Never felt so bad!!!

[Guest george25]

About three months ago I was able to stop some major rituals through CBT, but life hasn't been as great as I thought it would be! At first I felt really ill but that passed but then I started to lose feelings towards my husband and couldn't bear to be around him sometimes questioning if I still loved him! I felt I'd lost my 'safety' barrier and an old friend in my OCD (had it since 9 yrs old)and actually became jealous of people who were still able to carry out their rituals! Yep I'm not kidding how messed up is that!!! Then last week I got a letter from the doctors telling me I needed a repeat smear test(sorry any guys reading this) as there wasn't enough cells to do the test properly(happens 1 in 10 times apparently and is perfectly normal) so I've convinced myself I am in fact dying and this is my punishment for stopping the rituals!

For the last week I've felt unreal and a sense of massive impending doom and I can't walk in and out of the room of flick switches or anything to relieve it!I hate myself as all I ever wanted was to get rid of some of the worst rituals and now I'm thinking'better the devil you know'!Which really is madness!! So lost and massively scared and depressed that this time the feelings are not going to go away, has anyone else lessoned their rituals and felt this way???

[Guest Henos]

Heres an analogy. OCD is a very addictive habit like smoking that can give short term relief but obviously in the long term can destroy you. I remember when i tried quitting (smoking that is) i felt so jealous and tempted when i saw others doing so especially after a few drinks when my guard was down. OCD is the same kind of idea - you think just one more ritual wont harm you and besides your bored with time to kill and before you know it your hooked again. The key with any addiction is CBT.

[Guest Henos]

Continued from above. Sorry typing on mobile and limited on text length. Practise practise practise and dont get complacement. I found after stopping a lot of my major and most soul destroying rituals i ended up with some new and improved ones! Seriously tho these less stressful modified rituals eventually seemed to morph into something much worse and i was almost back in as much trouble as i was the year previously. I had got complacent and thinking i'd vanquished my major ocd worries behind me i'd let in

[Guest Henos]

Continued. ...new ones which altho seemed less harmful at first eventually manifested into something almost as crippling. So i had to start cbt again and slowly getting there although never seem to see an end in sight or as my mum always says 'whats the solution ?'. Ensure a good diet, plenty of excercise and try and fill your spare time with hobbies you enjoy. The devil makes work of idle hands/brains. Dont i know it. Hope you feel better knowing others are in same boat as you. If we row together we might

[Guest Henos]

Cont. ... just get there! PS sorry for babbling on - hope i dont get banned for verbal diarroeah!

Tak tent oxoxox.