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OCD back and can't cope


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Last week my OCD and anxiety came back big time. My baby girl is 4 months old now and I had been coping reasonably well. From 3 months she has been moving alot in her sleep at night. She is in our room still and the noise keeps me awake, meaning I keep losing out on sleep. I am absolutely exhausted. Then last week our steam steriliser stopped working and this (I think) set off the OCD big time. We have bought a new steam steriliser, but I don't trust it and have to keep checking it. I worry constantly it is not doing it's job properly and that I am going to make my baby very ill from bottles not sterilised properly. I am worrying about it constantly. I just can't switch off. This has got me checking everything else all the time too - taps, formula lids, etc, etc. I don't want to go back on meds, because these will make me more tired. I don't know if I can see a therapist, because I don't know who will look after my baby, while I go and getting bottles etc ready for the person looking after her would make me more anxious. Also I went private before, because of long waiting list, but don't think we can afford to this time.

I really want to enjoy this time with my baby, but at the moment the OCD is overshadowing it. I think I may even be depressed due to it. I am constantly crying and see no solution to all this. I need to stop all this OCD/anxiety, before it gets too bad.

Can anyone help?

Thanks

Sarah

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Last week my OCD and anxiety came back big time. My baby girl is 4 months old now and I had been coping reasonably well. From 3 months she has been moving alot in her sleep at night. She is in our room still and the noise keeps me awake, meaning I keep losing out on sleep. I am absolutely exhausted. Then last week our steam steriliser stopped working and this (I think) set off the OCD big time. We have bought a new steam steriliser, but I don't trust it and have to keep checking it. I worry constantly it is not doing it's job properly and that I am going to make my baby very ill from bottles not sterilised properly. I am worrying about it constantly. I just can't switch off. This has got me checking everything else all the time too - taps, formula lids, etc, etc. I don't want to go back on meds, because these will make me more tired. I don't know if I can see a therapist, because I don't know who will look after my baby, while I go and getting bottles etc ready for the person looking after her would make me more anxious. Also I went private before, because of long waiting list, but don't think we can afford to this time.

I really want to enjoy this time with my baby, but at the moment the OCD is overshadowing it. I think I may even be depressed due to it. I am constantly crying and see no solution to all this. I need to stop all this OCD/anxiety, before it gets too bad.

Can anyone help?

Thanks

Sarah

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It's the OCD. Ignore it.

Don't get into the dialogue.

Resist the compulsions they will subside.

You are not a mass murderer 'chill'.

It's only the OCD laugh at it.

OCD relies on uncertainty live give uncertainty there are no answers for 'what if' this is the area where the OCD will beat you up.

Get on with normality.

j

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Hi sarah.

Sorry to hear youre struggling and its good that you are able to see the signs that the ocd is creeping back in.

Do you have access to a midwife and or health visitor? perhaps they can arrange for a therapist to come to you if

needed.

Bringing up a baby up is very stressful so it is not surprising that the ocd has creeped back.

its also important to take a nap yourself when little one is asleep during the day, so dont feel that you have to be

on your toes al the time.

What techniques did you use last time for your ocd? maybe you could try to implement them again.

Do speak to your gp. and do keep posting. x

hope things improve for you, and youre doing a grand job of being a mum. x

legend

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Hi Sarah

As a mum of four I know how you are feeling and I would go with Legends advice when I was aware that my OCD was coming back I saw my GP and arranged to see a therapist through the hospital too because of having OCD for a long time I asked that was on the psychiatrists patient list while pregnant so that if the OCD returned after I had my daughter at least I could see someone. I did and he put me back on the meds before I was pregnant and they helped me and also arranged for me to see him over the next couple of months which was good support.

You arent alone in this not at all so go for it and see the GP if you dont want meds thats fine but not all of them make you tired its because you are exhausted now you are worrying about being too tired to look after your baby that wont happen Ive been there its inbuilt in us all. Like Legend says try to get some sleep during the day when the little one sleeps that will help and look after yourself too, You are doing a fantastic job be proud of yourself for that :hug:

Tracy x

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Hi Lovie, noone can tell you how hard it is bringing up a baby can they? T o be honest, I would get the meds sooner rather than later. Everyone with a baby is tired, not everyone with a baby has ocd, it is a viscious circle, the more the ocd kicks in, the more tired you will get. The solution? In my opinion, get the meds, if they work for you, feeling tired is not as bad as the mental exhaustion ocd will throw at you. It may just take the edge off it. The sooner you start, the sooner you will start to feel better.This is just my opinion, but to me, it was the meds that made all the difference. Keep telling yourself that you will not let ocd spoil your time with your baby, and every time your little one smiles at you, remind yourself that she is your world and your world has no place for ocd. As far as sterilising goes, the worst that could happen is she would get a tummy ache, kids are more robust than you think. Hope this helps, just my opinion, having been there and done that, the meds were what got me better, love nic xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Hi Sarah :)

There's so much that provide good reason why you're feeling this way. The pregnancy, the birth, hormones, responsibilty, bone-shattering tiredness and that need to be on duty 24 hours a day. Most Mums suffer this way but luckily, most don't have OCD. So first of all forgive yourself.

This is sort of the next stage in dealing with OCD, and that's being ready to deal with the relapses. You've already recognised that the worries you're having are caused by your OCD, so that's a good point to start with. You also know what you need to do to avoid buying back into it again but I appreciate it's difficult when your little girl is the one you're worried about. Now you know I don't like reassurance but sometimes, it's okay. Just try and remember, when I was a baby there weren't any such things as sterilisers, bottles got washed in boiling water and that was it and I'm still here to tell the tale.

