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CONFUSED AGAIN


Guest THINKINGTHINKINGTHINKING

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Guest THINKINGTHINKINGTHINKING

Hi

Don't know where to start but here goes .........

I used to do loads of drugs, weed, XTC, Speed and some coke. Had a bad experience one night and had a major anxiety attack from what I asume. Thought that people in the room were suggesting I was gay. That night and for a month I was a mess, couldn't eat, sleep and was constantly thinking do people think im gay, then am I gay because I think about it so much? I knew i wasn't gay, had always fancied girls but just din't get why I thought all this. Went to docs and was put on Seroxat and stelazine for 1-2 years, cant remember how long exactly. But my weird thoughts went. Only problem I had was delayed ejaculation which seemed a bonus at the time :censored:

My doctor then brought me off of the Seroxat and a few months later the Stelazine. During this time I had started going to the gym and lost a shed load of weight. Then .. It happened again, watching T.V and saw a bloke that was all toned up and bang the thoughts all came back.

I was then refered to a Pyschiatrist who decided that stelazine wasn't for me cus thats for pschosis etc (said am I hearing voices?, which I wasn't). This time I was put on 30mg of Seroxat and was on it for bit less than a year. Again the thoughts went and i was happy.

During this time I met the most amazing girl, she is so kind, sweet and pretty. I have Never felt like this with any other girl I have been with. Really sure she is the one for me. Anyway I been with her now since for 8 months and love her to bits - I think!!! ( This is where it gets weird)

I came off seroxat again about 2 months ago and apart from all the headaches and feeling agitated, had no problems for a while. Until now.... I don't get the worries about being gay anymore, at least 99% anyway :censored:

First I was getting the anxious feeling back and kept worrying Id drive her away If went a bit crazy again. This seemed to pass and I cancelled a visit from the psychiatrist. But now I keep having thoughts as to whether I love my girlfriend or not, even thought Im sure I do, Im happy one minute, then analyzing her in my head the next. Also when Im with her seem to look at her for negatives without wanting too.

My gilrfiend is aware of me having OCD or 'O' anyway, and knows Im not too good at the moment. The thing is I can't talk to her about what goes through my head cus im so afraid of upsetting her. Ive just said about the feeling anxious part and weird thoughts I have (not detailing them exactly)

I am now waiting for another appointment with my psychiatrist.

What I can't suss out is if the Seroxat made me think I was in love with her when I was taking it, or whether the feelings are still there now, but are being masked by OCD?

I ask this as when I used to take XTC it gave me a similar feeling????

Im shaking just writing this and feel like I can cry just thinking about this going on in my head. I am anxious almost everyday.

I hope another appointment with doc will help, but in the mean time just needed to talk.

Has anyone else had same kind of problem of questioning their feelings for anyone, even though they are sure they still love them??

Thanks for reading this :help:

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Guest cerenbrackston

Hi there

I have sometime those feelings to my husband..These are pure ocd thoughts..because i know i love him dearly and i am sure that you love her dearly..dont listen to those thoughts they are just trying to make you anxious and distress and agietated..

If your girl friend understandable and listen to yo and support you to the Ocd thats very important..try to keep your mind busy and going gym is very good for serotonine..

Stay strong dear and we will win this..

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Guest tangoblu

Hi Thinkingthinkingthinking (what a long name can I shorten it to TTT :crybaby: )

Welcome to the Board :censored:

Sorry to hear you are having a rought time at the moment.

The feelings you are having are very common OCD worries.

You mention being on medication in the past - it is encouraging that the medication helped - did you have any Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? (CBT) as this is works well for OCD - perhaps you could mention it when you go back to your GP?

I am sure you will receive plenty of support on here - the people are great :censored:

Take care and hang on in there.

Pam

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Guest hope125

Hi,

Glad you have found this web site, Im pretty new as well!

I am not an expert but it sounds like classic OCD symptoms, you are over -analysing everything that comes into your head, which is what we all do! You have said something very interesting , you look at her and look for negatives without wanting too. You have said it yourself you don't want to think these thoughts. OCD often makes us think of things we don't want to, it is a very common symptom!

You may find it helps to talk to your girlfriend, I tell my boyfriend when I am experiencing "weird thoughts", I kept it from him for a long time but now he knows it has helped tremendously.

It is good that you are going to see somebody as they will help you make sense of this. Don't beat yourself up about it, we have all experienced similar problems, you are not alone and someone is always online if you ever need to talk.

Take Care

Hope125

xx

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Guest Brainstrain

Hi

I have these thoughts all the time regarding my husband and it upsets me terribly. Similarly for me it is the best relationship I have ever been in and to me describes exactly what love is and I think this is probably why the OCD chooses to attack this part of my life, remember OCD makes you think exactly the thoughts you find most detestable.

