OCD on past memories

[Guest Whatif]

Hi

When I read books I hardly ever see if ever OCD related to a distant past incident and a fear that something bad happened but with no memory of it happening but my mind starts fearing did I do it and my mind has some horrible thoughts but I can't believe I would do them/did them as I wouldn't do it now but because I can't definately say I didn't (even though I wouldn't do it now so wouldn't do it then).

The stupid thing this memory only popped up and became a problem about 14 months ago and before then my OCD was on something else and I have just about got over this problem (not quite but easily at a level of 15/100 compared to 90/100 as it use to be)

I'm looking for evidence that nothing happened but I can't get it but all the circumstantial evidence would say it hadn't happened, for example the fear is about somethng 7/8 years again and if something bad had happened surely I would have been fretting over it before 14 months ago.

The fear is not something I would do now so why would I do it then?

My counsellor seems so definate I haven't done anything, I wish I could

[Guest Whatif]

Meh if I could have I would have deleted this by now.... I hate the uncertainty and the fearrrrrrrrrr

Edited February 7, 2011 by Whatif

[Guest Ashamed]

Hi. Sorry to hear you're having a bad time. I don't know what to say except you're not alone in getting these thoughts. My counsellor and others tell me that, hard as it seems, you have to try accepting that you might have done whatever it is you're afraid of. It sounds like the last thing you'd want to do, but while you're still trying to argue with the OCD thoughts that you *definately* didn't do whatever it is you're giving them fuel to carry on tormenting you with the idea you *might* have. You could try and think when a doubting thought comes, "Well, I don't remember doing X, so it's extremely unlikely I did. But you're right, the possibility is there." Sorry if I'm not explaining that well, I'm new to this sort of thought and definately not an expert. But I hope you can overcome this because you're right the doubt and the fear are the most terrifying thing.

[Guest Whatif]

Hi. Sorry to hear you're having a bad time. I don't know what to say except you're not alone in getting these thoughts. My counsellor and others tell me that, hard as it seems, you have to try accepting that you might have done whatever it is you're afraid of. It sounds like the last thing you'd want to do, but while you're still trying to argue with the OCD thoughts that you *definately* didn't do whatever it is you're giving them fuel to carry on tormenting you with the idea you *might* have. You could try and think when a doubting thought comes, "Well, I don't remember doing X, so it's extremely unlikely I did. But you're right, the possibility is there." Sorry if I'm not explaining that well, I'm new to this sort of thought and definately not an expert. But I hope you can overcome this because you're right the doubt and the fear are the most terrifying thing.

Thanks for the reply, I was gonna moan that no one had replied

I do know what you mean regarding the sentance and it is accepting that it is just a thought but tbh it scares the **** out of me if I have done what I fear.

Ah well

[Guest PassTheHelp]

Thanks for the reply, I was gonna moan that no one had replied

I do know what you mean regarding the sentance and it is accepting that it is just a thought but tbh it scares the **** out of me if I have done what I fear.

Ah well

God you could have taken a thought clean out my head and wrote it down with what you describe. Mine is so close to how you are worry about things it's uncanny. I liken the state of mind you have to get in to that of someone who is accepting there fate. Unfortunatly I like you can not yet accept I might have done these things so until that day we can help each other and on that day i'll see you there!.

[Guest legend]

Thanks for the reply, I was gonna moan that no one had replied

I do know what you mean regarding the sentance and it is accepting that it is just a thought but tbh it scares the **** out of me if I have done what I fear.

Ah well

As the great man said himself " i have never come across a ocd sufferer who has acted on there thoughts"

Dr paul savilikis. world re-nowned ocd specialist.

Thats enough of the reasurance type response, because youve already had it from your professionals to.

Whats actually happening is your are trying to distinguish whether you did something in the past, BECAUSE

the thoughts and feelings that are attached make it feel so real ..... hence the need to carry out a

compulsion, in your case reasurance seeking from others and yourself, and continuasly trying to out logic

the ocd, which of course never works.

Your ocd is no different from someone who needs to check a door, no matter how many times we check,

that nagging doubt will remain, because you have an illness that is called the doubting desease.

And the original poster was right, theres always a possibilty with ocd, but its when we stop the compulsions we can then see that the possibilty really isnt the problem. its the ocd that is.

legend

[Guest Whatif]

As the great man said himself " i have never come across a ocd sufferer who has acted on there thoughts"

Dr paul savilikis. world re-nowned ocd specialist.

