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Advice desperately needed


Guest PatsyG

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Guest PatsyG

My husbands in the army and we have our own health service.

Now for years Ive been trying to get help and Im still running into walls..Ive seen different CPNs who admitted themselves that they didnt have much knowledge about OCD, I seemed to have more them then..then I was passed on to psychiatrists, always temporary ones and I had to tell them my story again and again as notes were all over the place. Last one I saw told me straight that I needed a psychologist but there simply isnt one..apparently theres 2, one is based at a hosptal and noone wants to pay for it, the other one is overloaded with cases as shes the only psychologist in Germany working for the army. A CPN has tried to get me in with her years ago and here I am, still waiting.

The psychiatrist said hed refer me but not to hope for anything, he said its very unlikely and that hed try and do CBT with me, mentioning that hes not experienced as used to be a forensic psychiatrist. That was months ago, noones got back to me.

I dont know what else to do, its hard enough asking for help and then i get turned down again and again. I cant afford to pay privately for one.

Any advice at all?

Thanks, Patsy

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Hi Patsy, I just wish I had something useful to say.

Im a little confused as to why the psychiatrists say you need a psychologist? My son sees a psychiatrist for his OCD and has done for a long time now, there was never any suggestion he needed passing on to someone else.

Is it not possible to be seen as a civilian as we are all in the EU?

I just wish I could be of more use. I really thought the army now understood how important mental health is, but maybe not.

Carol :hug:

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Guest PatsyG

hey carol, thank you so much for replying!

Well both the psychiatrists, or was it 3 I was passed on to, not sure now, reckoned I would benefit form seein a psychologist, they didnt feel the right person for the job, I dont know and the current one, albeit again temporary, told me he had briefly touched onto CBT before he went into forensic stuff, great.

I phoned up again today, trying to find out whats heppening with that hopeless referal, was told psychiatrist was in meeting and would get back to me, well noone did. Its always the same.

I cant see anyone on the civilian side of things, I have asked before and was told the army wont pay for it, the only thing they could do is post us to the UK and then I would get to see normal English docs.

I really dont know what to do anymore. relationship things are creeping in, starting to lose sight of things. its the holidays which means having 2 kids to entertain, no work to keep me occupied and hubbys away soon for 4 weeks and Im feeling alone and scared to be honest... :(

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The only experience I have of any military base in Germany was an American one, where they seemed to have absolutely everything you could ask for, it was like walking into a little America!!

Do you have things for the children to do on the base during the holidays? Arent there any family support groups? Sorry lots of questions I know. Although the army wont pay for you to see a civilian therapist, would you be entitled to see one under EU rules? Sorry I dont know much about it and am not sure where to look. I take it you have tried self-help books.

I will keep thinking!

Carol :hug:

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Guest PatsyG

Thank you so much Carol x

Just had a look through some of it! Im not sure how it all works for me and whether Id be entitled to go for treatment via European entitlement but at least I have a point of contact now! I will contact the NHS and see what their point of view on the situation is!

I have booked the kids in for some summer activities that are being offered by the army welfare service, they start next week. There are some difficulties with my son as he can have problems getting on with other children. Theyve been some problems with fighting the last couple of days..Robbie doesnt fit in and then does things to fit in that are not acceptable, that i then have to punish him for...its difficult not to lose my temper with him at times, i feel sorry for him yet hes such hard work..He used to go to a local youth club but was picked on a lot and hes very sensitive and started fighting back in a physical way, in the end he quit youth club..now Ive booked him in for 2 weeks, hopefully some of the other kids would have moved on by now..

Sometimes it all gets too much, so much energy is put into my own little things that I feel I can give no more and I cant always give my son the patience he needs...which in turn makes me feel very selfish..

I managed to get out of the house tonight and see a friend and Im glad I did, talked about some of the things on my mind which i tend to keep to myself and that helped, for tonight anyway, tomorrow I will take the kids out for the day, i cant spend another day in the house being depressed, so as soon as I get up i will get our stuff ready and not give myself a change to mope..

Thank you Carol for being there, at times I feel very alone in the world and your posts make a big difference xx

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Hi Patsy

Im hope the link is of some use. At least you might find out officially where you stand about treatment over there. I hope so anyway!!

How old are your children? Its so hard when they dont just fit in and get on with everyone isnt it, yet another worry. Just remember you are only human and can only give so much, all of us run out of patience some times!!

I was glad to hear you went to see a friend and felt better afterwards. Perhaps you could try and do it a bit more often. How did your day out go?

Carol xx

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Guest PatsyG

Hey carol :)

Well the day started well (ish), Was determined to be more positive, to take myself and life a little less seriosuly and to just have fun with the kids..I took them to this big indoor play area about 40 minutes from here. Its fab there with loads to do for the kids..I joined in playing rather than just sitting there reading the paper, we played catch and air hockey and stuff and it was going really well until my kids got into a bit of a fight and it all started to go wrong. My son was angry at my duaghter for something minor she had accidently done and he came running over, totally enraged and just went on and on about how much he hated her etc..Tried to calm him down to no avail and he started to repaet the same stuff over and over and over again..I gave him mumerous warnings but he wasnt having any of it, I was getting more and more angry but still, he was upset and angry and was letting ti out on me..I kinda wasnt prepared for this one and in the end i blew, threatened to take them homw, then deciding against it as wouldnt be fair on my daughter or me really, dragged him outside and really screamed at him, he continued to go on about what she had done, all cokcy and trying to have the last word.. Im usually a fairly calm person but he pushes and pushes and you have to handle the situation ever so careful but i let myself get provoked which was his plan..So i turned into this screaming psycho mum which got me nowhere..ended up going back in with him having to sit at the table..my anger slowly subsiding and being replaced by i dont know...sadness really. In the end I tried to patch things up and carry on but it wasnt the same anymore..he still carried on with things at home..he basically just challeneges everything hes told to do, not to do but it can be quite extreme..

