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pregnancy fears.


Guest Stella

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Guest Stella

I'm pregnant again - last time i miscarried. What I'm worried about this time is that I went into an airport and couldn't get away from the smoke from people smoking right by the exits. I tried not to breathe and I nearly passed out! Anyway, I did the dreaded thing of googling :blushing: and now I'm scared because smoking raises your blood lead level by 20% (think tha's assuming you are a 20 a day regular smoker). I'm reckoning I was in there for over half an hour and am thinking if i had the equivalent passive smoking to 1 cigarette, then I have raised my level by 1%. In addition, i was at my Grans who has had work done on her old house recently (still unfinished) and she does not have a hepa vacuum. Her cleaners had been only an hour before I got there and i'm frightened there was lead in the air that had come out of the filter in the vacuum or from the dusting, that I've breathed it in and that it may harm the development of this unborn child.

I'm telling myself that not many people would be that worried about the lead in the house when vacuuming if work wasn't actually being carried out then, or about passive smoking unavoidably for half an hour, hopefully less. I'm telling myself it's ocd. Thing is, I just can't believe it's not a real problem. I really want to believe it's ocd. How can I do that? I know I sometimes have a problem with excessive worrying about chemicals and I'm telling myself I'd be finding some other thing to focus on and worry about if not (last time it was alcohol). I think I caused my last miscarriage by being so incredibly stressed and i need not to be like that this time. I'm telling myself not to engage with it - it's just still there eating away at me - that I've potentially damaged this poor unborn child. Please help :crybaby:

Stella

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Stella first of all congratulations!!

You say you have previously had a miscarriage and of course that is going to make you worry and your OCD has latched on to that and made it even worse. My daughter is pregnant too, she doesnt have OCD but when she was a little girl she had leukaemia and has worried her way through this pregnancy. Its only now she is over six months she is starting to relax a little, but not much!!

A miscarriage is just nature's way and absolutely nothing you did wrong. You are going to worry, but know the excessive worrying is caused by OCD. Treat yourself and your baby kindly, pamper yourself a bit, what about reflexology? My daughter finds it very relaxing, but make sure they know you are pregnant and stop holding your breath!! :)

Carol :hug:

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Hey Stella, congratulations :) how far along are you?

It is difficult isn't it, I'm 9 weeks and my OCD has been having a good old time, it's taken a long time for us and fertility treatment so I'm so anxious it's unbelievable!! My OCD even convinces me that I'm not pregnant!! It will get better though, you need to be kind to yourself and stop googling (advice I should take as well). I'm gonna guess that you've been a little tired and emotional too, I know it all too well as this week I've cried at everything lol and this means that you are vunerable to OCD attacks. Try to stay positive, I know it's hard but just keep thinking about the end result, it will all be worth it then :)

you haven't done anything wrong so give yourself a break and try not to stress (I know, easier said then done) the time will fly by so try and enjoy it

big hugs and again CONGRATULATIONS :)

Harri x x x

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Congratulations to you too Harri, all these babies and all those hormones!!

You are right about time flying by, for my daughter the first four months or so seemed to really drag, now the beginning of November will be here before we know it!

Carol :)

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Hey stella

congratulations to you, I just wanted to wish you well and Im sure you will be fine. Thats the thing with this ocd bully, it thrives on targeting things that we love the most I remember on my last pregnancy i spent a fortune on tests, testing myself every day to check i was still pregnant, it did my head in :wallbash:

but it was the ocd bully at its worst, I know its easier said than done but get excited about the future, dont let the ocd bully win.

Love red x x

Edited by red
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Guest Stella

Thank you so much for the replies and the congratulations! :)

Congratulations to you too Harri and Carol :hug:!

I've never tried reflexology but if I stopped buying pregnancy tests and used the money for that i'm sure it would help! I'm doing what you did Red - I'm going shopping later and have to promise myself not to buy any more. I've done 5 tests so far - I'm worrying that they don't seem to be getting any stronger positive then they were a few days ago.

