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Compulsions..the real enemy


Guest Tulsas

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Guest Tulsas

Ok my friends.I need to get something of my chest.I have had ocd since I was a child (mildly).But as an adult it has got to the stage where I don't even want to open my eyes in the morning knowing I have to go through another day of hell.But last week I had one of my good days (which happens about every 3 months)..It seems that the thoughts that had plagued me really bad for the pass few months had no effect on me on this particular day.It was like they went in one ear passed straight through my brain and out the other ear..On a bad day it feels like the thoughts go in one ear circles my brain for about an hour then goes out the other ear..I could actually analyze why this day was better than the other days and I concluded it all comes down to....COMPULSIONS..

You see I notice that although I had these thoughts, they had no impact where as on any other day I would have felt compelled to think them over and over again,they would repeat themselves whether I liked it or not...ending with me feeling absolutely exhausted and anxious..I even get to a stage where my mouth waters and I grit my teeth...and where my head feels like it is going to explode..The thoughts are not the problem...everyone has bad thoughts..It is the compulsions..I really do believe that the compulsion that makes us think of these thoughts actually feels like second nature to us..I was looking at a picture of my mum and dad last week and was telling my girlfriend how much I loved them and missed them (since they died)..anyway later on that day I was reading an article about the moors murders (Child killers brady and hindley for those of you who are not familier with this) and started to feel compelled to think the same thoughts I had about my mum and dad (which was how much I love them)..This really freaked me out because the thoughts got worst to the extent where I was thinking "I love all child killers" and couldn't stop thinking this..The two things I hate in this world even more than ocd are murderers and rapists and yet I could not stop the compulsion from making me think this way.It did pass in the end like they always do but I feel if the world of science can come up with a pill that can stop compulsions..I think this would be the end to all our problems....Thanks for listening...

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Guest summerleft

Hi Tulsas

first of all your feelings are pretty' normal' for a ocd'er ,

the getting a few days respite when the suns shining and you wake up in a confident mood also are common its like one day out of a hundred you can beat it and feel great or your ocd has popped to skegness for a beak!

I had similar experience to you in that i started around the age of 14 not knowing what it was at that time, and the od grew stronger in its power year after year.

Sadly because you get these odd times for me a cycle of every 3 months or so ,

you asume your ok and you can cope

I strongly suggest you get the book 'brain lock' and try the cbt it suggests if you dont want to seek proffesional help thats all good i didnt and im manageing fine.

You will see that its possible to live a ocd free ( well controlled and ignored ocd) life

the first 2 weeks you try cbt ( behavioral theprapy) youll feel great it will feel like your free from ocd completely thats great then the hard work starts lol

you have to continue with it for a few months and eventually the thoughts will become distant and annoying voices but thats all

keep strong if you want to beat it you will

sorry if you know all this already but from your post i wasnt sure how far youd got.

good luck

summer :wallbash:

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Guest Tulsas

I don't think its weird summerleft...I have read about a couple of people on this web site that has had certain cycles of well being and not feeling anxious or compulsive for certain weeks at a time..I also don't think the word weird is appropriate to use on this web site.Howard hughes was once called a weirdo because of his ocd which I think was unfair....

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I also don't think the word weird is appropriate to use on this web site.Howard hughes was once called a weirdo because of his ocd which I think was unfair....

37366[/snapback]

I think that there has been a misunderstanding here. I believe that Summerleft used the word 'weird' as an adjective meaning odd/strange/unusual....meaning that it seems strange that these things go in cycles.

I certainly don't think that there was any implication that people were 'Weirdo's' because they have OCD. We need to be careful what we read into things, it's very easy to cause offence where perhaps none was meant.

Hope you don't mind the input.

Caramoole :wallbash:

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Guest summerleft

Thanks caramoole the word wierd was used in exactly that context in that it is odd or strange that there are so many coincidences between sufferers.

I have been posting long enough and have suffered from ocd long enough over 13 years! not to take the subject lightly and certainly not to belittle anyone or anything in anyway shape or form.

I once overheard a person say to a shop owner ' i know you dont work on a saturday , so when would be convinient ?' to get the reply ' excuse me i work very hard at my job!'

she only meant that she knew the shop wasnt open.........

please think before writing an answer like that as to what is exactly meant i come on here to share my feelings with fellow sufferers not to be got at.

I now feel as though i dont want to share my feelings and try to help if this is the kind of response im going to get.

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