Its flipping hard to stay positive with this walking ticking time bomb thats my son on top of other things, I have to stop myself from going to sleep, it tires me out but its also my form of escape, to totally withdraw from everything...

Sorry i hate moaning on and Im trying to stay strong, i know self-pity doesnt get me anywhere but its good to let it all out..Dont know whats up with him at the moment..seems as thought the summer hols have just put us back 10 steps again!

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The only experience I have of any military base in Germany was an American one, where they seemed to have absolutely everything you could ask for, it was like walking into a little America!!

It's so weird isn't it! I had a friend here for a while, ironically called Ashley who was based in Lakenheath and I visited her one weekend and it was surreal, as you say it is like a little America. Everything, the cars, money, even the chocolate and the coke cans are US imports, not British.

Patsy, where about's in Germany are you? One of my other German members told me about her therapist just this weekend actually. Also, we have some German researchers on the forum looking for help with a new self-help version of CBT, I can put you in touch with them too if you like.

In terms of accessing specialist help from the NHS in the army I am not sure. I do know that some CBT centres here in the UK do prioritise ex servicemen and women to the top of the waiting list (hey, they risk their life's for our country so can't begrudge them really). I am not sure as a spouse if you would be afforded the same privilege though.

I can try and find out where you stand in accessing NHS treatment there in Germany if you like. May take me a few days though, not even sure where to start, but I may start with the MOD and then the NHS. If you want me to try and find out, could you PM me your details of which base you are at etc.

Sounds like you have had a typical Mum day, I seem to recall my Mum shouting at me a lot like that, and me sulking and trying to have the last word... ah, some things never change :lol:

Look after yourself.

Ashley

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Guest PatsyG

tried to message you Ash but it said you cant receive any more messages so Im posting it on here instead.

Yeah any help is great, the self-help CBT thingy aswell....

We live in Paderborn, thats our town.. its not so much one base or anything, Paderborn is part of a garrison so have a few camps scattered all over the place..

The ironic thing is that I am actually German yet cant use German civilian health care...at this rate I might have to look at private health insurance but not sure id be able to afford that..

Let me know if you need any more info, not sure what else I can give you really that would be of help.

Thanks for trying to help Ash, hope youre doing well yourself xx

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Hi Patsy,

I have been speaking to a guy in Paderborn welfare family office who was very helpful, he explained to me a little about how things work. One of the problems being that the civilian CMHT staff sometimes don't know what else is available but there are many options. Apparently the army has contracts with the German Health system, the Priory in the UK and even transfer back to the UK if the worse case situation arises.

He did offer to investigate for you, but I did not want to pass your details on to him without asking if you want me to do that for you. He did say that if you approach your welfare again and explain the situation in basic details, with what you want they should take that on to investigate for you. i.e.

- You have OCD

- Local psychiatrists unable to help

- You need access to CBT with ERP, ideally from someone knowledgeable with OCD

If you want me to go back to the family office gentleman I spoke to, a Sgt I think, I can do, although he is on leave later today so I will be speaking to his clerks.

Happy to try for you, if you can email me your details of your address, and which unit you are part of. I think the guy I spoke to was representing 35th Engineers? I think that is what he said.

What I took from the conversation was that there is options available, he did admit it sometimes takes time, but he usually gets there in the end to get people what they need. I think that is a positive and hopeful thing. :)

Ash x

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Guest PatsyG

Oh wow cant believe you spoke to someone from 35 reg in Paderborn, how strange :)

35 is not our regiment but same army barracks...

I couldnt really give him my personal details as this can come back to haunt me..everyone knows everyone. I wouldnt go and see our welfare officer either as no matter how often they say its confidential- its not. They tell their wives who tell other wives etc the chick on reception is someone Ive kinda of known for years just hi and bye kinda thing and if she saw paperwork about me that would be gossiped to other army wives :( If you challenge anything in the army you get a bad name which would effect my husband..

The one thing I knew they can do is to post or transfer you back to the UK. When I asked before whether theyd pay for me to see german specialist they told me i couldnt, only option would be posting us and i see one in the UK which we definately not want as dont wanna uproot kids and it would also damage my husbands career.

Im not sure what contracts they have, that would be interesting to find out! I know theyre all linked up to the hospitals and stuff but in regards of mental health I know of only one psychologist and shes overlaoded with cases and doesnt take on anyone..

As for The Priory, this is the first Ive heard about it..

If you could specifically ask what I could do now in my situation? Ive been sent to see psychiatrist, current one saying hes not really any use to me! and that I need to see a psychologist but that there isnt really one. Ive been to see CPNs who also said I need CBT with a psychologist and also told me that theres noone available.

I feel like the army often likes to give vague replies to keep you happy but kinda skirt around the specifics..

Thank you so so much Ash, its very much appreciated! xx

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Hi Patsy,

With the Priory and some of the other options the guy said that these are all options, but not all of the civilian CMHT are aware of either.

May be best so not to share too much of your personal data on the forums we discuss via email if you are comfortable with that?

Ash :)

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Guest PatsyG

Hi Patsy,

With the Priory and some of the other options the guy said that these are all options, but not all of the civilian CMHT are aware of either.

May be best so not to share too much of your personal data on the forums we discuss via email if you are comfortable with that?

Ash :)

Yes thats cool, thanks :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest PatsyG

Ive been chasing things up and putting my foot down a bit and now have an appointment with british Forces Germany only psychologist for an assessment..hopefully things will start happening.

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  • 2 months later...

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