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Guest DawnJenn

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Guest DawnJenn

Hi, I'm a new member and have a 19 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with OCD recently. She has germ and contamination OCD.

Each day it seems to be getting worse, she stopped working last week as the anxiety was too much, she won't drive her car as she feels that she has hit somebody or something when she gets home and has to go out and check where she had previously driven. So she has pretty much confined herself to the house but instead of the OCD becoming more manageable she has got worse. She has got through so many containers of liquid soap (roughly one every two days)and her skin is sore and dried out, she puts clothing in the wash if she feels it has touched something contaminated and so I'm using the washing machine every day. My daughter hides clothes and towels in her bedroom and has even stopped making her bed. She won't help in the house anymore and i'm a single parent with a full time job and she has a brother that this is effecting too. She believes she could have HIV and warns me every time I touch anything that she has touched, recently she washed her feet with Flash toilet wipes as she felt they were so contaminated. I could go on but the biggest problem is watching it all taking place in front of my eyes, I don't know whether I should stop her from washing so much or whether I should leave her to her rituals? When she was 12 she had anorexia and was hospitalised for two months and her eating is being affected again and she will go a whole day without food, just to prove she can.

I am fortunate that I have medical insurance through my work and have been able to get her to a Psychiatrist for an assessment and then today to a Psychologist. We spent an hour and a half with him for an assessment and he will treat my daughter with CBT. When she came home she seemed a lot more relaxed but after about an hour she went back up to the bathroom and stayed there for 20 minutes washing and scrubbing her neck. I desperately want my daughter back and have to learn to tolerate her OCD but just don't know how to, any advice would be welcomed and appreciated. Thank you.

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Guest tangoblu

Dear Dawn

Welcome to the forums :).

Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you and your family at the moment. It is great that you have managed to get an appointment for your daughter and that treatment can start straight away.

Our son struggled with hand washing and HIV worries and I remember how hard to watch them struggle and to know when to step in.

Trying to stop her from doing the rituals such as hand washing at this stage will probably cause more stress and her CBT therapist will work with her to lessening the time she spends washing - it may take time but with the right help she will learn to allow the anxiety to rise and then to lessen without acting out the compusion. In the meantime you could remove things like the flash wipes (or make them less visible) and maybe replace them with products such as ecover or less bleach based detergents - same with the soaps etc. Also a good hand cream can help with the soreness.

If you can work with the therapist - feedback to him either before or after the session and ask advice on how you can help between sessions. Keep a note/diary (if you can) of how the week has gone.

How often does the therapist recommend that your daughter has CBT? We went once a week at the start when he was really struggling.

Not sure what to advise regarding the not eating but if she is being fussy about what she will or will not eat - as long as she is eating I would be inclined to not confront her on this at the moment. Hopefully ther therapist will deal with all the issues.

There is a useful guide on the OCD home page which outlines OCD perhaps you could go through it with your son to help him understand what his sister is going though.

Make sure you look after yourself and have some time to yourself to recharge your batteries even if it is an hour here and there..

Do you have any family that could help?

There are lots of others here that will understand what you are going through and am sure they will offer more advice and suggestions.

Take care

Pam

This will be the same for all the obsessions.

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Guest DawnJenn

Dear Dawn

Welcome to the forums :).

Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you and your family at the moment. It is great that you have managed to get an appointment for your daughter and that treatment can start straight away.

Our son struggled with hand washing and HIV worries and I remember how hard to watch them struggle and to know when to step in.

Trying to stop her from doing the rituals such as hand washing at this stage will probably cause more stress and her CBT therapist will work with her to lessening the time she spends washing - it may take time but with the right help she will learn to allow the anxiety to rise and then to lessen without acting out the compusion. In the meantime you could remove things like the flash wipes (or make them less visible) and maybe replace them with products such as ecover or less bleach based detergents - same with the soaps etc. Also a good hand cream can help with the soreness.

If you can work with the therapist - feedback to him either before or after the session and ask advice on how you can help between sessions. Keep a note/diary (if you can) of how the week has gone.

How often does the therapist recommend that your daughter has CBT? We went once a week at the start when he was really struggling.

Not sure what to advise regarding the not eating but if she is being fussy about what she will or will not eat - as long as she is eating I would be inclined to not confront her on this at the moment. Hopefully ther therapist will deal with all the issues.

