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New Here, OCD, me and my daughter...


Guest allisonfair

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Guest allisonfair

Hello!

I've known for a long time that there's just something *off* with me, but I've just been avoiding it out of shame. I've suspected OCD, but for the most part have dealt with it, perhaps its a relatively mild case. I feel like I live in my mind and am stuck there.

Now I'm seeing the same symptoms in my daughter and am being forced to face it.

Reading just the little I have so far in this forum has helped me in realizing we are not alone.

Even as a kid, I had problems with stealing and hoarding. Not hoarding necessarily as in just collecting more and more volume, but collecting, and then sorting, organizing, and then cleaning out what I had collected. So I would never get a large volume of items. It was all junk/trinkety kind of stuff. They would kind of rotate out. If someone had something I wanted, I would take it. I know they say that is somewhat normal for kids, but for me it was uncontrollable. It would wax and wane a lot... I would stop for a while, then congratulate myself for being so "good". Then if I was good for a while, then I would allow myself to do it again, as if I had reserved up enough good. This up and down roller coaster fills every other part of my life... I stop doing a behavior for a while, till I've been good enough, then can start it again. Anyone else like this? With my house, I'll let it get out of control messy till I can't stand it anymore, then I'll clean clean clean and organize till it's just right.

Other manifestations in my life: counting steps, counting celing tiles, bad visualizations, specifically jumping on people till they kind of 'explode', or pulling them apart with my hands, or I visualize car accidents or driving my car into a wall or oncoming traffic. Mild scrupulosity (am I a good person??), and something I don't see mentioned a lot, perhaps because it is even more embarrasing: excessive masterbation (more when I was a kid). My new thing is visualizing in I think a kind of a good way. If I have a depressing or negative thought, I'll imagine turning off that thought with a light switch. Then I'll think of a good thought, and then turn that thought *on* repeatedly. It's like I'm trying to use my problem of repetitive thoughts to help me...wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing, LOL.

I hide it as well as I can. I was caught shoplifting as an adult, and that has humiliated me to the point of not doing it anymore. I still have the urge though, and the thoughts that "i could just take this and walk out". But the fear of humiliation is now bigger than the urge. I also just do not go shopping much anymore as a preventative measure.

I don't know if they are related, but I have social anxiety. Don't like being around groups of people, will avoid people, will avoid making friends. Makes me very anxious and uncomfortable.

I also struggle with depression, and about 1 week before my period it gets really bad, with thoughts of harming myself, that I am a horrible person, they would be better of without me, etc. I don't ever try to act on it, but I worry about a time that gets really out of control. After that week, I am a totally different person without the depression.

I know it is time for me to seek help not only for myself, but also my daughter. I have fear that my husband will just think its not "real", and that I'm just making it up, or trying to hide my defects in integrity or mental with a 'disorder'.

I'm pretty sure my daughter is stealing now. She does the hoarding items, and rotating them out thing that I did as a kid. I suspect mild ADD as well, which I think I had as a kid. Not being able to focus very well at all.

First thing I am going to try and adjust in my life and my daughters is SUGAR. I realize I have problems with sugar. When I was a kid, it would cause me to freak out and almost hallucinate. I notice now, when I have a couple of cookies, my anxiety will increase.

I have a theory, that a LOT of physical and mental problems are food related. That there are things perhaps that our bodies are allergic to, but we don't realize it, and the problem manifests in many different ways?

OK, this is long enough for now. Glad to be here... and I just want to be normal for once!!!

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Hi Alisonfair :lol:

Welcome to the boards. You do sound to have quite a lot of OCD symptoms going on there. The linking good thoughts to neutralise bad ones is an OCD trait.

It's good that you've decided to address your own problems to help your daughter. How old is she?

In respect of the food thing and PMT, it is recommended that you should 'Graze'. eat little and often about every two hours so that your blood sugar remains stable at all times. The food should be part of your normal daily intake (not extra to) and the snacks should be carbohydrate, peferrably complex carbohydtrates so that they burn slowly. It's thought that this is one of the best things for premenstrual problems.

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Guest allisonfair

Thanks for the reply. I think that part of my problem in waiting so long it seeking help, is that I *do* have good relatively normal times. I seem to always be in a cycle of up and down...when I'm in my way down's, I'm to deep in it to look for help, and when I'm in my way up's, I don't see the need for help. It's during those in between's that I wish to change things. Also, it's usually not all those things I mentioned at once, they'll kind of shift on and off.

My daughter is 9. I've noticed issues for a couple of years now.

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I'm pleased to hear that you have good, relatively normal times :)

Having got the desire to help your daughter it could be a good time to address some of your own problems, rather than letting them hit you at random. You have a good awareness of how and when your OCD affects you, so perhaps with some mindful awareness you could start to take charge of some of the issues.

It probably would be a good idea to talk to your daughter about her rituals, perhaps you could explain some of your own, or how you felt at her age and then set up a plan of how you could both change some of these behaviours.

You might like to have a look on the Family and Friends Forum as well (wearing your Mums hat) you'll find a great deal of advice about dealing with OCD in children.

Well done for making a start :)

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Guest hayley73

Hi Allison I can totally identify with the 'week before period thing'. I get really aggitated and anxious. A day or two before I get really depressed, almost suicidal. Its the same pattern nearly every month. If I feel these syptoms coming on I look at the calender and 9 times out of ten its that time of the month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just knowing what it is makes me feel a little better, and reassures those around me. :)

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Hi Allison,

I can relate to the pre-menstral symptoms. :) For about a week prior to my period I just deteriorate, big time. I have a lot of the physical symptoms and the anger, depression, tearfulness, lack of concentration, you name it. My husband calls me satan's sister. Sometimes I feel like I could just explode.

I've been taking Evening Primrose for a while now and it does seem to help with the physical symptoms. I've only just started taking St Johns Wort which I'm led to believe also helps with PMS symptoms but it's a bit early to tell if they are doing any good just yet. I guess it's a case of "watch this space". :) Satan's sister could be Mary Poppins in a month or two. :) ( Please remember anyone thinking of taking St Johns Wort, that it can interfere with other medications, best to ask your doc first if you regularly use medication.)

With regard to your daughters symptoms, there is info in the Family/ Friends forum. I am the mum of an 8 year old with OCD and there are many other parents who post. So if you ever need to chat about anything or you think we could help, just post. :thumbup:

Take care,

Deb

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