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Decising on own fertility vs mental health -opinion please


Guest Selena

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Hello.

I am an OCD sufferer on medication for over 6 years now, also professionaly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorded, Body Dismorphic Disorder and Compulsive Skin Picking.

My mental health and overall feeling does not allow me to have a child because both carrying it would interfere with my medication intake and mental health treatment but also because I doubt I could go through a traumatizing experience that is childbirth as well as the process of taking care of it and providing sufficient field for it's development due to my own struggles.

Both me, my family and my psychiatrist have long ago decided that it is best that I won't ever get pregnant or bear a child. I am very strong and fully committed to this as passing on my genes to someone further would be the worst harm I could ever do to a human being, I believe. Also, poor mental health run in the family, there are some OCD traits on one side of it, and schisophrenia on the other(grandpa).

However, I stay an individual that is active sexually, much as sex and all that is to it, trigger my various obsessive thoughts, cause me to feel insecure, so on and so forth (and BDD makes it uneasy to show my body but whatever)

Anyway, due to intaking SSRI's, my OB-GYN did not ever give me contraceptive pills because they would most probably lower in effectiveness, combined with my regular meds and my OCD would not allow me having sex without a stronger sense of being protected. I also cannot imagine inserting any devices into my uterus because I've read too much about side-effects and germ-vise, I just could not stand anything made of metal or plastic "in there". So I use condoms and am still very distressed about getting pregnant which causes unnecessary trauma, overanalysing, ruminating and general OCD-**** thoughts :/

I lived like that for some time now, but I can't go any longer. I am 25 and much as I want to keep on using condoms forever until I die (even with a steady partner, my OCD makes me think that he might cheat on me here or there or be infected or sth), I would like to finally relax and just put aside the scary thought/possibility of getting pregnant. That though makes me very conscious, unable to relax and enjoy the intimacy. I have also used the "post" pill once, but it was a very little risk of getting pregnant but I still would rather take it and suffer hormone-craziness, even if the sperm hardly touched my thigh area :/

Anyway, having consiously decided I don't ever want to have kids and with a though that even if I did I would rather adopt than bear them myself (scared of producing someone as much suffering due to their state of mind as I am), I opted for pemanent birth prevention, which is sterylisation.

There are a few mwthods popular and available, one of them being tubal ligation(more invasive) and the newer ones including less-invasive blockage of the fallopian tubes through inserting a foreign material in (rice-grain sized).

My problem is as follows: My country, though being in the EU, does not allow male nor female sterilisation done "on demand" :( This country is Poland(located inbetween Germany and Russia). However it is not clearly forbidden to provide the service of sterylisation for the surgeon/OB-GYN, our countries silly constitution says that 'Anyone who deliberately makes another individual loose their ability to be fertile MAY BE SUBJECTED to 10 years of imprisonmet'

Therefore, the only sterylisations are done after a woman has given several births and her life is endangered in case she gets pregnant again. This is utterly nonsensical, and makes a lot of women here feel like in the 3rd-world-country :(

What's more, there is a huge black market that provides abortions, but they cost huge amounts and often are done not properly, causing females to die or suffer health problems.

But I do not wish to have an abortion :( I want to prevent such a situation ahead of me, and simply block the possiblity of my eggs getting fertilised. Is that really that much to ask from a person that is supported by family, doesn't have a job and has to take meds twice a day because otherwise they will go nuts? :(

Anyway, according to Human Rights Act, I believe, people have the right to decide about their own capacity to be fertile, otherwise it's plain rights infringement. Plus my country belongs to the EU.

I have talked to girls that have undergone the tubal ligation procedure in UK or Germany, and I have considered going there just for that, but honestly - the idea of flying off somewhere just to have a surgery done, which is fairly simple, seems crazy. Besides, I know that almost any Gynecologist is capable of doing it, but they simply don't want to risk because of Polish law.

They also don't want to do doing abortions, so kids end up killed, left in front of churches or mothers try to miscarry by throwing themselves down the stairs which is damn sick and proves the stupidity of this law.

What should I do, you reckon?

Should I try to fight for my rights here where I live, write a petition, complaint to the Government? Contact local hospital presenting my situation and sufficient documents from my shrink and demand they provide me with service?

Or should I just drop it and go to the UK???

I must note I have lived in the UK for about a year and also worked (a pretty easy) job there, and NHS was very supportive as far as I remember.

I also do not expect to be sterilised for free, I am willing to cover all the necessary costs, it's just that I want to have this procedure behind of me and finally breathe with relief.

I would sooner kill myself or try to abort my child by any means than bear it to the world, knowing how OCD-affected it might turn out and that I really,really didn't ever want to take care of it.

Thank you for reading and hope to hear some opinions

All the best and wishing you as little OCD-triggers as possible. Have a good day :)

Hope I did not offend anyone's religious feelings with this post. I am an agnostic. If you do not approve of abortion or sterylisation rights for women in general, please restrain from leaving negative comments, written in a preachy-like manner Thank you for understanding.

edit: I'm sorry, I haven't been to the boards for a long while and I've just realized that I might have placed this in the wrong section. If that's the case, I would ask someone to move it where it belongs, sorry for trouble n thanks.

Edited by Selena
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Hi Selena

It difficult for us to comment living in a Country that has had abortion and sterlisation for a long time now. I would say though that even here in the UK there would be a lot of red tape to go through before the NHS agreed to sterlise you, as as far as I know they would only do this after fully considering the benefits to your health.

It sounds as though it would be a huge undertaking to get the laws changed in your own country. Is it for religious reasons?

Only you can decide whether to look abroad for the treatment you want, but please make sure you look for recommendations for reputable clinics who are prepared to help you.

Just to mention Selena, when you post on a forum everyone's opinions are important. Sometimes we need to hear the negative to be able to make the right decision.

Good luck in deciding what is right for you.

Carol

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Hi Carol, thank you for replying :)

It sounds as though it would be a huge undertaking to get the laws changed in your own country. Is it for religious reasons?

Well, honestly I don't know why it is so here. It might be for religious reasons but most definatelly because my country is governed by a bunch of illiterate morons who are very narrow-minded. My country is strongly against the LGBT movement as well, it's just really sad place to be brought up in. Luckily I have a liberal family and friends that understands my concerns.

All the best

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  • 3 months later...
Guest nettles585

Hi selena i have a friend who used to live in poland and she now lives here, she told me how it could be with those types of things so i can understand a little bit :)

There are other methods of contraception you can use like the implant, im sorry i dont know what they do in poland but its extremely effective i have it in my arm i can barely notice it!

Taking away your fertility either in poland or here would be a very difficult thing to do as you have mental health issues. I wanted similar things done but not the same as you and i was not really let in to knowing anything as they thought it was my mental health issue getting in the way , which it was:)

Do you think you could try any contraception, i know how awful condoms are , you are being very selfless making this decision that you want your fertility taken away but i would urge you to try all other methods before doing this:)

I hope you get the help you need :)

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