There is a useful guide on the OCD home page which outlines OCD perhaps you could go through it with your son to help him understand what his sister is going though.

Make sure you look after yourself and have some time to yourself to recharge your batteries even if it is an hour here and there..

Do you have any family that could help?

There are lots of others here that will understand what you are going through and am sure they will offer more advice and suggestions.

Take care

Pam

This will be the same for all the obsessions.

Hi Pam

Thank you for your reply, I was a little nervous about using the forum as never done this before but I'm so desperate to do the right thing I decided to give it a go.

I have bought soaps with moisturiser and hand creams but with the regularity of washing I don't think it helps at this point.

She will see the therapist in two weeks time and then I hope weekly, he is more concerened about her weight at the moment as not eating heightens the OCD.

I went to bed last night trying to remember all we'd discussed during the assessment yesterday and found a lot of it had gone from my memory but what I do remember I wrote down in a journal so I agree that this is a good way of helping me to help the therapist know what has gone on through the week.

I'm not sure just how much I can discuss with the therapist as my daughter is now classed as an adult and I know he has to keep things between himself and my daughter confidential??

To be honest I had no idea she would resort to using hard detergent based cleaners as I just can't get into the thinking pattern of my daughter, this is my biggest problem trying to understand what would cause my beautiful, sensitive, caring, funny daughter to change so rapidly into the person she is now. I know it's the OCD that has taken hold of her just as the anorexia did and as you say having to watch is so hard.

I will use the brochure to help my son, thank you.

My ex husband had extreme OCD but would not recognise it or seek treatment. Our marriage ended due to his OCD as he started verbally abusing my three children and although I endured it for 10 years I couldn't allow them to suffer. The therapist has said there is a genetic link and my eldest daughter has recently started having obsessive thoughts which are so disturbing to her that she is also seeking help.

I do have my mum that I can turn to and she has just spent a couple of days with us and after reading so many post on this forum I see the need to have an outlet myself so I have friends that I can have as support.

I guess as mum's we're just used to making things better and after watching my daughter go through anorexia and depression at an early age I didn't expect this to happen.

I feel more positive today and that's probably because i'm back at work and not sitting at home - I think it's called escapism!!

I have rambled on a bit haven't I, sorry.

Dawn

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Guest tangoblu

Hi Dawn

I must say these forums were a godsend to us when our son was struggling it was so good to hear from others who were experiencing the same difficulties and heartache - somehow family and friends didn't really understand.

It is difficult with the handwashing all you can do is what you are already doing. We found that our son's OCD traits swung from one to another when he was really struggling and it was heartbreaking to watch him suffer not knowing how best to help him. It was only when CBT started that things started to change and improve so hand on in there. It;s a shame you have to wait another couple of weeks for the first session - any chance of bringing it forward?

It is so hard when they are classed as adults (not to mention frustrating) as you are the one caring for them but it is worth having a discussion related to if exchange of information at least on some level so that you can support her between sessions.

It is really hard to come to terms with OCD and how it affects our loved ones - I know I somehow felt to blame even though we were told it was nothing to do with what we had done - it is a most debilitating condition but it is treatable so keep that at the forefront of your mind.

Our son struggled for over 2 years and it is part of who he is but what he has learnt to do is channel his obsessiveness into positive outlets - making him determined to succeed.

I truly believe that there is a genetic link and a predisposition - unfortunately it doesn't help when faced with supporting someone with the condition.

Your daughter is still a beautiful sensitive, caring and funny person she just needs to get some help to find herself again. Your determination and support will go a long way to helping her get there...

It must have been very hard for you to live with verbal abuse - it is never acceptable and all you can now do is make sure your children get help when they need it. It is good that your eldest daughter recognises that she needs help that is the most important thing - recognising, accepting and wanting to get help. It is a shame your husband didn't realise that he could help himself but sadly not uncommon.

Learning as much as you can about OCD will give you the confidence, knowledge and ability to remain calm and have the tools to support your daughters - this is something we have learnt - unfortunately we can never really know what it is like ourselves.

Good that you have some support and an outlet through work. :thumb up:

Take care and please feel free to post anytime that is what these forums are for :) .

Take care

Pam X

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