My OCD is always trying to convince me of different things that would mean I don't love him, ranging from 'Ooh why did you notice that man? That must mean you don't love hubby' to 'Ooh, you have enjoyed watching TV on your own tonight, that must mean you don't love him,' to the just down right stupid, 'I bet you only married him to mask the fact that you're a lesbian!' Which I am pretty damm sure is not true, the OCD contradicts itself, after all how can it accuse me of fancying other men and then in the same pattern of thought, accuse me of being a lesbian!!???

I have confided in him about basically everything and now he can tell when I am having 'brain gymnastics' and is supportive.

I hope thhis is some help to you.

Brainstrain :censored:

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Guest THINKINGTHINKINGTHINKING

Thanks peoples

Im so amazed with all your replies, and so quickly too!!

Just talking to you seems to have lifted a weight off me a bit, and this is just one day!! Thanks soooo much :censored:

Please call me TTT if you like, THINKINGTHINKINGTHINKING seemed the right name to choose at the time. Is a bit of a mouthfull though init!

Just to say that yeh the medication I took worked a treat after a few months each time. Thing is, as soon as I stop OCD comes back!!

I'd carry on taking Seroxat forever if It was up to me, but the docs always bring me off of it after a while, why do they do this when it works?? :censored:

I have had no CBT tho. Thats something that the psychiatrist mentions in a letter to my doctor that I saw, that never happend. I am definatley going to ask about CBT this time, am I right in thinking that its best to be on meds at the same time, or is it best not to if you can? I really hate the coming off Seroxat bit, its so nasty!!! (I even stopped it using liquid form last time, still felt horrible).

One thing I did last time tho was take 4 high EPA 0%DHA Fish oil pills and It did seem easier stopping Seroxat then. I still take them and I got to say that the anxiety is different to last time, used to get a real tight stomach feeling too but not as bad now, just the sick/numb feelings that come with the thoughts.

When Im with my girlfriend another thing I do in my head is I keep trying bring on the happy feeling I had with her before I stopped the Seroxat, and I can't do this, i still feel numb and think some more about it then, which makes me even more anxious. Im so sure its just OCD, cus when I don't think and am engrossed in a film, tv etc with her I feel relaxed and fairly happy - Then the thinkin starts , over and over, and blah blah blah ????

What really upsets me the most is that before all these thoughts started to happen we booked a holiday for this year and I decided I will ask her to marry me then. Course now this has started in the last month or so, Im scared I would hurt her if its not OCD playing with my head. :crybaby:

Sorry to have so many questions, but you guys probley know more than the docs and I always forget to say or ask stuff when I see them. Hope I can help you one day with something.

Thanks again

TTT

P.S to use the chat service I got to be a member right?, I take it thats the joining and making donation bit. When i put my current user name and password in, I get incorrect user/passwd. Im happy to do this but got no money til the end of this week?

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Guest j julie

thinking

last year my boyfriend took me out for my birthday to buy me something and the whole time i was thinking " please dont buy me anything coz i dont know if i love u or want to be with u anymore" although i realised in the end this was ocd thoughts and not me.

it was very scarey at the time and made me feel really anxious.

i still feel anxious all the time really for no reason or no underlying problem, i had therapy but it didnt really work coz all we really talked about was my family life and things, but my anxiety has nothing to do with these things because my anxiety was brought on by looking after an autistic violent man.

ive also had other bad thoughts which make me feel sick with worry and anxiety.

the problem is though ocd and anxiety always make u think the worse and the most upsetting thoughts and things ever, it kinda knows how to upset us the most.

all the best

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Guest tangoblu

Hi again TTT :confused1:

To answer your question - medication helps to put you in a more relaxed state which helps when you have CBT. CBT focusses on exposure to the things that make you fel unconfortable - so that you still think the thoughts but gradually you learn not to react to them.

Really glad that you are going to mention it to your GP. It is always hard to remember all the things you want to ask a Dr when you are sitting in front of him/her - what you could do is have a small pad in your pocket and every time you think of a question just note it down :)

It is interesting what you say about the EPA fish oils - our teenage son suffers from OCD (but is 95% better at the mo!) and I have ben giving him EPA plus a multivitamin with his sertraline/Lustral daily. We are gradually dropping his dose and fingers crossed, he hasn't shown too many side-effects. I wonder if the fish oil is helping...??

Good luck with the Dr and the holiday :thumbup: - don't let OCD get in the way of a happy future :)

Pam

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Guest THINKINGTHINKINGTHINKING

Hi Peeps, hows tings?

Got in contact with my doc today and just got to wait for a letter for an apointment, then hopefully some CBT :lol:

Thanks for everyones advice and support. Apart from having a bit of a headache today Im already finding it easier to ignore 'Donk' in my head. (Decided to call it Donk cus its a stupid name for stupid thoughts) :grin:

Its amazing how I seem to be able to say shut up and can go for a while longer now before I get any thoughts. All the feedback from people with same kind of thoughts helps so much to ignore it!!!!!

Cheers again, never had so many emails in one go (saying a new message has been posted) :thumbup:

Off to watch the footy in a bit, come on England!!. Paid for our holiday too today, Turkey here we come :dry:

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