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Guest Finalhaven

Possible BDD Advice

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Guest Finalhaven

Where to start. I was the "ugly" child and never had many friends till I got to university as such I've always had a fair few stigmas about my personality and appearance. As well as having a problem with people's perceptions of me, always wanting them to think extremely favourably of me, to the extent that I worked myself to breaking point 2 years in a row at university.

Recently however I have started to really, really, annoy my good friends. I'm constantly fishing for compliments as it were, and I know it. I'm always feeling like I'm going to get fat at a moment's notice. I know I'm not fat, I'm a skinny *******, 6 foot and 130lb. Yet things like how I have a 6 pack in some lighting conditions and not others drives me to think that I'm getting much fatter during the day, even those if i just tense my muscles ping, there it is. I even studied lighting at university so I know full well that its only a matter of light diffusion and angle changing during the day, but it gives me no comfort.

I'm constantly counting calories and trying to stick at around 2000 a day, though the second I go over, and a lot of the time even when I'm under I feel horrible. It's made much worse by my habit to binge eat when I get stressed. Its triggered even when I accomplish something, I'll go have a cookie, then gather, and another then, ping, packets gone, I total up the calories in my head then its straight to the mirror and scales to feel horrible about myself. I'm constantly telling my friends how I feel about it but now pretty much all I get back is a "you know my position on this". Which doesn't help when in my head I can see a visible difference, even though I haven't gained any weight since I was last at the gym a few months ago, a few month of having a fair few binge eats, this past entire week for example I've been over by 500-1000 cals every day (so 2500-3000).

I have a mirror right beside me, so I'm always checking my stomach to see if I'm magically put on weight and its starting to drive me crazy. I only recently found out about BDD and its currently a tossup between BDD and anorexia nervosa seeing as I have a lot of symptoms of both. I just don't know where to turn for help given that I've managed to annoy all my friends.

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Im really sorry I cant tell you whether you have BDD or not, only the experts can. Have you been to your doctor? If not I think as this is obviously causing you great distress, you should. I wasnt sure if you were still at uni, if so they usually have a good support network.

Carol

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