Thats enough of the reasurance type response, because youve already had it from your professionals to.

Whats actually happening is your are trying to distinguish whether you did something in the past, BECAUSE

the thoughts and feelings that are attached make it feel so real ..... hence the need to carry out a

compulsion, in your case reasurance seeking from others and yourself, and continuasly trying to out logic

the ocd, which of course never works.

Your ocd is no different from someone who needs to check a door, no matter how many times we check,

that nagging doubt will remain, because you have an illness that is called the doubting desease.

And the original poster was right, theres always a possibilty with ocd, but its when we stop the compulsions we can then see that the possibilty really isnt the problem. its the ocd that is.

legend

I wish I had your resolve, I understand what you are saying and the poster before and I have tried to say 'I could have done it' and strangely at the time I feel quite calm but I struggle not to then say 'but I didn't, I couldn't do that' etc and then it sends my mind into a spin and I guess this is where Mindfulness comes in.

Funnily enough my mind this morning put a new slant on the incident which makes it in my mind a worse scenario than it previously was and that was bad enough and now my mind is doing flips and I am scared of the 'what if I did it'

meh

[Guest Whatif]

God you could have taken a thought clean out my head and wrote it down with what you describe. Mine is so close to how you are worry about things it's uncanny. I liken the state of mind you have to get in to that of someone who is accepting there fate. Unfortunatly I like you can not yet accept I might have done these things so until that day we can help each other and on that day i'll see you there!.

Nice to hear at least someone else with the same fear. I have tried to say accept that the thought may have happened but its not the same as accepting that I could have bacteria on my hands where I can understand this type of thinking is correct and I feel if I accept that I could have done the thought it is just wrong.

[Guest Badger]

Legend is spot on. I struggle with this, but we need to stop giving OCD time and effort. Its all wasted ! Focus on the here and now. You can affect the here and now, so live life in the present. That's what my therapist advised me. Keep strong.

[Guest Whatif]

Legend is spot on. I struggle with this, but we need to stop giving OCD time and effort. Its all wasted ! Focus on the here and now. You can affect the here and now, so live life in the present. That's what my therapist advised me. Keep strong.

So so hard, I can write all my OCD tendancies in the past down and I can tell I have OCD in terms of checking (very slight but still there) but the what if's still take over for the memory, ie what if its not OCD......

I know this is a bit moany so I apologise

Edited February 9, 2011 by Whatif

[Guest rebeccax]

I personally dont think that you have to accept that u might have done anything to get over ocd.I didnt do that,and got over it.Ocd on past memories is very common,remember that thoughts are just thoughts,they cant hurt u,even though they feel that way.I really sympathise whatif,u still have to treat it as u would any other unwanted intrusive thoughts.

Hi. Sorry to hear you're having a bad time. I don't know what to say except you're not alone in getting these thoughts. My counsellor and others tell me that, hard as it seems, you have to try accepting that you might have done whatever it is you're afraid of. It sounds like the last thing you'd want to do, but while you're still trying to argue with the OCD thoughts that you *definately* didn't do whatever it is you're giving them fuel to carry on tormenting you with the idea you *might* have. You could try and think when a doubting thought comes, "Well, I don't remember doing X, so it's extremely unlikely I did. But you're right, the possibility is there." Sorry if I'm not explaining that well, I'm new to this sort of thought and definately not an expert. But I hope you can overcome this because you're right the doubt and the fear are the most terrifying thing.

[Guest Badger]

Legend and rebeccax are right, Whatif. I suffer with the same, it is classic OCD. The more you search for evidence, the worse the thoughts and you will feel. I know its not easy, OCD feels as real as anything. But its a doubting disorder.

You know you have OCD about this, you mentioned it above. So label as OCD and do another behaviour. Just because you label it OCD won't make it feel any better but it will help to move forward. Tell it your not debating with this anymore and you've got better things to do with you time ! Don't let it get the better of you, OCD can ruin you life. Don't let it.

[Guest lsimone]

i have the same problem, my OCD began from a memory that just randomly came up in my mind 6 months ago and i became obsessed by it. the memory was of being in the bath with my younger brother, (i was about 9 and he was about 3) and being fascinated by his "bits" and whatever. If i look at the situation but with another 2 children i would say it is completely innocent but for some reason i slowly convinced my self that i was a pedophile and now its escalated to full blown OCD...eugh. I still don't believe that i havent done anything wrong and am constantly searching for evidence to prove that i am guilty, is this similar at all?