I've been sick this morning, so that could either be a good sign or due to stress. I've miscarried 3 times now and I'm sure it's because I get so stressed. This time I'm trying to believe my fears are OCD even though they feel real and not engage with them. I just have to hope they aren't real because there's nothing I can do now if they are.I don't want to wreck another pregnancy :wallbash: and i am so frightened I've harmed it at my Granny's house - that my lead levels are now raised and that I'm going to harm the development of this child. :crybaby:

I'm only 5 weeks at the moment so I hope I can get it into better perspective! 6 months is fab for your daughter Carol - I'm really glad she can start to relax now! 9 weeks is brill too - nearly throught the hardest bit. :) Are you having morning sickness? I didn't last time so I'm hoping that's what it is and it's good!

thanks again

love

Stellaxx

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Hi Stella,

Many many congratulations on your pregnancy. I can truly appreciate just how anxious you must be feeling, and how hard it is not to listen to the OCD.

Do you have any support in place to help you? A therapist that you can talk to?

Kylie

xxx

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Yes I've been suffering with morning sickness etc but everyone is different. When are you seeing your midwife? It might be worth talking things through with her or you dr and get some support in place, my midwife and dr have been really good. Don't worry about explaining it all to them, it will help and you will feel less stressed and hopefully start to be able to enjoy the pregnancy.

I know it's easy to say but you need to try and relax, maybe kick your shoes off put your feet up and watch your favorite film with some choccies.

Big hugs

Harri x x x

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Guest Stella

Hi Stella,

Many many congratulations on your pregnancy. I can truly appreciate just how anxious you must be feeling, and how hard it is not to listen to the OCD.

Do you have any support in place to help you? A therapist that you can talk to?

Kylie

xxx

Thanks very much! I have a CPN/Occupational therapist who is excellent and i do talk to her - i'm seeing her in the morning. The trouble is I know i have oCD but I can't convince myself this fear is part of the OCD. Today i've emailed Defra and tomorrow i'll probably end up ringing them. They'll think I'm daft but that's fine :blushing: I'm ringing them because I need them to tell me that the concentraions of lead won't be enough to raise my blood level - that after a month it will have gone away enough. ALl I can think is it's been recirculating around my Gran's house. I've been trying to figure out how to change her vacuum to a hepa filter so i can still go and see her. I've even enquired to see if it can be done. I know what i'm doing is OCD but I think the original fear is real. Does the fear sound like OCD or does it sound real? If defra can tell me it's totally out of perspective then i will try and go to see my Granny - otherwise I don't think i'm able too - I'm just too scared. :(

thanks again

Stella xx

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Guest Stella

Yes I've been suffering with morning sickness etc but everyone is different. When are you seeing your midwife? It might be worth talking things through with her or you dr and get some support in place, my midwife and dr have been really good. Don't worry about explaining it all to them, it will help and you will feel less stressed and hopefully start to be able to enjoy the pregnancy.

I know it's easy to say but you need to try and relax, maybe kick your shoes off put your feet up and watch your favorite film with some choccies.

Big hugs

Harri x x x

Hi Harri

I'm too scared to get my pregnancy confirmed yet because my doctor refused to confirm it before 6 weeks last time and I got extremely upset whilst I was there - I struggle to even get into the surgery now. My midwife is fab - she spoke to me when I miscarried and is really supportive, so I maybe should take a sample in and get it confirmed. The last two times I saw my doc I started bleeding within hours and I'm scared it was the stress of it, which is another reason I'm scared to go.

I do need to relax and i need to concentrate on Dylan too, or I'm neglecting him for my OCD googling and ruminating. There's nnothing I can do about it even if I have harmed it. i guess I'll go into overdrive to make up for it, which won't be good for Dylan.

How's your oCD affecting your preg?

love

Stella xx

Edited by Stella
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i was really worried about going to my dr or the midwife out of fear they would tell me i wasn't pregnant and that it's all in my head. i know it's the ocd talking but i keep thinking it's true, i ended up doing 4 pregnancy tests, hubby has banned me from doing anymore because we both know it's the ocd. i've got my scan booked in in 2 1/2 weeks so i'm hoping that will help convince me, although the ocd is convincing me that i'm wasting their time because i'm not pregnant. it's so difficult.

i suppose all we can do is try and hold on to our sanity and try not to get worked up about things. i've started crocheting to keep my mind occupied (not sure what i'm crocheting, might be a giant spiderweb, still not got the hang of it lol). is there anything you can do? maybe find a hobby that involves Dylan as well, that way you will both be occupied, Dylan will be getting the attention and the ocd wont.

just take it easy, be kind to yourself and don't worry about dr's, plus if your not happy with the way they treat you, maybe find another dr. but most of all, try not to stress.

big hugs

Harri x x x

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