into contact with the air so there is no chance the virus could survive anyway.

i hope im not out of order posting this as I know that the reassurance thing is wrong when you have ocd but when my doc told me i felt a lot calmer i hope it does the same for you.

Red x

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Hi Red

no dont worry you are not reassuring me, the thing is i know that anyway so thats cool :) im glad the doctor telling you that has helped and its nice to hear a doctor saying it dies instantly as i have heard SO many stories that it can take from 30 seconds to 20 mins over the years

BQ thank you also for your post, i can relate to alot of what you have written, i think anxiety in general for me is mega high atm. I am worrying about a few things and its draining me to be honest. Plus i have been given back to back shifts at work till next week and the work enviroment isnt a happy place right now

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Hi Cam,

I also suffer from OCD based on HIV fears, causing horrible anxiety. I also know that if I'm stressed or tired that this crappy condition tends to get much worse.

If you know the facts about HIV like I do, then you will know for a fact that it's OCD at work here and nothing else.

Take care,

Kevin. :)

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Hey Kevin, sucks doesnt it mate. How are you doing with it?

today made me laugh as the theme just rolled on at work like it was some kind of inside joke, i cut myself on my thumb so i put a plaster on. Then a member of staff called me a wimp as she cut herself the day before and never wore a plaster.

This set alarm bells off as i tried to retrace yesterday to see if i touched the till or anything she used, then a kid cut his finger and finally!! Was given a ten pound note with dried red blobs on it!!

So you can imagine that its been a very draining day!

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Do these situations seek us out lol

I had a fear of treading on a condom in the street. I would find them all over the place. A friend commented on it because she said she had NEVER found a condom on the street!! What did I do that was so different so that I kept finding them???!!!

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It's simply that we are looking for these things and notice them because of our OCD. Other people aren't on the look out for them because they don't worry about them. Because it's are biggest fear we're bound to notice used condoms, needles, blood, plasters, in fact anything that could relate in any way to HIV.

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It kinda helps when i think "would a non OCD suffer act this way"? or i remind myself if it was that easy to catch then the whole world would have it!

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Sorry to drag this thread back up but i am feeling very confussed atm due to a thought i have had about this,

Basically as much as i know the facts of contracting HIV, this thought has been bugging me all day and im feeling very stressed. Basically the guy in question on this thread no longer works with me, and he has been posting things on his facebook account like " i hope i get good news from the doctors today" this has spun me out as i have taken it as its HIV related.

and i remember a deep chat with him before he left and he was like, "all in time i will tell you my deep secret" what if its that he is HIV.

I messaged him before i even had this thought to see if he is ok, and he said he was fine. Am i catastrophising here? feel terrible for thinking this way. Would be so much easier perhaps if i still worked with him

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Hey Cam

I really dont think someone would post something about going to the docs on facebook if it was to do with hiv, I know what you mean though I am constantly going through the what ifs with the hiv subject, its bloody horrible isnt it.

Its the bloody what ifs , I always try and tell myself if I am having a what if moment its probably my ocd.

take care cam Im sure you have nothing to worry about

Red

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My mind really does go on overtime when its on a roll to find clues, i would have made a good policeman.lol

Thing is, even if he does have it i should know better knowing the facts and that there isnt any risk from the situation im talking about. But i just cant seem to let it go as i cant full remember the situation in question, if he fully cut himself and if i did use the same knife after etc

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Hi Cam,

This is ALL OCD.

It's horrible because the thoughts make you anxious and then the anxiety makes the thoughts seem real. I fully sympathise with you, as I'm currently going through a similar scenario relating to my 8 year old daughter which I'm struggling to get over.

You've got to try and stop looking into the situation to find the answers you're desperately looking for because they just aren't there. As we've both discussed before, we know the facts so there's nothing to try and find out.

When these thoughts come into your head, just remember they're not real they're OCD thoughts.

Take care matey. :)

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Great advice Kev, i have taken that on board as i am suffering too. Try not to worry Cam, I know how it feels, going over and over situations, you arent on your own.

Red x

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Guest PatrickJones

Hi guys,

I have been stuck in an HIV loop for a few weeks now. It can get very stressful, I am not seeking reassurance. I have never had unprotected sex, but there is an absolute certainty to my thoughts. My mind is simply telling me that I've got it. Now I know I should not go and get a test because that will feed the OCD, and is just me seeking reassurance. This HIV fear is new and I think its got something to do with me dating a girl. It's just really annoying me. I can't seem to get any of my CBT exercises to work and some days its bloody horrible.

But I think this forum helps, I'm glad I'm not the only one out there and that there is a great group of supportive people willing to discuss their experiences. Hopefully I can get through this slight relapse.

Patrick

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Guest natal

Hi Cam, I can understand why you feeling that this guy could be talking about what your worrying about but like someone else said I doubt very much he would put it on his facebook if it was about hiv. I'm exactly the same as you I go as far as thinking a film is telling me I have hiv. i'm really off on one at the moment with hiv worry (I feel like i'm going insane) I'm not even sure how I think I got it because the obvious reason don't apply to me. I'm even thinking I got the symptoms and I don't know whether if thats all in my head. Its horrible is'nt it because one minute you think your on top of it and your not gonna let these worries get into your head and the next minute its like your thinking but this worry feels more real.

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Hi Cam, I can understand why you feeling that this guy could be talking about what your worrying about but like someone else said I doubt very much he would put it on his facebook if it was about hiv. I'm exactly the same as you I go as far as thinking a film is telling me I have hiv. i'm really off on one at the moment with hiv worry (I feel like i'm going insane) I'm not even sure how I think I got it because the obvious reason don't apply to me. I'm even thinking I got the symptoms and I don't know whether if thats all in my head. Its horrible is'nt it because one minute you think your on top of it and your not gonna let these worries get into your head and the next minute its like your thinking but this worry feels more real.

Guys, It's all OCD, just remember that!

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