[Guest legend]

i have the same problem, my OCD began from a memory that just randomly came up in my mind 6 months ago and i became obsessed by it. the memory was of being in the bath with my younger brother, (i was about 9 and he was about 3) and being fascinated by his "bits" and whatever. If i look at the situation but with another 2 children i would say it is completely innocent but for some reason i slowly convinced my self that i was a pedophile and now its escalated to full blown OCD...eugh. I still don't believe that i havent done anything wrong and am constantly searching for evidence to prove that i am guilty, is this similar at all?

spot on isimone. Very similar to how mine started, and the images were about my own children, when they

were babies . But now that i have knowledge, i know that they are unwanted images, they belong to an

illness called ocd. If i try or tried to work it all out, the thoughts become more intensive, and as

my pysch said at the time, they become so strong you actually start to believe in them.

when we allow them to be there and not place importance to them and refocus on other things they do

lose there intensity.

However with self help and cbt and 6 years later im ocd free.

[Guest Whatif]

spot on isimone. Very similar to how mine started, and the images were about my own children, when they

were babies . But now that i have knowledge, i know that they are unwanted images, they belong to an

illness called ocd. If i try or tried to work it all out, the thoughts become more intensive, and as

my pysch said at the time, they become so strong you actually start to believe in them.

when we allow them to be there and not place importance to them and refocus on other things they do

lose there intensity.

However with self help and cbt and 6 years later im ocd free.

I know that this is correct but it feels like if I don't struggle I am letting go of a safety net if that makes sense?

[Guest Badger]

I know that this is correct but it feels like if I don't struggle I am letting go of a safety net if that makes sense?

Let go of that safety net !

[Guest kazzam34]

this is the major problem I am struggling with. I keep thinking "if I didn't do it, then why am I still worrying about it 3 months down the line?". The longer the thought goes on the more I think it is a reality not a thought, if you see what I mean. I am the same in that my psychologist is sure I haven't done the thing I fear, as is everyone else but I keep thinking "they weren't there, so how can they be sure"? I have tried everything ie accepting it, not asking for reassurance, distraction, mindfulness, four steps, everything and still it persists :-(

[Guest Ashamed]

Thanks for the reply, I was gonna moan that no one had replied

I do know what you mean regarding the sentance and it is accepting that it is just a thought but tbh it scares the **** out of me if I have done what I fear.

Ah well

Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that's the only way to do it or like I know what I'm talking about, just passing on some advice I've been given. If only I could follow it myself lol! I'm trying to combine sort of acceptance with telling myself it is OCD then trying to distract myself, but the thoughts are latching onto things (not as awful as what I'm worrying I did) in the past that I feel bad about and telling me, "Well, you did X, what would have stopped you doing Y?" Also really identify with kazzam34 that it was obvious at first that I didn't do this thing, but the more I think about it the more real it seems. Only been having this thought for about 3 weeks, after years of not having this type of intrusive thought, so really hoping I can nip it in the bud cause I don't think I could cope with months or years of doubting and hating myself over this.

[Guest Whatif]

Thanks everyone, I have had a much better day today, just trying to accept its OCD.

It's wierd how you can have good and bad days!

Cheers

[Guest Badger]

It is. Felt ok this week, but not so good today.

[Guest Whatif]

Another good day because I am just trying to accpet my fears are OCD driven and it seems to be working....let's see how long for!

[Guest Whatif]

Had quite a good weekend, I don't like how things seem to go well and I'm expecting them to go belly up, its as if I am to happy if that makes sense.

I was drinking last night and this morning I felt ok but now I am thinking about OCD again I am scared its going to get me again if that makes sense.

I have OCD and I shall not let it get me

[Guest Whatif]

Had quite a good weekend, I don't like how things seem to go well and I'm expecting them to go belly up, its as if I am to happy if that makes sense.

I was drinking last night and this morning I felt ok but now I am thinking about OCD again I am scared its going to get me again if that makes sense.

I have OCD and I shall not let it get me

Goodish day, just feeling a bit uneasy at the moment you know, still trying to accept that its OCD and not real.

[Guest legend]

hi whatif. make sure you try to relax and focus on other things outside of the ocd. distraction really

does help.

legend

[Guest Whatif]

hi whatif. make sure you try to relax and focus on other things outside of the ocd. distraction really

does help.

legend

Yeah, I was watching some sky+ recorded programmes in relaxing and a programme portrayed near enough my exact fear........scared the **** out of me if I am being honest.