really really struggling-called on to be strong

[Guest madasafish]

hey all

i dont really know where to start but i have been really really struggling with my ocd recently,and suddenly in the last 6 weeks life has turned upside down.

my partner went to her gp with pains .and was referred to as doctor and we now know she has a serious illness, and suddenly, her and her family are expecting me to be her carer.

i was already her carer in that she had depression and i looked after her, but this illness is different , and her familys attitude is- well hes got nothing better to do- and he is your carer -he should care.

years ago, in my last relationship i became the carer for my partner- my ex partner who had schitsophrenia,i would have to motivate her, give her her tablets, dress her, and do everything for her,whilst fighting this unwinnable battle to beat an unbeatable situation.

in the end the stress brought out my ocd to the point that i had a nervous breakdown and was first diagnosed.

that relationship ended as i didnt know who i was any more the girl i fell for had gone changed in every way,and i feel i will be no good to this partner now-because after 10 years looking after my ex, it beat me.

i feel worn out- still- from that time like i burnt myself out so bad i cant do it any more,and my ocd is worse now , there are areas of the house i cant go into , but now i must .i must use the washing machine even though i find it almost impossible to be sure i have set it right, i must use household chemicals, whilst all the time my partner is suffering huge agressive mood swings, being incredibly abusive, telling me its over and to pack my bags, hitting me,and then saying it isnt her-its the treatment-and ive had it from a doctor that it is the treatment making her agressive.

but i cant take it-my self esteem is non existent anyway , and all day its insults, and shouting so much shouting, and i am expected to get over my ocd immediatly-in order to look after her-i am not allowed to avoid,if i do i am being selfish, or uncaring.

im just a mess- ive just no idea how i am going to cope with this

[Guest madasafish]

thanks.

this weekend has been a nightmare so far- she has had an extreme dose of steroids and has become extremely agressive and violent-and abusive which is doing my self esteem and over sensitivity the world of good -not

[Caramoole]

Hi there

I'm so sorry to hear about your partner, it must be really tough on you.

It's so difficult taking on such a huge responsibility when you feel like you can barely cope yourself.

I'd try to talk to your GP and let him know how difficult you're finding it to cope with this as well as your own OCD problems, see if they can offer you some advice.

Let us know how you go on and in the meantime use us as a sounding board and offload some of your frustrations.

Take care