Often Sarah, if you really work at resisting these urges and refuse to buy back into them, you can turn the episodes around quite quickly. In the past you were so full of doubts about whether your fears were real, this time, although they are still scary, you know the cause.

As the others have mentioned, go and have a chat with your GP, talk to your health visitor and let them know how you're feeling at the moment.

Would it be possible to have one night at the weekend where you can sleep in the spare room and maybe let your Husband take responsibilty. Sometimes a long bubble bath and an uninterrupted nights sleep can work wonders.

Don't panic Sarah, you do know how to handle this and because of that will probably do so much more quickly.

Let us know how you're doing.

Caramoole :hug:

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Guest kazzam34

I would say, get the meds. When I was in the same state after having my first baby (which, incidentally, is the first time I ever suffered from OCD) it was such a relief to actually get on to some medication. Although medication can make you tired, from my experience OCD is the most exhausting thing ever so with some relief from that you might actually feel less tired?

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Thank you for your replies. I have tried really hard these last couple of days to ignore the OCD and get on with things. It worked with not checking the flask was shut properly too many times, but the steriliser is still a problem. It took me nearly half an hour to make up a feed and set up/keep an eye on the steriliser. Half an hour of my baby's life. She wanted me to play with her and I was too busy checking the steriliser :weep:

The steriliser keeps playing up though and doesn't seem to run long enough even though it is new. Saying that it doesn't give a time in the manual. The argos catalogue says it should take 5 mins or up to 5 mins (I can't remember) and the lid keeps lifting up. Most of the time not enough to leave a gap for air to get in. Most of the time just a little bit each side, which doesn't leave a gaping gap. This morning the lid came off at the front so there was a gap. I therefore had to resterilise. I just don't trust it to leave it alone to do it's thing. I suppose as they don't give a time in the manual and just says it will switch off when finished I should trust that it is doing it right, whatever the duration. I just don't want to do anything to harm my baby. But I am doing that letting the OCD win :wallbash: I spoke to someone earlier and she said that she changed her steriliser 4 times, because she wasn't sure they were working properly. She doesn't have OCD. Maybe I am just being a conciensious Mum?

If I can't beat this myself I will go to the GP and get some meds or try and get a top up of therapy. I just know this can't go on :(

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Hi Sarah,

I haven't got anything to add to the replies others have given, but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

Take care :)

whitebeam

PS Do you think you and hubby will be coming to the conference? It would be lovely to see you (and baby - I can't remember her name :blushing: ) there.

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Guest kazzam34

I realise it is very hard to decide whether you are being conscientious or if it is OCD. The fact that you are checking taps, lids, etc as well makes me think it is more likely to be OCD. However, maybe you could try a different type of steriliser? We had a microwave one where you put in water and then blasted it in the microwave.

I am sure this won't help, but just remember that there are children surviving and thriving all over the world who live in what we would call unhygienic conditions and where bottles are probably not even sterilised at all. When we get pregnant and have a baby, there is so much public health literature given to us warning of dire consequences ie if you eat soft cheese whilst pregnant you can get listeria, for example. In reality, the likelihood of these things happening is very small but the literature tends not to focus on the low probability.

Likewise, the chances of your baby getting ill because of the bottles is also very low, especially as you are being fastidious to make sure that they are clean. Could you talk to a health visitor about it?

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Guest mummywithocd

Hi there, I completely sympathise with you going through this at such a precious time in both you and yur baby´s life. My ocd reared it´s ugly head while I was pregnant with my 2nd child four years ago (before that I had been ocd free for 18 months-the happiest time of my lifexxx) The ocd took over so much after the birth of my sosn that I can barely remember the first 7 months of his infancy-much to my regret now.

I too used a steam steriliser...the lid sort of lifted on mine too as it steamed-this is completely normal-the steriliser is still doing it´s job correctly. Mine too varied from 5 minutes to 3 minutes to steralise and what I used to do if I felt it wasn´t doing it´s job properly was to de-scale it-it should give you instructions to do that-this cleans out the element and helps it to work more efficiently.

If I were you (and it´s easier said than done) I would stick to your steam steriliser and not change as then you´re only giving into the ocd and RATIONALLY the steam steriliser is doing it´s job-I think they´re a fantastic invention.

You´re doing a fantastic job as a new mum...are you getting out for some fresh air at all-I used to find that going for a fresh walk with baby in tow completely cleared my head. Also, at the time of making bottles,if you find yourself getting anxious it might be helpful to do some relaxing breathing,to sip on a cammomile tea or have some soothing music on while you do it-ocd hates relaxation and if you are relaxed the thoughts may not have such a strong hold over you.

Remember you are not alone..I, as many others have been there too,you will get through this xxxx

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Thank you very much for your replies :)

I have thought about changing the steriliser again, but like Mummywithocd said, it would be giving in to the OCD. What you said about the time your steriliser took (3-5 minutes) and about the lid has really helped. This must be right then. I know I wash the bottles thoroughly too, which is also important. I was sorry to hear that you can barely remember your son's first 7 months :hug: I keep a journal and take a photo every day to help me remember. I haven't missed a day yet photo wise.

Thank you again to all. I am trying really hard to beat this and am thinking of all my fellow sufferers. Sorry I am not on here very often to be able to offer support. It is a bit hectic at the moment with baby teething, but hopefully soon I can be of more help.

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