My Story

[Guest kirk27]

Hi again, i thought it was time to say thanks for all the welcomes i have had and to tell those interested about my Type of OCD I will also include some history of how i developed it, i hope it will be interesting to you all.

Back in 1993, NOVEMBER (i will never forget the date ,) things were not working out at school, i developed a school phobia, i stayed at home a lot, also around this time my parents were finding it hard to keep up payments with bills and always mentioned in arguments that we could loose our house................

I some how took all these worries on board and combined with the stress i was suffering with the school business somthing began to manifest, this showed itsself one night when i would be cleaning my teeth, As i would clean i would say to my self , that I BET WE WILL LOOSE OUR HOUSE , I BET EVERYTHING WILL TURN BAD ! i dont know why i was saying this i suppose by saying it it would not happen,

The next night i would do the same , and again, and again.

1994 with the ocd now onboard so to speak , i started doing all the signs, the touching , the repeating, rereading, all of this just to keep the DREADED FEAR

IMPENDING DOOM, OR LOSS. away, the years past, i sill did not know what i had but just put up with it as normal, in secret too!!, as the years past other thoughts and things would bug me, always feeling that i am the one who is to BLAME IF A MAJOR ACCIDENT HAPPEND TO ANYONE ,

1997 i am clearing out my attic, i flick through a health factfile and read a card on OCD thats it!!!! .thats what i got!!! the symptoms matched! i ticked the box and kept that card, and it reasured me that i was not mad .

Natrully things came to a head with my not telling any one and suffering in silence in 2000 i could not stop changing my socks, i pulled them on and\of just could not get THE RIGHT THOUGHT ,in my my head, i was manic and depessed later that day, so after, drinkin lots and getting drunk , i took the FIRST STEP and saw my Doctor .

He prescribed anti deprssants straight away, after a while they worked, i felt better and confident, but the OCD held on. the confidance i was experiancing made me want to fight what my brain was doing to me ....................i have been fighting ever since but , heres a thing, i gave up anti depressants within three months :crybaby:

At first i drank with them in a fit of rage i wanted the pills to be the way out, i saw things as a resault!!! so PLEASE DONT MIX.

As the years have gone buy i have continued to battle the OCD, , intrusive thoughts are the worst, for example , one day i wanted to buy a new cd, i went in the shop, cant choose the one in the front!!!! my brain tells me !! its BAD!! or the one behind!! thats bad too!! and if i ever brought it i could never be able to live with it, every time i look at it i am reminded that somthing bad will happen!! this, for me is a case of the dominant BAD thought jumping in front and changing what you want to do , there have been times when i went to town to buy, but came home depressed and angry that my thought had beaten me to it ,

HOW DO I/WE COMBAT THIS??

I say to myself that the cd i will buy today is protected by a good thought, could be anything a favouite actor, or cat , dog , somthing that makes you happy, point is, put your thoughts first! also say out loud that that thought

is a BARRIER and those bad ones will never get through!!!!!!

I use this method all the time, i could reach in my drawer now and pic out a cd and remember all the Good thougts that protect them.Now its easy to say all this but doing it is another thing.................. but it try it.

AND WHAT ABOUT COMPULSIONS ???

Well lets play the ocd at its own game shall we ??, one day i was complelled to do a task (of course, our tasks take time, dont theyboys and girls? i once spent five minuetes pulling a plug in and out of the wall.the neighbour started to knock , i felt stupid and powerless , not only that, i could also of killed myself too, and thats no good is it.

Anyway i was in a routine once, my heart was beatin fast, i was red and angry and sweat was pouring, the act could not be done!! , I SAID IN A RAGE , I SAID IF I DID THE ACT SOMTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN ,...................i scared myself ....out of the situation, i tought well if i can do this again and turn the whole thing around things can be better the emotions will recead they did ...........try it

I type this now and i am still bugged by thoughts but not to great extent though somedays can be bad , but i keep fighting ,

I welcome your veiws and questions i hope i can help.

Sorry if i have also stated the obvious too :tongue:

Dont forget, BUILD THOSE BARRIERS! and use them!!!!!!

Kirk

[Guest tangoblu]

Hi Kirk

What an inspiring post

Welcome to the Boards...

You sound like you have developped some great techniques - intrusive thoughts are so hard to combat - I particularly like the way you turn the thought around...

Have you read Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer? It is a great book and gives a real insight into Pure O.

Keep fighting!

Pam

[Guest kirk27]

Hi Kirk

What an inspiring post 

Welcome to the Boards...

You sound like you have developped some great techniques - intrusive thoughts are so hard to combat - I particularly like the way you turn the thought around...

Have you read Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer? It is a great book and gives a real insight into Pure O.

Keep fighting!

Pam

37484[/snapback]

Thanks pam , no i have not read that book, perhaps theres a book in me? they say theres one in everbody. I am glad with the response that i am getting,

Thank you.

[Guest hayley73]

Hi Kirk27

Thank you for sharing your story. It made me feel emotional. Your story sums up OCD perfectly.

You seem strong though. I too have adopted the FIGHTING back at OCD. I have learn't never again will I roll over and play dead with OCD it costs you too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looking forward to reading further posts of yours

[Guest kirk27]

Thank you Hayley,

There is so much i want to do in life, i am 26 and all my friends, and even my brother have acheived things that i am yet to do, i feel a little left behind so this is

the reason i suppose i am strong i hate the fact that years have been wasted,.

even my parent s dont know that for twelve years i sufferd in silance ,

There was a time back in 2001 when i was on top of the world and in fighting form

And the only scary thing then for me is a relapse , i would not say i am the same now, its the fighting just carrying on.

Glad you liked the post.

[catherine]

Hi kirk...........do have a think about a book or article. When I first started to get over a really bad spell a few years ago, I was asked to contribute a chapter to a book (Making Allowances) and it was incredibly therapeutic. In fact I must get around to my sequal :confused1:

Don't dismiss the idea of having something published

[Guest kirk27]

Hi, i did plan a book a years back but that disolved it was just angry scriblings

i will now consider a contribution i am a freelance artist and am planning a pamphlet ...i think thats how you spell it ?? :confused1:

http://kirksart.mysite.freeserve.com

[whitebeam]

Love your cartoons. Harry is so aattractive!!!!!!!especially in those Y-fronts

[Guest kirk27]

:lol2: Thanks , i think hes a dedicated follower of fashion .